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I'm Pissed! for 05/29/00 & 06/01/00

05/29/00
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I'm Pissed!

By "John Stevenson"

Note From the Editor:

"JOHN" IS CURRENTLY IN THE HOSPITAL DUE TO A SEVERE CASE OF FOOD POISONING. WE ARE GOING TO POST ONE OF HIS OLDER COLUMNS FOR ANYONE WHO MAY HAVE MISSED IT.

Actually, John has been going through a vigorous exercise program that had the pounds just melting away. The only trouble is, he took so much "Acid" in the 60's that much of the fat content of his body is constructed from the "60's acid molecules." When he started burning off the fat, the acid was released into his system, nearly killing him in a "bad trip."

Back in the day (1937 - 1976), Weirdcrap was not on the Internet; however, we did print a single paper with jokes and commentaries that was displayed by "Central Market's" butcher shop, right next to the pickled pigs feet. The following is an older commentary from that time period....

I am in a little bit of shock. John F Kennedy was shot dead within the last week. I have been in mourning since that fateful day and I will do my best to write something that will hopefully make sense.

I cried at the funeral. When I saw John Jr. saluting, I cried some more and imagined that he would be a war hero like his dad, and he would also probably be a damn fine pilot.

I hope I never have to go through something like that again. The long funeral procession makes the manliest man choke up. I wonder what it would be like if, say, a princess were to die in an unfortunate accident. Would it be as grand and somber as this funeral?

Probably would be a bit more grand since it would be a princess. See? I'm rambling. That would never happen.

I caught a glimpse of Ted Kennedy. He is most definitely presidential material. Can Ted ever do anything wrong? I doubt it. He is the type of man we need as our next president, a man with few, if any faults.

Richard Nixon might be a good one too. Write down those two names, you can't possibly go wrong with them.

Now to try and brighten things up a bit. I heard some people talking about a place called Vietnam. DON'T WORRY!!! This will be a little vacation for a couple of years for our troops. Heck, it might even be looked upon as a vacation for them. If you are in the armed services, go to your commanding officer and request to be sent to Vietnam. You won't be disappointed.

I have also heard something about this group of guys in England who call themselves the Beetles,

Photo and Artwork Courtesy of Gene Fenton "Welcome to my World"

or something like that. Like they will ever make it big!!

I don't know about you, but to me Dick Clark is starting to look a bit old. I think his career is almost over. We'll miss you!!!

Well, that's it for now. I am going to run down to the record shop and pick up Dean Martin's new album.

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I'm Pissed! for 06/01/00

06/01/00
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I'm Pissed!

By "John Stevenson"

This past holiday weekend as I lay in the hospital recovering from shattered knee, I tried to think of ways to get Deborah Foreman back on the big screen.

Remember Deborah Foreman? She was the title character in "Valley Girl",had a small but funny part in "Real Genius", looked really, really good in "Sundown", looked great in "My Chaffeur" and the list goes on.

"Lobsterman from Mars". "April Fools Day". "Waxwork". There are more and every one of these movies were made better because of Deborah Foreman. I would never have watched "Lunatics: A Love Story" if she was not in it.

Most movies to me are boring today. I though really hard about this and came to the conclusion that if she was in more movies, movies would be that much better. Watch any of the movies I listed above and you will agree that she brings an extra spark to the film, no matter how bad the movie might actually be.

So, we have decided to make "Weirdcrap.go.cc: The Movie." The script right now in in the developmental stage, and money might be a slight problem, but we are bound and determined to have Deborah Foreman as an integral part of this motion picture.

Shameless plug on her part: Not only is she a fine actress, but is quite a good artist. Go ahead and visit her website at http://members.aol.com/dforeman84/page/index.htm. Check out her artwork and she also has some hand painted furniture which is very nice. Okay, shameless plug over.

We do not know a plot of the "Weirdcrap" movie yet. We will keep you posted. We can guarantee that it will be action packed. And we will be happy to do any product placement for any company out there.

Now, to what has annoyed me these past few days. I recently went to Border's in order to buy a book, because I have recently been taught how to read. What really pisses me off are these people that sit there all day long and read books and then put them back on the shelves. So, I am not getting a new book, which I am paying about $30.00 for, but I am actually getting a used book which should cost me no more than $5.00. Why should I have to pay full price for a book that has fingerprint smudges on some pages? Are people really that cheap nowadays, and can't buy a damn book??

A Wrigley Field patron is now suing the Dodgers organization because of the fight in the stands last week. This person claims he was not drunk and that one of the Dodger players started to choke him. For some reason, I do not believe this guy was not drunk. Just seeing him on television, he looks like someone who would be drunk, and would develop a cocky attitude after 2 beers (since he is a lightweight), would say something stupid and then be surprised when someone retaliates. I am not a Dodger fan by a long shot, but I have seen drunken Cub fans and I also remember a drunk Harry Carey hanging out of the announcement booth during the seventh inning stretch of every Cubs home game.

I believe the Dodger organization should give this fan a baseball bat instead of the $50,000.00 he is trying to get. This guy could take this baseball bat and do what he does best: drive down the road in his rusty 1974 Ford Maverick and hit mailboxes with the bat. That is something he probably excels at.

And to the fan that fell out of the upper deck of Yankee Stadium last week: I wish you missed the protective netting and hit the concrete face first. That would give you a lesson that you wouldn't soon forget.

He'll probably sue for something, though. He might claim that the alcohol content in the beer was more than he thought it would be and that he drank too much and it caused him to "fall".

Whatever.

Darva is still the same as before.