|
Commentary Archives!
x
x
x
x
|
 In the March 19th issue of "U.S. News and World Report", there
is an article aboot (that's for our Canadian readers) how the Mormon Church now wants to be known as the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Gee, isn't that quite a pompous mouthful?
The logo of the church will also be changed so that the words "Jesus Christ" will dwarf the other words.
This is just in time for the Olympics and is quite a brilliant marketing strategy for a cult that believes in the
impregnation of 14 year old girls.
SInce the 2002 Olympics are getting closer, it makes sense to play on the fear of a typical drunk. They'll be lost
and confused in a city that they've never visited before, when all of a sudden they'll see the gigantic words "Jesus
Christ" plastered on the side of a building.
Thinking that this is a sign, our drunk will stumble into the building hoping for some guidance. Depending on what
sex they are, they'll get their guidance and much, much more.
If it's a woman, she will be programmed to be a sperm incubator. The younger the woman the better but, as any Mormon
would be glad to tell you, "any womb will do". The younger she is the better chance she has of living
on welfare since the husband can't earn enough money to support the seven children because he has to donate a portion
of his paycheck to the church and a second job is out of the question since he is going to bible class every night
trying to figure out where "Another Testament of Jesus Christ" could possibly have come from.
If it's a man, he has to learn to look like other male Mormons. They all have their hair cut the same and wear
the same clothes, the only difference being what type of underwear they choose. About once every month, the males
get together for some bible study and underwear exchange. On a good day, a lucky Mormon male can get a slightly
used pair of Underoos for a once worn pair of Hanes. A new pair of underwear causes great sexual energy between
a Mormon couple, and soon the male is shooting his seed into the wife's belly.
Can our hapless drunk ever leave the Mormon church? Nope. He/she is stuck for life. I actually knew someone who
tried to leave the church, but he was caught and beaten severely with The Book of Mormon (that OTHER testament
of Jesus Christ) until he agreed that he would never leave again. The worst thing was that the church took away
his 17 year old wife who had already spit out 5 children, and gave her to someone who had just entered the world
of Mormonism. The church left him with the 5 kids and gave him a new woman who was 29 and had already given birth
to 14 children, so he knew that she would probably be good for squirting out a few more before her baby making
machine would break down for good, but he accepted it because he had tried to leave and this was a good and just
punishment.
As you can see, this name change is just brilliant marketing strategy on the part of the Mormons. I congratulate
them on their foresight, and pity those that drink that visit Salt Lake CIty. If you're a heavy drinker and are
going to the 2002 Olympics, you might as well kiss your loved ones goodbye because you will never see them again.
COMING NEXT: Handicapped
mini-van drivers: The cause of road rage? |
|