Confusion and Choices
Title: The Fourth
Author- Kate
E-mail- c4reader@yahoo.com
Disclaimer- No own.
Summary- Tess's POV on choices made and the confusion around them.
Spoiler's- Some. S2.
Feedback- Love some.
He’s good for me. I told Isabel that, once. She
said, “Sure.” In that tone people use when they don’t
believe a word you’ve said, but don’t want to call you
a liar.
But he is good for me. Better than Max would’ve
been. Because even though I loved whom I thought Max
was, that wasn’t Max. Max wouldn’t have loved me the
way I needed him to. If we wound up together it would
have happened because he settled. I couldn’t stand
that.
I spent my whole life with Nasedo thinking that I
wasn’t good enough. Believing that I was stupid,
slow, clumsy, weak and too human.
I couldn’t have spent my life with Max. Even
though he wouldn’t have come out a said it the way
Nasedo did, I would’ve felt it. I would’ve hated who
I was (blond, not brilliant(to tell you the truth I
couldn’t even read until I came to Roswell) and not
human), because I didn’t think Max liked it. I
would’ve relied on him for my happiness.
Life with Kyle is a thousand times better, even
if he does snore sometimes. Why? Because we’re in
love.
It sounds foolish, adolescent even, But it’s
true. Kyle Valenti loves me. Me, Tess
Harding, a girl who isn’t even of this earth!
Do you know how I can tell? It might sound crazy
(it probably is crazy) but it’s in the way he looks at
me, the way he touches me, the way he talks to me.
Basically it’s the way he treats me, like I’m
something precious. He’s the first person I remember
doing that.
He looks at me with a special light in his eyes.
At first I assumed it was lust. I told myself there
was no way he could find what’s inside attractive.
Nasedo repeatedly told me the only thing I had going
for me was a pretty face. He called me stupid and
slow because I couldn’t always do the things he
expected me to.
I didn’t learn how to read until I came to
Roswell, but I was pretty good a bsing it. I had
never touched a bicycle and the closest I’d been to a
playground was one day when Nasedo sent me to fifth
grade to check out some students he thought might be
The Others.
I never questioned Nasedo about the way he raised
me. That would’ve made him angry. I understood that
we needed to find the Others. I knew that when we
found the Others I would have a family, a brother, a
sister-in-law and a husband.
I thought they would be happy to see me, that they
knew that a part of them was missing. I expected Zan,
Max, to have all the answers. I hoped they would know
how to go home, and that they were just waiting for
me. I assumed that they had the attitude towards
humans that Nasedo had instilled in me.
Funny how the things you know to be true aren’t.
Whe nI came to Roswell the Others knew nothing about
why we were here, or where we came from, or who they
had once been. They hadn’t known that I was missing.
They had accepted, even fallen in love with humans.
I was crushed. I tried to make them understand
their destinies. In the process I almost lost the
chance to have a real family.
Nasedo left and I was all alone in the big house.
That was nothing new. I helped Michael and Isabel
hone their powers, but Max wanted nothing to do with
me. That hurt but I didn’t give up hope.
Max’s rejection did shock me, however. It rocked
everything I’d ever believed to be true. Suddenly I
was afraid. With no one to lead us how could we get
home? That was when I realized we might be here for
good.
I decided I needed to know more about this pace.
Nasedo had never let me go to school, at least not for
classes. I was only ever there to look for the
Others. As a result, I knew less at 17 than the
average seven-year-old. I didn’t want to tell Michael
or Isabel that I couldn’t read and telling Max wasn’t
an option.
It was only natural that I turned to Sheriff
Valenti. He was stupefied when I asked him to teach
me how to read. He made some lame jokes, hemmed and
hawed a bit, but once we got started I learned fast.
By the end of the summer and the start of school I was
at the same level as other students my age. True, I
was closer to Kyle and Maria’s end of the spectrum
than I was to Max or Liz, but considering the time
frame I was pretty proud of myself.
When Nasedo died and I moved in with the Valentis
my world was shaken up. I was starting to feel like
my life was one of the snow globes you can buy. You
know, the kind that you shake and snow flies
everywhere?
Living with two men was quite the experience in
the beginning. I found out more about the way a
teenaged human male’s mind works (or doesn’t work)
than I ever wanted to know. At least I was able to
amuse myself with it. I mean Buddhism for Beginners?
Give me a break! And that evil alien eye beam bit?
Totally hilarious, from my point of view.
Things changed again right after Isabel’s surprise
party. I won’t go into the details of what happened,
but Max and the Sheriff had to carry me home. Michael
trailed a little behind. Later they told me that Kyle
looked like he’d been slapped when they carried me in.
