"Just reading this book I found under your pillow. Why?"
"That is my diary you little twerp!"
"But I was just getting to a good part! The time you went to that school dance and you sat on a slice of pizza and..." Gwen reached for the diary and Dreambrook pulled it out of her reach.
"Give it back!" Dreambrook grinned and ran out of the room...with the diary. He dashed into Gwen's older brother's room. Gwen followed him and noticed her brother was home. "Hi Matt."
"Hey Gwen. Was that your weird little role playing character whose hiding under my bed?"
"Curly brown hair and elf ears?"
"Yup."
"Thanks sib."
"No problem my estranged little sister."
Gwen peered under the bed and dragged Dreambrook out. She snatched her diary from his four fingered hand and dragged her back to her room. "Now leave my stuff alone you shrimp or I'll turn you into tuna. Understand?" Dreambrook frowned.
"Theres nothing to do in your world!" Gwen took out her wallet and gave him twenty bucks. "Go to the mall 'kay? And take Brightfire and Skyfire with you. Their owners are coming over to watch the Xena marathon."
Noora was standing by the door. the travel had been terrible. Brightfire had tried to kill two cats ("But I'm hungry."), a pum, and a car. She just hoped she'd get accustomed to the world soon enough. *maybe Dreambrook could help with that.
**Brightfire! Great, you're here! Gwen gave me twenty dollars for shopping at the mall! I spent it on silly string, eggs and tiolet paper instead. We can cause some trouble when the Xena Marathon starts.** Dreambrook sent. It was rare his human had people over, she was soooo antisocial. This would give him an excellent oppurtunity to have some fun! Brightfire giggled.
**You got anything to eat? I'm hungry.**
"Theres popcorn and pizza. Gwen doesn't let me eat the squirrels.**
**What're popcorn and pizza?**
**I'll show ya. When Skyfire arrives we can get into trouble.**
**Yay!** Noora grabbed Brightfire's arm before the elves could run away. "I'll just check for the last time... aha!"
she pulled a long dagger from her belt. "How many times must I tell you? No big weapons in cities or you'll be in trouble."
"But I feel naked without them! give 'em back!"
Noora sighed. "You can take my Swiss army knife. nothing more."
Brightfire scowled, but took the knife. then she turned to Dreambrook, grinned and showed her the dagger she had nicked, again. **No troubles I can't get myself out of!**
**Her brother's cute.** Brightfire sent. Dreambrook frowned. Everybody who saw him said that. All the girls liked his tan and his vegetarian state and large rippling muscles.
Dreambrook wondered what was wrong with all the female population.
"Stay tuned for the next half of the Xena Marathon!" The announcer on the screen said. The girls stood on the couch and began AYIYIYIYIing. On the last YI, a large waterballon drenched Gwen.
Brightfire giggled. "Good one! She's soaked!" She aimed her own water ballon and drenched Noora. The humans regained their senses and ran toward them. The elves ran off to Gwen's room and locked the door.
Brightfire giggled. "Good one! She's soaked!" She aimed her own water ballon and drenched Noora. The humans regained their senses and ran toward them. The elves ran off to Gwen's room and locked the door. Gwen narrowed her eyes. "We have twenty minutes to fight water ballons with water ballons. To the garage!"
The doorbell rang, and Noora and Gwen ran to the door. Kat stepped inside. "Hey guys! I am too late for Xena?"
"Not hardly!" Gwen said. "But our point-eared friends want to stir up trouble."
"OOOOH! Trouble!" Skyfire ran under Kat's legs and into the house. Quickly she fled down the hallway and knocked loudly on Gwen's bedroom door. "Lemme in! Lemme in! I wanna make trouble!" The door swung open and Skyfire disapeared inside, three elven voices giggling uncontrolably.
Kat shook her head. "Well girls, shall we make trouble for them, too?"
"Hold on. My brother made these horrible vegetarien pies. We can use them for ammo."
