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 Guns n' Roses---"Use Your Illusion I"
Anne Heche is engaged and her husband-to-be, Coleman Laffoon, is probably the luckiest man alive.
Just imagine that they are married for a few years and the sex just isn't what it used to be. Mr. Heche can ask
Anne if she could maybe, possibly, try sleeping with another woman while he watches just to try something new and
different.
She's not going to be disgusted. She's not going to chicken out at the last moment. She's already been with at
least one other woman, so what's the big deal?
Coleman can get what a majority of normal males fantasize about, without having to get his significant other drunk.
Maybe this hasn't entered his mind. Hell, if you believe that, you might as well also believe that Robert Downey
Jr. is on the path to becoming drug free.
I am also puzzled about why Mr. Laffoon's parents named him after that little guy from "Different Strokes".
Jared's back with an awesome new Subway commercial!
Go ahead and check out www.subway.com. Check out "General Information" and click on "Jared Inspired
Me".
Scared?
You should be.
I warned everyone some time ago that Jared was a freak and he is intent on trying to take over the world with people
weak and insignificant like him.
Other than wanting to put a loaded gun in your mouth, how has Jared "inspired" anyone? Who's life is
so pathetic that they need to look up to Jared as if he's some sort of hero?
I wonder what a get together with Jared and his buddies would be like.
Maybe something like this?
Pathetic Person 1: "Gee,
golly, I actually lost 574 pounds by eating only delicious food from Subway!"
Pathetic Person 2: "Only
574? I lost 600! All thanks to Jared!"
Jared: "Oh, thank you! Really! You are all too kind!"
PP 1: "No, thank YOU! You're
a true inspiration."
Jared: "Gosh, really? I've never really had any friends........"
PP 1: "No!"
PP 2: "How is that possible?"
Jared: "You're right! I did have a friend!"
PP 2: "Oooooh. Tell us more!"
Jared: "Well, I used to sit on a park bench all by myself while I inhaled my Subway sandwich!"
PP 1: "Mmmmm. They are so
tasty and good for you!"
Jared: "Exactly! I ate my sandwich and shared the crumbs with a pigeon that would come over and watch me eat.
But one day something terrible happened......"
PP 1: "Oh, did your girlfriend
break up with you?"
Jared: "Girlfriend? What's that?"
PP 2: "Never you mind fearless
leader. Continue your inspirational story!"
PP 1: "Yes! Do continue!"
Jared: "Well, one day I wasn't paying attention and when I sat down on the bench, I happened to sit on the
pigeon. It's beak ripped through my pant and since it had nowhere to go, it shot straight up my ass!"
PP 1: "Wow!"
PP 2: "Did it hurt?"
Jared: "Nope! Not one little bit. As a matter of fact I found it quite.............ENJOYABLE!"
PP 2: "Cool! Can I have a
pigeon shoved up my ass?"
PP 1: "Me too! Me too!"
Jared: "I don't see why not! Pigeons, jacks, marbles, toothpicks and salt shakers. You can be like me and
shove stuff like that up your ass!!!"
PP 1: "You're our hero!
PP 2: "We bow to you!"
Jared: "And now I tire of you. Before you leave, make sure you both caress my lips with your sweaty palms."
I guess it could be something like that, but I'm not too sure.
COMING NEXT: The creator of Cliff Notes
is dead. How are kids going to graduate from high school?
Click Here
if you wanna give Stephen "A Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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