He was so worried, so upset that he hadn’t listened
to the others when they asked where I was. Max healed
me, and Michael drove him home. Apparently there was
a lot of damage and healing takes a lot of energy.
Kyle refused to leave my side. He woke me when I
had nightmares, listened to me talk for hours, brought
me juice. He helped me walk around during the first
day, when the bruises were so bad I could barely
stand. He kept me away from all the mirrors. I’m
picky about how I look. It’s a carry over from
Nasedo’s telling me that all I had going for me were
my looks.
Kyle didn’t shudder when he looked at me. Michael
and Isabel came to visit. They wanted to check on me
and tell me about the Granilith. They hoped I knew
what it was but on that first visit they didn’t even
get to ask me that. Isabel couldn’t even look at me.
She felt too guilty about not getting there sooner.
Michael would look at me, but not meet my eyes.
Isabel broke down into tears, so Michael said they
had to go. He hugged me before he left. I was
flummoxed. He whispered that he’d protect me. Isabel
was still crying, a little bit, but she did say she
would never let it happen again.
I got well and life turned, well weird doesn’t
even begin to cover it. Michael learned that there
were originally 8 pods. Kyle slept with Liz. Max
turned to me. We traveled to Congresswoman Whitaker’s
home town, which turned out to be the home base for
the Skins. Courtney turned out to be a Skin, but
pretty decent all things considered.
Michael and Isabel destroyed the husks before the
harvest, and in retaliation the Skins invaded Roswell.
I personally blew them up. The other set of pod
people came to Roswell, and invited Max to a summit in
New York. We went together, and my head got messed
with. Again.
Max did a little something, but Lonnie must of
triggered some kind of natural immunity because he
couldn’t get into my head to ‘fix’ whatever was wrong.
The result was the equivalent of a concussion-
nausea, dizziness, occasional confusion and a need to
sleep.
Max came to visit me alone, right after he visited
Liz. Kyle bristled, acting like a guard dog. Max was
insisting on seeing me. Loudly. I stumbled out of
Kyle’s room, wearing a football jersey. “What?” I
was cranky, and a little bit light sensitive. “Oh,
Max.” I made some futile attempt to calm my hair, and
fleetingly wished I were wearing some makeup.
“Tess?” His eyes widened and I blushed a little.
That jersey didn’t cover as much as I suddenly wished
it did. I’ve never been the modest type but still…
“What can I do for you?” I asked.
“Stay still.” He ordered. He touched his finger
tips to my face lightly. Heat flooded through my face
and head.
I staggered, shook my head and noted that not only
was it much clearer, but also it hurt less. I smiled
a little. It was all I was capable of. “Thanks.”
Max looked uncomfortable. “It’s the least I could
do.”
“Max don’t feel guilty.” I sighed. “You couldn’t
have known what Lonnie and Rath had planned.”
His gaze met mine. “I should’ve.” He said
wistfully. “Liz and Isabel tried to tell me.”
I shook my head. A buzzing started in my ears.
“No Max.” I insisted. “What ifs will kill you.
You’ve done so much and everything’s worked out okay.
Don’t worry.”
“It’s not enough.” He repeated.
I could almost hear what he was thinking. He
wondered how he could be a leader without knowing what
we were facing. I wanted to help him, say something
to make it better but the ringing in my ears was
growing louder.
The next thing I knew Max and Kyle were hovering
over me. Kyle was yelling at Max for getting me out
of bed. I tried to sit up but apparently the only
thing they agreed on was that I should stay in the
position I was in.
Kyle scooped me up and placed me on the couch.
They started arguing again, intermixing the fight with
commands for me to stay put and questions about what I
needed.
The Sheriff came in about the time I stood up,
against advice, and had to sit down because the world
was spinning around me. The Sheriff tisked at me,
Kyle told me to stay still for God’s sake, and Max
knelt next to me, asking if he could get me anything.
The noise made my head ache straight through to my
teeth. Kyle finally yelled at the other two to shut
up. I luxuriated in the quiet. Max brought me a mug
of tea. He said that they had gotten the herbs from
an old Indian named River Dog, who said this would be
therapeutic. The only thing I cared about was that it
was hot and sweet, with a touch of spice.
I fell asleep with the knowledge that Max cared.
It was kind of disconcerting. I finally had what I
was supposed to want, what I had wanted for so long,
but something was missing. My sleep was troubled with
dreams, where Kyle figured quite prominently.
I woke the next morning and for the first time in
ages my head was clear. I took a long hot shower.
The Sheriff made breakfast for me and Kyle- pancakes.
It tasted good, after I added a little dab of Tabasco
sauce.
