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Gatecon 2003 - Michael Shanks turns up as a surprise guest

*TRANSCRIBER's NOTE: This isn't perfect, but it's as close as I'm going to get. Whenever I wasn't sure what Michael was saying, I tended to omit words. Whenever I wasn't sure what an audience member was saying, I tended to paraphrase. Generally, italics are what was said by the audience. By the way: yes, I'm the one that asked the Sam/Daniel question.*

Sound clips available (also linked within the transcript):
"Hi guys!"
"Is this a surprise?"
Boxers or briefs?
"I'm not gettin' naked!"
"Well, I really am evil."
"Very Canadian of me, but it's true."
"Daniel's actually a nighttime ninja."
"The question that Daniel was asking [in WoO]..."
"It made me feel really bad about killing [Seth] because...
"Do you have an inkling to knee me in the balls or anything?"
Michael does Thor's voice
Michael explains 'the fart memo'
"I'm just a little white guy, I can't even compete."
Michael discusses Daniel whumping
Michael demonstrates the puff & ruffle
Michael demonstrates the wounded lamb
Michael discusses his role in Lifeboat
Michael discusses the infamous cream jumper
Michael discusses filming Meridian
Michael discusses the Daniel/Janet ship
Michael discusses the possibility of Sam/Daniel ship on the show
Michael explains why he hasn't made it to previous Gatecons
Michael discusses fighting Lexa's character on Andromeda
"I think Christopher and myself just sort of sat back there, crapping our pants."

E-mail me to request a different sound clip.

Pictures courtesy of Tanya's STARGATE SHRINE

{insane clapping when Michael appears}

[sly smile] I was just in the neighbourhood. I thought Iíd drop by.

{cameras flashing}

Every time Iím at one of these things, I leave blind.

{woman yells ďThis is so awesome!Ē}

Is this a surprise? [Listen to sound clip]

{resounding Yes!}

I feel so naked.... I think itís because I canít hide behind the fact that Iím in another country and I donít speak your language anymore. Youíre in mine.

Hi guys!

{muted hiís from audience}

HI GUYS! [Listen to sound clip]

{resounding Hi from the audience}

I heard you guys had a bit of a wild night lastnight....Ladies? (Referring to the auction with Doug Arthurs and David Palffy) Dougís gonna raffle off something else tonight but I canít tell you what it is. Oh youíd be surprised.

{woman yells ďCongratulations!Ē and audience cheers}

Thank you! [flashes wedding band] You mean about season 8, right?

Um. You guys arenít all from Vancouver, are you?

{ďNoísĒ from audience}

Who here is actually from Vancouver? {a few cheers} Some must be here from the States. {many cheers} And Europe? Australia? Anywhere else?

{someone yells out ďToronto!Ē}

Toronto. Thatís a whole Ďnother country... Ok, whoís here from Canada? {cheers from the Canadians} Way to go, season 5 huh? The DVDs are gonna catch up to Canada soon. {someone says they have later DVDs} Oh you guys have seen more. North Americaís only up to..season 4, I think.

Um, Iím from Kamloops, the place thatís burning down right now. {awwwís from audience} Yeah. But Iíve made Vancouver my home for the last...Iíd say 13 years now. Beautiful town. As you can see, weíve had some great weather this summer, unfortunately. Water rationing in Vancouver is kinda rare. In a place that rains 90% of the time, weíre down to 40% of our water reservoirs. So itís pretty weird to watch Vancouverites pray for rain.

Watching the show the first few seasons, you see how much it rained shooting outdoors, so... But the weathers lovely, I hope youíre enjoying it if youíre from far away. And I hope it keeps up, but not too much longer!

Transcriber's Note: Somewhere amidst all this, Michael took off his jacket to reveal a sleeveless "muscle" Tee. I swear a rippled sigh went through the audience....

So I guess I could go right into some questions. Uh, anybody got any questions? All the way in the back.

