Something happened within the last few days that shocked and sickened me. Usually
I do not get easily repulsed, but as you read this, you will find out why I am in the state I currently am in.
I was watching quality television programming--I do not remember if it was Teletubbies
or Australian Rules Football--but I can guarantee that it was QUALITY television.
The program broke for commercial, and the first commercial showed a man dressed
in white shorts runnung through the sand, in what looked to be a desert somewhere. So, he runs and runs and then
we see a human pyramid consisting of five men, all dressed in white shorts. Back we go to the
running man and he finally reaches the pyramid and hops on top. They hold their position for a moment, then pyramid
crumbles and all the men fall to the ground GIGGLING.
As I watch these men GIGGLING like little school girls, I am trying to figure
what this ad is trying to sell.
Are they selling a new men's cologne? NO!
Is it for a new dot-com company? NO!
Is it for a new kids cereal? NO!
IT IS FOR TAMPONS OR PADS OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THEM!!!!!
What in the fuck did that commercial have to do with a feminine hygiene product?
I am confused to this day.
It is not only that commercial. There's the one that takes place during half-time
of a football game and it shows cheerleaders squatting, jumping, doing cartwheels, etc., and we are told that Tampex
was there!!!! Thank for the info. God forbid if they weren't there.
I can remember that classy old commercial regarding feminine hygiene. It showed
a mother and daughter walking on the beach, and the daughter turns to her mom and asks her a simple question. I
have written the dialogue from that commercial below, as I remember it.
Daughter: "Mom,
last night Jimmy told me that I smell down there." (Daughter points towards her crotch)
Mom: (Let's out a tiny laugh) "Jimmy
is a fine boy. You are doing well by marrying him. But, you know, your father told me the same exact thing last
month."
Daughter: ( Gasps) "What did
you do, mom?"
Mom: (Smiling) "I used a Massengill
disposable douche. I have never felt so fresh and alive!"
Daughter: (Smiling) "Thanks,
mom! Now I am to feel and smell fresh for Jimmy!"
(Mom and daughter hug)?
You can see that that commercial was straight and to the point. It made sense.
It made you feel sympathy for the daughter, and you came away knowing that she was going to be better.
Maybe I am not sickened by the guy running through the sand commercial. Maybe
I am confused. But, could someone PLEASE tell me what the hell it means? What does the sand and human pyramid have
to do with tampons???
THEY ARE FUCKING WITH OUR MINDS WITH THAT COMMERCIAL.
Oprah Winfrey is going to be on every
cover of "O" magazine? Is that pompous, or what? How long did it take them to come up with that title?
Poor Regis. Kathie Lee has rubbed
of on him. He also hires children and pays them slave wages to make his clothing line. He has a clothing line?
I know, he didn't hire the children.
Betcha Kathie did since she is the expert in that area.
Matthew Perry is satan. I have no
proof, I just want to go on the record and say so in case it comes true.
David Arquette to be nominated for
an academy award in our lifetime? Yep, and those psychic hotlines are legit.
Dennis Miller is now a part of the
Monday Night Football broadcast team? Hey, it could have been Rush Limbaugh.
Visiting Nebraska has made me so negative. I am sorry if I offend. You should
go to Nebraska and see what happens to you.
By the way, thanks for the email Diane
K. We always try to respond, but our email response kept coming back as
undeliverable. Hopefully, Bob will answer your question below. If he doesn't, it's because he is a prick. -
Gotta go, am in a tornado warning right now.
COMING NEXT: Our top
ten movie picks of all time!!!
Diane K. - The Delightful pictures
on last weeks "I'm Pissed" was borrowed from Greggs Homepage. I suggest you check
out his site, it very funny. - Bob S.
On Thursday, John Rocker is coming
back to New York to pitch. Extra security has been added, and the Mets have built a special barrier over and around
the Atlanta bullpen. All this because of a mentally deficient, mongloidian idiot.
If you ever watch him pitch, take note of his eyes when he is on the mound. Notice
how he blinks a LOT. I have done an extensive study on this, and have discovered that this is a common occurence
in Cro-Magnum man. Also notice the high forehead and the wide set eyes. This too is a feature of Cro-Magnum man.
It will be very interesting in 200 years when his remains are discovered from
some graveyard somewhere, The scientists will dig him up and perform studies on him. Imagine theire surprise when
they discover that a seemingly distinct race was still around million of years after is supposedly died out. It
will be considered a medical marvel. Or something like that.
Oh well, enough about him.
Here is our list on the top 10 movies of all time:
10. "Rainbow Brite
and the Star Stealers"--Probably the best animation EVER. Puts Disney,
Don Bluth, etc. to shame.
9. "Chained Heat 2"--Bridgette Nielsen
as a prison warden. Very realistic depiction of life in prison.
8. "American Anthem"--Cannot get enough
of Mitch Gaylord. We think he is a undiscovered talent. He's pretty good at that gymnastic stuff, too.
7. "Going Ape!"--Tony Danza and orangutans.
A laughed filled movie. I think this was up for an Oscar, or some other award.
6. "C.H.U.D. 2"--Wraps up all those unanswered questions from C.H.U.D.
5. "Gymkata"--Another great movie with
a gymnast. Kurt Thomas brings soul to this movie.
4. "Raise the Titanic!"--Much better and
shorter than that other Titanic movie. And, it gets raised to boot.
3. "Spring Break"--Never seen a movie like
this one. A group of college kids go to Florida to party and get laid. A film way before its time.
2. "Parasite"--Demi Moore's first movie.
And it's in 3D. Nothing beats a 3D movie.
1. That Vanilla Ice movie. We don't have to give you the name, you already know it. Tremedous acting skills. He was
a motocross champion, you know.
And there you have it! Run to your local video store and rent one, if not all,
of these. You will be shocked and surprised at each and every one of them.
As an added bonus, I will now list 2 movies that will put you to sleep, guaranteed:
.
1. "Chariots of Fire"--I fell asleep within the first 15 minutes.
2. "The Conversation"--I have tried to watch this 5 times! I have fallen asleep within the first 15 minutes
every time. Why is this a classic????
Well, thanks for reading and good night.
COMING SOON: Something really special!!!