I said I needed to go to the Crashdown. Kyle
offered me a ride. We settled into his pickup. I was
planning what to say very carefully, but I noticed
that every now and then his eyes would stray from the
road and he would examine me.
The Crashdown Café was virtually deserted- it was
really early on a Saturday. Liz and Maria were
chatting behind the counter. Michael was pretending
not to watch Maria. They all looked up at us. “Liz?”
My voice echoed a little in the suddenly silent
diner. “Can I talk to you?”
Kyle looked kind of nervous. I called Maria over,
and sat them together at a table. I followed Liz
upstairs. “So.” She said awkwardly. “What did you
want to talk about?”
“Do you love Max?” The question slipped out. It
wasn’t at all what I had planned to say but it was too
late to take it back.
Liz looked faintly ill. “I don’t want to talk
about this with you.” She cried. “If you’re just
here to gloat…”
“No not at all.” I said hastily. “But do you?”
She wanted to lie to me. I could see that. But
she didn’t. “Yes.”
I took a deep breath. “Do you hate me?”
“No.” She said, too quickly.
I looked at her. Our eyes met. I refused to look
away. Finally she broke eye contact. “Sometimes.”
She confessed.
I nodded. I had expected that much. “Why did you
sleep with Kyle?” It wasn’t what I meant to say but
the words were out of my mouth before I had a chance
to think about them.
Her face became ashy. “I don’t want to talk about
this to anyone, least of all you.” She snapped.
I knew not to push things. “I actually just came
to thank you for saving us.”
She looked galled. “Oh.”
“I know he loves you.” I blurted out. So what, I
was only pointing out common knowledge.
“So?” She looked bitter. “He chose you.”
“No.” I said quickly. “He didn’t.”
“What are you talking about?” She looked hopeful,
but suspicious.
“He didn’t choose me. We might get thrown
together but you’ll always be the one he loves.” The
words were bitter, but true. I knew what I had to say
next. “To tell you the truth if something doesn’t
happen soon he’ll settle for me and I won’t have the
will power to turn him down. And all of us will be
miserable.” I gave her a pleading look. “We- he- I-
you- all of us deserve more than that.”
Michael poked his head in. He was worried since
we’d been up there for so long. I stood. “I better
go rescue Kyle before Maria talks him to death.” I
looked at Liz, wondering if my words would have any
effect. “Please.” I pleaded. “I want him to be
happy, that’s all.”
I felt their eyes on me as I escaped. I walked
downstairs. Doing the right thing had left me feeling
emotionally drained. Maria was talking too fast, as
usual.
Kyle was more than ready to go. We got in the
truck. He checked that I had my seatbelt fastened,
and started the truck. “Where do you want to go?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I leaned my head against the
window. “Just drive.”
We wound up in Albuquerque, over night.
We rented a room at a hotel, because roadblocks
had been set up around Roswell. The Sheriff was too
busy to get our phone call. I hope he didn’t worry.
Kyle and I flipped a coin, and I won the bed. He
acquiesced without any complaints, which was odd.
I woke up from a nightmare, in which Liz died, I
married Max and was strangled by the ghost of Liz
Parker. (I knew watching Ghost right before bed was a
bad idea) Kyle was sprawled across the floor. I
stopped to watch him for a moment. A moment became a
minute, turned into a quarter of an hour, and ended up
forty-five minutes.
Around 3 a.m. he started thrashing around
violently. I instinctively reached out to comfort
him. He woke up, and I hushed him. He looked amazed
to see me. His hands, caressed my face, as if he were
memorizing it by touch. “You’re still here.” I could
hear the relief in his voice, feel it in his touch.
If there had been more light I could’ve seen it in his
eyes.
I touched his face in the dark. I was kneeling
next to him on the floor. “Where would I go?”
“I had a dream.” He shivered, and unconsciously I
did the same. “You picked up and left. I couldn’t
find you any where.”
I patted his face. “It was just a dream.” I
whispered. “I’m not going any where.”
“Good.” Suddenly we realized how close we were.
But instead of pulling apart he sat up. We leaned
against the foot of the bed and talked until the sun
rose the next day. Well, talking wasn’t all. We had
a make out session that rivaled Michael and Maria for
intensity.
When we got back to Roswell Max and Liz were a
couple again. I wasn’t sorry to have missed that. I
gave them my blessing but there was still a little
sting attached to it. An odd thing happened right
after I said I was happy for them- Liz asked me to
promise to stay in Roswell. I was confused, but
promised anyway. She smiled at me, and I realized
that was the first time a girl my age had ever smiled
at me.
I mentioned to Isabel the sting of letting go.
She nodded eagerly. “I know exactly what you mean.”
She said. “I sometimes feel the same when I see-,”
She clammed up suddenly. I didn’t ask questions,
though I was curious. I respected her need for
privacy.
