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Restaurante del Diablo, short version
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EL RESTAURANTE DEL DIABLO
Old gags assembled, Spanish added, adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish. © 2003 Jeannette Jaquish
Offered by author, free for performing. Short version available. More scripts: www.angelfire.com/scifi/theaterscripts .
(Two people enter, male or female, led by Waiter, and sit at table.)
SON: This restaurant looks nice.
FATHER: Si. Es restaurante simpatico.
WAITER (to FATHER): The menu.
FATHER: Thank you.
WAITER: You’re welcome. (to Son): El menu.
SON: Gracias.
WAITER: De nada. Do you need time to decide what to order?
SON: Necesita usted tiempo para ordinar?
FATHER: No, I have already decided!
SON: Que ha decido usted?
FATHER: Quiero la sopa especial. El tiene el arroz, las cebollas, los esparragos, maize y las patatas.
SON: Rice, onions, asparagus, corn and potatoes! Mmmmm! I want the soup special also!
WAITER: Excelente! Volvere.
SON: I’m glad he’ll be right back. I’m hungry.
FATHER: Yo tengo hambre, tambien. O mira! Aqui biene el pan.
WAITER: Here is your bread. I’ll be right back with your soup.
(FATHER and Son try to bite bread..)
FATHER: O! Este pan esta seco y duro!
SON: Ow! This dry, hard bread hurt my teeth.
FATHER: Te duele los dientes?! (-You hurt your teeth?)
SON: (nodding, wiggling teeth) Ow. Ow…..Ow……Ow…
(Waiter returns carrying soup with thumb in FATHER’s bowl.)
FATHER: Waiter! This bread is --!!! --- You have your thumb in my soup!!!
WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin or tablecloth)
Me fama? Gracias por cuidar, Senor, pero las sopa no es caliente. (Exits)
(-My thumb? Thank you for your concern, Sir, but it’s not hot.)
FATHER: (shocked) Ha oido esto? (Did you hear that?)
SON: (nodding, holding tooth) Yes, I heard that.
FATHER: He said, (mimicking) “Thank you for your concern but it’s not hot!” I can’t believe it!
SON: -(still talking holding tooth) Ni yo lo creo.
FATHER: Meaning my soup is cold!
SON: -(sticking his finger in his bowl) Vamos a comer y vamanos rapido.
( Let’s just eat and get out of here.)
FATHER: Eat and get out of here? Not until I complain about the dry bread!
SON: Si, si. El seco pan. (puts a spoon of soup into his mouth, spits it out) Bleccchh!!
(-Yes, the dry bread.)
FATHER: Que pasa? (-What’s wrong?)
SON: El pan is malo, pero la sopa es la peor! [The bread is bad, but the soup is worse!]
FATHER: Por que? [Why?]
SON: Look! There is a fly in this soup!
FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Terrible!! [A fly in your soup? Terrible!]
(Waiter returns.)
WAITER (placing bill on the table): La cuenta. (-Your bill.)
FATHER: Mesero! Este pan es seco, y mi sopa es fria, y tambien…..
(-Waiter! This bread is dry and my soup is cold and also…..!)
WAITER: (one finger to each temple, thinkng) Hmmm…. Bread dry, soup cold…. Aha! (drops slices of bread (or crumbles) into his soup) Ta-daaa! Cold bread pudding. (to the Son) The bill includes a 20 percent tip for the waiter, 20 percent for the server, and 20 percent for the busboy.
FATHER: (staring at his bowl) COLD BREAD PUDDING!
porciento
SON: Viente porciento para el mesero? Viente porciento para el servidor? ? Y viente porciento 20% para el (busboy) ? Usted es el mesero, el servidor!, y el (busboy)
[20% for the waiter, 20% for the server and 20% for the busboy??? YOU are the waiter, server and busboy!]
FATHER: FRIO PAN PUDIN!?
SON: ESTA UNA MOSCA EN MI SOPA, Y USTED QUIERE UN LA PROPINA de 60% !!
[There is a fly in my soup and you want a 60% tip???]
WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Es una problema? Are you a vegetarian?!
FATHER: Mira! Mira! Yo veo cuatro mas moscas nadando en la sopa.
[Look! Look! I see four more flies in his soup!]
WAITER: Four more flies! (takes bill, starts to leave) Now I’ll have to charge you for rice with meat soup. Ay Caramba! No me gusta hacer el matematico.
SON: Pagar a usted para arroz con carne!! Mesero! Venga! Vuelve! (Waiter returns) Digame, por favor, que hacen estas moscas en me sopa?
