When Pete arrived home after his pointless siege against the human psyche, he
found a water logged, ripped issue of “In Brief”, a short fiction/essay magazine on the edge of his porch. There
was only one salvageable story, and Pete collapsed into his couch, or chair, or whatever was closest to him to
read it. He actually lay on the floor.
“The greatest enemy to mankind is curiosity, also known as ‘the pursuit of Science’”, Pete looked up from the wrinkled
page, believing he heard machinery, to be specific chain saws, in the distance.
“When presented with a hill, the scientific mind, no matter how primitive will wonder: ‘What’s over that hill?’
And so the mind and fleshy transport of choice, the body, will ascend the slope, discovering, without thought of
those who had discovered the very same hill and beyond before, what lies beneath the crest on the opposite side”.
Pete continued to hear the chain saws, their hum accelerating. He looked toward the window, the mini-blinds down.
Pete turned back to the essay.
“And what if beyond the first lie three other hills? Identical or not, the same mind that drove itself up the first
hill will wonder: ‘What’s over that hill?’, perhaps in triplicate. Accommodating said desire, the scientifically
driven body crosses the recently discovered leeward side and climbs another slope. Then, perched atop the second
hill, the eyes of the body look out upon three other hills”. Pete set the magazine down, and cocked his ear toward
the window. Chain saws.
“Should he continue on to one of the new, distant hills, or does he return to capture the heights of the two he
left behind? Whatever the choice, in a purely scientific world, the dilemma of valleys behind hills could go on
forever, a plain, a dessert, or a forest providing a break but still an obstacle”. Pete could now discern the gas
driven chains ripping into resistance, and, as he looked at the blinds, his foot twitched toward the sound. Pete
pulled himself away to continue reading.
“With all of mankind wandering the hills, process becomes stagnant, or nonexistent. People die from starvation
and exhaustion, afraid to stop and eat.” Pete stood up and walked toward the window. He still held the magazine
in his hand. He read as he fumbled to grab the drawstring.
“And so I propose the enemy to curiosity, and by that token, man’s best friend:…” Pete’s hand found purchase, and
he yanked the blinds open, and his eyes away from the page. “DOLPHINS ARE BETTER” read the half of the billboard
that had not been demolished. Pete could not see the men who wielded the chain saws that demolished the sign that
meant nothing to anyone but Pete. One of them was the man who had scraped the dirty picture of the Swedish woman
off the “YEILD” sign, and another was the one who planned to repaint the “D” tomorrow.
It was those men who killed Pete, not a heart attack as doctors declared. He fell to the floor, not able to say
“Dolphins are better off dead” for the last time, not wanting to call for help, knowing it was too late. Even if
doctors came, by the time they got there the billboard would be completely gone and they wouldn’t read it. No one
would read it.
War, and that which accompanies war, death.”, concluded the essay that Pete wouldn’t finish.
“War stunts the growth of curiosity by giving it guidelines. Men of science can dream, but only of more powerful
weapons. Men can no longer wander the hills, as they must form armies and fight one another. The only curiosity
involved is finding out which nation is stronger. War puts the enemy of mankind to work, helping men defend themselves
against the curiosity of other men”.
The billboard was replace by a new sign, which read “HAVING TROUBLE FALLING ASLEEP AT NIGHT? DO YOU WET THE BED?”.
Pete never saw the new sign, which was erected as his crumpled body lay in a morgue. No one was at Pete’s funeral,
no one saw him being buried. His tombstone read “He is in a better place now”. Se si beau. He is better off dead.
Que lastima.