Kyle watched me like a hawk for the next couple
weeks. He expected me to run, and he wanted to be
able to find me if I did.
I was confused about the whole situation at that
point. I had considered Max my soulmate for years. I
finally had my head on straight enough to realize that
even though we’d been in love in past lives, in these
lives we didn’t even know each other. But I didn’t
know how Kyle was going to figure into my life. Was
he a lover or a friend? A confidante, and partner in
crime or merely an acquaintance? Was he hopelessly in
love with someone else? Could he possibly have
feelings for me?
I knew he was having similar thoughts and the same
doubts about the direction of our relationship. We
got very good at avoiding each other, and things
might’ve dragged on unceasingly, but the Sheriff
stepped in. He locked us in the house together. Some
things are private, and should stay that way. The
conversation Kyle and I had is one of those things.
Shortly after that he began to teach me how to, in
his words, “Be human.” He brought me fishing (I’ve
wasted days in a less pleasurable way) and canoeing.
I’ve never been the outdoorsy type, so he laughed a
lot.
He insisted that playing on a playground is an
integral part of childhood, so he dragged me down
there a couple Saturdays. We played basketball once
(He got mad cause I beat him. What a baby) and swung
on the swings.
He taught me how to ride a bicycle. I can’t even
describe what it felt like the first time I was
actually able to balance on that thing. It seemed
like such an accomplishment! That’s a joke, you’re
allowed to laugh. Kyle also introduced me to the
pleasure of snuggling on the couch while a movie plays
in the background.
Now that they don’t see me as a threat I’ve gotten
closer to Isabel and Liz. Unfortunately Maria avoids
me like the plague. She still blames me for the break
up. She thinks that if I hadn’t come and started
spouting destiny crap Michael wouldn’t have left her.
Once I tried to say that Michael never listens to me
but she just got mad. Michael and Max have become the
protective older brothers I always wanted. Alex just
avoids all of us, especially Isabel. She broke his
heart one time too many, I guess. Sheriff Valenti
acts like the father I always wished Nasedo could’ve
been. I finally have a family.
Alex and Maria have hooked up- apparently working
on the Whits and their mutual break ups with aliens
gave them a bond. The songs are darker now, all about
lovers done wrong and broken hearts, etc.
Isabel still cries about it sometimes. She
pretends that she doesn’t, but I can tell. Michael
holds her close when she does. I still don’t believe
that they’re together. Apparently Maria told Michael
she’d had it with being jerked around, and Alex did
the same to Isabel, so they turned to each other.
They can comfort each other about the past, and
allay the fears and nightmares that come from being a
killer- I once joked that the three of us should start
a support group for alien killers. They didn’t laugh.
Isabel is still freaked out beyond words about the
Vilandra/ Lonnie/ Skins/ betrayal mess. We try to
tell her that history doesn’t have to repeat itself.
Sometimes she believes us, sometimes not. It’s the
same way with Max, when he gets worried about being a
leader.
Grant disappeared right after Isabel’s party. I
once asked Max if he or Michael had anything to do
with that. He flushed, and declined to answer. I
take that for a yes.
What happened to bring on this bout of
introspection? After all, Kyle and I hooked up last
year. Well we’re all graduating high school. Kyle’s
going to college in San Francisco. He wants me to go
with him. The Sheriff promised to stay in Roswell to
guard the granilith, so we don’t even have to worry
about that. The Sheriff will call us if anything
weird happens on that front.
Isabel, Michael, Liz and Max want me to come East
with them. Isabel and Michael are going to be in the
Washington DC area, while Max and Liz will be in New
York City. I don’t know how he can go back there.
Any way, they say we’re a family, we should stay
close, just in case.
I’m facing one of the hardest choices I’ll ever
have to make. My family, or the man I love. Either
way I lose. No matter which side I choose I will lose
someone I love.
If I choose Kyle I might lose the trust and the
closeness that I worked so long and so hard to earn
and establish from and with Michael, Isabel, Max and
Liz. If I choose the Others I lose Kyle, and probably
the Sheriff. I don’t know how to decide.
I talked to Liz. She told me that trying to live
without the man you love is harder than almost
anything else is. Then she went into a really weird
story about Max from the future, and choices, and
needing me to stay close to prevent the end of the
world.
The crazy thing? I believe everything she said.
It actually explains a lot. I know what I probably
should do. I know what Nasedo would tell me to do.
I've decided. I choose love. I choose Kyle. I'll just wait to face the consequences.
Click to go Somewhere else!
Good-Tess Fic II
Bad-Tess Fic II
Alt.-Tess Fic II
Tess POV Fic II
Kyle and Tess Fic
