Well, it almost happened. I was extremely close to becoming Mormonized. I received
a visit from a couple of door to door Mormon converters, and what they told me sounded nice and glorious. That
is, until they got to the part of the 10% donation or "tithe."
Right now, 35% of my income goes to beer. 45% goes to cigarettes. 15% goes to porn related products (for research
purposes only). That leaves me with 5%. I tried to explain that to my soon-to-be brethren and they did remind me
that I could not smoke or drink alcohol or research any porn stuff. So, I booted their asses out of the door, popped
open a beer, lit a cigarette and checked out Debbie doing Dallas in slo-mo on the DVD player. Their loss, I guess.
Besides, if you pronounce "tithe" wrong, it sounds like "titty". That would probably get me
in some trouble, so have no fear, I ain't no Mormon, nor will I ever be.
If I offend any Mormon's that are reading this, too bad. Shouldn't you be trying to convert some more people instead
of surfing the net for shit like this? Get a life!!!!
Good news for us!! Since there might be a strike in Hollywood that could mean no new movies or television shows
in 2001!!
We have got our crack staff working around the clock developing more movies and television shows. So, next summer,
the blockbuster movie could very well be "Weirdcrap.go.cc: The Movie". We might just film a lot of shit
back to back and release the Weirdcrap movie in 20 different part. Then, we could also do the television spin off
and obligatory Saturday morning cartoon. We are not worried about over exposure; we are willing to take any exposure
we can receive.
Think about it: Memorial day next year, you can either sit at home and watch "Frasier" reruns, or you
can go to your local multiplex and choose between "Weirdcrap.go.cc: The Movie" or "Weirdcrap.go.cc:
The Movie, Part II"!!! What a deal!!
And, we definitely won't hire any overpaid Hollywood "actor". We'll use real people. And we'll all be
scabs and never get jobs in Hollywood. We'll show those bastards, that's for sure. I wonder if Deborah Foreman
would cross the picket line??
I want to take a moment to congratulate Bob and his girlfriend Anita on her pregnancy. As long as your wife doesn't
find out, Bob, everything should work out great. Again, congratulations!!!
COMING NEXT: I receive
an email from Bob's wife asking me who is Anita and did Bob really get her pregnant?, and I post it for everyone
to read for some cheap laughs!!!!!
By "Stephen Johnson"
I went to a Mormonian meeting this past Wednesday. Those people are not as bad
as I thought and are quite nice. Nah, just fucking with you.
For some reason, I can't seem to not make fun of the Mormon's, and I don't know why. Maybe I have a sickness or
something. But, I think of Deborah Foreman (in a CLEAN manner, you perverts) and everything is okay. Maybe she
is Mormon. But that's okay, cause she's Deborah Foreman.
I made a new friend recently. Her name is Fiona. She's got a friend named Tori. They seem really nice. My mommy
likes it when I find nice, new friends. She is going to be really proud of me.
The new television season starts soon, yet I find nothing more interesting than TV Land. I think I am getting old
and soon I will be listening to Celine Dion and thinking she is really talented. This might be due to the fact
that I haven't had any alcohol for some time. I can either buy alcohol with reduced alcohol content, go to a state
run liquor store that sells "real" alcohol or I can buy a membership and join a "club" here
in Utah. They are trying to make me work to buy my alcohol and it just isn't fair. Pity me, dammit.
And, yes, I did get a reply from Bob's wife about what I wrote last Wednesday. And I am now going to share what
she wrote and my reply!!!
"Stephen,
I don't know what your problem is. My Bob is not having an affair with anyone and he hasn't gotten anybody pregnant.
Thanks a lot for writing that he did and causing my parents so much grief. You are a pathetic loser and I hope
your penis gets cut off in a farming accident. You are an evil shit head and you deserve to die. Leave me and Bob
alone.
Thinking of you always,
Kim"
My reply:
"Kim,
Oh, go fuck yourself.
Hugs and kisses,
Jon"
I think she needs to develop a sense of humor or something. Amazing what she wrote. I am shocked that she wrote
the word "penis". Hopefully, Bob edits out the word "penis" cause I don't really think our
site will be listed as a family friendly site if we have the word "penis" somewhere in the site. "Penis"
is not a family friendly word. Even though you need a "penis" to start a family.
I am now going to watch "The Dick Van Dyke" show on TV Land. At least they don't mention the word "penis"
on that show.
COMING NEXT: I promise
not to ramble on about meaningless subjects that
no one but me really cares about.