Claimer: I own Xandra. If you'd like to borrow her for your fanfics, please ask me.

Author's Note: I'm looking for a Beta Reader - if you're interested please e-mail me: Little_Glitzy@hotmail.com

Chapter 10

Dammit.

That guy was like a drug.

Oh god, Xandra thought, not again. But there was no way around it. She always thought of Zack. It's not like she wanted to. In fact, every time she thought about him or even heard his name, she could literally feel her heart collapse inward and it felt like someone was squeezing it and her stomach simultaneously. What the hell, she thought confusedly, I can't be in love?

Love wasn't in Xandra's Manticore-induced vocabulary. She just didn't get the whole concept of it. Fight. Strength. Pain. All words that she knew. She didn't know love. She didn't know what it felt to be in love. After all, you couldn't truly be in love with someone without really knowing them first, could you? She fought the urge so slap some sense into herself. I'm going completely insane, she thought dejectedly.

It had been at least two weeks since she'd seen him last. She apologized for the fight that she'd started in the parking lot on New Years. He hadn't said much to her. But she was used to not seeing him for weeks at a time. She needed to see him. Dammit, she thought angrily, Zack might as well be a drug.

She had to literally force herself to push the thought from her mind every time that she caught herself thinking of him. But it was
almost the only thing that she did now. Think of how perfect that it might be, the two of them being together. She could almost
perfect the image of what they would look like; his arms around her, her head on his shoulder. Dancing. It wasn't something that she did much. Dammit, she screamed silently. She just caught herself again.

The thing that she feared the most, though, was that maybe it wasn't at all possible to take Zack in moderation. She had the
petrifying feeling that if he were to hold her, to let her know he loved her; that she'd never be able to let him go. It scared her to
death.

That was it. She had to do something to keep him off of her mind.

***

Max paced back and forth in the middle of Logan's apartment. He hadn't been home when she'd shown up, letting herself in as
always. He'd figure it out fast enough when he wheeled himself through the door.

This was actually one of the very few times that she'd been truly nervous. She had come to talk to Logan about why he'd kissed her New Year's Eve. She'd almost convinced herself that the only reason that it had happened was because of that old Pre-Pulse tradition, that Logan had somehow managed to keep alive in his brain long enough to kiss her.

No, she thought, he must feel something for me otherwise he wouldn't have done it at all. Max vigorously shook her head and swung open the door so she could leave.

There was Logan, sitting straight up in his wheelchair, reaching for the brass doorknob. A bag of groceries tumbled from his lap and the contents flew across the wood floor.

"Max." he managed to say that much once he recovered from his shock, as she helped pick up the brown paper bag and its contents.
 

"Logan." She said flatly, staring fiercely up into his eyes, a sly smile on her face.

"Why're ya here?" he asked, seeming particularly interested in why the hell she was in his, what used to be locked, empty
apartment.

"Picked the lock," she said nonchalantly, "you really should get one of those computerized things or something. You won't have
penitentiary escapees ransacking your apartment as much."

"Or beautiful, genetically engineered women." He commented. Max tried to smile at the pathetic attempt at a joke.

"So why'd you really come here?" Logan asked her inquisitively.

"Uh...I, uh." She stammered. "I wanted to know why you kissed me. On New Year's." she said as clearly as she could.

Logan looked genuinely surprised by the question, and started to stutter himself. "Tradition." He managed to choke out. He hoped he
was a good liar. He didn't think that Max wanted to know how he felt about her. Not quite yet.

Logan's not a very skilled liar, Max thought to herself, trying to suppress a grin. It was the kind of answer that she had expected
from him, though.

"Okay. That was all I wanted to know." She said, trying to sound like she didn't care, and not quite succeeding. She threw on her
leather jacket and headed towards the door.

"Wait." Logan said urgently. Max spun around and gave him a questioning look.

"You can stay here. I'm making pasta." He told her persuasively.

