Penny From Heaven
“Beautiful morning!” Matthew Farrington exclaimed as he piloted his Beechcraft at a thousand feet. “Isn’t it, Honey?”
“Yes, it’s gorgeous, wonderful sunrise.” said his girlfriend Amber Tyler. “Have you heard anything about the lights seen over Western Washington last night?”
“Yeah, they say it was an old Russian rocket reentering the atmosphere and falling into the Pacific.”
“Into the ocean, huh? Then how come people from Vancouver to Vancouver seen it pass overhead from west to east?”
Matthew laughed. “Beats me! But that’s what all the eyewitnesses reported. People even saw it from high school football games! You know how bright those stadium lights are!”
“Yeah. Uh, LOOK! A parachute! In that wheat field!”
“Yeah, I see it now, I’ll bring her down for a closer look.” Matthew brought the small plane to within a hundred feet of the parachute.
“The man is still there. He’s hurt! Not moving!”
“Probably hasn’t moved since he landed there. Helmet and flight suit. Fighter pilot, maybe.” Matthew called it in on his radio. “Yes, downed pilot in the wheat field, about five, ten miles south of Wilbur a mile east of 21. I’ll give you the GPS coordinates.”
“Copy that, Farrington. That puts you right on Judge Phillips’ farm. We’ll call the judge and send an ambulance.”
Judge Phillips raced to the scene in his pickup truck and parked next to the Beechcraft on the narrow section line road. He ran across his newly planted winter wheat to where Matthew and Amber stood. Amber looked glum. “She’s dead.”
“Dead?” asked Judge Phillips, “You sure?”
“No pulse.” confirmed Matthew. A pair of F-15’s streaked over them at low altitude. “I managed to get the helmet off and check her.”
The judge looked at her face. “How do you know she’s a she?”
“Long blonde hair. No evidence of a beard or of shaving. A softness to the skin. Like a woman. A weird looking woman.”
“Short forehead, large nose, thick curved eyebrows.” observed the judge. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s a Neanderthal.”
“I don’t know about her being a Neanderthal, but look at the weird writing on her flight suit. That don’t look like Russian alphabet.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
Military helicopters approached. One of them, a Chinook, landed, two Apaches hovered above. Fighter jets circled high above. A group of soldiers came over from the Chinook. “Lieutenant Wilson, United States Air Force. This is now classified, you are not to speak of this incident to anyone. We’ll be taking the Neanderthal woman with us.”
“Excuse me, Lieutenant, but you will NOT be taking the body out of here, we have not agreed to any secrecy, an ambulance is on the way, our COUNTY coroner will perform a standard autopsy to determine cause of death and we’ll try to identify her and her home country. If we cannot identify her, we’ll pass the hat to pay for a decent burial. Right now, Lieutenant, you are trespassing on private property and unless you have a warrant of some kind, I invite you to leave!”
“I’m sorry about your winter wheat, you’ll receive a Treasury check for the damage to your crop. Stand aside and let us take the parachute and the woman, and if either of you breathe a word of this to anyone, we’ll arrest you and charge you with disclosing classified information.”
“Such an order is a violation of the First Amendment and because you don’t have a warrant and I’ve clearly asked you to leave, you’re now guilty of criminal trespass, Chapter 9A.52 Revised Code of Washington!”
“Whataryu? Some kind of lawyer? What’s your name?”
“Brian Phillips, JUDGE, Lincoln County Superior Court.”
“Shit!” Lieutenant Wilson let out a loud sigh. “Look, your Honor, you don’t understand what we have here.”
“I understand perfectly,”
“She’s not just foreign, she’s from another,”
“Mmm-mmm.”
“She’s ALIVE!” Some vehicles sped down the road and parked next to the airplane and the truck.
“There’s the ambulance, and I believe that car is from the Lincoln County Daily Record. Let’s see you try to gag them! In my court, I’d rule in their favor. I think the federal court in Spokane would too.” The parachutist sat up, wincing with pain. “How ya doing, child?”
