Confucious Jokes!

Confucious was a great philosopher and I dont want to do the poor guy an injustice, but his works are too easily made fun of. Here is a page with his real works translated.

Confucious say: "Man who stand on toilet, is high on pot!".
Comment: Think about that. Hehehe.
Confucious say: "Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand."
Comment: Roflmao, I hope he really didnt say these things... What an old perv...
Confucious say "Man who walks through metal detector at airport sideways, is going to bangkok."
Confucious say:"Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
Confucious say:"He who throw dirt is losing ground."
Confucious say:"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there."
Confucious say:"Man who run behind car get exhausted."
Confucious say:"Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face."
Confucious say:"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
Confucious say:"Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
Confucious say:"Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert."
Confucious say:"A closed mouth gathers no foot."
Confucious say:"Arguing with Bob Cutler is like spitting into wind. "
Confucious say:"Crowded elevator smells different to a midget. "
Confucious say:"Man who go to bed eating crackers, wake up feeling crummy. "
Confucious say:"Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. "
Confucious say:"Man who fart in church sit in own pew. "
Confucious say:"Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! "
Confucious say:"Man who fly plane upside down have crackup "
Confucious say:"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. "
Confucious say:"Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! "
Confucious say:"Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. "
Confucious say:"He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. "
Confucious say:"He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons. "
Confucious say:"He who eats many prunes, gets run for his money! "