"I can boil the water!" Max nearly shouted with false enthusiasm. She headed towards the stove, with Logan following her closely
behind.

***

Xandra tried to pull her rain-soaked hair away from her face. No success. It was pouring, and the blond curtains were plastered to
her head in a slick, shiny mass. She smiled up into the midnight sky. She could actually see the stars tonight.

She was proud of herself. Xandra hadn't thought of Zack for the whole walk around Seattle that she'd taken. It had probably been a
couple of hours, though she couldn't really tell because she never wore a watch. It wasn't like she needed one anyway, because the
only time that she paid attention to the hour of the day was when she needed sleep, and that was rarely.

She'd discovered something new about herself since she'd left, anyway. Dammit, she was in heat. That truly, undeniably sucked. All
the more reason for her to keep her mind off of Zack. She might actually find the will to search for him. All the more reason to avoid
Zack, because who knew how long this would last. Oh god. What if he was near her? If he was any closer than 5 blocks, he could
probably figure it out from there. Damn pheromones.

But what if he caught up to her? What if she did something drastically stupid like throw herself at him? What if...?

No. That couldn't happen. No way. She could only hope that he wouldn't find her. That she could somehow prevent whatever might
happen if he did.

***Meanwhile***

Zack was soaked almost to the bone. He'd been walking almost all night. Thinking. Trying to clear his head. Trying to forget about Xandra.

He'd been surprised when she'd apologized to him. She was usually such a 'I'm not gonna apologize for being myself' type of person.  It was ironic. That was maybe one of this things that he wouldn't have changed at all. Not the kicking, punching, fighting part; the tackling, rolling on the ground part.

Dammit, he was thinking about her again.

He smelled something. Zack wasn't sure what it was, but he could smell it. Instinct forced him to follow the scent.

***

Gentle footsteps padded on the concrete behind Xandra. She spun around, peering into the darkness.

A figure came forward. Tall, dark, muscular.

She almost gasped.

It was Zack.

DamnShitHellFuck. She probably thought that same thing for the following minute and a half.

This was not happening. She couldn't let it.

Oh god. He opened his mouth to say something. Nothing came out.

And then finally, "Xandra..." She'd never heard her name sound quite that way before. Her head was spinning and she could feel someone squeezing her heart.

Maybe this was what caused spontaneous human combustion.

"Zack." She said, trying to keep her voice from wavering. Damn, she always let him get to her like that.

She knew at once how he'd found her, and tried not to let on that she knew. She could tell that he was trying to do the same.

Xandra shivered. It was unusual, she wasn't cold.

Zack brought his face down, a little closer to hers. "I'll walk you..." he didn't quite finish his sentence. He knew that she understood what she was talking about. Xandra nodded. Her apartment was a hell of a lot nicer than his was, anyway. Maybe nothing would happen. She let out a sigh.

---1 hour later---

They hadn't talked much on the walk back. Now they were at the banged-up door to Xandra's apartment.

Zack was looking at her. Not like any other man on the street. He was looking into her eyes. God, he clearly didn't know that made her melt. He had eyes like she did. They were blue. And beautiful. Damn, why'd she have to feel like this.

Xandra opened her mouth to say something. It was too late. Zack's hand pressed lightly on her shoulders, pushing her slightly up against the cold, cement wall. And he moved his face down to hers. And everything seemed to move in slow motion.

Zack's lips found hers. He kissed her softly, and slowly and passionately. And it was beautiful, and wonderful and everything that she'd always wanted.

She broke away, tears almost forming in her eyes. She couldn't have him. It was too fair, and she'd never had anything this perfect before in her life. She left Zack outside the apartment door and shut it slowly behind her.

She had second-guessed herself. She knew he was still there.

She flung the door open. Zack was still there. She must have known him better than she thought.

She grabbed the back of his neck, which was warm and wet from rain and marked with the same black lines as hers was. She kissed him back, and pulled him inside the door, shut it and locked it.