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 The last few days I have been getting ready for the big move to Henderson,
Nevada. Since it has only been 6 months since my last move, it was easier this time because half of my stuff was
still packed.
When the packers came, I told them I would pack up my office, or as I like to call it, The Pit. THe reasoning for
me doing so was simple: I did not know if the packers would be Mormonian and, since I have lots and lots and lots
of porno tapes, I wanted to pack them myself instead of having a Mormon burn them.
My paranoia was unfounded because the packers were definitely not Mormon. They were as close to being Mormons as
David Arquette is close to being talented.
 While moving some boxes from the closet, I came across a grand discovery. One of our cats decided the
corner of the closet was a good place to yak up hairballs and I was greeted with a small pile of dried out clumped
kitty hair. I was saddened at first, but became quite happy when it dawned on me that the cat was just being neat
and tidy.
A little while after my discovery, I heard a scream from the kitchen. I ran to the kitchen and saw one of the packers
lying on the floor fighting with a bag with numerous tentacles poking out.
One of the tentacles had wrapped itself around the poor guys neck and he was turning a lovely shade of blue. I
looked around and noticed a straight razor on the counter and picked it up.
I started hacking and whacking at the tentacle around his neck as well as the other ones that were trying to wrap
themselves around the rest of his body. Even though I tried to be extra careful, I managed to slice off bits of
his face and arms, yet the tentacles seemed to get the idea that I meant business and they released their hold.
After he caught his breath I helped him to his feet and he ran away, and has not been seen to this day. Weird.
It turns out that the bag contained potatoes that we had put in a cupboard and completely forgotten about. After
3 months, I guess the potatoes got bored and decided that it was time to make a statement about imperialism and
the lost act of chivalry and, by growing 2 foot long tentacles, it was only a desperate cry to humanity that they
only wanted to be held and loved.
Or something like that.
COMING NEXT: Peeing in
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