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Lunatic Ravings - 10/22/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday and Thursday
Days of the New---"Days of the New (3)"
More senseless rambling and obscure thoughts:
Halloween is fast approaching and I bet that the "AI" and Jack the Ripper victim costumes are going to
be the hot ones.
Don't you wish that Bounce would come out with a soap that smells like one of their dryer things that make your
clothes smell oh so fresh?
My wife vacuumed today and I did my part by pointing out a spot that she missed.
DIet RIte has no aspartame. That's why it's so tasty.
Have you ever been emptying out the dishwasher only to have a really sharp steak knife slip from your hand and
puncture your foot and when you tried to move it you find out that it went all the way through the foot and is
lodged quite firmly in the kitchen floor and when you step back with your free foot in order to bend down to yank
out the knife your free foot slips in a fresh hairball which the cat had quite nicely left behind as a present
to you and you fall backwards and your stabbed foot is ripped from the knife and when you wake up from your concussion
you find that your foot is split in two with both sides flopping from side to side? Hasn't happened to me either.
I have never known anyone who owned or owns the Clapper. I must know only highly intelligent people.
I know my eyesight is fine because I passed the eye test at the DMV. At least I have that going for me.
While you're reading this, I'll be either asleep or awake. That's an astounding fact.
Is Osama actually a chickenshit or am I missing something?
It's always good to try something new. That's why I ate some expired cottage cheese and also why we need Seattle
and Arizona in the World Series.
I'm almost done with the book I mentioned last week. People have asked me why I read a lot and I tell them that's
the way I have always been. I also tell them that I was reading my dad's books when I was young, but I don't tell
them that he only read Encyclopedia Brown and Hardy Boys books.
I am buying Burger King gift certificates for everyone on my Christmas list. That way, nobody will be upset that
they didn't get one if I bought different presents for everyone.
I wish everyone who worked at wrestleline,com, which closed last week, the best of luck in the future. Everyone
who worked there busted their asses and seemed to enjoy their work and love the business that they wrote about.
COMING NEXT: What I have learned from talk
radio the last month.
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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