Lunatic Ravings!
By Stephen Johnson
Some of you may have noticed that this site has been branded with a PG17 rating. What does that mean?
Well, I'm going to do my best to explain it to you to the best of my limited ability.
"Gee, those Mormons really do stink".
Something along those lines would give us a pleasant, family friendly G rating. We write stuff like that, and then
the whole family can gather around the computer and eat chips and drink some caffeine free soda and participate
in a wonderful group giggle.
"Damn, those Mormons sure do suck."
A bit stronger than the G rating, this would be PG. Families can still
gather around and read stuff on this website, but only after mommy and daddy have read it beforehand. Group giggles
might be a bit forced since 3-year-old Bobby might learn the word "suck" from us and use it on the school
playground causing him to be expelled. Not good.
"Can you believe the shit those damn Mormons are doing now? What a bunch of assholes."
Looks like we are now in PG13 territory. No family gathering for this
one. Mama and papa will put the ole parental lock on this site since the young ones should be surfing the net for
informational stuff, like seeing the latest picture of Britney Spears' naked breast(s).
"I swear, next time one of those fucking Mormons interrupt me when I'm eating, I'll rip their heads off, whip
out my dick and skull fuck them."
Yep, this is R rated territory. It shows no compassion and has no
socially redeeming value at all. Parents find their kids reading this,
they will sell the computer and will probably sell the kid to somebody in a foreign country. I don't know, but
I have always felt that this was our ultimate goal.
"Rebecca slowly spread her ______ and invited me to bend down and _____ her _____."
You can fill in the blanks. This will be considered X, which is really
nasty and makes us quite sick because only perverts watch pornos and read those "specialty" magazines
and visit those disgusting sites. Some of those sites even have free movies. They're only 30 second clips and sometimes
the quality isn't that good, but you can sometimes find real good ones. So I've been told.
This brings us to PG17, and I still have no idea what it means. It obviously fits between PG13 and R, so I guess
we can use words like "shit-o-riffic" and "fuckorama" and not have to be concerned with some
parental watchdog group sending us nasty letters because 8 year old Allison discovered our site and started worshipping
Satan because, when her parents were reading between the lines, they discovered that we recommended that every
child bow down to the Prince of Darkness. So, with the PG17 rating, I guess our asses are covered. And that is
shit-o-riffic!!
All this reminds me of something Bob used to do at work:
He would take handfuls of thumbtacks and shove them up his ass. During his lunch break. he would go to the bathroom
to poop and while he sat on the toilet trying to squeeze out the thumbtacks, he would scream as loud as he possibly
could, which caused everyone in the bathroom to panic and run. It was funny until he had to go for some butt surgery
because he had too many thumbtacks lodged up his ass, which caused him some major discomfort. Bob no longer can
perform that stunning feat, which deprives us all.
COMING NEXT: More of that,
less of this.
Look for a new "Lunatic Ravings" each Monday and Thursday.