The woman removed her gloves. With her bare hands, she removed the parachute harness. She unzipped portions of her flight suit. She gestured and spoke in a language they did not recognize. “She wants us to help her out of her pressure suit.” said Lieutenant Wilson.
Amber, Matthew, the Lieutenant, and the judge helped pull off her pressure suit. She wore pants and a sweater underneath. She stood up tall on her flexible shoes. “She’s beautiful!” exclaimed Matthew. Six feet tall, very strong muscles, but a very feminine shape to the body, her sweater flattered her figure. “But strong, like the muscle women in those magazines.”
“Doesn’t look like you’ll be needing us.” observed one of the paramedics. The woman went through a routine of stretching exercises.
“Guess not.” confirmed Lieutenant Wilson. “I think she’ll be all right. We’ll take it from here. Don’t worry about being paid for the trip, the Air Force will pick up the tab.”
“Thank you!” An Airman asked him to help with the paperwork for his ambulance company’s compensation.
“Yeah, he would thank you!” exclaimed Matthew. “What about us taxpayers?! Easy being generous with other people’s money!”
“In this instance, uh, Mr.”
“Farrington, Matthew Farrington, of Ritzville, Washington.”
“Mr. Farrington, you’ll understand that in this instance, your tax money is well spent. You noticed that she is muscular.”
“Uh, yeah.” Matthew smiled and Amber slapped him. “Don’t worry, Amber, she’s not gonna take me away from you.”
“Stronger than most of our football players. Look at her face. Short forehead, large brow ridges, big nose, HUGE teeth, round chin. But powerful jaw muscles. She’s a Neanderthal, my friends. A living, breathing Neanderthal.”
“I thought Neanderthals went extinct 30,000 years ago.” remembered Judge Phillips.
“They went extinct on EARTH, 30,000 years ago.” They looked at the Air Force officer, dumbfounded. “Their ancestors were kidnapped from Europe sometime during the Ice Age and transplanted to another planet. For security reasons, they won’t tell us which star their planet orbits. They’re extremely afraid of us and they don’t yet want the public to know about them. I’m begging you, please keep this a secret!”
“Look at the Daily Record reporters.” suggested Judge Phillips. “They stay behind the fence, respecting my property rights, but look at the size of their zoom lenses.”
“They know you’re the judge. But damn those zoom lenses!”
“Lieutenant Wilson,” said the Neanderthal woman, and then she spoke in her language.
Lieutenant Wilson responded in her language. Then he spoke in English. “She’ll come with us, she wants you to know it’s Okay.”
The woman spoke some more. Then she pointed both of her hands to herself. “Penstla Pitsney.” She repeated her name.
“Oh, Pentsla Pitsney. I’m honored to make your acquaintance. Brian Phillips.” He offered his right hand to shake. She shook his hand with both of hers.
“Matthew Farrington.” She gave him the same two handed handshake.
“Amber Tyler.” The two women shook hands.
Pentsla spoke briefly in her language to Lieutenant Wilson. “She says you can call her Penny, Penny from Heaven.” Penny spoke again and the Lieutenant responded in her language, ending with the English phrase “thank you”.
“Thank you, Amber Tyler.” said Penny and she similarly thanked Matthew and Judge Phillips. “I go with Lieutenant Wilson.” she said in English. They carried her parachute and pressure suit into the Chinook helicopter.
“How much of your wheat is damaged, Judge Phillips?” asked the Lieutenant.
“Oh, I’d say, uh, two chains this way, a little more’n a chain that way, about a quarter acre.” A chain is a tenth of a furlong, 22 yards. Ten square chains is an acre, a quick way of estimating acreage.
“You’ll receive a Treasury check in a few weeks for the value of a quarter acre of winter wheat. Please, don’t say anything to the press. Let’s wait until they’re comfortable with ALL of us knowing about ‘em.”
The judge filled out the paperwork for the quarter acre of wheat. Penny Pitsney went into the Chinook helicopter as the engine revved. The Air Force people climbed aboard and the chopper took off, leaving the three civilians alone in the wheat field. As Matthew and Amber climbed into their plane and the judge went into his pickup truck, all they would say to the reporters was “No comment.”
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