Their Stories
Author: Neeka
Disclaimer: I wish I owned em, but I don't, don't own the music either.
Catergory: Alternate Universe
Summary: An AU series dealing with mental and physical abuse of some sort. Please if your sensitive in those sort of areas, like rape, child abuse etc. don't read this.
Feedback: Please, I'll love you forever. :)
Author's Note: Music in this story is Everclear's Father of mine.
Kyle's Story - Father of mine
Part 7
"Well, let's see. My life troubles began because my father walked out on my mother. He walked out on my mother and he walked out on me. I hate him for that, because he didn't walk out of my life when I was like a baby, he walked out of my life when I was ten and well aware of what was going on. I wanted him to come back. I wanted him to come back and make me feel like he loved me still. I wanted to be HIS son again. I didn't really cry, I only closed my eyes and then when I opened them, my entire life had changed. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. He was gone. My father had left, and I only blamed myself."
father of mine
tell me where have you been
you know i just closed my eyes
my whole world disappeared
father of mine
take me back to the day
when i was still a your golden boy
back before you went away
"At first, I just kinda centered myself to believe he was only gonna be gone for a little while. So, to pass the time, I would remember the old days. When he would practically put me on a sliver platter. He used to take me lots of places, more so before he left. I think he was trying to soften the blow. He would make me feel so proud. Because he was proud of me. After he left though, I thought he wasn't proud of me, so it was really hard to work up that kind of pride. It just kinda dissapeared. Kinda like him now that I think about it."
i remember those blue skies
walking the block
i loved it when you held me high
i loved to hear you talk
you would take me to the movie
you would take me to the beach
you would take me to a place inside
that is so hard to reach
"After that I just kinda folded into myself. Wondering if he still though about me? Wondering if he cared? Wondering if he even remembered me, like I remembered him. I really hoped he remembered me that way. I needed him to remember me that way. He was my father. I wanted to still be a good kid for him, I still thought he'd be coming home soon."
father of mine
tell me where did you go
you had the world inside your hand
but you did not seem to know
father of mine
tell me what do you see
when you look back at your wasted life
and you don't see me
"I mean I was ten, only ten. I didn't know that when my father walked off, that meant he was coming back. And the letters, well, birthday cards I got from him didn't help ease that fact. He'd send me 5 dollars in a birthday card, every so often anyway. He didn't do it every birthday. After we had to move out of our old house and into a new neighborhood, it was hard. I tried so hard not to blame my father that we had to move. I tried to put the blame on my mother. She's the one who'd moved us to the ghetto place she moved us to. Trust me, I felt like Eminem in my new home. Except, I was more of a cowboy. A cowboy in the ghetto, now that's a joke. Except, it was for real. That was me.I wanted so much to try and understand why my father left too, I wanted to know a whole lot."
i was ten years old
doing that i could
it wasn't easy for me
to be a scared white boy
in a black neighborhood
sometimes you would send me a birthday card
with a five dollar bill
i never understood you then
and i guess i never will
"Nothing though, nothing really helped me. I mean my father walked out of my life. He'd named me too. I was named after his grandfather. But then he just left, why would he leave me if he loved me?"
daddy gave me a name
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
"I started going into my own little world. Really trying to figure out why he packed up and left. I mean, all the kids on my block teased me, one cause I was white, two cause I didn't have a father. My mother never mentioned his name either. It was tabo in my house. I started wondering how in the hell that man, my father, slept at night. How he could just live with himself. After leaving me. After a while I also started to remember the nights before he walked out. He would hit my mom. She would have huge wealts and bruises. I started to understand why his name was so tabo. She didn't want to be reminded of her weakness, even for a little while."
father of mine tell me where have you been
i just closed my eyes
and the world disappeared
father of mine
tell me how do you sleep
with the children you abandoned
and the wife i saw you beat
"One day, about a year ago, I tried to kill myself. Not the regular way either, not with a blade and not with a gun. I didn't even try to hang my self. I tried to jump off a 10 story building. You know, I woulda died too. If it wasn't for the fact that the people in my nieghborhood had spread beds around the building. I was in the hospital for about four months before they sent me to the crazy house."
i will never be safe
i will never be sane
i will always be wierd inside
i will always be lame
now i'm a grown man
with a child of my own
and i swear that i'm not going to let her know
all the pain i have known
"After the suiside atempt, they tried to let me go home. I just ranted and raved at everyone I knew. I would scream at my mother, I started remembering my father again and how it was all HIS fault. HE was the one who named me. HE was the one who walked away. It was all HIM. And I would watch my mother cower and cry and then I just stopped one night and took her into my arms crying and telling her I was just like him. That I was my father's son. She noticed the blade marks soon after that. I cut myself. It really does relieve the pain you know."
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
"But, my mother is old now and I need to get better so I can go home and take care of her. Because my father walked away. He named me after his grandfather and he left soon after."
then he walked away
"Well, we'll really try to get you better so you can go home and take care of your mother."
Kathleen said smiling a sad smile.
"I'm sure you're all hungry. We just need to get through two more people. Michael? Maria? Which one of you wants to go first?"
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