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orso steven n (sorso@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu) is alleged to have written: : So
let's see postings of excerpts from a transcript of an episode of : *Vorlon
Wheel of Fortune*, with Kosh Naranek in the Pat Sajak role, with :
contestants from different galactic races (e.g., one Minbari, one
Centauri, : and one Narn), and with a suitable personage (Na'Toth? Ivanova?)
in the : Vanna White role . . . Announcer: "...now let's meet our
players! From the Narn Regime, aide to Ambassador G'Kar and party gal
Na'Toth. From the Minbari, a woman with a hole in her cocoon, Delenn. And
representing the Centauri Republic, fun-loving animal in the house, Vir!
And your hosts, Kosh Naranek and Vanna White!" (Yes, the *same* Vanna
White. Deal with it.) Kosh: The Puzzle is before you. Spin the wheel.
PUZZLE: **** ****** ** * ****** [PHRASE]
[$400] Na'Toth: I demand that there is an 'R'! Kosh: Yes. Three. Spin
PUZZLE: ***R *****R ** * **R*** Vanna:
[Free Spin] Na'Toth: My race would be insulted if there were no 'L'! Kosh:
Yes. Efficient. PUZZLE: ***R *****R ** * **RL** Na'Toth: I would like to
buy a vowel. Kosh: They are not for you. Na'Toth: What? This is... Kosh:
Kidding. Relax. Have a jelly baby. Na'Toth:
I would presume that there are 'O's in the puzzle. Delenn: You presume too
much, Na'Toth. Kosh: No. There are many 'O's. PUZZLE: *O*R *O***R ** * *ORLO*
Kosh: Spin.
[BANKRUPT] Delenn spins
[$250] Delenn: Tell me, Kosh, are there any 'T's in the puzzle? Kosh:
Yes. PUZZLE: *O*R *OT**R ** * *ORLO* Delenn: I would like to solve the
puzzle. Kosh: No. Your time has not yet come. Spin, Vir. Delenn: What am
I? A butterfly?
Vir spins
[TRIP] Vir: Um, Ambassador Kosh, sir, is there an, um, 'N'? Kosh:
Perceptive. Tasty. Freshmaker. PUZZLE: *O*R *OT**R ** * *ORLON Vir: I
would like, uh, to solve the puzzle--if that's alright with you, of
course... Kosh: Yes. Vir:
"YOUR MOTHER IS A VORLON" Vanna:
Kosh: Correct. Doughnuts. M'mmmmm. Announcer: Joins us for round two after
this word from "Zima"! <<
>> -- Ed Dravecky III *is* :: When asked the difference between
Writers and dsheldon@netcom.com :: Contributing Writers, MST 3000's Kevin
Murphy Dallas, Texas, USA! :: said, "Contributing Writers have
lives." In article
dsheldon@netcom.com (Ed Dravecky III) writes: > Announcer: "...now
let's meet our players! From the Narn Regime, aide > to Ambassador
G'Kar and party gal Na'Toth. [...chomp...] ROFL! > <<
>> > -- > Ed Dravecky III *is* :: When asked the difference
between Writers and > dsheldon@netcom.com :: Contributing Writers, MST
3000's Kevin Murphy > Dallas, Texas, USA! :: said, "Contributing
Writers have lives." [voiceover: Tech #1] Vorlon Wheel of Fortune
will not be seen tonight. In its place, we present the following Encore
Presentation of "Babylon 5 Week" on Jeopardy. And now please
welcome your host, direct from the Iso-Lab, Mister Garibaldi. Garibaldi:
Hello and welcome back to Babylon 5 week on Jeopardy. Unfortunately
yesterday's champion Ko'Dath will not be with us, as she had rather a
messy accident which my boys are looking into. In her place please welcome
Ms. Na'Toth. Also with us are Susan Ivanova and Kosh Naranek. Mr. Morden,
what will our champion win today? Morden: What do you want? Garibaldi:
Giving me a straight answer would be a start. Ivanova, please select the
first category. Ivanova: I'd like... Na'Toth: I WILL take 'Mean Cuisine'
for $200, AT ONCE! Garibaldi: Er, OK. 'Best when served fresh, this dish
is lethal to Centauri, Humans, and 95% of the species in known space'.
Na'Toth: What is Spoo. Garibaldi: Correct... Say, didn't you look
different 2 seconds ago? Na'Toth: [glances away] No, of course not. Why do
you say that? Garibaldi: I'm head of security. It's my job to notice these
things. Anyway, select again.... [pause] Na'Toth? [Camera pans to show
empty podium] Wow, they sure don't last long, do they? Ivanova: As I was
saying before the "late" Ms. Na'Toth interrupted me, I'd like
'Superior Creatures' for $600. Garibaldi: 'They walk near Sigma 957, and
they must walk there alone.' [long silence] Garibaldi: No, well I don't
know either. Kosh, it's your turn to choose. Ivanova: What? Look, this
isn't fair, I'm Russian. Garibaldi, you're a DEAD MAN! [Before she can
continue, everything shimmers and there is a short hairy creature standing
at Na'Toth's podium] Newcomer: Excuse please, much hurry. I Zathras. Want
money. NEED money. Great debts. Terrible debts. Zathras no can pay
electric company. A Great Darkness, Zathras' home. Need much cash. This
show, Biggest of all Jackpots, I need. Needing, I play. Playing, I win.
There is no more to telling. Garibaldi: You're testing my patience. Now
pick a category before I decide to flunk out and break your scrawny little
neck. Zathras: Oh, [click click click]. Zathras take 'Potpourri', for
dollars 800. Garibaldi: 'It is the only element of the set of positve
integers which cannot be classified as being either prime or composite.'
Zathras: Oh, smeg. Mathematics not Zathras' skill. [clickclickclick] What
is..., um Garibaldi: Zathras? [There is a flash of light, and a humanoid
in a space suit appears across the studio] Zathras: THE ONE! Garibaldi:
Correct. Ambassador Kosh, it's your turn. Kosh: [Sounds of: Cowbell,
bowling ball falling on cuckoo clock, one hand clapping, moose call] We
take no interest [Sounds of: nails on chalkboard, fire alarm, Sousaphone]
in the trivia of others. Garibaldi: Ambassador, I don't want to, but if I
have to I'll hold a match up to your encounter suit and blow your
methane-breathing ass right back to Green 2. Kosh: [Judas Priest music
played backwards] Very Well. "Current Events". Ivanova: Did I
mention that I'm Russian? Garibaldi: [ignoring her] For $1000, 'This
prominent EarthForce official was recently assassinated'. Kosh: ['Gilligan's
Island' theme] Who is [marbles in a blender] Garibaldi. Garibaldi: What?
No, of course not. The correct answer is 'Luis Santiago'. Kosh: [Police
siren. Belch. Canary] You have ... Forgotten Something. [Garibaldi looks
up in time to see an anvil contact his skull at 20 m/s] Kosh: [Squirrel
chattering] Now That's ... Comedy. [Roll credits. Voiceover: Lennier]
Runners-up will receive a year's supply of Triluminary-brand Spray String,
imported from Minbar. Have hours of fun at parties, while fulfilling
Valen's prophecies of rebirth. That's Triluminary-brand Spray String, in
the pointy container. END Back
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