Title: Whispers in the Dark
Rating: PG-13
Category: MSR post En Ami
Spoilers: series up to En Ami
Summary: Mulder's thoughts after Scully's
return.
Feedback: I'm right here, waiting for it...
xenoprobe@hotmail.com or
http://www.xenoprobe.com
Archive: Sure, go ahead, just let me know
where please.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, make no
profit, have no money- do not sue.
Author's notes: I wrote this in haste this morning
at work- it just kinda spilled out of me. I had read
through a few post-episode fics already and found
that the general sentiment was that Mulder was
disappointed or angry with Scully. Personally I
think he's more level-headed that that. So, this
was my expression of what I feel Mulder would
be feeling after the events of en Ami.
*~*~*~*
Whispers in the Dark
By xenoprobe
I listened to you. I heard what you had to say.
A day ago I'd lost you. You lied and left and I
couldn't fathom how you'd come to this. But I
see know why you tried, why you broke the
cardinal rule of 'trust no one'. I forget sometimes
that my cross isn't the only one to bear in our line
of work; this cure to all human disease must have
been such a powerful lure. I understand now.
But him. Him, Scully. I can't quite come to terms
with that. You've seen how he crumples the world
in his fist. Time and again he has promised, he has
even doled out bits of reality- my return to you last
year, the chip for your neck. But these things, Scully,
they were only to keep us in the game. You could
have been killed and that is what I'm finding
difficult to come to terms with.
Your wide eyes held no secrets when we stood in
that empty office- you believed. Can you see how
that would drive me mad with envy? I have asked
you, showed you, proven what I can these past seven
years to earn your belief. I know, you have told me
that you believe in me, I trust that, but never have
you been so fooled as you were these past days. It is
not your motives I doubted it's the readiness in
which you succumbed to his promises.
Yesterday I walked out of Skinner's office in a rage.
You wouldn't talk to me on the phone and I was
seething with anger. Why Skinner and not me?
Why deceive me Scully when I'm the one who
could have helped you most? I know now that your
deception was your cover- I can accept that.
I suppose I have finally had a taste of my own
medicine. I did not sleep in your absence. Despite
your assurances, I knew you were in danger. I lay
awake on my couch with you in head. I tried to
reach you by thinking of you, by sheer concentration.
I whispered your name into the darkness and imagined
you could hear me. Do you know that I talk to you in
the night? I tell you everything by the light of the
moon- it makes the daytime easier to bear in your
presence.
I drove you home after we left the empty offices.
You were silent. You gazed out the passenger
window at the buildings, at the sky. But after a
while, your hand reached out to mine. I had left
my palm open to you just in case you needed me
and you did. The relief of finally making contact
was powerful. From the moment of your return I
had longed to pull you tight to me, hold you and
take you in. I held back- wanting you to come
to me. I knew you would at your own pace.
You took me into your apartment wordlessly and
we sat facing each other at the kitchen table for a
long while before all of this spilled from my lips.
I watched and catalogued as myriad emotions
cross your beautiful face, until you were
simply calm.
---
I rose from the table to leave and you caught my
hand in yours. You didn't speak but your eyes
begged that I understand. I assured you that I did,
that there was no need for forgiveness. I pulled
you up to me and wrapped you in my arms. I felt
you sigh into my shirt and I felt alive. I kissed the
top of your head and breathed you in- feeling your
fingers along my spine. I whispered into your hair
and asked that you never leave me... we will find
the truth together, side by side as we have been-, as
we should be... always.
FIN
*~*~*~*