"I'll check the fridge." Noora volunteered. She opened the door and whistled. Besides three pies (three pies three elves, conveinent no?) there were six gallons of milk, five loaves of bread and three jars of pickles. "Is your whole family health food freaks or something?" She yelled.
No, but my mom loves pickles, my dad likes different kinds of bread and they both wish they owned a cow for my chugging milk by the gallon habit." Gwen yelled back. She and Kat were drawing up battle plans. Noora rolled her eyes and walked back to the living room. The Xena episode was a not very good repeat so they had a whole hour for war.
Upstairs the elves were making battle plans too. Skyfire was rumaging through Gwen's closet, looking for squirt guns and Brightfire was teaching Dreambrook how to shoot a rubberband.
Skyfire held up a slingshot. "Anybody remember how to use a slingshot from when they were cubs?" Brightfire looked up. "I do! Those things are fun." There was a knock at the door. The three elves rushed to the door.
"Whose there?" Dreambrook yelled.
"Just me. Gwen's brother Matt."
Brightfire narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What do you want?"
"I need to borrow some money. Gwen said if I could get you three to open the door I could get it."
Skyfire sniffed. "Whats that smell?"
"My cologne."
"Hang on. We need to discuss this." Dreambrook yelled. They got in a huddle. "He's cute and smart. He couldn't be a spy." Skyfire said.
"Yeah. We should let him in." Brightfire agreed. Dreambrook frowned and crossed his arms.
"You two just want him in here cuz he's cute right? I know what you two are thinking." The girls giggled.
"Dreambrook is jealous! Dreambrook is jealous!" Skyfire sang.
"I am not!" Dreambrook yelled at her. Brightfire opened the door.
There was an imediate onslaught of pies and the strong smell of cologne. The elves tried to duck behind the bed but were caught in crossfire. Then Kat began handing out the spare water ballons. After a few minutes, a white flag rose from behind the bed. Noora grinned. "Score one for the human race!"
Gwen dragged Dreambrook out from behind the bed by his pointed ear and shook him. "Bad elf! Bad! No cookie"
Kat and Noora looked at her bookcase. 'How to raise elves' by Wendy and Richard Pini, was on the top shelf. While keeping one eye on their elves they opened the book and turned to chapter two. 'If the elf misbehaves OR how to dicipline your elf'
"A firm reprimand will suffice for showing your elf that he/she did wrong. It is important that you show love afterward and do not scold. This only serves to irritate the most peace loving elf."
Noora flipped the page. "Thats IT?"
Kat shrugged. "The Pini's number is one the back cover. We can call them."
The girls nodded. There was nothing else to do.
The telephone rang and Richard Pini shot up. It rang again and he took it off the receiver. "H'llo?"
"Hello! Is this the Pini recidence?"
"Yes."
"Great! I was wondering if you could help us with a problem with our elves. You see we were looking at you book about raising elves and we were wondering if you could tell us how to dicipline our elves."
Wendy Pini sat up. "Richard who is calling at this time of night?"
"Some rookies want to know what to do when their elves lay seige to their house."
"Well couldn't they call back when the sun is up?"
"So now we've captured them so what do we do?" Richard rubbed his eyes and thought fondly of sleep. If only he had known what he was getting into when he got into this Elfquest project. The dogfood bills, Tyleet's melodramas, Redlance reshaping the furniture, Winnowill reshaping the neighbors pets, Strongbow shooting the tires of the car flat. And now some punks calling him in the middle of the night asking for advice on how to raise elves. It was enough to drive a man crazy. Almost without realizing it Richard Pini hung up and went back to sleep.
Kat stuffed Skyfire under her arm. "Stay here this time," she said, shaking her finger at the elf. In a few minutes, however, Kat had released her hold on her, as had Noora and Gwen on Dreambrook and Brightfire. They were busy "ayiyiyiyi"ing whenever Xena did. **Let's make break for it,** Skyfire sent, slinking away. The two other elves followed her silently. **Maybe we can get Matt on our side,** she sent, walking down the hallway with her friends.
