TITLE: Rubber Duckie (joy of joys)
AUTHOR: Mel(anie) Stasiak
EMAIL: Msta280478@aol.com
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 2
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: m/f
SUMMARY: Sam and Jack and the Rubber Duckie song...
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, SJA
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks for Rox for posting the lyrics of the Rubber Duckie song and answering dump Sesamestreet questions - you extended my horizon... And as always: hugs and cookies for my beta-reader Annie-Kasi who's exams right now but nevertheless found the time to beta...

**********

"Thank you, Doc. Thank you *so* much." I can't believe she talked me into this. "C'mon, colonel.
It's not a big thing.  Just one present for Cassie's birthday." *Ha, just *one* present… Actually
it's an additional present. I have mine bought for her ages ago. A very cool baseball cap. And the promise to go with her on the next girl scout trip.

And now I have to buy another present for Cassie, 'cause Doc can't get away from the base. It's not that I don't wanna buy presents for her but hey, she's not a girl anymore and therefore it's getting pretty tough getting the right things for her.*

But then it hits me. One bright Jack O'Neill idea. I am in the Air Force. I am a Colonel. And as a
result a superior officer. I have people under my command. Command !!!

"Carter! We have a mission."

**********

So here we are: SG 1 in a toy story. Looking for a present for a soon-to-be 15 year old girl
who'll probably give me an incredulous look and then kick my ass when I hand her a Barbie doll.
While I try to think of a *good* present for Cassie my team scatters in 3 different directions
and I can't keep track of any of them.

Great – better than on *real* missions O'Neill. Not even 5 minutes behind enemy lines and you
already lost them…

I spot Teal'c in the computer department. He's talking to a kid-computer, which patiently tries to convince him that it's better to press the red button – for whatever strange reason.

But what's really worrying me are the sceptical looks from the other customers in Teal'c' direction.

I move over and take him away from the now chiming object. Yes, Teal'c is a good boy. He pressed the red button and now the computer is doing electronic somersaults of joy.

With Teal'c in tow I round the shelf and run into Daniel. "Jack, come here. You have to take a look at this." I set my feet in motion and almost get run over by a curious Jaffa who's mercilessly storming
over to a stuffed yellow object.

"Picachu." Or something like that is the first thing I hear when I stand beside Daniel.

"Gesundheit." Woah – Jack O'Neill being polite.

And Daniel Jackson almost doubling over in a fit of laughter. "Hahaha.. Jack… "

Oh lord – give me strength to survive the day. When Daniel calms down he starts to explain:

"It's a Pokemon. It said it's name… it wasn't sneezing."

Mental note to myself: Never be polite to stuffed animals anymore. You'll only get laughed at.

Teal'c still tries to talk with the Pokemon, understandably to no avail. I give Daniel an *explain it
to him* look and try to find Carter, who's hopefully more sane than my two other companions.

We still need that present. Maybe Sam has an idea. Yes, she has to have one. She's a woman –
she was fifteen… She'll know…as always.

**********

I walk around the story and finally find her at next to the *Winnie the Pooh* shelf.
I hide a grin when I see her standing on her toes to reach Tigger.

Blinking my eyes more than one time I try to figure out if her lips are really moving and if
she's really talking to that red black-striped fellow.

"Carter."

She turns around, puts Tigger back in its place and gives me a shy smile.

So, Sam is a Pooh-natic. Had her more figured for the She-Ra, Princess of Power type….

"Sir."

"Did you find anything for Cassie?"

"No, not yet. Did you, Sir?"

I just show her my empty hands and shrug my shoulders. Moving closer to her I have a look at
Winnie now myself. That bear hasn't aged since the first time we met. I envy him and I get really jealous when Sam takes him off the shelf and strokes his back.

Hey, my Major is caressing a male being, who wears nothing more than a red shirt. I gotta stop her.

"Ahem, Carter, don't ya think Cassie might be a little bit too old for good ol' Winnie?"

"Yes, Sir. Of course, Sir."

As expected she puts him back and we stroll down the aisle together.

"So, what now?"

Some very shrill screaming catches our attention and we spin around to see Daniel and Teal'c
arguing at a Nintendo station. As the debate gets louder I throw Carter a look and we decide in
unison, that we don't know these guys.

We move as far away from the Nintendo corner as we can and end up looking directly at some fire-engine red furred with the urgent need to hug me. A little girl throws is at me and absently I
catch it.

"That tickles."

I almost drop Elmo - thank God stuffed animals have a name tag pierced to their ears -
at the sound.

"What did you expect?" I ask the confusing subject in my hand and hurriedly give it back to the girl.

Carter just smiles at me and lets her gaze wander around. She picks up a yellow monster and starts
to read:

Zoe is a furry, three-year-old girl monster who is so excited about everything that she can't get
her words out fast enough. Like many Libras, Zoe is simultaneously dainty and strong, practical
and impulsive. Zoe likes: Mimi, her dolly; red monsters who giggle Scientific Name: Teenius exciticus

Oh God in heaven, a stuffed animal with all Carter characteristics! I throw uncertain glances
between my 2IC and the monster. Wonder if Zoe knows anything about wormholes and can talk
to confuse me, too.

I start to grin and actually think of buying that monster when a second thought hits me. No, it will
stay here in the store. One *Teenius exiticus* - named Carter - is enough.