(-Charge me for rice with MEAT!?!?!?! Waiter! Come back here! (Waiter returns.) Tell me, please, what are these flies doing in my soup??)
WAITER: Hmmmm…..What are the flies doing in your soup?……..hmmmm….. The backstroke I believe.
FATHER: No, no, hacen la brazada mariposa.
[Backstroke? No no. That one is definitely doing the butterfly stroke.]
WAITER: (erasing and writing on the check) Butterfly stroke? Exotic meat and rice soup... that's an extra $2.50. Plus 20% for correcting the math. (Exits)
SON: Sopa exotica???? Dos cincuenta mas?? Y otro viento porciento por correctar el matimateca??? Es un sueno?
[-Exotic soup?? An extra $2.50!! And another 20% for correcting the math??? Is this a dream?]
FATHER: I hope it is a dream. [Espero que es ensueno.]
SON: Yo no pago para un plato de moscas! Mesero! Mesero!
[I'm not paying for a bowl of flies! Waiter!! Waiter!!]
FATHER: Yes! Tell that waiter we are not paying!
(They look determined then sigh and sit hopeless, staring at their bowls with a hand on their empty stomachs.)
(Cook brings in big pot and sets on nearby empty table. EXITS)
SON: Yo no puedo comer esto plato de moscas. Esto hace me enfermo, pero yo tengo mucho hambre…..
[I can't eat this bowl of flies. It makes me sick, but I'm so hungry.]
FATHER: Yes, I have a stomach ache from thinking about it.
[Si, yo tengo un dolor en mi estomago desde piensar de esto.]
SON: sniff sniff…. Que es este buen olor?
(sniff sniff What's that good smell?)
FATHER: Yes! What is that good smell? (looks around) It's that pot of stew over there!
(They get up and look inside pot.)
SON: Una olla de sopa! Mmmmm. Mira como denso y sabrosa que es.
[-A pot of stew! Mmmm, look how thick and rich it is.]
FATHER: And those savory chunks of meat and rich broth.
SON: Who is it for?
FATHER: No lo se para quines, pero vamos a achicar plato de sopa antes que vuelve el Mesero.
(-I don’t know who it is for, but let's scoop out some before the waiter comes back.
SON: Good idea! Hurry!
(They use their coffee cups to scoop it into their bowls and sit down to eat.)
SON: Yum yum! Isn't this delicious? Are these little green things peas?
FATHER: Hmmmm…Los pequenos cosas verdes pueden ser los chicharos. Muy picante, verdad?.
[Hmmm… they might be peas. Very spicy, you think?]
SON: Yes, very spicy! (spooning up noodles) Is this fettuccini?
FATHER: Fettucini? Yo pienso que es col rebinarda. -Fettucini? I think it is sliced cabbage.
SON: Sliced cabbage? No, too soft.
FATHER: Demasiado suave? Hmmm. No sabo. Esto el pavo?
SON: Turkey? No, no, sweet potato.
FATHER: El camote? Es posible. Que clase de frijole esto?
FATHER: Beans? Not beans. Maybe pumpkin seeds.
SON: Calavasa semillas? No sabo. Pero, calavaso o frijoles, esto deliciosa!
-Pumpkin seeds? I don’t know, but pumpkin or beans, it is delicious.
FATHER: Yes, delicious!
SON: A pesar de los moscas y el pan duro, yo quiero regresar a esto restaurante, solo para ordinar esta sopa deliciosa!
[In spite of the flies and dry bread, I want to come back to this restaurant, just to order this delicious soup!]
FATHER: I want to come back too. I wonder what this soup is called.
SON: Yo llamaria esto sopa sabrosa con frijoles y el camote.
[I would call it savory bean and sweet potato soup.]
FATHER: I would call it tasty soup with pumpkin seeds and turkey.
[Yo llamaria esto sopa sabrosa con calavasa semillas y el pavo.]
(Cook returns carrying mop. Looks in pot.)
SON: No, Yo llamaria esto ---(interrupted) [No, I would call it--.]
COOK: Hey! Who spilled my mop water?? Me trapiador agua es casi vacio ! [My mop water is almost gone!]
SON: (spit out soup) Mop water??!!
FATHER: (spit out soup) Trapiador agua!!!
(Son and FATHER run off gagging. Cook shrugs and scrapes their plates into mop bucket.)
COOK: Eddie! Sus clientes salen con no pagar! [Eddie! Your customers left without paying!]
A lot of our customers leave without paying, come to think of it. Darn! Now I have to add more water. (EXITS.)
WAITER: (Entering, looking and leaving) Oh, some people have no class! Personas de clase bajo! (Exits.)
