Downtime With the Amazons

By Seven

Feedback: I beg thee!
Summary: Everyone's favorite Jedi show up on a planet of Amazons. Some are happy,
some aren't.
Rating: PGish
Time Period: Maybe seven years before
Note: This came from one of another Qui-Gon list's discussions.
 

A soft breeze wafted through the ancient stone building, full of pillars and windows.

Why can't all missions be like this? Qui-Gon wondered as the red-headed woman dropped a
grape into his mouth. Now if Obi-Wan would stop becoming hysterical...

His padawan had been reacting badly to the inhabitants of Azoni, a small and rather
aggressive planet near the Outer Rim. It was a matriarchial society, with the women
ruling-and finding their brother planet Kazir almost offensive in their different lifestyle. Several
Jedi, including Qui-Gon, Yoda, and Obi-Wan had been sent to deal with the situation.

Only there were distractions.

Another grape dropped into his mouth. "Thank you," he murmured, staring up into five lovely
faces.

"You are so much handsomer than any of our men," the blonde purred.

"You don't have to leave soon, do you?" a brunette asked, pouting.

Qui-Gon shrugged. "I don't really know-it depends on the negotiations. Backrub?"

There was a brief tussle among the warrior women, until finally a dark girl wearing a bright
purple unitard won, and began snaking her long arms across his back and neck.

"MASTER!" his padawan's voice called.

The disheveled young man raced into the room, his cloak gone and his shirt half-open. He
stared at the five young women curled around his master, then made flapping motions with
both hands. "Private conversation, girls. Scoot!"

Qui-Gon sighed as the young women reluctantly dispersed. "Now what? I was just getting rid
of that annoying little kink in my spine."

Obi-Wan glanced behind him nervously. "Master, is this really right?"

Qui-Gon leaned back on the cushions and folded his arms. "Rejecting their idea of friendliness
and hospitality could well be seen as rudeness. Remember how sensitive they were
concerning Kazir?"

"Isn't there SOME way to make them go away?"

"You don't like lovely young women around you?"

"I like lovely young women around me," Obi-Wan replied. "It's just... Master, one of them was
wearing chain mail!"

"They just got back from war."

"And she keeps throwing herself on top of me."

"So?"

"ALL over me."

"Oh... you mean physically?"

"YES!"

"And that scares you?"

"No, I can handle that. But she was holding a knife at the time."

"A knife?" Qui-Gon frowned. "If this was one of the younger Azoni, that might explain it. I've
heard that they feel they have to fight men before falling in love with them."

"That's wonderful," Obi-Wan said. "But she's not the ONLY one! I mean, some of these
women are-"

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, holding his hands up. "Please, be friendler with the natives. The
young women are all very interested in you."

"And you too, obviously," Obi-Wan said nervously. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to go into
that corner with Master Gallia and Master Billaba. At least they're acting normal."

"They have nothing to act abnormal about," Qui-Gon said, grinning broadly.

Obi-Wan scowled, turned away, and began to walk off. Qui-Gon pushed himself up from the
cushions and began looking among the Azoni women for five in particular-and started as a
wild yelp echoed through the room.

He frowned. "Obi-Wan?"

The only reply was a fresh chorus of giggles, as a cluster of scantily-clad Azoni women
tumbled around the corner. They all seemed to be tussling for a very rumpled Master Yoda,
who was being carried on their shoulders with an enormous grin on his wrinkled face.

Qui-Gon smiled as Yoda called out, "Now now, no pushing there will be! Enough of me to go
around, there is! Hoo hoo! Tickle that, you cannot!"

Qui-Gon grinned, then sat up attentively as five young women detached from the group and
headed toward him. "More backrub?" the brunette asked silkily.

"Yes, please," Qui-Gon said, reclining on the cushions.

As the Azoni sat down around him, Qui-Gon heard shouts from two angry female
voices-very familiar ones- and a horrified howl. "MASTERRRRRRR..."

Another group of Azoni women, even larger than Yoda's group, sprinted past Qui-Gon.
Balanced on their shoulders was the prone figure of Obi-Wan. Even at this distance, Qui-Gon
could see the terror on his face.

"MASTER, I NEED HEEEEEELLLLPPP...." His voice trailed off as the women vanished onto the
spacious marble patio. The howls diminished, then returned as Obi-Wan shouted, "Ow! No
pinching!"

Qui-Gon sighed and began to get up. Hopefully I can get him to lighten up, he thought.

A hysterical giggle rang out, followed by a chorus of girlish ones. "Master! Help! They have
feathers!"

Qui-Gon couldn't help grinning as he swept off to rescue his apprentice.