***

"Don’t annoy the Elders, don’t annoy the Elders" muttered Seamus Z Harper, ships engineer and self – proclaimed genius. And according to Beka ‘a horny little freak’. So what if one of the Elders had a really hot daughter. He wasn’t planning on pissing off Dylan any time soon. And annoying the council of Elders from Dorienne Prime on their way back from a religious retreat would definitely piss off Dylan. Of course Beka didn’t believe he could control his urge to drool over anything vaguely female but he was determined to prove her wrong. Currently he was hiding in engineering, well away from the guest quarters. He’d just started to dismantle a faulty conduit in a secondary atmospheric engine tube when he heard a sound.

"Hi, who’s there? Beka if that’s you then you are wasting your time. I can behave. I’m not going anywhere near Father Elbrom’s daughter. OK?" The girlish giggle that followed definitely didn’t belong to Beka. "Uh, who’s there?" Please, please don’t be who I think you are. He sat up, bent over slightly because of the cramped conditions in the tube and saw, who else? The Honourable Allana Ellette Morgana Elbrom, aka: Hot Babe.

When she’d come aboard she’d been wearing a robe that covered her loosely from neck to ankle. Now she was crawling towards him in just a very small and transparent chemise. Oh crap.

"Ah um, hello there.... Miss. You shouldn’t really be down here. Are you lost?" He asked with small hope that the answer would be yes. She’d reached his feet and showed no sign of stopping so Harper tried to shuffle backwards. Allana grabbed his leg and slid up, over him until she was sitting on him: one leg on either side.

"You’ve been hiding from me," she said, running a finger around the neck of his T-shirt. "It took me forever to find you."

"Not hiding. I’ve been busy."

"You’ve been hiding. I saw how you looked at me when I came on board. You’ve been warned off me, haven’t you? Was it ‘Beka’? Is she the blonde one?

"Um yes Beka is the blonde one and no she didn’t have to warn me off you: I already know trouble when I see it." Harper was praying she wouldn’t notice what was happening where she was sitting.

She wriggled and smiled, "Trouble. Yes, that probably describes me quite well. I think you want to get ‘into trouble’ don’t you Seamus?" She leaned over and kissed his neck just below the dataport.

Harper’s resolve was fading fast but he made a last attempt to save himself. "I really don’t do this much, you know. All my old girlfriends said I sucked in bed. And I have this rash. And you’re probably underage, I don’t want a criminal record."

"I’m eighteen, you’re not in a bed and there’s no way you have a rash or that...." she ground her hips against him, "Wouldn’t be happening. Harper groaned as she reached down and unfastened his pants. "Hmm, lovely" she said and kissed him full on the mouth.

Harper immediately lost any sense of right and wrong. For about fifteen minutes anyway.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dylan was looking for Harper. He wanted to make sure the atmospheric engines were running at top efficiency. They were going to do a fly – by above the capital city on Dorienne Prime and that meant entering the atmosphere; something Andromeda hadn’t done since before they’d got stuck in the black hole. He wandered about Harper’s workshop before starting out for the engine rooms. He thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to see, it was gone.

He finally found Harper in the secondary engine room. He was leaning against one of the tubes and he looked a little weak at the knees.

"Are you OK Harper?" he asked. There had been a lot of work for the young man to do and Dylan knew he wasn’t as physically strong as most.

Harper jumped at the sound of Dylan’s voice and turned to a pile of tools stacked at the entrance to the tube, "I’m fine, I just have this tube to check and then I’m done for the night."

"How are the engines doing?"

"They’re fine. There shouldn’t be a problem tomorrow at the fly – by.

"Good. There’s some things Beka wants to get downside. Are you going with her or are you staying for the ceremony?"

"Oh I’m going with Beka" Harper said quickly.

"Fine, I’ll leave you to it then."

Harper nodded and climbed into one of the tubes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

The next morning Harper left early with Beka. Since he’d previously declined going on Beka’s shopping trip she was suspicious. "C’mon Harper, I know something’s up. You don’t normally jump at the chance to spend the day arguing about the price of wall panels and air – filters."

"Maybe I just needed a change?"

Beka’s eyes narrowed, "Or maybe you need to avoid someone at the ceremony. You couldn’t help yourself could you?"

"Why do you just naturally jump to the worst conclusion Beka."

"Because in your case it’s usually justified. You did, didn’t you?" Harper slumped back in his seat and declined to answer. Beka shook her head and sighed, "For a smart guy you can be remarkably stupid."

For the next few hours they trailed around the commercil sector. The fly – by of the Andromeda was sheduled for midday. Harper felt a bit itchy about not being there in case of some unforseen flaw in the engines, but it all went off without a hitch. They were on their way through the spaceport to the Maru when Harper felt a tug at his arm.

"Hiding from me again Seamus?" Allana breathed into his ear. Beka strode on ahead unaware of what was happening behind her as Allana pulled Harper into a storage area.