**Why bother?** Dreambrook sent. **He's a human, too!**
**Yeah, but brothers looove to annoy sisters,** Brightfire said.
**Don't worry,** Skyfire winked. **He's cute, Dreambrook, but not as cute as you!**
Dreambrook smiled a little. **Okay, we'll go talk to him!**
Brightfire sent so only Skyfire could hear. **Did you really mean that?**
**No,** she sent. **But it's better if my lovemate thinks I did.**
Brightfire laughed in her sending as the elves knocked silently on Matt's door.
The three elves snuck up to Matt's room and knocked. There was a groan and then footsteps. A groggy Matt opened the door. "What do you three want?"
"We wanted to know if you would help us annoy your sister?" Brightfire looked up at him hopefully. She fluttered her eyelashes. Skyfire clucthed his jacket sleeve.
"Pretty please Matty?"
Dreambrook gaped at her. MATTY?!? Matt sighed and invited the elves into his room.
"C'mon in. Gwen said she would give me ten dollars if I helped her and her little friends and let them use my cologne."
"Why did you let them use your cologne?" Skyfire asked.
"So they would smell like me and you couldn't tell they were sneaking around outside Gwen's door. So anyway she didn't pay me back so I'm turning traitor." Matt stated. The three elves looked at him. Skyfire and Brightfire were clearly impressed. Dreambrook just looked annoyed.
"Hey girls, Matt, how are we gonna annoy our humans?" Brightfire thought a moment. Then she began searching through her bookbag. Everyone stood looking at her wondering what the hell she was doing. Finally she held up a book labeled 'how to annoy your human. by The Wolfriders'
"This'll have some ideas."
It didn't.
Skyfire scratched her head. They had been looking for a suitable idea for over an hour. "Maybe we should the Wolfriders. Their phone number is on the back cover."
"Maybe..." Brightfire said. then her face lit up. "Hey, Dreambrook, you said you'd got eggs and toilet paper. could we use them? we ran out of water balloons back there."
Unfortunately Matt had something against using eggs. "No you won't. Absolutely no eggs inside. they're a pain to scrape off."
"nyah. spoil-sport." Brightfire made a face to Matt and shrugged. "well let's call the Wolfriders then."
Skyfire ran over to Matt's phone. "Can we use it?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.
Matt shruged. "Whatever."
Skyfire picked it up and punched in the numbers, After several rings, Cutter's voice came over the phone. "Yeah? Who's this?"
"A devoted fan," Skyfire said. "We need to know how to annoy our humans."
"Try letting your wolves sleep in their beds," Cutter suggested.
"No, we mean REALLY annoy," Brightfire said.
"Hold on a sec," Cutter said. "I'll get everyone on the speakerphone."
**Shoot their tires!** came Strongbow's sending.
"Strongbow!" Moonshade said. "You don't need to send over the phone!"
**So?**
"I know! I know!" Rayek piped up. "Steal their loved ones into the future!" A smack sounded. "Ouch!"
"Shaddup, Rayek," Cutter growled. "Anyone else have ideas?"
It was Krim who spoke up next, and her idea was the best so far. "I've got it! Set up traps in their rooms so when they open the door chocolate syrup falls on their head or something! And cover the floor with caramel! And put whipped cream between their covers! And..."
"Woah, Krim!" Pike stopped his lifemate. "You'll give Sust ideas!"
**And make sure to shoot their tires!!!**
"Stick ice cream down their shirts!" Nightfall said suddenly.
"Are you guys sure you want to be mean?" Tyleet's voice asked. "Is it really right to treat humans badly? Just because they're huamns?"
Scouter groaned.
"Any more ideas, guys?" Cutter asked once more. **Shoot, their tires!**
"You said that already Strongbow."
"Reshape their furniture! That always gets 'em!"
