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Commentary Archives!
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 Jerome has been bitching about us letting him go back out on the streets
to do some "field work". He claims that he is becoming "stale" and "unloved" because
we (supposedly) keep him around the office to run errands.
We thought long and hard about this and decided that Jerome was right. He was annoying us. Bob almost shot him
one day and we are quite positive that Melissa and Jerome are doing the nasty in the copy room which is something
that we will not tolerate.
Bob ordered an album called "Non Stop Hip Hop" thinking that it was a compilation of 50's drive-in music.
He was a little stunned when he put it in the CD player during his weekly Sha Na Na fan club meeting.
He brought the CD in the next day and was in tears because his party was ruined because he had spent a lot of money
on little smokies and barbecue sauce and they went uneaten.
He handed me the CD and begged me to dispose of it. Jerome was standing nearby and his eyes lit up like the Christmas
tree in Rockefeller Center. I gave him the CD plus the special gift that came with it; the Non Stop Hip Hop medallion!!
I know fine jewelry when I see it. That medallion is probably the finest piece of jewelry I have ever seen in my
life. I told Jerome this and he quickly placed the medallion around his neck.
This was the perfect opportunity for Jerome to do some of that "field work" he had been begging for.
I figured that the medallion would give him some street cred so I sent him on an assignment to check out the local
hood.
I told him it would be wise to leave the medallion behind because someone could steal it from and trade it for
a large amount of crack, but Jerome assured me that he would guard the medallion with his life, and ran out of
the office with a large Corky-like grin on his face.
It was 2 days before I heard from him.
He marched back into my office pissed off, claiming that I was trying to make him look like a fool in front of
his "brothers". I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. I did ask him why he was hanging
around his family when he was supposed to be out on the streets getting answers for us.
This confused him for a minute, but he was soon yelling at me again. Good thing that Bob was around because the
yelling stopped as soon as he shot some staples into Jerome's head. That was one of those days where any loud noises
were really annoying me, but the sound of metal staples being embedded in someone's head made me feel quite relaxed.
We let Jerome go the bathroom to remove the staples, which would also allow him time to calm down. When he came
back into the office he was as mellow as Bob is after snorting Cascade.
I was surprised when Jerome told me that the medallion was a worthless piece of crap and that he was mocked everywhere
he went. He was especially angry that he had tried to pick up a hooker but when she saw the medallion she started
laughing, which woke up her pimp who was sleeping in a nearby doorway. When he saw the medallion, he jumped on
Jerome and started pounding the shit out of him claiming that since the medallion had caused his girl to laugh,
she was wasting time instead of making him some money so Jerome had to pay for every dollar he felt that he was
losing.
When Jerome regained consciousness, he walked back to the office. On the way back, many children walked up, kicked
him in the nuts and ran away, all because of the medallion. This I can believe because the children of today have
the brains of a steamed cabbage.
I have to give Jerome some credit because he did wear the medallion on the way back to the office while his testicles
were being constantly abused. I'm sure his testicles were the size of large lemons but I didn't want to take the
time to look.
Now the medallion and CD are sitting in some landfill. Jerome is fetching us some paper clips Bob is trying to
stuff a baby racoon in his mouth and I'm finishing this up because I have just wasted your time........................................
..........yet I don"t care. Weird.
COMING NEXT: Puff Daddy
is a changed man and he is going to make a difference in the world. I'm going to show you how! |
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