How come you werenít here the last few years? [Listen to Michael's answer]

How come I wasnít here the last 3 years? I have a daughter, who lives down in Los Angeles, and every 2nd weekend Iím usually off to see her. And in the middle of filming, itís usually tough to get away. So it was great this year because we finished filming a week ago, and my daughter went back to school on Wednesday. And I could come back here and see all you guys.

First of all, thank you for coming. I know youíve done tons of episodes, but what is one of the many that has been your favourite?

Oooh. How many have we done now? A hundred and fifty something. If I can remember the one that stands out in my brain... Torment of Tantalus is one. I think The Fifth Race is another. I think it showcases what makes our show good, and Rick did a really great job on that one.

Hi Michael. Mineís more of a short story on why Iím the biggest idiot in the world. You were filming in North Burnaby close to my house a little while ago, and me and my dog ran up to Christopher Judge and I had a picture taken. On my friendís digital camera, it had you standing by looking at us. Iím sorry I missed you, but youíre great and I would have recognized you if Iíd looked behind me!

Well, thank you. I remember that - I remember that story, actually. But, um, itís very rare, especially when youíre standing next to Christopher Judge, that you get recognized. I think I remember that very distinctly. Everybody was coming up to Christopher and I just kinda [mimes sneaking away]... I tiptoed off and nobody noticed. I donít think you guys noticed me until I came out in costume later. And it was like ďthere he is!Ē So itís a bit of a blessing when I can go to different places..and I think itís the glasses.

I just got season four, they just came out this week, and I was listening to the commentary for every episode. I enjoyed the one you did about the episode you directed. Are you doing any more of those commentaries?

Um, we just did some a couple weeks ago. I did a commentary for three episodes - Revisions, Fallen, and Homecoming. So myself, Martin Wood, and ?? all did commentaries together. We had a blast doing those. Yeah, those are a lot of fun.
I spent most of that commentary (Double Jeopardy) cutting up what I did: ďwhat I meant to do was this, and this was how it turned out. Sorry.Ē Very Canadian of me, but itís true. [Listen to sound clip] But yeah, theyíre fun.

Do you have a role other than Stargate that youíre most proud of?

Not any time I directed, I can guarantee that.

I think the only kind of artistic achievements Iím proud of is that last year I did Hamlet here. Iím not proud of the end result of what I did, but I am kind of proud that we mounted Hamlet after 3 weeks of rehearsal, and had a pretty good run of it. So Iím proud that the group was a really nice environment, and it was nice to get back to that. So Iím most proud of that.

Iím so glad youíre here, youíve just made my - I guess year. I have a comment. What was it like when you did Andromeda and - you play evil so well, I loved you in Absolute Power - but in Andromeda, you have this big fight scene with Lexa. How was that?

Well, it was the running joke when we were filming that - I donít know if any of you have seen that episode of Andromeda, but if you saw the scene, ďjust another day in the Michael Shanks house.Ē We never get the chance to use wirework at home, but... No, it was great. Christopher Judge was in that episode, Jr Bourne was in that episode. Lexa and myself were all there, so it was kinda - you know, Christopher and myself and Lexa - and Jrís good friends with Lexa from way back, so we all worked together different places. It was a second home for me, that was great. [Listen to sound clip]

I never get a chance to do that kind of stuff on Stargate, and Andromeda is really good at that wirework action, so it was so much fun to do. So it was great to not only work with her, because sheís so easy to work with, but also appreciate her. She used to be a gymnast and whatnot, and most of the stuff she was trying to do on her own, and we got to really appreciate her because it made us look really good [laughs] so that was a lot of fun. I had nothing but a good time working on the show.

I flew all the way from Philadelphia in the very slim chance that you would actually be here, so this is a dream come true. I really enjoyed Absolute Power. Do you enjoy being dark Daniel or comedic Daniel?

