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Lunatic Ravings - 10/15/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday and Thursday
Joe Satriani---"Engines of Creation"
(Since that guy on that cable news channel who does those interviews no longer writes that column for that national
newspaper, I am going to try to fill in for him.)
I'm currently reading a book that's about 600 pages long and I'm on page 233. It's a good book and you should find
the time to pick it up and read it too.
I put stepping stones in our backyard about three months ago and one of them is not aligned properly causing people
to take an extra long step to reach it. I have noticed this for a long time but am too lazy to fix it.
Isn't "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" the best sequel of a sequel of a sequel? I think it is. Our
birdbath kept tipping over when it was really windy out. I finally got fed up with standing it upright and stomped
the shit out of it.
Our welcome mat isn't really one. It has "GO AWAY" written on it. It hasn't worked though since people
are still ringing the doorbell trying to sell us something. Maybe it will work on Halloween.
I like taking bottled water and mixing it with instant tea. It's delicious.
I'm eating that candy called Bottle Caps. The pieces that taste like cola are really, really good. Yummy.
I was on a bus last week and farted very loudly. When people looked at me, I smiled and pointed at the old guy
sitting next to me. He had no idea what was going on.
I normally put $15.00 worth of gas in my car, but that last time I went, it only cost me $12.00. That's a bit strange.
Sometimes I wish I had six fingers on each hand so I could play the accordion that much better. Maybe they have
some sort of surgery that would make that possible.
Never accuse your spouse of cheating as a joke. It just might backfire.
I saw a young kid riding a bike. Wouldn't it be wild if he woke up one day and forgot how to do it? ("It"
being riding a bike, but I'm sure you got it.)
I just looked around my office and noticed that the walls are white and there are no pictures. If I bought some
pictures, the walls would still be white, but there would be pictures. That would make my office look different.
Andy Warhol died a long time ago but a lot of people still remember his name. He sure was popular.
If this is the last paragraph, then you wouldn't have anything to read after this and would have to go back to
work.
So that's not going to be the last paragraph.
Our garbage days are Monday and Thursday. I make sure I take out the trash early in the morning to make sure that
it's out before the garbage men come. If I didn't do that, I would have to wait until the next garbage day.
What's the next format after CD/DVD? Doesn't it give you a headache just thinking about it?
You've reached the end and can go now.
COMING NEXT: Maybe something different.
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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