I Don’t Part 2, Crappy Sub-Plots

In our previous episode, Star Ruby has managed to con Megatron---er, I mean, Megatron has decided he loves this chick too much, soooo he popped the question. (Honestly people, what did you expect, eh?) Let us continue, shall we?

Starscream: Reflector, did you get the photos?

Reflector: Yes. What may I ask, is this all about?

Starscream: You shall find out soon enough.

Reflector: So what are you going to do with these?

Starscream: Wouldn’t you like to know? *dum dum DUUUUM*

Reflector: Aw, you ain’t gonna post those on that sicko website, are you? Somebody's Pile of Somethin'? They got enough robot porn as it is. Man, you’re a real slut in that one.

Starscream: Quiet! I agree that site is pretty bad. I…(looking at the photos) HUBBA HUBBA! Wow, look at Megatron! He’s so…

*BOOOOOOOOIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG*

Starscream’s codpiece flies across the room, hitting Reflector in the face.

Reflector: Ew, that’s it. I’m outta here.

A Few Weeks Later…

Star Ruby and her less-important-sisters-because-they-don’t-have-boyfriends are designing her wedding dress. It is very pretty.

Skywarp: Hey, wait a sec, why are you going to wear a dress? That’s a fleshie custom!

One of the Sisters: This is a fanfic. Nobody cares.

Skywarp: Oh what the hell…(puts on a black silk strapless gown and twirls around) How do I look, girls?

Megatron: (walking in) Ruby, I meant to tell you… (sees Skywarp) WHOA! SCHAAAAWIIIIINNNNNG!!

Wayne and Garth: She’s a babe!

Megatron goggling at Skywarp: And who might you be, my lovely lady? Care to go on a night ride?

Skywarp: It’s me, Skywarp, you dumbass!

Megatron: Oh, shit!

Star Ruby: WAAAAAAAAA!!!

Megatron: Aw, what the hell. Gotta squeeze in a few last flings before I get saddled down to the old ball-and-chain. How about it, Skywarp?

Skywarp: Sure.

Star Ruby: HEY!

The Day Before the Wedding…

Some Decepticons have come back from a secret mission. They carry a huge bag with Optimus Prime stuffed in it.

Blitzwing: *OOF!* Damn, he’s heavy! I wonder if the other Autobots will know we kidnapped Optimus Prime?

Astrotrain: Oh, please. There’s a 48-hour marathon of Big Brother 16 going on. They won’t even leave to recharge.

They dump him on the floor.

Prime: What’s the meaning of this?! MEGATRON!!!

Megatron: Welcome, Prime. My, your eyes certainly flash blue when you’re pissed, Well done, guys, how did you get him?

Dirge: We stuck a Playboy on a hook…

Hook: With crazy glue, dammit. You owe me a new paintjob!

Dirge: …and dangled it just out of his reach. When he came outside…

Scrapper: Oh, yeah. I slipped on that and dented my butt.

Dirge: CAN I FINISH PLEASE? Anyway, we managed to throw the net over him and drag him back here.

Megatron: Excellent. Well, Prime, it’s like this; I’m getting married tomorrow…

Prime: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Megatron: I’m SERIOUS, Prime! I’m capable of love; it’s not like I’m some robot…oh wait, yes I am. Point is, I need you to perform the bonding ceremony. I will let you go unharmed afterwards.

Prime: Why me?

Ramjet: You know, we were wondering the same thing while coming to get you.

Megatron: Because I’m too cheap to get an actual minister.

Blitzwing: Hmmm…too cheap for a $50 priest, but willing to risk lives to kidnap enemy leader. Oh, yeah, I see the sense in this.

Megatron: SHADDAP!

Prime: No, no. There’s no need to worry, I will do it. I gotta see this. When’s she due?

Megatron: Any day now…GODAMMIT, PRIME!

Meanwhile…

Starscream: Excellent. Tomorrow, all will be revealed. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, boy. Stay Tuned…