Well, I really am evil. So comedic Danielís a bit more of a stretch for me... [Listen to sound clip]

No, um, I think after doing this series for so long, that itís great to mix it up so much, and Iíve had so many great opportunities to play different characters on the show. It always makes it entertaining, and interesting, so I think I enjoy either one. The comedic one is always the funnest, because I get to work with Rick a lot of the time when weíre doing funny stuff, so I have more fun doing that. Itís always nice to play the bastard sometimes. I think equally I enjoy both of those.

We loved it in season 6 when you kept coming back as different characters, but what the hell was with that cream jumper? [Listen to sound clip of this Q&A]

[Laughs] We had a big discussion about that. It was a running discussion when Daniel first shows up in Abyss and heís wearing the cream coloured sweater and he was, I was wearing like loafers so there was a running gag that Jack and Daniel were having a bit of an off-camera thing going on. There was a running gag about this is actually Jackís fancy of Daniel coming to him. We thought it did get a little old as time went on, it was nice to change and give him a different kind of ascended wardrobe. All the ascended people wear earth tones, apparently.

Whatís your scariest moment on Stargate?

Boy, nothing much comes to me.... except we were filming the season finale of season 7. Weíre filming out in this grass field and because the weather has been so dry, that weíre setting off huge mortar bombs with gasoline in them, to make them blow up really high in the sky. We had the fire department standing by. All the fires going on in British Columbia, you know, and everything being so dry, thereís always a big threat. And we had to run through a couple of them at different points where they were going off behind us.

So there were certain moments we were told some huge explosion was going to happen over there, it was 100 yards away and they were telling us how big it was. They were covering us with this heat resistant sort of Vasoline - I dunno, Dan Shea could tell you more, I think it was gelatin. And they kept telling us how big it was. So I think Christopher and myself just sort of sat back there, crapping our pants. [Listen to sound clip]

Our guys love to blow stuff up. Our special effects jobs think they have the best job in the world. I think they were kids who lit up firecrackers, and now they get to do it for a living. They get to blow up C4 and gasoline explosives. So when you see those guys walk around scared, I think its time to panic. So it didnít turn out to be as bad as we thought, but it did scorch the brushfire burning on the clearing, so there were kind of frightening moments when we didnít know if the wind was going to pick back up. So I think that was one of the scariest moments I can remember.

First of all, on behalf of archaeologists everywhere, myself included, thank you for making us look cool. And my question for you is, whatís one thing you know about Daniel Jackson you know that we donít?

I donít know what all you know. Is that just from watching the show, or is that from when you put the pieces together?

Whatever you want!

Have you heard the ninja story? Some of you have, I know. Danielís actually a nighttime ninja. He fights crime on the streets of Colorado Springs. When everybody thinks heís up late studying stuff, heís actually fighting crime through the streets. [slyly]Another little tidbit for you fanfiction writers. [Listen to sound clip]

You have made this con for me, I wonít forget this one. My question is, are we gonna see any more of the harcesis child in season 7, or even a mention of the harcesis child?

There is a mention um in Resurrection of the harcesis child, but um, he doesnít appear at any point. Thereís just made a reference to about what that child went through and the girl in Resurrection has a similar mixture of capabilities. So thereís a mention of him, but we donít delve into the backstory of the ascended, I think thereís a rich vein to be mined there.

Thanks for being here. How much fun was it playing the different characters in Lifeboat?

Deluise and I were talking about this and, I kinda talk to myself anyway. I mean, I even use funny different voices. So I think it was only a stretch to actually bring it to camera. To actually reveal that closet side of myself that has little people running around in my head. [Listen to sound clip]

It was great, I had a lot of fun doing that. It was difficult - you get the script, then you have to pull these characters out of somewhere, in whatever prep time you have while youíre doing something else. So itís a bit of a - you have to just make decisions and stick to it. Thatís why I think some of the characters are certain extremes, but it was a lot of fun bringing it to the front, so I just had a lot of fun doing that, it was great.

