Breaking the Walls
Part 1
Spoilers:
Forever in a Day, Past and Present.
Season:
3
Rating:
PG
Warnings:
none
Category:
D/S hurt/comfort, romance.
Summary:
Sam is falling in love with Daniel. But how can she tell him when he is still
hurting from the death of Sha're?
Disclaimer:
Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko
Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for
entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark
infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Daniel sat in the infirmary, waiting for Janet
gave him the OK to leave.
"You've got a clean bill of health,"
she said with a smile. Daniel hopped off the bed and started for the door. He made
his way back to his office. When he got there he threw himself into his desk
chair. He reached up and grabbed a
picture from a table close to him.
He gazed at the photo of his past wife, Sha're.
She was so beautiful, her skin so soft, her smile so sweet. Damn, he missed
her. I wonder what I would be doing
right now if she was here, he
thought. He sat in his chair staring at her beautiful face. The
fact was that he had really lost her three years before. But then she was the
hope that pulled him to the gate and now it was her son; not his son, the son
of her and Apophis.
He set the picture down and grabbed a random
book off one of the over-flowing shelves near his desk. Soon as he had flipped
it open, he was pulled away from it by a knock on his door. He looked up to see
Sam in his doorway.
"Hey....um Jack, Teal'c and I were going to
downtown to a nearby diner for dinner and I, well....um.....I mean we, wanted
to know if you wanted to go with us?" she gave him a shy smile.
"No, not today, I have a ton of work I need
to do." He turned his attention
back to his book. He really didn't feel like spending dinner in an
uncomfortable atmosphere and then be asked a ton of questions that he didn't
want to answer.
"Oh.....um.....ok, then I’ll see you
later," she gave him another smile before leaving the room.
* * * * *
Sam made her way down to find Janet in the
infirmary; maybe she could do something about Daniel. She was really worried
about him, but he had cut himself off from her and the rest of SG-1. She walked
to the door of Janet’s office and gave the door frame a knock. Janet looked up
from the pile of paperwork on her desk as Sam stepped into the room.
"Hey," Sam said, setting herself down
in the chair in front of Janet’s desk.
"Are you ok?" Janet asked as she
pushed the papers to the side of her desk.
"No, I wanted to ask you a favor."
"What can I do for you?"
"Well, I wanted to know if you could make
Daniel do something besides sit in his office and work on the work that he
doesn't have to work on day in and day out."
"Sam you don't think I haven't tried?"
Sam had guessed that Janet had, but she was
hoping for her to try again.
"I know, I'm just
really worried. I mean, well, he is a
good friend and I'm just really worried about him."
"I know, Sam, I know."
"Well, Jack, Teal'c and I are going off
base for dinner. Do you want to
come?"
Janet gave a look at the pile of papers now a
few inches from the edge of her desk.
"Yeah, sure, I’ll meet you in the parking
lot. I have to change before I can go
anywhere."
* * * * *
Daniel sat in his office with a dozen or so
books spilled out on his desk. Any other time he would have been translating
something for the SGC, but he had finished all the work he needed to do earlier
that day.
He turned to his picture of Sha’re. He missed
her. She had been gone for 5 months now,
but it still felt like she had died yesterday over half the time. But sometimes
he knew it was better that she was dead, than in the back of her mind watching
as Amaunet was hurting, no, killing her husband. But still he wished he could have her back,
just to hold her one more time.
Daniel jumped as he was pulled away from his
thoughts by a knock on the door of his office. He looked up to see Janet in a
casual pair of jeans and a pale blue shirt.
"Hey, how are you?" she gave him a
soft smile.
"I 'm doing OK, where are you off to?"
He asked.
"Oh, to dinner with the
rest of SG-1."
She took a few steps into his office.
"Daniel..."
She took a few more steps so that she was now
about an arm’s length away from him. God, Daniel, I'm so worried about
you. Why are you pushing everyone away?
I want to help you, and to be close to you, she thought.
“Are you sure you’re OK? I mean, well, that
since Sha’re died, you've locked yourself away from everyone, even SG-1 and me."
Oh, great, here’s that ‘You-need-to-let-people-know-how-you-feel’
speech, Daniel thought to himself.
"I've just needed some time to clear my
head."
And still do, he thought to himself, but he
wasn't going to tell her that.
"Daniel, I know. I'm just worried about you. I just want to know that you’re doing OK.”
"Don't worry, Janet, I'll be OK."
"OK.
Well, I'll stop by on my way back to the infirmary after dinner, OK?"
"OK."
She gave him a smile and then turned and walked
out of his office.
* * * * *
Sam was waiting out by her SUV when Janet walked
out.
"Hey," Janet said, getting into the passenger’s
seat. "Where is Jack and Teal'c?"
"Oh, they rode in Jack's car."
"OK.
Well, I stopped by Daniel's office on my way out," Janet said as Sam
pulled up to the gate. They both pulled
out their ID's and handed them to the guard.
"Hey, ladies," the guard said, looking
at their ID's. "OK, have a good
night." He handed their ID’s back to them.
"We will," Sam said as she pulled out
onto the street.
"So, what did he say?"
It took Janet a minute to realize that Sam was
talking about Daniel.
"He said he really just wanted and needed
space, and I told him that I would stop by on my way back to the infirmary
after dinner."
"Do you think that he'll come around sometime
soon?"
"I don't know, Sam. He’s been through a lot. He thought he had
already lost her in a way, but then he had a hope of getting her back. Now he knows she is gone, dead, and there's
no way of getting her back at all."
"I wish there was something that we could
do to turn how he feels around, but I know that there is no real way of doing
that right now and I don't know if there ever will be. That scares me,
Janet."
"I know, Sam, it scares all of us. None of
us want to see him going through the pain he is right now, but we can't change
it."
"I know, Janet, I know."
* * * * *
Daniel sat in the silence of his office. He had
decided that when Janet came back, he would throw on the “I'm-feeling-better-let's-talk”
face.
He knew that it would be at least an hour before
she got back from dinner. So now he had
some time to kill, but how? The first thing that came to his mind was Sha’re,
but he forced his mind away from her. He missed her more than anything, but he
knew that he would have to stop thinking about her 24/7. And now was as good as
ever. Maybe it is about time I tried
to spend time with other people. Maybe I
could even tell someone how I've really been feeling. Maybe? I don't know
if I can pour out how I feel to Janet. I
mean, she is my doctor and I can trust her with my life, but I really would
like to talk to someone who is a good friend. SG-1 must hate me. I had pushed
them all away. How could them ever want me back?
* * * * *
Sam and Janet started their way back to the SGC.
"Janet?" Sam said as they got back
into the car.
"Yeah, Sam?"
"Can I talk to Daniel?" Sam had been wanting to ask Janet this since Janet had told her she was
going back to talk to him.
"Yeah, why?" Janet asked confused about why Sam was asking her this.
"Well, I mean when we get back to the base,
and before you go to talk to him." She swallowed hard, hoping that Janet
wouldn't take this offensively.
"Yeah, sure."
"Thanks." Sam pulled out on to the road.
"Sam, are you feeling OK?"
"Yeah, I'm just really worried about
Daniel, and I really need to talk to him about something. But I really want to
know that he’s doing better first, and I don't know how long that might be. I thought I might start talking about it now
and maybe work my way into it."
"OK.... so, can I know about this
thing?"
"No, maybe after I work out
a few parts of it, first."
"You're no fun," Janet smiled widely
at Sam.
* * * * *
Daniel sat down in his chair with his fresh cup
of steaming hot coffee. He smiled to himself; it was funny how everyone on the
base seemed to think that he was addicted to the stuff. The truth was he could
probably live without it, but he chose not to. Coffee had helped pull him
through so many all-nighters of non-stop work.
