Duel of the Fakes

By Seven

Category: Humor
Rating: G
Summary: Rewritten dialogue for the "Duel of the Fates."
Disclaimer: George owns it all, and I am simply playing for fun, not money, on his
playground.
 

In the Naboo shuttlebay, the doors open to reveal Darth Maul. He pulls off his hood and stares at the Jedi
and Naboo pilots.

QUI-GON: We'll handle this.

Obi-Wan stares at him.

OBI-WAN: We will?

QUI-GON: Yes.

OBI-WAN: Uh, why?

Qui-Gon sighs, with a long-suffering air.

QUI-GON: Because we're Jedi. It's our JOB.

OBI-WAN: To defeat Sith?

QUI-GON: YES.

OBI-WAN: But why don't we have the Naboo fire their blasters? Then we wouldn't have to take a long time to-

QUI-GON: Padawan, be quiet. Just take out your lightsaber and be ready to fight.

OBI-WAN: Yes, Master.

Qui-Gon takes out his lightsaber and activates it. But Obi-Wan only holds his to his ear and shakes it.

QUI-GON: (despairing) Obi-Wan?

OBI-WAN: Darn it... yes, Master?

QUI-GON: What's wrong with your lightsaber?

OBI-WAN: Um... well, I never really got around to drying it after that incident when we first came to Naboo.

Qui-Gon sighs and switches off his lightsaber.

QUI-GON: (to Maul) Would you mind waiting a few minutes?

MAUL: Not at all, but not more than ten minutes. My lightsaber eats up power quickly.

Obi-Wan sits down and starts wiping the inside of his lightsaber with his discarded robe.

QUI-GON: Obi-Wan will be quick. You'll be quick, won't you?

OBI-WAN: I'll try my best!

A few moments later, Obi-Wan stands up and switches on his lightsaber. It ignites.

OBI-WAN: Good as new.

QUI-GON: FINALLY. Well, let's get on with it!

The two Jedi prepare to do battle with the evil Sith. They start forward.

MAUL: Hold it!

They stop.

QUI-GON: NOW what?

MAUL: You made me wait, you filthy Jedi, and now my lightsaber is dying down.

QUI-GON: Oh, for...

OBI-WAN: Don't panic! I think I have a couple extras in my robe.

He picks up the discarded robe and goes through it, then pulls out a small power source. He tosses it to
Maul, who starts installing it into his lightsaber.

MAUL: You are most kind.

OBI-WAN: Don't mention it. The last time mine ran down, Master Qui-Gon gave me such a lecture that I
haven't dared to leave the Temple without spares.

MAUL: Similar to my master. Only he flogs me for mistakes.

QUI-GON: (rhetorically) What have I done to deserve this? All right, has everyone got a functioning
lightsaber?

OBI-WAN: Yes.

MAUL: Yes.

QUI-GON: Praise be. Now let's get on with it.

They fight.

              The End