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07/31/00

Ask Bob!
By "Bob Senitram"

Q: . I wanna live forever. . How?

A: . There's a bunch of theories about living forever. Ponce DeLeon looked for a creek with magic water. Maybe he would have found it if he used a flying rug.

Then there's Tom Robbins. In his book "Jitterbug Perfume" he suggests if you take nice hot bath's and eat plenty of beets, you'll live forever. Well maybe. The books really funny and I would recommend that everyone who can read...read it.

Now for the serious stuff...

First we have to draw the difference between Life Span and Life Expectancy. Life Expectancy is defined as the average amount of time that a species lives. Life Span is the maximum amount of time that a species can live. It's unlikely that increasing an organisms Life Span will happen anytime soon. Some say it'll never happen. I say never say never.

The main theories on the aging process can be summarized into a few categories.

1) . Caloric Restriction - Early research in the 60's focused on the phenomena that organisms appear to live longer if their caloric intake is greatly reduced. I guess this would be ok if you don't mind being hungry for the rest of your life, you might want to consult a model before trying this.

2) . Genetic - Different theories range from telomeric unraveling (chromosome ends unravel) to the break down of the original genetic code.

3) . Free Radicals - (No, this has nothing to do with freeing political prisoners) This term is used to describe the by-products of Super-Oxide, basically an O2 molecule with an extra electron in the wrong orbital, causes all kinds of havoc inside cells. This is the result of respiration (breathing) so it's kind of hard to avoid. This seems to be a favored area of research since Free Radicals can cause damage in the genetic structure of a cell, the cell membranes, protein production , as well as the proteins themselves.

Recently, research studying the effect of Super-Oxide Dismutase (the natural anti-oxidants in most organisms) gave the misleading result that increasing the number of genes that produce Super-Oxide Dismutase will increase the Life Span of an organism. Apparently it had only increased the Life Expectancy of the test group. In other words, more of the test group lived up to, or close to, the normal maximum age (Life Expectancy) for the species tested but none exceeded the Life Span for that Species.

There are other anti-oxidants too, your body doesn't have to make them (which requires extra energy). Vitamin E neutralizes anti-oxidants and pulls them from inside the cell (where they can do damage) and puts them in the cell's outer membrane, while vitamin C can gather the neutralized anti-oxidants from the cell membrane so they can be flushed out of the body. This appears to be a good "combo", to prevent cellular damage so a few E and C supplements would probably do your body good. There are a lot of C and E in fresh fruits and vegetables too.

Although living forever doesn't seem likely any time soon, it appears that the best solution to your question lies in the obvious. Specific nutrients and vitamins help prevent the aging process so a diet with plenty of vegetables and fruit would decrease your caloric intake and provide the necessary nutrients, while exercise increases the over all fitness of the body; therefore, decreasing the environmental stress on the body.

In Summary, do what your momma's been telling you for years...eat right and exercise for goodness sake.

And now you know.

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08/07/00

Ask Bob!
By "Bob Senitram"

Q: . If you have a humidifier and a dehumidifier running in the same room, will time stand still?

A: . You would think so, since humidifers are used in museums to keep art "timeless." With this in mind I figured there must be a connection, so I went to half.com and got a book about Edwin Hawkins. I was really excited when I got the package in the mail because I figured the famous physicist would have all the answers.

It turns out Edwin Hawkins was not the famous physicist I had in mind, he was a member of the famous Hawkins Family Southern Gospel Choir, who sang "Oh happy day," which was famous in the 60's. Disappointed, I decided to contact my "streetwise" informant. Code Name: Bilbo.

I got my overcoat and hat, put the "bold front" on the vintage "Dick Tracy" hat and waited on my front porch for nightfall, when I was to meet my contact. It was a long wait since it was only 2pm and being summer it got hot in that coat, so I got a beer to cool off. Bored, I had another, and another, and another. Den I fibured eyed haf wun more fo good lucks. Two pack of cigaretts later, I passed out.

The next morning I woke up (still on the porch) and vomited. I went in, took a shower, put my hat and coat back on, and waited on the front porch for nightfall.

Children were screaming and crying while thier parents rushed them inside. With a hung over glaze, I looked down toward my bare feet and and noticed my coat was unbuttoned. I also noticed that I should've put on more than just a hat and coat. I went in and got dressed.

That night I met with "Bilbo," a physics professor at the "Local University."

Me: "So what do you know about humidifiers, dehumidifiers and time anomalies?"

Bilbo: "I don't know what your talkin' about," he looked up and held out his hand.

I slipped him twenty dollars.

"I hear humidifiers and dehumidifiers can make your house real comfortable. But how they are related to time? That's a whole different story...." He looked up again and held out his hand.

I gave him another twenty.

He leaned forward and said in a whisper, "The net result is zero. If they are adding and decreasing at the same rate, the net result is zero. But it'll never happen. No manufacturers will make models that will decrease and increase humidity at the exact same rate. It's just too risky."

"Oh, Bob?" he added.

"Yeah."

"You didn't hear it from me."

"What do you mean 'risky?'" I added.

"I said NET RESULT!" His eyes grew wide. "It'll end time, mass, matter...it all goes. Nothing will exist - NET RESULT ZERO!" His voice raised while he clutched my coat with both hands.

"Oh, OK." I said. "We'll thanks for sharing, I'm gonna get me a sandwich," I replied while heading out the alley."

"Moron." I heard him mutter as I walked away.

And now you know.