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I've had a few nice things go on in the past month. The weekend after my birthday Abby & I drove down and spent the night at Ellyn's. It was a great time! We went out to breakfast in the morning, and then we went to place and painted our own pottery. I haven't seen my end product yet because they had to fire it and Ellyn had to pick up the pieces a few days later. We are planning on a trip to a dinner theater soon, so that's when we'll meet up again! Can you believe I didn't take any pictures? AND I had both my cameras with me. What an idiot! This past weekend Abby & I met some friends of mine at Adelphia's for some dancing. It was Ray's birthday so our group ended up being rather large with his family coming out to celebrate and some friends. It was a lot of fun. I haven't been dancing in such a long time. On Sunday I went with Susan from work to see A Beautiful Mind. Amazing movie, Amazing story. This weekend Gary is taking me to Lancaster for V-Day. I haven't been up there since the 7th grade so it should be a lot of fun and hopefully I'll find some good stuff from shopping!
It's been a while since I wrote anything. I guess it's because I don't have much going on. I wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, then veg out. I've been doing little work on my webpage, mostly because it's research I don't yet have the time for. I also started another page at I-love-cats.com. You can visit me and my boys here. The facts and myths page should be up by the end of the month. There's more reasearch I plan to do for myself. Even my mom wants to start a cat webpage. We'll have to see how long that interest lasts. Looking through my pages and checking out my counters the most people are visiting my Pirate Pages, most likely due to the webring. So that's something I'm going to work on a little more. I'd hate for someone to visit through the ring and find absolutely nothing so I've recently updated it - I added to the Timeline (far from finished adding to it) and created a dictionary of Pirate Terms. I've mostly finished one of the Pirate books in my library and now I have the second to go through. Hopefully I will be able to add to what I already have. I think somewhere I own Treasure Island, which I have never read and might pull that out in the next couple months. That's the ultimate in Pirate Myth. I also have a book by Esquemlin (spelled wrong until I look it up) based on his actual time spent with the Buccaneers during the Golden Age of Piracy, but that is in my box of MIA books I last saw when Jess and I lived in the Apartment in C-town. Ohhh - girls!!! Want to see an awesome ChickFlik? See Kate & Leopold with Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman! Trust me on this one, Karen and I went to see it on Friday and were very happy we did!
Good morning, it's Christmas Eve Day. I thought Christmas would never get here and I almost hoped it wouldn't. I feel no part of the Christmas Spirit this year, just as bad as last year. To be honest, I think it's because it marks another Christmas without Jess, without him being alive. If we were no longer together as a couple, or didn't even speak as friends, I am sure I wouldn't feel the anguish I feel now. It's all because he took his own life. I dreamed about him last night too, and I kept telling him, "well if you hadn't shot yourself in the head...." It's a calmer dream than the ones I used have trying to convince him of what he did and that he was dead, he couldn't come back to me. Anyone who's gone through what I have must know what I mean. Anyway, I am all set for Christmas even though I started late. Yesterday I even finished all my wrapping. I am very happy not to have to deal with any last minute shoppers this weekend. Today, hopefully, will be a boring, relaxing day. Good, I need a break. To Everyone have a good holday!
Can I tell you why yesterday was such a crappy day? Well, I had to get up at 5:45 in order to make it to work by 8:00. I don't normally have to be there until 10:00 and the traffic that time of morning into Wilmington is horrible! Instead of taking me 40 minutes it takes me an hour or more to get there, and it was foggy and raining. Anyway, I'll leave the details out but it was our work Xmas party so things were hectic. The whole day stayed busier than I would ever want it. To top it off I had to pick up the boyfriend's baby AND run into the wife. Not fun. I hated it. So I didn't make it to the bank because I left work 15 minutes late and had picking up the baby on the mind. Now it's after 11 am and I'm not going to make it to the bank today either. I felt sick this morning and was dry-heaving in the bathroom. I know what it was - dummy me took a stong anti-biotic on an empty stomach. You'd think I would have learned from last time I took medicine without eating. So now I just feel like crap and don't want to move. *sticking my lip out and pouting* I don't feel like going to the two Christmas parties I was invited to. I guess I won't. I'll lay down for a while, then do some things around the house today.
I am so excited I couldn't wait to put this entry up! I spent the afternoon/evening with Abby and Ellyn! We've been planning on getting together for a couple of weeks now and I have been really looking forward to it. Ellyn came up and Abby came down to meet and my house. I made cookies the night before! (I also dyed my hair red last night) Anyway, I had the idea of having a "London reminder reunion". We went to a little shop of British imports. Quaint little place having mostly food and teas. I think we all left with some Cadbury's chocolate! Then we went down the road to John Harvard's Brewery. Although none of us sampled the brews, the place is set up based on an English Pub and we all ate fish and chips! It was great. We also had enough time left over in the evening to do some shopping and hang out for a bit at my house. What a wonderful day. Boy do I miss college and friends being so close by. I had to buy new batteries at the mall but had with me my new digital camera! See the pics of our outing in the photo gallery! They are up already, hours later. Thanks to technology :^) (and Ellyn isn't even home yet)
NEW! I have figured out how to put up a CHATROOM right on my webpage. I have included it as part of my coffee shop but it accessible from other parts of my page. I put it up last night and it seems to work for me, but I haven't been able to get someone else to try it out with me. So please, e-mail me and we'll get together!!
