Not So Different
Author: Neeka
Rating: PG-13
Catergory: Tess on M&M
Disclaimer: I don't own. I wouldn't be doing this if I did.
Summary: Tess's thoughts on Michael and Maria's relationship.
Feedback: Please.
Not So Different
You know what's hard? Hard is when you try to fit into something and it doesn't work. When you try to make things work out but they won't in the end. When you have to force everyone else to believe the lie you were forced to believe. That's hard. But it's not. That's only part of the hardness. They other part is being a teenager. Do you know how hard it is when there are already categorized girls in a group you wish to be in and they all have a stiches where you would like to be? Here, I mean I can't fit in as anything but the little new blonde in the group. The annoying blonde in the group, and even then I can't do much of that.
I wanted to come and be Ms. Popularity. Be everything that a guy wanted. Be everything that my supposed destined mate wanted me to be. He didn't want that and besides, that place was filled already. It held Ms. Isabel Evans instead. She's what every guy wants because they can't have her. She's the one every girl wants to be because they're not like her. She's something I only dreamed of. Something that I probably will never reach in my life or any other for that matter. She's just to Isabel.
Then I thought okay, I can be the weak damsel in distress type of girl. You know, that stich is taken too. My supposed destined mate chose her instead. Elizabeth Parker, Liz for short, Lizzie by some friends and family, Beth by her mother. She's a real lucky girl. She gets my guy, which I guess now that I look at it, I never had a chance with him, but still she gets my guy and she has something else I want. The holsome popularity. The other girls guys want because they're innocent. Cause they're the ones who are so hard to get to reach for you. She reached for the one man I wanted, was supposed to want, and you know what, he reached back.
Then I think, there's not much left. The guys want the holsome or unnattainable ones, you know what they don't want? Girls like me. Girls that try to be everything all at once. Girls that never really suceed. Do you know whose kinda like that? Maria. Maria's kinda like that. The guys will look, but most often than not they won't touch. They can't touch. She's there and they only see her outside. I mean I think Maria's beautiful, she is, but she also has this other quality to her. She's hidden and guarded. She's the one that guys fear, the ones they think carry to much baggage.
Funny huh? Me and Maria having something in common. You know what else? Lots of people think of Maria as a blonde annoying ditz, you know a lot of people think of me that way now too. Maria's not really a ditz though, that girl has layers and layers and layers to peel through. Not very many have reached their assigned goal. I don't even think Ms. Elizabeth Parker herself has gotten that far. She hasn't gotten to the real Maria. She isn't even allowed in. Maria's the girls guys run from, she's the girl guys will want to know and once they think they know them, run like hell.
Do you know what that can do to a person? I actually talked to Maria. I asked her if she felt any jealousy towards Ms. Elizabeth Parker or Ms. Isabel Evans. You know what she said? I can't. She said she couldn't feel any jealousy. I asked her why not. You know what she said? I'm just not that kinda girl. I asked her something really good after that, I asked her what kinda girl she was. She told me she was the kinda girl who lied. She then got up from where we were sitting at lunch waiting for everyone else and disappeared the rest of the day.
It really took me a while to get what she meant. I know now though. She was bascially telling me she was lying straight to my face the entire time. She was lying about not feeling jealousy and she was lying about not being that kinda girl. Well she was and wasn't lying about that. Cause Maria came back to me later that day at the Crashdown and she sat down. She asked me a question, she asked me if I knew what kinda girl I was. I shook my head. She told me something that really touched me. She told me I was the kinda girl that had a heart but needed to show it a little more, show it to the people I dispised.
I'm thinking she meant Elizabeth, I mean Liz and Isabel. I wanted to do that, I wanted to show Maria that she was right and that I was that kinda girl. I wanted to show her I could have a heart. So you know what I really did? I stopped moving in on Max and Liz, I stopped begrudging Isabel and Alex and quit trying to make her go for Michael and do you wanna know what came from that? Nothing. Okay wait, that probably came out wrong. Because Max and Liz are back together. Isabel and Alex too. But you know why I did it? I did for Maria, and do you know what's happening to her? She's dying inside.
I mean it, I don't know what's happening to her, but I know she's dying. She's dying with me. Michael's still being stubborn and refuses to reconiliate. So, she's trying to get over that and then you know what else? Her mom is pregnant. She's gonna have a younger brother and older brother and father. Wanna take a wild guess at who? Yep yep, Valenti. Valenti is marrying Ms. DeLuca. But I'm worried, I don't know where I'm supposed to go, Valenti said he'd talk to Amy about me staying there, but I think she'll think he's just trying to cheat on her with me. I don't know, I think this world's TV is a little to outrages if you ask me.
But I don't know, Maria seems very upset about it. She doesn't talk to Liz much anymore, so Liz is oblivious, and Max, she was like his best friend for a long while, that was until he got back with Liz, then what'd he need Maria for? So Maria, she's drifting and I'm actually worried for her. It's scaring me, she's scaring me. Maria was happy when I first met her, she was happy and sappy too. Then when she was best friends with Max she was sassy and sarcastic. She was alive and kicking at everything in her path, me included. Now she's just there.