"T'hell with that! Reshape their pets! Thats comedy!"
"No, reshapeing the furniture is funnier." While Winnie and Redlance were arguing Dewshine got on Richard's cell phone.
"While their sleeping, cut their hair."
"Dewshine that is so mean! I can't beleive you would think of that! Oh my Gawd!" Tyleet shrieked.
"Play really loud bad music in the middle of the night" came a voice that sounded suspiciously like Shen shen. Leetah's suggestion was to steal and hide the remote to the tv. Savah told them to take all the food in the house and bury it out back. Khavi suggested inviting a bunch of cute guys over and having a party Go-Back style. Treestump suggested they get a life. Clearbrook said to fool around with their hair.
Skyfire listened to all this for about three hours then thanked the group and said adios amigos. Then she turned to the Warriors Against Xena Loving Humans. (WAXLH)"They had some good ideas. We might be able to use some of them."
Matt and Dreambrook looked up from their card game. Brightfire woke up from her nap. She smiled and said: "Lets get busy."
"How about hiding the tv remote control *and* stealing their food and *then* set the syrup trap?" Brightfire suggested. "Or did they have something else good? I only listened to the bit of leaving half-eaten squirrels under their pillows. *that'd* take too much time anyway."
"Aw, darn! I was really looking forward to that one!" Skyfire pouted. "Oh well! We've got lots of other ideas! Let's get to work."
As the three elves nsuck out of Matt's room, Brightfire smiled at him. "You're gonna help us, right?"
He smiled back. "Gwen didn't give my $10! She's gonna pay!"
With that the four of them scurried into the kitchen to scrounge up supplies.
The foursome snuck down to the living when Matt spoke up. "Alright girls, I brought them. Hand over my twenty bucks."
Gwen pulled out her wallet while the elves turned to Matt. "You traitor! You scummy human! We should have known better then to trust you!" Dreambrook yelled. Skyfire and Brightfire just looked hurt.
"What you should have done was not cause trouble in the first place!" Noora stated. Gwen handed her brother a twenty dollar bill.
**We'll pay! Now everyone's to leave squirrels under their pillows and mice in their shoes!** Brightfire sent. she turned to Matt. "Haven't you ever heard a phrase 'never betray an elf if you're planning to have a nice eternity'?" she noticed the others looking at her and shrugged. "well, maybe it's not a good phrase."
By. Hope the elves didn't make to big a mess." Noora glared at Brightfire. Brightfire smiled evily. Turning to Matt she called: "By Matty!"
"We forgive you for betraying us!" Skyfire added.
Kat rolled her eyes. C'mon you two. My brother is picking us up." She looked at Gwen. "Is your brother single?" Gwen shook her head. Skyfire immediatly burst into tears. Dreambrook frowned.
"Your not single either, Skyfire!"
Kat's brother showed up and honked the horn. Gwen took one look at him and melted. "Is he single?" Kat and Noora sighed. "Goodbye Gwen."
"Wait...is he!" While they were saying adios, Matt and Dreambrook hopped in the car with Kat's brother. Matt held up his hand to prevent questions.
"Say nothing... just drive."
"Where?"
"Anywhere but here."
Epilouge-
Matt, Dreambrook and Kat's unamed brother were last seen headed for Las Vegas. Dreambrook ended up undergoing major therapy to get over his distrust of humans.
It took the girls a while, but they eventually noticed that the car and the boys were gone. Skyfire and Brightfire ended up going out with a couple of Go-Backs, while Gwen ended up going out with that cute guy in study hall. Noora and Kat have not said whether they are going out with anyone or not.
Richard Pini had a heart attack when he saw the phone bill his elves had created. Leetah saved his life, but fined him a huge medical bill.
Out of sympathy, Tyleet tried to help pay the phone bill by opening a pychiatric hospital for elves who want to get over their intense distrust of humans. Among her clients are Strongbow, Skywise and Dreambrook.