Just excited that I've some more of my web page done. Tonight I added a COFFEE SHOP to my books pages as well as a list of my FAVORITE books. Over the long weekend I got my PIRATE PAGES up and running and joined a Pirates Webring. It's not finished but it's functional. Same with my EL DORADO pages. I can't seem to find graphics I like for these pages. I also sketched a rough outline of what will be on my FAIRY pages, but I have a lot of research to do before that's much to look at. Most exciting is that I have a small PHOTO GALLERY up! It's only thumbnail but in the next week or so the pictures that I already have there will have cute little frames around them and I'll have it set up so the thumbnails can be enlarged. AND.. I know someone with a scanner that maybe they'll let me use. I also went to my friend Rob's birthday party yesterday. We took some fun pictures, I forgot my digital, but hopefully I'll be able to scan these new pics. I need a happy face graphic to insert here.
Not too much happening right now. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It's going to be a quiet one. That means two days off from work. Woo-Hoo!! I am looking forward to getting a few things done and maybe even getting out. I finally received the Christmas cards I ordered today but I can't find everyone's new addresses. So many people have moved in the past year! But I've sent out a few emails and hope to fill in the holes quickly so I can get my little notes in the cards and get them sent off. I can't believe the year is almost over. Please let 2002 be a better year.
I have had a nice weekend so far. On Friday Gary and I went to dinner and movie. Such a simple evening brings me such pleasure. We saw FROM HELL with Johnny Depp and Heather Graham...it's the Jack the Ripper movie. If you like gore, you'd like this movie. I can't decide how I truly feel about it, but it is not "cheesy" like Sleepy Hollow was - which is what I thought it would be like. Just a morbid film in all. Saturday night Gary and I met up with Abby and her old flame Dave for a night of Blues at a local tavern. The guys had more fun than the girls but I'm still very glad I went and even happier to have Abby and Dave along. Hopefully the pics show up in the new photo gallery (which I am still trying to figure out). I have wasted my entire day today working on my webpage. I LIKE wasting an entire day! And this page has a brand new Back Button that I asked to have made. The lady who designed most of the graphics I've used for this page answered my request in less than two days. I thought it would take longer but here it is! Miss Dotty's link is located on her logo found at the bottom of the page and in the credits section. She has some great recipies I can't wait to try! You all know I can't cook well but I can try right? :^) Thank you!
For those of you who are really curious as to how I'm doing, dealing with Jess's death, and you don't want to ask - let me tell you. Not a day goes by when I don't think of him. A year and a half after the suicide I still have nightmares and upsetting dreams. I avoid things that well remind me of him and sometimes I get a few hours of peace not remembering. Sometimes, though, I get set off and can't control my emotions. Last night, on my way home from works a Guns N Roses song came on the radio. I smiled remembering Jess tell me that while he was in Bermuda he sang karoke to that song and I wished I'd seen that. All of a sudden my throat closed and my stomach wrenched and I remembered what he did to himself, that he was gone forever. I choked back tears that came anyway. I was helpless to stop them. I hoped he was sitting in the truck with me, seeing my pain. This happens sometimes, no matter what I do grief overtakes me. I honestly believe had he died of anything other than suicide, including murder, I could deal with it much better than his death at his own hand. I seemed to have moved on and I've tried to, but can someone really? It's always the wonder of where would I be if only... I know what one day I'd change if only I had the chance, all I need is one moment back. I know I'll never get it.
Halloween turned out to be a lot of fun. By the time I got home from work Gary was already in costume giving out candy. He was dressed as Mike Meyers from the movie "Halloween" and had the music from the movie playing in the background. The kids couldn't tell if he was a person or a decoration so when they came up to the door the banged on it and sent them running back to the street. It was a lot of fun. I can't wait until next year! Also today, after a few unsuccessful attempts, Raj was able to get a hold of me. It was awesome to get to talk with him, we've been out of touch for a year now. Hopefully we won't do that again! It spawned a writing urge, and five letters will go in the mail on Monday all in an attempt to keep in touch. My recent reunions with Abby and Jill have made me realize how much certain people (all college friends) mean to me. I've gotten all sappy over it! Update - for being a wonderful girlfriend and suffering through and 11-hour babysitting marathon when I wasn't supposed to, Gary surprised me with a digital camera. I had asked for one for Christmas but he got it for me early! Wasn't that nice? So once I get some pics taken and the software set up the photo gallery should come along nicely!
Today is my Mom's birthday. For a gift I gave her an opal and diamond ring that I originally wanted myself. I have one exactly like it but in my own birthstone, garnet. Moms love jewelry...can't go wrong with it! AND I found it over a month ago. I'm horrible at remembering birthdays. I mean REALLY bad. I usually remember the week it falls in but not necessarily the day. Sometimes not even that much. I am sorry to anyone who thinks I should have remembered their birthday and didn't. I swear I don't do it on purpose! Be brave, just remind me!
Welcome to my online Diary! I may not be great at keeping up with my actual journal but since I'm always working on my web page this should be easy to keep updated. So what's new... Halloween is getting closer and this past weekend I was able to hang out with my friend Abby! She came to a dance that my boyfriend was DJ-ing I get so excited every time we can get together...we waited over a year to get together after college and I don't think that will be happening again.
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Copyright 2001, Brenna Lin McAlister, WebMaster. All rights reserved. |
February
11, 2002