* * * * *
Sam turned the corner and gazed down the hallway
to see if Daniel’s door was open. It
was, so she started her way down to it. Why was she so nervous? God, Sam,
calm down. She took 3 deep breaths before knocking on the wall next to
Daniel’s door.
Daniel jumped, spilling coffee on himself as he did so.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she rushed over to
his desk were he was sitting. "Are
you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had it happen a million times before."
He gave a small smile. It was the first time that she had seen him
smile in months.
"Hey, I thought Janet was stopping in after
you guys ate."
It disappointed her that he was asking for Janet
when she was here to talk to him and be there for him.
"I can go to the infirmary and get her for
you if you want?"
"No thanks, that’s OK, if you don't
mind." He was wiping his shirt with
a napkin over where the coffee had spilled on it.
"So, how was dinner?"
God damnit, Daniel
Jackson, why are you asking about dinner? I want to talk about you and how you
are doing, Sam thought to herself in
frustration.
"It was good."
There was a long moment of silence.
"Sam?" Daniel said, breaking the
silence.
"I miss her." A single tear ran down
his pale cheek.
"I know you do, Daniel." She gave his arm a squeeze.
"Sam, it’s just so hard. I loved her so much and I'll never get to tell
her that again because she's gone and I'll never get to see her again, or talk
to her, or anything."
"Daniel, I know you love her and she knew
that too. Even when she was taken over
by Amaunet she knew, and you couldn't have done anything. She, by which I mean Amaunet, was killing
you. God, Daniel, Teal'c couldn't let her kill you, and I know this is going to
be hard, it's not supposed to be easy, but at least we still have you. You have
no idea how much that means to all of the SGC and SG-1."
She looked up at him as the tears poured down
his cheeks. Sam pulled him into a hug and held him.
"Daniel, just believe me when I say she knew
that you loved her."
"I know that she knew, in so many ways, but
I feel so wrong for even thinking about moving on. I mean, it’s like she might come back as soon
as I fall in love again. And Ke’ra happening didn't help."
"What about Ke’ra?"
"Oh...well...I fell in love with Ke’ra
before she had to have her memory cleared for the second time."
"Oh, Daniel, this must be killing you. I'm so sorry." She pulled him closer to her as she hugged
him.
"I should let you get back to work,” he
said, partly trying to get out of talking further. He had said more in the last few minutes than
he had said in months.
"No, that’s OK; I don't have any work I
have to do."
"Then, why did you come back?"
Sam didn't know how to answer his question. Well, she did, but she wasn't ready to tell
him the truth yet, not now when he was crying about Sha’re. Before she even had a chance to make up a
white lie, there was a knock on Daniel’s partly open door.
"Come in," Daniel said, wiping the
tears from his soaked face. Janet stepped into the room.
"Hey, how are you two?" Janet looked
over at Daniel. His face is red and wet, and I tell that he had been crying.
I hope Sam has been helping him to sort things out.
"Better," Sam gave her a smile.
"Well, I'm on my way to grab a cab
home." Janet gave them both a smile.
"Janet, I'll give you a ride if you want,"
Sam said, standing up. "Goodnight, Daniel."
Sam followed Janet out of Daniel's office.
"Thank you," he said as she was shutting
the door. He didn't know if she had
heard him or not.
* * * * *
Janet turned around to face Sam as they stepped
out of Daniel’s office and shut the door.
"What did you to talk about?"
"Sha’re."
"And…?"
"What?"
"Why were you so fast to leave?"
"Well, he almost put me in a corner."
"What do you mean by that?" Janet
stopped and looked up at Sam.
"I mean... I'm just not ready to tell him
something that he might have almost accidentally forced me to tell him."
"Oh, and what would that thing be?"
"Not now, Janet."
"Why?"
"Janet....it's that thing from earlier, and,
well…"
"Sam, it's ok, but I'm here for you when
you want to talk."
********************************
Continue to Part 2 (“Open Doors”) =>