Like yesterday at lunch, we were sitting down talking. Alex and Isabel were sitting hand in hand, Isabel with her head on Alex's shoulder. Max and Liz were sitting across from them and Liz was practically in Max's lap. Literally. I'll just let you know I'm still a little bitter about the Max/Liz thing, but I'm not even pursuing it any longer. But yea so next to Alex and Isabel sat Kyle and next to Kyle sat Michael. Kyle's slowly coming into the group, I'm really starting to get fond of my Budda Boy there. And then I was sitting across from them and Maria was next to me. So we were all talking to each other, like reminiscing almost. ,/p>
Someone, I think it was Budda Boy, brought up the fact about Maria being a little spitfire when she was younger. Maria had only smiled at it, she didn't try to retort or roll her eyes she just smiled a small, sad smile. No one seemed to notice though, I guess they just thought she was tired, but she's been tired a lot lately. I'm starting to think she's becoming depressed. I mean, Maria was so bouncy, now she's so.......dead. Today though, I think everyone is beginning to notice. Cause Maria didn't come into work, well she did but she was like an hour late and Mr. Parker kind of ground into her for it.
She didn't even try to talk herself out of it. She just apologized and said she hadn't been feeling well, I think even Mr. Parker was surprised and he let her slide. She was dressed and then out doing her job. She was doing it almost as if she wasn't there and everyone noticed. On her break, everyone expected her to come out and join us like Liz did, Liz is working back there again, and guess what? I'm working there too, but it was a day off for me so no work. So yea though, she didn't come out to see everyone, but we all heard her in the back.
Apparently Michael walked in on her in the back room, she was apparently in tears. We all heard it when Maria started yelling hysterically. We all jumped up and ran to the back to, it was to late though, she'd taken off. Michael though stood in the room with his hand to his face and his eyes towards the door. She'd done something. She'd done soemthing BIG. So I ran out after her, I didn't expect to and I don't think anyone expected me to, but I did. I'd chased her down, jumped into her car as she started speeding away. I started talking to her asking what had been up with her lately.
~~~~~
"Maria? Tell me what just happened in there." Maria turned painfully towards Tess, then back to the road.
"I don't really know, I just know that I think I might've made a mistake." A silent tear fell from her eyes.
"What mistake?" Tess asked carefully.
"I think I shouldn't have told Michael what I told him." Tess looked fearfully at Maria.
"What exactly did you say to him Maria?" Maria sighed.
"The truth Tess. He walked in on me and I was well I was crying and he asked me what was my problem and I wouldn't answer, I didn't know how to answer. Then he began yelling at me to tell him what was wrong with me so, so I told him. I told him what's been wrong with me."
"What's been wrong with you? Maria?" Tess looked worriedly towards Maria.
"I've been a little out of it lately because I've had a lot to think about." Maria sobbed to herself.
"Maria what is going on with you?" Tess finally begged.
"Okay I'll start here, Michael and I well we well I'm, no I'm not and yea and I'm yea and it's big and my mother will kill me and it wasn't to long ago and I'm like pretty far and oh man." Maria stammered as she tried to tell Tess.
"Just tell me like you told him, bluntly." Tess said in a coxing manner.
"I'm pregnant with Michael's baby." Maria sighed. Tess chocked and only stared at Maria.
"Are you sure? Your positive your pregnant." Tess stumbled on the word pregnant.
"Yes. I'm absolutely positive. I'm four months pregnant." Maria said side-glancing Tess.
"Oh Maria, we need to go back and we need to go back now." Tess said forcefully.
"What? Why? Who do you think your talking to?" Maria asked angrily.
"Maria trust me please, if you never trust me ever again, trust me now as your friend." Tess said looking over sadly at Maria.
Maria turned and looked back towards Tess, with a nod and a quick hand manuver of the car steering wheel they were headed back to the Crashdown.
~~~~~
When we arrived back at the Crashdown, it seemed to me like a million years later, but really it was only about 10 minutes, but Michael was still in the same spot he stood when we had run out. I walked over in front of him and his eyes were like glass. You could see yourself and one more thing. Pain. It was there and it was very very visisble. He didn't even blink. Didn't blink until Maria walked over next to me. She stood there, and he blinked and she hiccuped and he grabbed her.
We all jumped back. I mean I don't think anyone, not even Maria, knew he was going to do that. He did though. He grabbed her and lifted her up. He then set her back onto the ground and smiled a small sad smile. First thing out his mouth. "We're having a baby Pixie." I don't think anyone expected that either. I mean I know I was the only other person who knew what was up with Maria, but still. The way he said, the light sound in his voice, the huge hint of happiness. It was so not like Michael. He said it though and Maria looked better than I'd ever seen her. She looked happy to me.
That's something I wanna find. Happiness. They'll have some hard things to go through, but they'll be happy in the end. They won't regret this. But me, I'm not so sure about me. I think I need to change a little more before I actually know about happiness. I'm gonna get myself an apartment. I'm gonna get myself some help, hopefully from Maria. You know when I say help, I mean I want her to help me be me and not what Nesedo wanted me to be. I want to get onto my own feet and take it from there. I wanna do something completely new.
I wanna be a special person, I wanna be special like everyone else in this room. I wanna be the girl guys want because she new, loving and different. I wanna be me and I can wait for my happiness. I can wait a while, but not to long, cause I might explode then. Just kidding, but really all I really want is what's owed to me for making all these sacrificies, no I'm not being selfish either, I just want to be happy. For once in my life be so I happy that I can't contain the urge to smile, that I can't contain my joyful tears. I wanna be happy like Michael and Maria are now.
I'm gonna be happy. I'm gonna be special. And I'm gonna be Tess. The girl guys want cause they just do. No reason. Because I don't need a reason, I just need to be happy. Maybe everything isn't as hard as it looks, maybe happiness is only around the corner and maybe Budda Boy will be there too.
Click to go Somewhere else!
Good-Tess Fic II
Bad-Tess Fic II
Alt.-Tess Fic II
Tess POV Fic II
Kyle and Tess Fic