[everyone looks around for the next question]

Iím gonna start a singalong soon.

You wrote a script for the new season, and Amanda was directing it. What was it like?

We spent so much time together on set, before I even went off and wrote it, so that we had so much time to talk a lot about it. About different ideas and, sorta meet the two in the middle. It was pretty straightforward. She was very reverent to my ideas for it, and I was very hands-off once I wrote it and handed it to Rob Cooper, and he...did what Rob does. Um, so, at the end of the day, once I handed it off - I think thatís the best way.
I watched Christopher Judge rewrite Birthright and, sort of, pull what little hair he has on his head out, so Iím very emotionally attached to the fact that... hereís the baby writer, you take the script, you hand it in, they make the changes for whatever reason they want to, and then you should just emotionally back off and have no more say in it. And I watched Chris stand by and say ďNo! Donít cut that!Ē and stuff. So I think after awhile, I just handed the script in and let Amanda do her thing. There was great symmetry, so..

Teryl was talking this morning of the relationship between Dr. Frasier and Daniel. [Listen to sound clip]

[slowly]What did she tell you?
Yeah, Teryl and I had a running gag between us. I think it started in two thousand and..

(Audience yells ďTen!Ē)

Ten. Um, when we were - there was this strange line written in one scene in the script where, um, I canít remember the exact line that Teryl said, but we were all having champagne and toasting each other. She said something like ďI canít make it, I have to do somethingĒ and I go ďReally?Ē And there seems to be this... funny beat where they seemed to have some sort of off-camera familiarity.

So we shot the scene for about 2 hours, and we started playing with it, into this running thread throughout the show. So whenever we did a scene together, thereíd be an extra look or extra glance, and they actually started writing it into the script. They saw it happening. I think in Rite of Passage, they wrote the scene of Daniel being a little more reverent to Terylís character, so I think they, um, thereís a you know, thereís an attraction there. Iíll let you guys fill in the blanks of where that actually went.

Of the four of you that have such great chemistry, are there any projects being done now or in the future where we can see 1 or 2 of you together?

Um, thereís nothing in the works. Iíve worked with Don on a couple separate projects. Uh, I worked with Christopher on Andromeda. Him and I have always talked about doing something else together. Thereís no plans for anything at this point, but I think thereís kind of... a real friendship there. So thereís always a possibility.

Question about what he thinks of Danny whumping [Listen to Michael's answer]

Um, I was told about this years ago. I think it was Brad Wright who said to me ďdo you know fans love to see your character get ass-whipped?Ē I said ďOh man, they must really hate the character.Ē And he said ďNo, they really like it!Ē Um. Iím not sure what that means at this point. Freud would have something to say about that.
So, I have heard of it. What it means in the grand scheme of things, Iím not sure. I think some of you gals out there may have a mothering complex..? Iím not sure, but um, (slyly) Iíve heard the character looks good dirty.

(Audience cheers)

I had previously encountered your best friend Christopher Judge at Dragon Con..

Uh oh.

And he motioned me closer and said ďWhen you see Shanks, you should run up and knee him in the balls.Ē Did that mean something, or was he just doing that so he could get me closer and sniff me?

Freud would have something to say about that. Might be just trying to get you closer, thatís my favourite. Do you have an inkling to knee me in the balls or something? Well, maybe thatíll be something we can offer in the charity raffle. [Listen to sound clip]

Have you ever played a practical joke on any of your co-stars?

I already told the bear story. I havenít thought of anything that good since then. Although there was the funny story about Christopher when I was dying in Meridian - when Daniel was dying in Meridian. Christopher came in and he was all emotionally choked up and he did this really strong scene. But, um, for setups, they had wrapped my stand-in in the same bandages. So in between setups, the stand-in would go and do his thing. Christopher at one point came up to me and said ďMan, Iím so sorry. I couldnít keep it together, I was bawling my eyes out.Ē And I said ďDude... I wasnít there. That was my stand-in.Ē [Listen to sound clip]

And youíve never seen such a large man get so angry. (mimics CJ stomping and yelling in frustration ďWhat!?! Man I was pouring my heart out..Ē) ďNo dude, that was really me.Ē
He did a great job, and I think he was really putting his heart into it. And I was there, so it was great. Heís very gullible in that way.

