Title: Haunting Past, New Beginning
Author: bkeleven11@yahoo.com
Summary: A desperate night leads to complications. Will Max and Zack get through it? (Yes...a Max/Zack pairing...whoo hoo!)
Rating: R
Feedback: To avoid confusion, I'm not going to hint around anymore. Honest and open critique is very welcome. Go for it, please. Flame, I don't care, they're really funny to read anyways. As long as everyone's honest.
Notes: Another story (How dare I derail from the series...blah blah blah...got it, duly noted.) Although I don't think that this one will be as well received as the rest of my stuff. But that's okay, as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters (Right?) Yes, my first Max/Zack pairing...gotta see how this turns out, eh? This is the sequel to my other fic "Defeated", (yes, the mystery man is revealed) but you don't have to necessarily read that one to understand this one. I dedicate this one to: Pooh_Bah, her awesome Kith series made me want to try this. Guess her poison finally sunk in, huh? It was about damn time anyways. Hope this story doesn't embarrass you *too* much, PB... "Eww...that 'thing' is dedicated to ME?" ;-)

*****

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Stop it! Don't you want to know, to get some peace of mind? God, talk to me...please."

"Talk? You think that talking will make everything goddamn better again?"

"It'd be better than what we have now."

"And what do we have?"

"I don't know."

"Goodbye, Max."

*****

He came back.

After everything that has happened, he came back.

And it was just fuckin' with her mind, driving it further into an abyss of confusion. No, confusion doesn't do it justice. It was a gut-wrenching, head-banging, fist-slamming feeling that left her exhausted, but still yearning for more. Maybe she wanted that pain; that uneasiness in her stomach that made her want to hurl every time she thought about it. Maybe dwelling on the pain would just prevent the inevitable from coming. The remorse, the sadness.

God, Zack.

How could she do *that*? It was all her stupid fault. She caused it; she kept it up, even though it was painfully obvious that he didn't want to. He really didn't want to, but she still persisted, begged, and pleaded.

And that caused everything to get screwed up, to the point where it no longer resembled what it originally was. What the fuck was wrong with her?

It happened just two months ago.

He came back to her, a bit battered and bruised, but he had never looked so good to her. It was unsafe, but he still came back for her. Because she needed him, she needed his support. He was her knight in shining armor, and she fucked him.

She remembered the entire scene vividly, almost too vividly. Every time stray thoughts of it invaded her mind, she wanted to scream and cry. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Every detail, even minuscule element was recalled with perfect crystal clear clarity.

There he was, standing and panting lightly, almost like he ran all the way to get to her. His eyes were unwavering, just staring at her. She needed him so much. "Za-Zack..." The soft sobs threatened to overcome her again. God, there he was. He had gone through hell to get there, and all because she asked him to.

He stood there, with an unidentifiable expression in his gray eyes. If she didn't know any better, she would say that they were almost pity-like. He pitied her, felt sorry for her. Shit, anything but that. She just couldn't take it. She already had to live with the guilt- but pity too?

Wordlessly, he crossed the threshold and enveloped her into his arms. For a moment, she felt safe, as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He was there and that was all that mattered. He was so strong and she knew that he would protect her, just like he always had. "It's going to be okay." The words were whispered softly, murmured even, and they just broke her down. She wasn't going to be okay, not ever. Logan was dead.

Her legs failed her, and she felt herself start to sink to the floor when he tightened his embrace and held the both of them up. The tears fell, unbidden. They just came, for the first time. She had never been able to cry, not once before. But it became all so real. They blurred her eyes. They stung. They choked her, and she didn't know if she would be able to breath again. Logan was dead, and there wasn't a fuckin' thing she could do about it.

"Shh...Max, I'm here."

But he wasn't Logan, and there was nothing that was going to bring him back. She held onto him tighter, releasing all the pent of tension in her tears.

Zack held her close, wishing his goddamn hardest that she didn't have to deal with this, that she didn't have to hurt so much. He lovingly stroked her back and carefully supported her body. She was so fragile at the moment, so unlike his Max. "It's okay..."

No! It was never going to be okay again. Not ever. How can it ever be 'okay' again? It just wasn't possible to just go on and pretend that it was 'okay'. Okay that he wasn't there with her, okay that he's gone.

"It's not your fault."

God, but it was. She wasn't strong enough. She wasn't fast enough. She could've saved him, if she had tried harder. It was her goddamn fuckin' fault that Logan died. Her fault!

"It's okay, cry..."

What right did she have to mourn for Logan? She killed him. She may have not been the one who held that fuckin' gun to his head, but she couldn't stop it. Should've tried harder. Could've saved him. But she didn't.

"It's going to be all right...I'll make sure of that."

"Zack..." God, she sounded so weak. So quiet and frail. Just as well, she brought it on herself. She killed her lover.

"Hmmm...yes Max?" So quiet. So gentle.

She froze, fighting to get her bearings, fighting the onslaught of tears. It still hurt, so much. It hurt. "He's gone."

"I know..."

"I know it's been two years since it happened, but I miss him...God, I miss him." Logan, he had been her steady support. She could remember every wonderful detail about him. As a stray salty tear fell down her cheek, she held onto Zack tighter. She wanted Logan back, so much.

"I know you do."

"I-I-I...just wished that I could've gotten there sooner."

Zack's body tensed. Did she blame herself? Of course she would. His poor Max, didn't she know that it *wasn't* her fault? That Logan wouldn't want her to live with so much grief? "It's not your fault."

