Title: A Cross To Bear
Rating: PG-13
Category: MSR, UST, missing scene
Spoilers: Requiem
Summary: How Mulder came to be wearing Scully's cross.
Archive: sure, just let me know where.
Feedback: Must I beg? I live for it! xenoprobe@hotmail.com or www.xenoprobe.com

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say it anymore?

Author's Notes: Please see my comments at the end of the story...

*~*~*~*
A Cross To Bear
by xenoprobe

'I won't let you go alone...'

Her voice was in my head. Inside me, a part of me. I could no longer separate myself from Dana Scully and it felt good.

It all felt so good.

Curling against her in my motel bed was painfully delicious. I had been aching all day to feel her, to be near her.

Watching her with the baby that afternoon struck a chord in me... she has suffered enough. I'd made up my mind to beg her to slow down, step back and go home. I knew she would protest, I knew her determin- ation would make me waver too, but I had to stand ground this time- had to make her hear me.

I love her.

More than ever I love her. It has been a long road for me to even say it to myself, let alone out loud, even if I'm the only one here. I have watched her recently and seen the shift in our partnership. She is relaxed, she lets me touch and care for her- that would have never happened even a year ago.

Deep down, I am struggling with this unnamable dread; something is about to happen- we're on the verge. Returning to Bellefleur was the first sign of the full circle. She came to me then, seven years ago- my new partner. Now I fear she'll be taken away.

Which is why I called Skinner tonight.

I arranged with him to go back to Oregon and search the woods. I know its there, the craft, I can taste it. But there was no possibility of Scully joining us, not this time. Still, I felt the need to tell her I was going, ditching just didn't feel right, there were larger forces at work in this case.

I kept coming back to those words... and the feel of her pressed to me in the hallway outside Skinner's office. So small and soft. Her fingers felt cold on the back of my neck and I was reminded all over again that her recent health development was concern enough to leave her behind. I resolved that I'd have to face her, tell her I was going and not to worry this time. This time I'd get it right and she'd be safe, finally safe.

*~*~*~*

I could hear the shuffle of her feet from the outside of her front door. She unlocked it and let me in wordlessly. She barely looked up at me. She knew why I'd come.

"You're leaving. Me." She said it like I was never coming back.

"Not you Scully. Not you. But I am going back to Bellefleur, with Skinner." When she did look up her eyes were red and bleary. "Scully... what is it?"

"S'nothing Mulder, I'm just still not feeling well, that's all."

"Well, all the more reason to sit this one out."

We made our way to the couch and sat facing each other. I took her pale hands in mine.

"Don't go," she whispered.

"I have to, you know that."

"Then let me go with you."

"No." She looked like I'd slapped her in the face. "I can't keep doing this. I can't risk losing you Scully. You have to understand that."

"It's not your risk to take Mulder. What if I choose to go- how can that be your respons- ibility?"

I brought my fingers to her flushed cheek and stroked her soft skin. It was like porcelain or brushed silk. Couldn't she see it on me, couldn't she tell that I was torn inside.

"It just is." She made to speak but I placed my fingers to her lips. Oh Scully. "Don't you see? If they take you, if I lose you, I'll never make it alone. I wouldn't want to." Her hand closed over mine, drawing it to her face once more. She turned into my grasp, placing a quiet kiss in my palm, like a gift. "I can't let you go..."

I felt hot tears on my skin, she was crying. She continued to kiss me, trailing her full lips to my wrist. Her pressure was perfect, her touch maddening, only making it that much more clear that I would have to leave her behind.

"Mulder." My name hitched in her throat, coming out like a tiny breath of sound.

"Look at me Scully. I need you to see me." I drew in a shaky breath. "I feel Scully, that there has to come a time... when things have to change. We can't be chasing and fighting and hurting for the rest of our lives and you deserve- more than anyone I know- to be happy and safe."

"Working makes me happy."

"That's not true Scully. It's not the work." She shook her head and I took it in my hands, forcing her to face my words. "I cannot accept that the work is what makes you happy Scully, when it no longer satisfies me either. It was my quest to begin with, my selfish determination that has caused you pain time and again. So don't tell me the work is what keeps you content."

"Its you."

I nodded and grinned for the first time that night.

"Precisely." She gave me a crooked smile. "Its you that keeps me there, you that draws me in."

"Mulder I-"

"Not this time Scully. I told you once that you saved me, that you made me whole, my touchstone." I grazed my fingertips over her lips as she'd once done to me. "This time, you will stay. Stay and make things right. I love you. I cannot let you go."

"I guess we have a problem then... 'cause I love you and cannot let you leave."

I think I was beaming. I could feel the heat from my face bounce between us. Raw energy. I drew her face to mine, breathing into her and claiming her lips in a kiss. She was salty from tears but oh-so sweet. Oh Scully...

Her hands reached 'round my back, grasping my shirt, clinging to me. Her need was delicious. It matched my own. Our mouths mated, danced, sang and I wanted more- I wanted it all.

But Skinner would be here to pick me up shortly and I had to settle this.

She pulled away first.

"I know you're going now." She said solemnly. "But I will be with you." She reached behind her neck and unfastened her cross. I silently bowed my head and accepted her gift. "This always comes back to me... You will come back to me."

"I promise you Scully."

Skinner's knock at the door shattered our universe.

She stood and kissed my forehead with the same passion she'd expressed a moment earlier.

"I'm going into work. The Gunmen have compiled some files to go over."

"I'll be back before you know it."

I opened the door allowing Skinner inside. He looked down at Scully and she frowned at him. Then, without hesitation she grabbed my arm and stood on tiptoes to kiss me fully on the mouth. It could have been God himself standing there and I wouldn't have cared, I clasped her face in my hands and let her lips speak to me in our new language.

She pulled away- her look of concern returned.

"Promise me again."

"I promise. I'll be on your doorstep waiting."

*~*~*~*

I watched Scully get in her car and drive off before us. The car doors shut around us, Skinner grunted as he turned the keys in the ignition, but I could see him smiling.

I stared at him, waiting for his comment.

"No one is that lucky Mulder."

I chuckled out loud.

"I can't believe she let you go without her."

"She didn't."

I reached up to my collar and exposed the gold cross. We both smiled.

'I won't let you go alone...' It rang in my ears... as much a part of me as I am of her.

FIN

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