At SG-4, you did a great impression of the wounded lamb that Amanda and Teryl get. I was wondering if you would do it again?

Oh ok. You guys know about this?

[No's from audience]

Amandaís been here, Terylís been here. You guys know about

Puff and ruffle!

Puff and ruffle. Which is the guys going from seeing the pretty guest star across the way. (Imitates the puff and ruffle) ĎCan I help you with anything? You need anything, just talk to me.í Bit of an elaboration, Iíd say. Not quite a fabrication, but I think theyíre projecting a little bit. [Listen to sound clip]

Now the girls! When thereís a pretty guest star on the show, and they see the boys paying attention to this pretty guest star...thereís this reaction which I coined ďThe Wounded Lamb.Ē Which is, um, the same view, same guest star, and this (imitates self-pity, pouty expression) Or the Ďcry for attention.í ďLove me, Love me!Ē [Listen to sound clip]

Daniel Jackson has a faith thatís very compelling. I was wondering, has his faith had an influence on your spiritual life?

Well, faith is... Because our show is basically blaspheming every religion out there, faith is kind of an odd word. Danielís got an extreme passion, and I think itís an insatiable curiosity which I think both he and I kinda share to a certain degree. So I wouldnít say itís always been consistent about the character. I would say, in terms of looking around at the way our world works, as much as Daniel has faith in a better way of doing things or Ďthere must be an ideal out there somewhere.í I think that I can say I certainly share that as well.
But in terms of a religious faith, I wouldnít say that thatís sparked anything like that.

I was wondering, after seeing Menace where you get attached to a robot, and the fact that you just got married to a robot... Do you have this thing about robots?

[laughs] Yes. I have every episode of Dr. Who.

Iíve got a question to ask about Forever In A Day. You really did some great acting in that, and Iíd like to know what motivated you to bring out the emotions portrayed in that.

Um, when I read the script I noticed that a lot of the scenes were sort of solo, there was no one to talk to and therefore no need for words in a lot of it. The only thing I can say about it is that Iím a lot better when I donít have to speak.
Anyway. Um, I donít know. I would say that, at that particular time, Iíd just had my first - and only - child, and there was a certain sense of overjoyedness and then sadness at that point. So I just sort of mined those trenches, and figured out what was gonna happen. That was about it.

What was it like to write your episode before you gave it to Amanda?

Itís kinda like putting a square peg in a round hole. I have a real story notion for broad strokes, and I suck at detail. So, um, like any good ex-University student, I waited till the last possible moment. Thereís a reason why final exams and deadlines were created. Thatís the sense of ďThis is it, pal, hand it in.Ē So it was very frustrating for me. Itís not my forte. Iím really good at coming up with some idea and putting it down on paper. But when I have to turn it into rapport with dialogue, I kinda suck. Rob did a good job at polishing it, so Iím pretty happy about it.

Question about how much heís learned about ancient languages and mythology

Um, a little bit here and there. I never delve too deeply like Amanda where I pick up a physics textbook and figuring out how those things really work. We do deal with ancient mythology, but we do create some of our own mythology. So thereís no textbook, itís kinda like: just commit to it.

Are you gonna be doing any cons in North America, like on the East Coast?

Iím kinda new to this con thing, as you can tell by my slight unease in this department. But I think so. Iím just finding out whatís out there. People are coming to me with more notions of what to do, and whatís out there. So I would say yes, at some point for sure. When, I donít know.

First off, howís married life? And secondly, Iím a big Sam/Daniel girl, so I was wondering if you see any possibility there?

Sorry, youíre a big what?

