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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks
by Melissa Paternik
 My poor Ralph has to spend the next 90 days in jail because the stupid judge
thought that it would teach him a lesson.
I went to court to support Ralph, never expecting to lose him for a few months. I was a bit hungover because I
had just got off work and I know the judge sensed this and took out his anger on Ralph.
Ralph put up a good fight, which caused me to cry.
"Look at her, judge," he said when the judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "Just
look at her! Wouldn't you say she was gaining a bit of weight? Honey, go on and show the judge how big your gut
is."
I lifted my shirt and showed the whole courtroom. I must have shocked a few people because I heard some gasps.
The judge ordered me to pull my shirt down and then he proceeded to sentence Ralph to 90 days in jail.
I went home and tried to sleep, but it was no use. I had no idea how I would be able to make our next trailer payment
without Ralph.
When I went to work that evening, I got some great news. A gentleman had seen me vomiting on stage and he wanted
to hire me to vomit on him. I thought it over and took the job when I learned that he would pay me twice what I
made in one night working at the bar.
I was worried that I would be considered a prostitute by doing this, but I did speak with Ralph and he convinced
me that prostitution was a really good job and he had also interviewed quite a few and they seemed to be happy
in their jobs.
I had a really fun time the first night with the gentleman as I vomited on him as his wife watched. They were such
the nice couple and I can't wait to see them again.
NEXT WEEK: I visit Ralph
in prison
Look for a new Chick Shit for Chic Chicks, each and every Wednesday.
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