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Alarmingly Strange Stories The Frogman by Roberto Martinez and Jon Stephenson |
| "I am the frogman!" he gurgled as chunks of vomit spewed from his mouth. Thinking they were newly hatched eggs he scooped them up, rushed to the toilet and threw them in. "If only I could get my hands on a burrito," he thought. Slowly, the Frogman staggered into the kitchen and checked the freezer for food. With no burrito in sight, he took a deep breath and pulled his machete from his pocket and slowly started to saw his fingers off from his left hand. "You could have been a ballerina!" Just as he heard the voice come from the bedroom a small, thin stream of blood shot from his hand and hit him square in the eye. "Shuddup, bitch," he replied without hesitation. "You could have been a ballerina," the voice continued. "You...you 'stoopid', dumpy lookin mutha-fucka-you. You could have been a god-damn, pansy assed ballerina…sweety." "I said, 'shuddup.' You stupid, poop sniffing, trick for hire, kidney bean eating, pancreas chewing, flying bambino brother looking, hairy backed, big nosed, back-woods thinking, ditch weed smokin', goofy, hillbilly lookin mutha-fucka, you!" he shouted back. "Now, now, now, she tittered as she slid her fat bulbous ass from her bed and waddled on her two scab encrusted trunks to the kitchen, "Save me the baby finger, you greedy mutha-fucka, you." She said as she watched him saw away. "Oh, by the way, I still have a bit of breast milk left, would you mind?" she asked as she started to milk the nectar into a cup. He dropped the knife and scuttled to her drooping, puss encrusted mammary. "Gimme, gimme, gimme," he said as he knelt before her on his knees with his mouth open to catch the putrid fluid that dripped from above. Just then the door burst open and Billy from next door ran in, tripping on his umbilical cord, only to land a few feet away from the frogman and his mother. Billy has a large and very unusual umbilical cord. It was never severed from his body: When Billy's mother gave birth to him, she was alone. After she had successfully pulled the screaming monster from her body, she carefully cleaned the organism and dropped it onto a pile of dirty clothes. She bit off the umbilical cord and let out an earth-shattering scream, while she pulled the afterbirth from her body. Blood and interstitial fluid sprayed out in all directions when the dark red pulp of flesh exited her malnourished body. As she stood, a stream of blood ran down her thighs to her ankles. Afterbirth in hand, she left footprints of blood as she walked toward the kitchen and rinsed off the bloody mess from her body and dropped it in a hot pan. |
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