"What the Hell do you think you are doing?" yelled Harper.

"I am squeezing what little fun I can get out of my life before they shut me up in some damn convent for the rest of my life" she said, pullin off his shirt. Harper started pulling back and she started to giggle.

Harper tried not to smile but the laughter was infectious. "If you don’t want to become a nun or a priestess or something why don’t you tell them?"he asked.

She sighed, "They already know. My father thinks that I’m bound to cause some scandal if I’m allowed to run around loose. People call this place a theocracy but it’s not: it’s a genentocracy and all the old geezers that run this place don’t like young, attractive women that they can’t control. So we get married off or sent to ‘religous retreats’."

"I’m sorry, I didn’t know."

She leaned into him, "No way for you to know. Now do you want to get ‘into trouble’ again?"

Harper considered for a moment. Alright, half a moment before grinning and pushing her up against a low table in the corner of the room. "What are you doing here anyway?" he said while he tried to unfasten the bulky robe which covered her body.

"Father is meeting a trade delegation in the conference rooms in the next building. I saw that clunky ship that was on the Andromeda and assumed you’d be around here somewhere. Ooooh" Harper had got the robe off and was making quick work of the rest of her clothes. There wasn’t much conversation after that.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harper was resting his head on Allana’s chest, trying to catch his breath when the door swung open. Aware that half leaning on a naked girl with his pants around his ankles wasn’t the best impression to make, he pulled them up before turning around. The old woman in the doorway looked at them, began to scream and ran away at high volume.

"Seamus you have to go: that was the wife of one of Father’s aides. As soon as he hears about this your life won’t be worth a grain of sand. He has great powers you know. Quick, run and stay out of range. Now" she shoved him, "I’ll be alright: he can’t send me to a convent twice." Harper stumbled out of the shed and ran..

"You have dishonored my family name!" Harper heard the voice of Father Elbrom screaming after him as he sprinted back to the Maru, "For this you will bear the curse of a hundred wounds!"

"Yeah, that and five credits will get you a Sparky cola," Harper said under his breath as he reached the airlock. He yelped, as the doors almost slammed shut on him. "Hey Beka, watch what you’re doing. You nearly chopped me in half."

"I was trying to leave you outside" she said with a scowl, "I wanted to know what they were going to do with you. How could you be so irresponsible Harper?"

"Hey don’t look at me. She grabbed me: I couldn’t get away."

"And I bet you tried real hard?"

"Well, something was real hard that’s for sure" he said with a snicker. Beka lobbed and empty Sparky can at his head. "Ow!" Harper raised his hand to his head, it stung.

Beka shook her head, "Only you could be hurt by a Sparky can. There must have been a sharp edge."

Harper grumbled and went to look for some alcohol wipes: the last thing he needed was another infection. The med kit was wedged into a cabinet at the back of the Maru, wedged pretty tightly. Until, that is, Harper yanked at it and it sprang loose and scraped his knuckles.

"Crap!" Harper looked down at the blood welling up from the damaged flesh.

For this you will suffer the curse of a hundred wounds

"Oh crap. Again" He dressed the cuts and wandered back to the bridge. "Beka do you believe in curses?"

"Oh, I could hear you cursing. What was all that about anyway?" Beka’s attention was on piloting the ship out of the atmosphere.

"Not curses as in swearing. Curses as in ‘I curse you with bad things’ curses."

Beka turned and looked at him with one eyebrow raised, "Curses? Harper what are you talking about?"

"Well as I was outrunning the lynch mob Elderdude yelled out something about the curse of a hundred wounds. And I just got wounded twice in five minutes." Harper showed her the scratches on the back of his hand.

"Oh yeah" she said, "Real impressive wounds! What do they do if you really offend them? Give you hives?"

"Harper, you’re being dumb. There’s no such thing as curses. Although I can’t think of a more worthy candidate for one."

"Thanks so much Beka; remind me not to be sympathetic next time you do something stupid"

"I don’t do stupid things….much, and when I do I have Trance for sympathy so I can’t really see a down side to pointing out your idiocy right now. Sit down and shut up will you: I’m trying to fly here."

Harper sighed and sat down. "Agh!" he’d sat on the replacement water gauge for the coolant tanks. That’s going to leave a mark. Do bruises count as wounds?

The rest of the journey back to the Andromeda was uneventful: mostly because Harper didn’t move and didn’t try to annoy Beka. He’d never realised how hard it was to behave. Probably because he’d never tried to before.

Dylan was waiting for them when they got back. "Would you care to explain the message I got half an hour ago from Father Elbrom Mr Harper?"

"Uh, I guess that would depend on what the message said" Harper didn’t like the look on Dylan’s face. Dylan had been transferring the delegation in the hopes that their world would sign on with the new Commonwealth. A plan probably pretty much scuppered by the actions of the ship’s engineer.

