Their Stories
Author: Neeka
Disclaimer: I wish I owned em, but I don't, don't own the music either.
Catergory: Alternate Universe
Summary: An AU series dealing with mental and physical abuse of some sort. Please if your sensitive in those sort of areas, like rape, child abuse etc. don't read this.
Feedback: Please, I'll love you forever. :)
Authors Note: Music in this story is Everclear's : Why I don't believe in God.
Alex's Story - Why I don't believe in God
Part 2
Alex looked up at Kathleen. "Fine, where do I begin. Hmmm, how about here. My mother wasn't all to sane herself you know. Was kinda crazy. I was around 8. She kept her secrets to herself. Didn't tell anyone anything. She kinda kept to herself. She was kinda scary. She would go into these moods, and she'd stay there for awhile. It all started mind you when my father died. He was killed, a bullet wound to the head. But like I was saying she was a little crazy. She was a striked woman as well. She had a thing about Edgar Casey though. She really liked him or whatever. She used to pretend to talk to him, and other people too. She talked about weird things."
i heard the truth about you
and it really doesn't read at all
like the whipping stick you rasied me with
a scared woman in a private hell
hushed voice like electric bells
strange talk about edger casey
and the long lame walk of the dark 70's
"I always knew my mother was crazy. I mean, after my dad's death and stuff she just wasn't my mother anymore. It didn't real click til one day while I was at school. I was sitting in class, playing with my best friend, when the principle walked into the office. I looked up and he ushered the teacher over to him. The teacher and the principle both looked at me and they ushered me over. All the kids in the class started 'ohhhing' like little kids do. The principle though only escorted me to his office.
When we got there the principle asked me to sit down, so I did. He began to talk to me in a strange voice, a sad voice. A voice people used when something was wrong. He told me that my mother was in the hospital and that my sister was going to be taking me in. My sister is twelve years older than me. Was born in the 70's. She came after school to get me though. I remember her being really sad. Her eyes were bloodshot. She came and got me though. She took me to her house and she laid me in the guest room. I was asleep when I heard some voices. I woke up and I could hear my sister and her husband arguing, they were arguing about what to do with me and about my mother. She'd had a nervous breakdown."
i heard the truth about you
yeah you
mama they woke me up
i was deep in an idiot sleep
i was just eight years old
heard big words with a horrible sound
why'd they have to call my school
tell me my mother had a nervous breakdown
"I don't believe in God though because it didn't do my mother any good. She used to pray everyday and we went to church everyday. I couldn't ever figure out why she wanted to go so often. At first, I thought that she'd get better from the nervous breakdown. But it didn't happen, so soon I started hearing things. Voice like things. They'd talk to me, tell me things. Tell me what was going on. Tell me that my mother shouldn't have believed in God, cause he wasn't nice to her, cause he wasn't nice to my family. I couldn't stop those voices. I believed those voices. