From the Meditation Book of
Master Qui-Gon Jinn
By Moriah Organa
Category: Alternate Universe
Rating: G
Author's Note: I don't use betas, so
all mistakes are mine. I saw the movie
again today and got bit by an angst
bunny!
Disclaimers: Characters and setting
belong exclusively to George Lucas,
(aka The Maker). I swear on the Code
I'm *not* making any money off of this.
The Council convened in a domed chamber high in
the palace forming their usual circle perched rather
uncomfortably on unfamiliar chairs. The three of us
made our bows. Ani apprehensive, still stinging
from his rejection. Obi-Wan constrained, resisting
the destiny the Force has handed him. And I - I no
longer understand the Council. All our previous disagreements are insignificant
compared to
this, matters of interpretation mine against theirs. This is different,
they've deliberately closed
their minds to the will of the Force. It makes no sense to me, I just can't
understand it. I feel as
if I'm facing strangers not my old friends and teachers.
Ani told his story first. This time I managed to maintain a calm front,
barely. Obi-Wan, beside
me, was well aware of my struggle and it seemed to amuse him no end. He
and little Padme,
(Her Majesty Queen Amidala I should say!) are both getting a great deal
of innocent pleasure
from my consternation. I suppose it serves me right, I've teased them both
often enough.
Ani answered the Councillors' questions as best he could. No he hadn't
known the reactor
was there; he hadn't chosen to fly into the hanger it'd just happened;
he didn't know *why*
he'd fired his torpedoes at no apparent target, it'd just seemed like
the thing to do; he'd been real lucky he guessed. I could see the Masters
of the Council were
shaken, enough to reconsider their decision about his training I hoped.
Finally Anakin was dismissed, remembering just in time to bow before scampering
for the
door. I saw one of the Queen's handmaidens waiting outside to collect him
before it closed.
Then it was my turn.
I described my part of the duel with the Sith, felt the Council cloud in
confusion when I got to
my wounding.
"Run through!" Mace Windu repeated, incredulously. "Are you sure?"
"Very sure, Master." I replied a little drily. Remembering all to vividly
the shock, the pain, the
desperate fear for Obi-Wan left to face the Sith alone. "It's not something
I'm likely to be
mistaken about."
I felt my former Padawan tense against his own memory of that moment, his
emotion
echoing through the chamber like the despairing cry he'd uttered at the
time.
"I don't understand," Master Koth said from behind us, "you are obviously unharmed."
I looked at Obi-Wan. He closed his eyes briefly then began with his own
fight alone against
the Sith. Voice steady he told how he'd let grief and rage drive him to
near defeat then of the
moment of enlightenment that'd given him the victory.
The Council was impressed, Yoda pleased, Obi-Wan had more than fulfilled
the promise
he'd seen in him. I doubted they'd take the rest of the story as well.
"I turned to Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan continued quietly, "he was dying, nearly dead."
I caught the almost tremor in his voice put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
He looked up
at me.
"I didn't want to loose you but that wasn't why I did it." he said, directing
his words to me
instead of the Council. "I had a feeling, a presentiment, I knew if you
died it would be the ruin
of us all, especially Anakin.
It was my turn to be shaken. Obi-Wan was implying that I personally am
vital to the Chosen
One's destiny, that I'm more than just a convenient instrument of the Force,
somehow the
future depends on *me*.
It's a frightening thought. I don't want to believe it, yet - how can't I after what's happened?
"I know it was insane, presumptuous, to even try to heal such an injury,"
Obi-Wan continued
to the Council, shaking his head in bewilderment at his own actions, "I
don't know what I
expected to happen...." trailed off helplessly.
"You're saying you *healed* a mortal wound?" Mace asked incredulously.
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan all but whispered, eyes on the colored marbles of
the floor. He was
begining to tremble again. I squeezed his shoulder comfortingly, finished
for him.
"Complete regeneration, no scarring, no sign I was ever wounded and as
near as I can tell
almost instantaneous. We were both unconscious for several hours afterward
but there've
been no other after effects." I took a breath. "I can only interpret it
as
a direct intervention by the Force."
"No other explanation can you find?" Yoda piped up suddenly, "strong in
the Force is young
Obi-Wan and devoted to his Master -"
"No!" my Padawan broke in, speaking out of turn for the first time in my
experience of him. "It
wasn't *me*, Master Yoda, I wasn't in control."
I suspect that bothers him most of all. Control is important to Obi-Wan,
his weakness, as a
reluctance to accept responsibility is mine.
"Obi-Wan has a gift for healing," Master Koth put in, "but what Qui-Gon
describes is beyond
the power of any Jedi."
"Any ordinary Jedi." Depa Billapa disagreed softly.
"It wasn't me!" Obi-Wan repeated desperately, close to panic. His fear
battered against my
mind and the Councillors'.
"We are not trying to frighten you, young one." Ki-Adi Mundi said gently.
"Calm yourself, Obi-Wan," Mace counselled, "there is no Emotion only Peace."
"Relax." I told him in a voice pitched for his ears alone, was rewarded
with a glimmer of a
smile.
"Don't overdo it this time." he murmured. He breathed, regained his equilibrium
with
impressive speed. I was proud of him.
"With respect, my Master," he said, directly to Yoda, "my feelings tell
me it was the Force
Itself working *through* me that saved Master Qui-Gon, it is Its will he
train the Chosen One."
"Young Skywalker's future is a seperate matter -" Mace began.
"No, Master, it is not." Obi-Wan interupted respectfully but firmly. "the
three of us are linked, I
feel it."
So do I. I can see the begining of the path we are to follow but the end
is uncertain, as all
ends are. The future is always in motion, shaped and reshaped by actions
in the present. I do
what I must in the now and trust to the Force for the result. We are, all
three of us,
instruments of the Force It will guide us.
"I will train Anakin." I told the Council, "I would prefer to do so with
your consent and
support." I left the inevitable alternative unsaid.
Mace passed a hand over his eyes. "We must discuss this. Obi-Wan you may
go, Master
Qui-Gon will remain."
Obi-Wan bowed, gave me a look of firm complicity and support, left.
Contrary to what many in the Order think I don't enjoy pitting myself alone
against the
Council, it felt good to have somebody on my side for a change.
'Discuss' was something of a misnomer. Consternation and incredulity surged
around the
circle as they debated. I stood silent in the center of the storm waiting
for a consensus to
form. It's hard to question a miracle, especially with the proof standing
right in front of you.
Yoda continued to argue Obi-Wan himself was responsible for my healing
but not even
Yaddle agreed with him. The age of miracles has indeed returned.
"Master Qui-Gon!" he said suddenly, "nothing to say have you?"
"I accept what Obi-Wan has told me." I replied, "he knows what he experienced."
couldn't
resist adding, "If the midi-clorions can concieve a child why can't they
also heal a wounded
man?"
"If! if!" Yoda fumed.
"Qui-Gon is right." Mace declared, (the first time I've heard him say that!)
"It would be
irresponsible to disregard young Obi-Wan's testimony."
"Including his presentiment about the boy." Ki-Adi agreed.
I held my breath.
Mace looked around the circle taking a silent census of the Council's opinion,
nodded, "Very
well, Qui-Gon, the Council consents to your taking Anakin Skywalker as
your Padawan
Learner."
I released a long sigh of relief. "And my former Padawan? Is he to face the trials?"
Mace smiled wryly. "Considering what's happened that seems - redundant."
Yoda nodded strenuously. "Proved himself he has, A true Jedi has he become."
I found myself in complete agreement with the Council, it was indeed a day of miracles.
The circle began to break up around me, I started to move from my place
was halted by a
pre-emptory command from Yoda.
"Qui-Gon, stay!"
So I remained where I was as the other Councillors filed out leaving us
alone. Yoda climbed
down from his tall chair and limped towards me leaning on his stick, I
knelt down to put myself
on conversational level.
"This boy -" he began.
"He *is* the Chosen One." I was begining to sound like a droid with a stuck vocorder.
Yoda rapped his stick impatiently against the marble floor. "The Chosen
One he may be but I
see much danger in his training!"
"So do I." I said, startling him. Spread my hands, "How can it be otherwise?
He is the
Chosen One he will face great trials, great temptations." ended simply,
"I trust him."
"I do not!" Yoda snapped. Gooseberry green eyes glared into mine and I
read distress as
well as annoyance in them. "Your death this boy will be, Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan's.
Seen it I
have."
I admit that shook me, still does, but it changes nothing. "I must do what
I am called to do." I
replied quietly.
The ancient Master's head drooped. "Knew you would say that I did."
"What else can I say?" I almost pleaded, "what else can I do?" I don't
like being in constant
opposition to Yoda. I wish I weren't such a disappointment to him, but
I can't be what I'm not
even for my old Master.
"Focus you should have!" he replied passionately. "Concentrate on what
you wish to
accomplish, distractions ignore!"
"I wish to accomplish the will of the Force, I have no other purpose."
I said, still sounding like
a broken vocorder.
"Waste your strength chasing will-o-the-wisps you do!"
We looked at each other in mutual frustration. How can two beings speaking
the same
language so completely fail to communicate?
Shaking his head wearily Yoda began the familiar litany of my faults. "Willful
are you!
Reckless! Im-patient!" the ultimate failing as far as Yoda is concerned.
I said nothing. I've long since given up trying to defend myself against
those accusations,
there's to much truth in them.
He came closer putting a small green hand over mine, again I saw the distress
and fear
underlying his irritation. "Slowly move," he almost pleaded, "caution use.
Dangerous is this
boy, dangerous to *you*"
"I will be careful." I promised, knowing full well my idea of caution and
Yoda's have little in
common. I tried to reassure him. "I believe in Anakin and I trust in the
Force. Whatever
happens It's will be done."
Yoda breathed out a long, defeated sigh. "Faith you have always had." he
conceeded, "and
courage." his face crumpled into a weary smile. "And kindness, even to
your cross old
Master."
I ignored protocol and hugged him as I used to when I was a boy, before
our different
interpretations of the Force put us at odds.
I wish I could make him understand, not necessarily agree with, just understand
the path I've
chosen. Some day soon I will try again.
Another of the Queen's handmaidens waylaid me outside the improvised council
chamber. It
was Rabe with orders to take me to her Highness. I needed to talk to Obi-Wan
and Anakin but
a royal invitation is a command. Besides it seemed likely I'd find my two
Padawans already
with the Queen.
I was right. Ani was sitting right next to Amidala, still in her gold beaded
black gown but sans
face paint and with her hair down. Obi-Wan was a few feet away talking
to Eirte and Sabe
the Queen's double. The handmaidens had their hoods pushed back and seemed
to be
enjoying themselves, as did Obi-Wan.
I'd just enough time to notice all this before a middle aged couple in
the colorful Naboo costume
descended upon me and seized a hand apiece, thanking me with tears in their
eyes for saving
their daughter's life and throne.
I shot a quick, desperate look at Obi-Wan. He smirked back, obviously he'd
recieved the same
treatment earlier and was ready to enjoy somebody else's discomfiture.
I never know what to say when people thank me for helping them. 'You're
welcome' seems
somewhat inadequate 'It was my duty' much too cold. I resorted to my usual
tactic, redirection.
"Her Highness saved herself the battle plan was entirely her own." smiled
at Amidala over
their heads. "She is a courageous and resourceful young woman, I have no
doubt she will be
a great queen."
She flushed pink with mingled pleasure and embarrassment. "Mom, Dad, let
Master Jinn sit
down." she ordered. Added rather unecessarily, "My parents Lido and Irulan
Chandir."
"You must be very proud of your daughter." I told them sincerely, taking
a seat.
"Very proud." Irulan agreed. "But we were so frightened for her!"
"All we had was rumours." Lido put in grimly. "That she'd been killed,
or had escaped, or was
being held captive. And no way of knowing which was the truth."
"I was worried about you too." Amidala told him.
Her father shrugged. "We did all right."
"Fortunately the Federation never found out who they were." Obi-Wan murmured
leaning over
the back of my chair.
Very fortunate. They would have made valuable hostages. I felt certain
Amidala would've put
her royal duty above family but was grateful she'd been spared the trial.
"Our worst fears might have come true if you hadn't rescued Amidala from
those terrible
droids." Irulan said earnestly. "We're forever grateful to you Master Jinn
and to Jedi Kenobi."
She put an arm around Anakin, beside her and hugged. "And to this young
man. Without him
you might all still be trapped on Tatooine."
Ani wriggled in happy embarrassment, mumbled, "It wasn't anything."
"You risked your life for Amidala." Lido told him. "that was both brave
and generous."
My new Padawan wriggled some more. "It wasn't like that *really*" he confessed,
"I love
podracing, I was glad to do it."
"That's because you are brave." the young Queen smiled. "I was terrified
for you Ani the
whole race!"
"I was a bit worried myself." I admitted. And recieved a sizzling look
from her Majesty.
"I won because it was important I win," Ani told her seriously, "I mean
to somebody besides
me." he frowned struggling to put his feeling into words. "All those other
races I wanted to
win for *me*. It wasn't until I wanted to win for *you* that I did."
"Very good, Ani," I said gently. "A Jedi uses his powers to serve, never
for his own benefit."
The small face fell. "But I'm not a Jedi."
I smiled. "You will be, the Council has given me permission to train you."
"They *have*? Wow!" my new Padawan whirled gleefully on the Queen. "You
hear that
Padme? I'm gonna be a Jedi Knight after all!"
"Congratulations Ani!" she hugged him.
A sigh of relief escaped Obi-Wan. He'd been prepared to leave the Order
if necessary but
was grateful it wouldn't be. So was I. The Jedi are the only family, the
only home I've ever
known. Dispite my differences with the Council I would hate to lose
that.
"And you," I said quietly, only to him, "are a Knight."
He smiled, but I sensed conflict.
"What about Obi-Wan?" Ani blurted, turning to us. "They said you couldn't
have *two*
apprentices."
"He won't," my former Padawan told my new one. "the Council's made me a
Knight."
"That's great!" Ani beamed.
"You made yourself a Knight." I corrected. "The Council simply recognized
the fact."
Obi-Wan grimaced. "I know I said I was ready but I realize now how much
I still have to learn."
"So do we all." I smiled. "You'll be learning all your life, Obi-Wan, and
the wiser you grow the
more aware you'll be of how little you know."
"I thought a Jedi knew *everything*." Anakin frowned.
Obi-Wan and I shook our heads in unison. "Only the Force knows everything
Ani," I told him.
"and we are guided by it."
"You said I was to trust your judgment." the Queen reminded pointedly.
"And I trusted in the Force." I spread my hands, "It worked didn't it,
'young handmaiden'?"
Which brought to mind another grievance. "You knew all along who I was
didn't you?" She
accused.
I hesitated, realizing I was in trouble however I answered.
"Well I didn't!" Obi-Wan said, rescuing me. "Sabe had me completely fooled."
smiled at the
decoy who smiled back, flattered. "I was sure Master Qui-Gon was wrong."
"Is he *ever* wrong?" Amidala asked exasperated.
"Sixty-four times in the last twelve years." Obi-Wan replied with a glinting,
sidelong look at me.
Had he really been keeping count? "Sixty-four?" I asked.
"A hundred and eleven if I include the times you were half right." he answered
straight faced.
Amidala laughed and after a confused moment Ani joined her.