Before Sam can get a hold of the Cookie monster I push her further down the way. Nope - you won't touch it Major. Otherwise I'll have to hear *Me want cookies* all day and I can't take anymore.
Being with my team in a toy store is harder than saving  the world on a daily basis.

Then we both spot *it* in the same minute and each of us takes one from the shelf . It's yellow and squeezable. Rubber Duckie.

It looks like the duck is staring at me. I can't help it and start silently to apologize
for my *absence*.

"Hey Duckie, long time no see!"

Sam looks at me, smiles broadly and starts to sing:

Rubber Duckie, you're the one.
You make bath time lots of fun.
Rubber Duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.

She's just sung the last note when I open my mouth to ask her to stop singing. But before I can
react Daniel and Teal'c join us.

"Rubber Duckie! " exclaims Danny-Boy and as he had heard her last words he continues the threat.

Rubber Duckie, joy of joys.
When I squeeze you, you make noise.
Rubber Duckie, you're my best friend, it's true.

No I can't hold it anymore. I start to laugh so hard that my lungs hurt. Sam begins to giggle
and I am sure as hell Zoe makes the same sounds.

Danny just squeezes Rubber Duckie, which adds its own *quack, quack* noise and for the first time
since we're in this store it's not Teal'c who gets the curious looks from the other people.

After we have calmed down we decide to skip the *buying-Cassie-a-gift* thing and exit the store.
Sam has one bright idea - as I had hoped earlier this day.

"Why don't we get her a voucher for the new boutique in the mall? They
have everything from accessories for clothes to some funny other things.
This way she can get what she *really* wants."

**********

The stars were already shining and the party still in full swing. About 20 teenagers crowding
Janet's place, dancing, laughing – just enjoying themselves.

I sit on a bench in the garden and think of Cassie and how her face lit up when we gave her our
presents earlier today. Actually she's inside, wearing a way-to-short mini skirt for my liking, a top
and … a baseball cap.

But I also have to think of her evil grin and the twinkle in her eyes when she told me the exact date for the scout trip. This is going to be *fun*… And the knowing smiles of her friends tonight don't make me feel any better.

I take a sip from my beer and lean back and realize a person approaching me.

"Hey, don't fear the enemy, Sir. There's no sense in trying to escape. They'll get you everywhere…" and with a sigh Carter slumps down beside me on the bench.

"Oh, c'mon. They're not that bad…" She gives me an incredulous look and we both have to smile. Not that we all had decided right after dinner that it's easier to save the world than get food in happy teenies and not on the carpet.

She hands me another beer and opens a bottle for herself. And then we're quiet once again. Looking at the stars and relaxing for the first time in ages.

"Wish I had my telescope… they are so bright tonight."

"Yeah. It's beautiful. Sometimes I forget where I am going to when we travel by 'gate…"

"Sam you *forget* where we go to? Ahem, isn't that a bit dangerous, considering that fact that we want to get back, Major?" I ask playfully and give her a grin.

She just glares at me before she announces: "Don't joke me!"

And briefly smiles back.

"Hey Zoe, when you promise not the giggle the whole night I'll take you home with me, drink a mug of hot chocolate with you and watch the stars from the roof top…"

I give Sam my best O'Neill smile and hold my breath while waiting for her answer. Not an easy endeavour considering the kicks I am giving myself in the butt for even asking her start to hurt.

"Zoe? Giggle?" she exclaims in a mock voice. "Hot choco and stars?" Her eyes get a dreamy look before they search my glance to find out if the offer is honest.

"Sounds great, Sir. But not only *one* mug – I am not that cheap, Oskar."

Then she slaps me playfully and we both start to laugh.

We steal us away from the party and head over to my house.

With the promised hot chocolate and lots of blankets we settle down on the roof, star gazing for the rest of the night. None of us speaking much. We just enjoy being in each other's company and the peace around us. With dawn we both fall asleep, Sam cuddled in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder.

When I wake up I am alone. Discarded blankets, dirty mugs all around me but no Sam. I climb down the roof and walk into the house when I hear it… No, please God… Please…

Rubber Duckie, you're the one.
You make bath time lots of fun.
Rubber Duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.

I move faster up the stairs, following the not very melodious voice who's singing about yellow ducks.

Rubber Duckie, joy of joys.
When I squeeze you, you make noise.
Rubber Duckie, you're my best friend, it's true.

"Sam…" I ask standing in front of the bathroom door now.

*Don't think of what you might see in there, O'Neill.* I tell myself but it's not really working. The picture of Sam in the bath tube, flippantly washing her long legs gets my blood in motion.

Forbidden thoughts arise when she continues to sing….

Oh, every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fellow
Who's cute and yellow and chubby.
Rub-A-Dub-Dub-By.
Rubber Duckie, you're so fine,
And I'm lucky that you're mine.
Rubber Duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.

*Oh, Carter – you have an *interesting* way of destroying a man's illusions…*

"Sam… you'll need much longer?" I question, this time a little louder.

"Come in and find out…" Is all I get for an answer.

The image comes up once more… Sam naked, in the bath tube… The inner battle between going in there or no doesn't last one minute and so I open the door and walk over to the tube. Realizing that my best dreams of her weren't half as good as the real thing ahem, Sam, I mean.

I sit on the edge of the tube and lean down to kiss her when she starts to sing again…

Rubber Duckie, you're so fine,
And I'm lucky that you're mine.
Rubber Duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.

 **********

 *Ende*