"The message says that you seduced an Elder’s daughter, a young woman of virtue, destined to be a temple priestess." Dylan’s face was black with suppressed fury.

"No way. I mean there was some seduction but I was on the receiving end Dylan. That ‘woman of virtue’ thing was way off." Harper was a little shocked at the Elder’s misrepresentation of his behaviour. She would have told them it wasn’t all me. Wouldn’t she? "And while we’re on the subject of the Elder: the guy cursed me!"

"I’m going to do a lot more than curse, Mr Harper."

Harper sighed, "Not that sort of curse. The sort of curse that does stuff to you."

"If it involves you getting kicked down three decks to the brig by Tyr I’m right with the man." Harper could tell that this wasn’t the moment to try to tell his side of the story.

"The brig?"

Dylan scowled again, "You’re confined to quarters until further notice. The brig may be an option if you do anything other than eat, sleep and breathe in there until I say so."

"OK, I’m going. Right now. Bye. Oww!" Harper rubbed his barked shin. Where the hell did that toolbox come from? That’s number four: only ninety-six to go. He opened his mouth to mention the curse again but changed his mind at the look on Dylan’s face and made a hasty exit.

On the way to his quarters he tripped on his shoelace and scratched his hand as he fell, walked into a Maria bot which poked him in the eye with a piece of diagnostic equipment and caught his wrist on a sharp piece of metal at the side of his door. Harper sucked the wound on his wrist. "Andromeda, would you tell Trance that I’m confined to my quarters and I’ve hurt myself."

"No" said the hologram from the table behind him.

"C’mon, I need medical attention" he waved his hand at her. "Dylan won’t be happy if I die of blood poisoning."

"I don’t know, it would save him the trouble."

"Andromeda..."

"Oh alright I’ll send Trance down."

Harper sat down carefully to wait. When nothing happened he flopped down, only to feel a searing pain across the back of his neck. He’d left a flimsy on the bed this morning and now he had a paper cut. This is just getting ridiculous he thought as he heard Trance arrive at the door.

"Come in Trance" he yelled, not trusting himself to stand up without unforeseen circumstances.

"Hi Harper." Trance smiled. Ah, the one person on board who isn’t pissed at me. Harper was happier than he thought he’d be to see her.

"Trance, I’ve been cursed."

Trance’s brow furrowed, "I know you annoyed Dylan but I don’t think he’d really curse you."

"Not by Dylan: by Father Elbrom." Harper showed some of the bruises and scrapes to her, "He said I would suffer the curse of a hundred wounds. I’m down eight already."

"Ooh, nasty. I’ve got some antiseptic."

"Thanks Trance" Harper winced as she tended to his cuts, "Any idea how to get rid of the curse?"

"Well a hundred wounds isn’t very many, and you did deserve it. If they’re all this harmless you should just grin and bear it."

"Trance! You’re supposed to be on my side."

"Why?"

"Because this isn’t all my fault. Really" he said at Trance’s raised eyebrows, "I really wasn’t the one to start it. I was minding my own business in the engine tubes and she just climbed in and sat on me until I agreed to her demands

"Yuck, Harper. I didn’t want to know that. Anyway, what about on the planet? I’m sure there was plenty of running room."

"Uh, OK. I admit that was a weak moment. But again: I didn’t start it." Harper shrugged and tried to look like the injured party.

"Hmmm" Trance got up, "All finished. Try to be careful I don’t want to have to come rushing down here every half an hour."

"Thanks" Harper grimaced. "I’ll try to sleep it off." Trance smiled and left and Harper got undressed and tried to go to sleep. He must have succeeded at some point because the next thing he heard was Trance yelling at the door. He jumped up to answer her and tripped over some machine parts on the floor. His chin hit the floor and everything went black.

"Harper" Trance’s voice, "Harper, wake up." He was lying on the floor and judging by the headache he must have had really good time last night, or a really bad one. Suddenly he remembered the curse and groaned.

"Ninety-one" he said and opened his eyes.

"What?" Trance sounded puzzled.

"I’ve got ninety-one more wounds to go"

"Oh" Trance looked down at Harper, "I think I might be able to help. That’s why I was at your door."

Harper sat up and grinned, "Ah Trance I knew you’d come through for me. So what do we do?"

"Well, you could apologise"

"Something tells me the Elders aren’t the type to forgive and forget."

"OK, plan ‘B’" she held up a wicked looking needle, "I give you the ninety-one wounds now."

"OWW!"

"Ninety"

"Hey Trance, stOWW!"

"Eighty-nine"

"That hurt. Oww"

"Eighty-eight"

"You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? Oww!"

"Yes, Eighty-eight"

"Hey you already said EigOWW!"

Trance smiled sweetly, "Eighty eight. You are going to behave yourself from now on, aren’t you?"

"OWWW! Yes, OK, OK!"

"Eighty-seven"

"OWW"

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