The rest of the day was taken up by plans for the great Victory parade
in which the Naboo
would express both their gratitude to the Gungan army and seal the new
alliance.
The Queen wanted to include some recognition of Anakin's valor and Obi-Wan
and myself in
the ceremonies. I had to refuse her, citing the Codes against accepting
any kind of reward
from those we help. She is a determined young lady and argued the point
strenuously. Finally
we compromised; she gave up her first intent of awarding us medals and
in return I agreed
the three of us would join her and Chancellor Palpatine in the reviewing
stand.
Jar Jar is not bound by Jedi rules and I readily gave my permission for
him to ride beside
General Ceel at the head of the parade. It was a just recognition of his
role in bringing the two
peoples together.
I took him aside to explain there were no provisions for personal servants
in the Temple and
that I considered his services during our recent adventures sufficient
repayment of the Life
Debt he owed me.
He very much wants to stay on Naboo but he is an honorable being. "Liveplay
*forever*!" he
insisted unhappily, "Meesa your servant always."
I thought fast. "Then I order you to remain here to watch over the Queen.
It's possible she's
still in danger." Jar Jar's eyes widened hopefully as I continued. "You
must send for me at
once if there's any sign of trouble."
He nodded eagerly. "Meesa can do that! Meesa take good care of Padme!"
hesitated, "Quiggon
take good care of Ani?"
I smiled. "I will, I promise."
As evening wore into night I reminded myself my new Padawan was a small
boy, not a young
man who could be trusted to judge his bedtime for himself, and went in
search of Anakin.
I found him with Obi-Wan in in the Queen's antechamber, both absorbed in
a holographic
image of tomorrow's celebrations projected by Artoo Detoo.
"Bedtime, Ani." I said, sounding astonishingly like Shmi. He opened his
mouth to argue and I
raised a warning finger. "A Padawan must obey his Master, instantly and
without question."
Anakin looked to Obi-Wan for help. My former apprentice gave him an rueful
shrug and smile.
"I'm afraid that's right, Ani, even about bedtime."
My new Padawan heaved an enormous, put-upon sigh and snailed his way to
my side.
"I think I'll go to bed too." Obi-Wan continued tactfully, "tomorrow will
be a busy day."
We made our way through marble corridors to the rooms assigned us. Obi-Wan
wished us
both good night outside his own door and I escorted my reluctant Padawan
through his.
It's been a while but I remembered enough about small boys to know if I
really wanted Ani to
go to bed I'd better stand right there until he was safely tucked in.
I was set to turn out the light and leave when he suddenly blurted, "Master,
what did you
mean when you said I was the Chosen One."
I'd hoped he'd missed that. The price of temper. I should never have referred
to the prophecy
in Anakin's presence. He already has problems enough without the knowledge
of his
formidable destiny hanging over him as well.
I sat down on the edge of his bed, groping for the simplest, least threatening
words to explain.
"There is a very ancient prophecy in the Temple records, it says in a time
of great danger the
Force will bring forth a Chosen One to restore the Balance."
Sapphire eyes stared into my own with almost painful intensity. "You think
it's *me*?"
"I'm sure of it." I answered truthfully. "The Force is strong in you Ani,
you are the One."
He swallowed, asked plaintively, with an undertone of panic "But what am
I supposed to
*do*?"
"I don't know exactly." I was forced to admit, continued reassuringly,
"It's not something you
have to worry about now, Ani. When you are a Jedi Knight the Force itself
will tell you what it
wants of you." I smoothed his hair, sending waves of relaxation into the
tense little body. "For
now all you have to do is be a good Padawan and all will be well."
Lulled and reassured his eyes fluttered and closed. I stayed watching him
sleep for some little
time.
Yoda is wrong, Anakin's not dangerous. Someday perhaps but not now. Now
he's just a
young learner needing a teacher, a child needing a father to replace the
mother he's lost. I will
do my best to be what he needs. I can only pray the Force chose wisely
when it picked me
for this task.
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