Sam/Daniel Shipper. [Listen to sound clip of Michael's answer]

Oh, Sam/Daniel shipper.

{loud reaction from the audience, most of whom are Sam/Jack fans}

Alright, put the fruit down. Put the fruit down!

Um, I donít think that thereís any possibility there, but um...but thanks for playing.
What was the other question?

Howís married life.

Oh, howís married life? Great! Wonderful. Um...sheís a wonderful woman who does the same thing I do, and we come home and talk about it and then go our separate ways. I mean, you know, the married part hasnít really changed anything. We were in that situation for a couple years beforehand so, you know, we had a big party, then we go back to life. I think itís great, itís uh itís very nice. So, thank you.

Question about the mention of system lords in ĎSeth.í

I have no idea which episode youíre talking about. Can anybody help me with this?

[Audience yells ďSeth!Ē and Kelly yells ďSeason 3, Episode 2!Ē]

Whoís the smartass?
Um, if I could properly remember it, I would elaborate, but...maybe you should ask her. I think in Summit and Last Stand, we touched on some of the existing pantheon of gods we have so..pantheon? How do you say that?
Weíve met, sort of, all the gods that are existing in our universe. One thing about Seth where we were fairly disappointed with the end result, I think, is the fact that a system lord would be living on Earth for thousands and thousands of years, and all he could manage was a farmhouse. And a bunch of people dressed in white polishing his throne. It makes me feel really bad about killing him, because he wasnít really doing anything wrong. I mean, if he was plotting taking over the world or something, if he were Kinzeyís right-hand man or something... I mean, the guy lives on a farm. Leave the guy alone! [Listen to sound clip]

I was just wondering if you saw Atlantis, and recognized the characterís similarity to Daniel?

[slyly] You got that too, huh?

Whatís your favourite Disney movie?

Ooh, I have a 5 year old, so Iím all about Disney right now. Boy. Toy Story 2 was pretty kickiní. Nemo almost topped it, it was pretty good too.
Um, Atlantis... Yeah, 2 archetype characters there were skirting the fine line. Um, actually, when my daughter - that was one of the first movies my daughter ever saw in the theatre, and my daughter was saying ďItís Daddy!Ē [under his breath "Sue! Sue!"] She actually..her Mom had to take her to a 2nd screening in a row because she cried at the end. So I noticed a smiliarity.
I think Toy Story 2 or I really liked Monsters Inc.

In Window of Opportunity, what was Danielís question? And near the end, did Daniel know about Sam and Jackís kiss? He got this look on his face when he was saying it.

The question that Daniel was asking, um.... Iím never gonna tell that. So stop asking! Thereís a few things that have to remain a mystery. [Listen to sound clip]

I never wanted anybody to know that I did the voice of Thor. I didnít want anybody to know that, but that got out... Once that got out, they started printing it in the credits. So I wanted that to be the one mystery. So thatís the only thing I still have left thatís a true mystery.
And um the 2nd part was...?

Did Daniel know about the kiss.

Um, I think he knows.... Danielís kinda like the little brother that sits back and watches it all take place but doesnít really say anything. I think at different points, as you can probably imagine, in all the different realities that take place, once Daniel told Jack that Ďhey, you can do anything you wantí .... he didnít know that he actually kissed her, he didnít know what they could have been up to. [slyly] But he does know that smile on Jackís face.

I know that youíve done some writing and some directing. Which direction do you see yourself going?

(Pause) I think all of them, at different points. Um, I realize that the writing is the one Iím probably the least talented at. Directing, definitely in the future. Although I think the confines of science fiction tv, in terms of what kind of stories you can tell; I think Iím much more of a character piece kind of director, more than a technical director. So I think I have a lot more of that to learn before I can be confident directing highly technical stuff. And the acting thing, I think Iíll do a little while longer, until they kick me out of the club.

When youíre all standing there waiting for the rings up or rings down, Iíve always loved the special effects. But while youíre standing there, you have to stand there for so long. What are you guys doing?

