To whoever sent me the kind anonymous email of support, I give you my most sincere thanks. People with hearts such as yours make the world a better place. Thank you again!
THANK YOU
3-18-2002
There is nothing in the world quite like kindness.
Happiness comes about no other way
A word of support or shared smile
Never lets the darkness conquer day.
Knowing if there's just only one good person
You feel like you could always cope
Or give all your effort to do your best;
Under any stress you'll never give up hope!
This one goes out to whoever wrote the cruel comment in my guestbook. I forgive you and pray for you. Sometimes it's all too easy to laugh at someone rather than try to be their friend.
Romans 13:8-10 Love is the fulfillment of the law.
It is sad that you have had nothing better to do than mock and ridicule me.
A Plea
3-7-2002
I fall into darkness
Though born of light
My life seems to crumble
Though I'm never alone in my plight.
Words echo of derision
While I go on apparently alone.
Their laughter at my weariness
Chills the marrow in my bone.
For though we are all different
We are the same on Judgement Day
When God takes measure of our hearts
And remembers what we say.
In failing to understand a person's trial
Don't bring their heart more pain
For a road of suffering is bad enough
Without your words in vain.
Lost Chances
2-4-2002
Chances come and chances go
For those we might love
But may never know
For fate is cruel and pulls away
What might have been true love someday.
There's a crying heart alone at night
Because of a wrong that may never be right-
But could be if only you'll say
That maybe we'll have our chance someday.
This one came to me at an unusual hour so I took note of the time... maybe that can be an excuse if it's substandard? lol... I couldn't make up my mind with the finishing lines for the 2nd and 3rd stanzas so I included them both and went back to sleep
Real Tears for Dreams
1-16-2002 at 1:30AM
This must be a dream I feel,
But the tears I shed are real-
For one could lose their heart in dreams
With all their great appeal.
My soul is sad to be alone
Without a heart to touch
I often have felt that life's a dream-
And dreaming is only a crutch.
My soul is sad to be alone
Without a heart to touch
I often have felt that life's a dream-
Unshared never amounting to much.
My heart may one day harden
But it will never turn to stone
As long as I can dream the dream
Of someday not being alone.
Untitled
11-30-2001
In love I'd choose a good rapport,
Though cursed I feel with biting retort
And my passion unwanted cools in the shade
For a hearts burning fire I am forbade.
Lacking peace of mind I must confess
That the absence of love brings much distress
And feelings of lonliness I must suppress
In order to hope and someone impress-
Though discouraged am I for lack of success
And in each passing moment I live less and less;
Until there appears a decent portent
Alone in the darkness will I lament.
SICK
11-8-2001
Someday I shall escape my sadness
If I do not succumb to madness
Can my life ever be free
Knowing how the world constrains me?
"Age does not necessitate wisdom, but wisdom necessitates age- That's why I look older than I am."- Me 11-5-2001 Just a random thought...
A Thought of Ignorance
11-5-2001
Suffice to say with much dismay
My Heart is much distraught
Over many a thing of great import
But often as much of naught.
Were morality a cup of tea
Not many would have a drink
For noone is thirsty anymore
Enough to stop and think.
It's in this thought that there's much amiss
Were the majority right-
Ignorance would truly be bliss.
The Tear
11-3-2001
The final warm tear falls
And as it falls
It leaves a shadow
And as the shadow falls
It merges with the tear
To stain the picture
Held in the tired hands
Of the poor man who has lived
Of the poor man who has loved
Of the poor man who was betrayed
Of the poor man who had tried
Of the poor man as he died.
A "rich" man rises.
I just watched The Crow tonight... it's such a deep and tragic movie... This past week I've been on break, I've spent it alone in my apartment with lots of deep introspection. I feel I've learned more by not thinking about college than I have in the past three years I've been in it. I can't wait till I can get on with my life and out of this town with my piece of paper that has cost me so much but given me so little knowledge or wisdom in return. I know there's got to be someone out there who has the same ideals and dreams as me, but I doubt I'll find her here amidst the crowd that goes about their lives without seeing a bigger picture...
Rain All The Time
11-3-2001
It's not supposed to rain all the time.
True Love is not supposed to die.
A dream will stay only a dream
As long as people lie.
My heart was broken long ago-
These tears I've shed for years.
To be without real love in life
Is the greatest of my fears.
A Song for a Friend
10-10-2001
I'd give you a hug if you were here,
I'd brush away your tears,
I'd walk a million miles
To take away your fears.
I'd hold you close inside my heart
And never let you go
If only things would work out...
And if you let me know
What your past was like
And who you are
And what it's like
To fall from a star
What are your dreams?
Am in your heart?
If you don't stay forever
It might tear me apart.
Well, who am I to you
When you barely know my name?
If you got to know me
Would your dreams stay the same?
Tell me it's not a game...
I've been hurt before,
But never again
Because this time
You are my friend.
I will hold you close inside my heart
And never let you go
If only things can work out...
And if you let me know
What your past was like
And who you are
And what it's like
To fall from a star
What are your dreams?
Am in your heart?
If you don't stay forever
It will tear me apart.
It seems that the busier I get in college, the less time there is to actually learn anything... or write anything for that matter... anyway... here's the latest. Foraging became an acronym poem almost by accident- I noticed when I was done with the draft that the first letter spelled msadfte... I just expanded it a little...10-3-2001
Foraging
10-3-2001
My heart is a lonely forager,
Yearning for company,
Searching in the dark forests of life
Amidst thorny bushes and
Deadly vipers
For sustenance to quench the
All consuming hunger and
Thirst overwhelming.