Her body shook as clutched at his shoulder. He was wrong. It was.

"Max, listen to me." He gently raised her chin up so that she could look directly into his eyes. What she saw there was pity. She couldn't take it. How could she deal with Zack feeling sorry for her when she didn't deserve it? She didn't deserve his sympathy. "It's not your fault."

Her face scrunched up and her eyes quickly welled up. "But it is."

"No it's not." He wanted to erase all of her pain, the guilt that she had to live with.

"You weren't there, you didn't see him....when...when..." She couldn't say it. It was a sharp pain in her head every time she thought about that sickly picture. That explosive shot. Logan's clear blue eyes glazing over, lifeless, as he slowly slumped to the ground. Dead. And she saw the whole thing.

"He wouldn't want you to feel this way. He loved you Max, and I know that you loved him--"

"I *love* him."

He nodded and continued, "He would want you to move on with your life, not just waste away like this." He gestured around the sparsely furnished room. Max had moved out from her old place, not being able to bear being around anything that reminded her of him. She isolated herself, withdrawing, barely ever seeing her old friends anymore.

Max broke down again. Letting her tears wash away the memories, but not quite succeeding. God, she missed him so much. "I'm sorry."

Zack held onto her frail form tighter, shaking his head into her hair. "For what?"

"For dragging you out here...I'm sorry, it's just that this day just gets to me..."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry."

"It'll be okay."

Just when she thought she couldn't cry anymore, her eyes welled up and the pressure threatened to clamp down on her chest again. "It will never be okay."

Zack's heart broke for her. Poor Max. "You know...you may not see it now, but things will get better."

"No." She meekly shook her head against his chest. It wasn't true. Two goddamn years have already gone by and it still felt the same, every single fuckin' day.

"It will."

"No!" She shook more violently.

"Max..."

"Stop!" She hastily pulled out of his warm embrace and struggled to stand on her own. He was wrong. It would never be all right again. "Stop saying that!"

There she stood, a semblance of her old fiery self, returning as she stubbornly shook her head and cursed at him. But as fast as the toughness surfaced, it disappeared just as fast. She lost the strength to hold up herself and just sank down to the floor. "He's gone, forever." And she just broke down again and cried.

Zack couldn't bear to see her like that. So full of grief. He would do anything to take it away. Anything. He quickly crossed the room and dropped onto the floor, next to her. Smoothing back a stray lock, his fingers brushed up against her cheek softly. He wanted so badly to reassure her that everything would be better. "Max..."

"Don't say it."

He pulled her against him, stroking her hair. "I won't."

The sat there, neither of them knew for how long. He just supported her and listened carefully as her sobs subsided. Logan's death really took the life out of her. She used to be so vibrant and full of energy. Now, she was just an empty vessel, dull, sad, and it killed him to see her like that.

He felt her arms hesitantly encircle him, returning his embrace. Slowly, but surely, her lips somehow planted themselves on his cheek. He felt her hot tears and wondered if she was thinking of Logan. She probably was. As her lips made their way towards his mouth, an alarm went off in his head. God no, what the hell was she thinking?

What was happening, he couldn't get a grasp on reality. One moment she was crying in his arms, the next, she was kissing him. Oh God, this wasn't supposed to happen.

"Max..." He pulled her away, gently but firmly. "You don't know what you're doing."

She simply looked at him tearfully, and moved closer, kissing him softly on the lips. "I need this." Her fingers snaked themselves in his hair and she yanked him closer, opening her mouth. She tasted salty...from her tears. "I need you, Zack."

His heart skipped a beat. He never thought that he would ever hear her utter those words. But it was the wrong time. Was there even a right time for this? He had accepted the fact that she loved Logan a long time ago; he just stood by her said and remained her rock, letting her lean on him whenever she needed to. But now...it was all about to get changed, unless he could stop it.

It was wrong. She wanted Logan, not him. All the times that he had fantasized about how she might, somehow return his feelings, he never actually thought that it would ever happen. Now, when faced with the prospect of it, he couldn't do it. Because it wasn't him that she wanted. "Max," he pulled her back once again. "It's not that I don't want to, but...you're not thinking about me, you're thinking about him."

"I need you, Zack." Her voice was husky, perhaps from her recent breakdown, or perhaps it was for him.

Immediately, Zack squelched the thought. She was obviously hurting and all he could do was thing about the possibility of his relationship with her? God, he was sick. "Max, you don't know what you need."

"Yes I do...you." She kissed him again, hard.

"Stop," he weakly protested, but couldn't find the strength to physically move her away.

"No."

He felt every one of his barriers being broken down. She was what he wanted, if only she could want him back. "Max, you are going to regret it."

Her nimble fingers grasped his shirt and roughly pulled the material off of him. "Just this one night. God, I need something to make me forget...please, Zack."

To forget. That was all he was, something to pass the time so that she would forget the loss of her true love. Can he live with that?

As her hands made their way to his pants, he knew that he couldn't resist, that he couldn't ever deny her anything. God, he was sick. He was ready, and willing, to fuck his *sister*. The same sister that he had been lusting over for the longest time, but he couldn't say no to her. He loved her.

*****

He came...for her.

And what did she do? She fucked him.

The morning after, he was gone. The warmth he provided was gone. Her head hurt from all the sobs, her heart was broken even more than she thought it already was. How could she do that? The self-hatred she felt for herself already was amplified even more. Zack only did what she wanted. She was so stupid. And now, not only has she lost Logan; she lost her brother too.

*****