Depends on what day! If you notice, because thereís the overwhelming sound that comes through, sometimes weíre just talking to each other. And that sound never ends up in the movie, but you will see occasionally that our lips are moving, and weíre saying the stupidest stuff sometimes, so um watch closely and then youíll see sometimes that weíre fidgeting around. We are supposed to be, weíre not supposed to be frozen, weíre not transporting or anything like that. So we are allowed to actually move. Most of the time, weíre just saying inane BS to each other, so...

First of all, Iíd just like to say thank you for coming. I think it shows real great class that youíre spending some of your precious time with us.

You guys came all this way, so why not?!

My question was, what do you think makes the relationship between Jack and Daniel tick so well. Itís definitely some of the best acting that weíve seen. What makes it come together so well?

I think that, on one hand, the characters are great foils for each other. Um, you know, you have two people who represent who represent two completely opposite sides of the spectrum, who have to work together on a weekly basis and so if they really hated each otherís guts, I think youíd have a tough time maintaining the cohesiveness. On a personal level, Rickís got a great sense of humour, and he gets me and I get him. So when we have these silly little fights sometimes, we have the most fun doing it. We enjoy working together.
So I think, just that reverence for the other actor and itís the notion of rhythms too. That he can pick up on mine, and I can pick up on his and we can sort of wing it and see where it goes. And thatís a lot of trust and a lot of cohesiveness, so itís a great personal relationship as well. If it inserts on screen, thatís great.

A couple years back, when Chris Judge was doing a convention in the UK, he was telling us about something on the set that caused MGM to send a memo?

Oh no...

Could you tell us a bit more?

I donít know what Chris used to eat... The memo, if you havenít heard about it, was a fart memo. It didnít actually come from MGM, it came from the production office where, um - uh, you know, you get a group of boys all together in a room and somebody accidentally lets one go. Then you have burritos for lunch or something like that, and everybodyís going Ďoh no, I can do this one better.í It all of a sudden becomes this thing, where nobody wants to work in a small environment anymore. So where it actually got to the dreadful point where nobody would want to come to the set to do their job anymore, because it stank. They had to put up a poster - it was, you know, it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time serious, because people seriously werenít coming to set to work. To say, ďPlease save our flatulence for the outside.Ē [Listen to sound clip]

Um... right now, I think Chris is on a different kind of diet program. Heís not taking some strange mix of raisin bran and Dermoline, so he seems to be keeping it more at bay. I donít think thereís a need for it anymore.
Iím a little white guy, I canít even compete. [Listen to sound clip]

[looks to woman standing up for next question] Hi. Hey. Ho. Hey ho!

[Ladytree has trouble speaking because she's lost her voice]

Would you like to write the question down?

Every single star has been asked this question.... {cheers from the audience in anticipation of the question} Boxers or briefs?

Is this a character thing or is this a real life thing?

Audience yells ďreal!Ē

Ok, I can give you a little show. I think these underwear are funny. [Listen to sound clip]

Transcribers note: Here, Michael undid his belt and showed off the top of his white Hugo briefs - which had right down the front, red letters in a vertical line, saying H-U-G.."

Iíll let you put whatever you want after that.

Anybody see that? (Noís from audience) I think you can go see it on the Internet later, so... Didnít you guys get enough of this lastnight? (More noís) God. Iím not getting naked!! (Shows underwear again) [Listen to sound clip]

Transcribers note: During all this, he also us his appendectomy scar.

(Organizer Allen gets on stage, indicating the end of the talk, as audience boos) Iíve got a personal request to ask; I was just wondering, would you do Thor?

Um, I donít have the proper vocal affectation that happens in post-production to do Thor. I kinda stole it from Hal from 2001, so.. He kinda sounds a little like this: ďI like the yellow ones.Ē [Listen to sound clip] And at the next convention, Iím gonna tell you what that tastes like.