Everything else fades.
Searching in Nature
10-2-2001
My heart seekst the flowery rose
but doth often find the thorn
It tears me and I feel the pain;
hopeless and forlorn.
Were I to settle for a green leaf
or the fruit upon a tree
I would find that the leaves were three
and the fruit would poison me.
If I turned to Mother Earth
and begged her for a root
Surely bitter it would be
leaving me parched and destitute.
If I turn my hopes skyward
and reach up for a cloud
The thunder would come crashing down
leaving me lost, alone, and cowed.
And so I pray my fate in life
is not to be alone.
I hope that love will find me
before my heart is gone.
Will a Tomorrow Come
9-7-2001
Will a tomorrow come
When I won't cry?
Will the day ever dawn
When I know why
Every time I think I've found her
She runs out of my life forever
And makes me die
Will a tomorrow come
When I won't cry?
Will the day ever dawn
When I know why
Every time I think I've found her
She shuts the door forever
And makes me die
As if the pain of a broken heart was not enough
Everything gets harder
When life's already tough...
When will the day ever dawn
When I find the one?
An Open Door
7-16-2001
Where can you be my angel?
Where can you be my dream?
How long do I have to go on alone
Until you find me and take me home?
Why do we have to live wiht broken hearts?
Why can't we find eachother? It's tearing me apart.
We know we're out there somewhere
When we look up at the sky
Alone when it is raining
We can feel eachother cry.
Why do we have to live wiht broken hearts?
Why can't we find eachother? It's tearing you apart.
So we go on searching
We know what we're looking for
It's a matter of time... before we find...
An open door....
Why do we have to live wiht broken hearts?
Why can't we find eachother? It's tearing us apart.
(repeat 1-3 then fade with 3rd verse)
Just another song... this one might be fit for a "boy band"... shudders at the thought, but then again.... they do make money...lol...
Forever In My Heart
7-16-2001
Forever in my heart you will always be
No matter how bad you have hurt me
No matter where you go there will be a memory
Of you and me together-
The way we're meant to be
As time goes by maybe you won't forget
The Love in my heart is free if you want it
So baby come back into my open arms
We can forget al the things we said that harmed us
And I...will love you forever and ever
Always with all my heart while we're together
But if you're gone for good I'll keep you inside
In a secret place where I can hide and cry
For you...will be my favorite memory
Never forgotten and I'll never be free
Till my...dying breath that I take
There will always be a heartache
For you...with my dying thought,
Were the best that I could have got
If you...would have only stayed
Instead of playing the games you played
With me..It doesn't have to be this way
Come back to me and it'll be ok,
Ok...
Ok...
Maybe Someday....
I wanted to see how long of a sentence I could write and still maintain a level of coherency... it's not a song or anything special... it's just a simple sentence...
A Sentence
7-12-2001
Were I to write that words cannot express the longing in my heart for true love my cries would only seem but a shallow exho to those of all poetic souls who have existed in this indescribeable suffering before me, and my painfully real feelings would be brished aside as so much romantic dribble with little regard to the true depths of my agony so it must simply suffice for me to summarize in one sentence, at expense of deeper meaning, that I need True Love.
Oh Broken Heart
7-11-2001
Oh broken heart
Thou art my muse
For could I write
Without abuse
And the nights through which I've cried?
Would my pen have ever met paper
If my heart had never died?
What cold shadow
Does tomorrow bring
That my soul knows
Will make it sing
And cry out in its pain
Until love comes
And finds me once again?
I Go, I Look, I Sit
7-11-2001
I go alone to the ocean
To wash away my tears
And it runs me aground
Though softer than those I've loved
Over all my years.
I look up at the sun
And it burns me-
Though never quite as bad
As anyone whose heart I've held,
Or ever thought I had.
I sit and watch the coulds go by
And darken overhead-
Not a one has cried a drop
With more sorrow
Than in all the tears I've shed.
And The Rain Comes
7-11-2001
I go to the beach
And the rain comes
I go to the pool
And the rain comes
I go far away
And the rain comes
No matter where I hide.
I go far away
And the rain comes
I open my heart
And the rain comes
She breaks my heart
And the rain comes
No matter how I cried.
She breaks my heart
And the rain comes
She finds another
And the rain comes
Time goes by
And the rain comes
I knew that she had lied.
Time goes by
And the rain comes
I am forgotten
And the rain comes
No matter what
And the rain comes
At least I know I tried.
No matter what
And the rain comes
A new day dawns
And the rain comes
My heart calls for love
And the rain comes
My tears still go undried.
Whenever I take my dying breath- however far in the future that may be I want someone I can think of as I slip into eternity whom I know I loved with all my heart and returned that love equally to me. I want someone I can say "I love you" to for the rest of my life, knowing that she'll say it back and mean it forever and not just "at the moment."
To Grow Old With
7-7-2001
I want someone for all of time
To grow old with
I want someone by my side
To grow old with
When her beauty fades I want her there
To grow old with
With her heart for me and not a care
To grow old with
When life flies by as we hold eachother
To grow old with
With one another every step of the way
To grow old with
Every moment of every day
To grow old with
To share the adventure
To grow old with.
Do Or Die In All
7-7-2001
Darkness fades and light spreads
Over the barren wind-swept plains
Of my heart as
Rain comes slowly bringing life in floods of pain
Dreams drown defiant.
I have not and will not surrender my search for love
Even with my broken-heart's last beat
I cling to hope though
Nowhere can I see
Anyone to revive me
Let alone be there to
Lift me up and love me.
