Weirdcrap Stories

Joe didn't notice that she had died for three more days. He thought she was just sleeping a lot, and when she didn't touch the meals he brought for her, he thought she just wasn't hungry. It wasn't until she began to smell that he was reminded of how she had once told him that dead people stink. He had asked her about it when he heard her say she'd never be happy until she saw his father's stinking corpse lying in a little casket for wheeling off on her and leaving her with Joe. Then she'd had to explain death, because Joe, at the age of 34, still wasn't aware of it. But anyway, he knew that dead people don't move, and that they stink, and that his mother didn't move, and that she stank, and in an amazing feat of deduction Joe realized that his mother was dead. He tried to do what his mother had always told him to do in case of death or an accident: Call 911. He couldn't remember the number. So he ran screaming into the hot summer streets, "Ma's daid! Ma's daid! She don't move. She stinky. She daid!" Bill Johnstone, Joe's mother's next-door neighbor, was working in his garden. He heard Joe's cry, tied up his ox, and went to see what was the matter. He tried again and again to calm Joe down, but all the poor dolt could do was utter garbage about stinky corpses and bearded clams. Bill went into the house and immediately knew what the stinky corpse bit was all about at least. Just then, fourteen crippled and deranged Vietnam Veterans stumbled by on crutches. Ten of them were Black. The other four were Irish. "What's going on here?" the platoon-leader asked. Bill Johnstone walked solemnly out of the house and looked at Joe. Joe looked at the Vietnam Veterans. The Vietnam Veterans looked at Bill Johnstone Then they all looked at Joe. (At this point I couldn't decided how I should end the story, so I'll give you a few choices and let you pick your favorite. –The Author) Ending #1 "This man murdered his mother, and tortured her bearded clam!" Bill Johnstone exclaimed, pointing at Joe. Bill and the Vietnam Veterans angrily advanced upon the poor frightened moron, and subsequently tore him limb from limb. The end. Ending #2 "Joe’s mother is dead!" Bill Johnstone exclaimed. The Vietnam Veterans expressed their sympathies. "Well, Joe," Bill said, "I guess you'll have to live with me and my wife and my young virgin daughter who will soon be approaching her childbearing years." Joe moved in with the Johnstone, and their young virgin daughter, Virginia, fell in love with the silly idiot. They married, and she took care of him and their seventeen children (five of whom weren't complete morons) for the rest of all their lives. The end. Ending #3 Oscar warily eyed the new shiny red rig The Millionaire had bought for him. It was a dandy, indeed. And it had a sleeper. Oscar had never driven a rig with a sleeper. Lascivious fantasies involving truck-stop call girls (actually, they were just hookers, but Oscar never would have called them that) momentarily filled his thoughts. The Millionaire interrupted them. "It's all yours, Oscar. All you have to do is stay with me for ten years. After that, you can take your truck and go your merry way. But for ten years, you drive for me, and only me. Agreed?" "Yes sir," Oscar gingerly replied. Whatever doubts may have lingered in his mind, the sleeper had sold him. The end. Copyright 1998 Bryan P. Deno There are a lot more great strange stories on Bryan's web site... Mr. Dento's Demented Storypage! Page 2 TO BE CONTINUED... Click Here To Get Sponsored <<Page Back To Stories Page>> Navigation: Home.....Strange Stories.....My Weirdcrap Daily Demented Comics......Short Attention-Span Games.....Links .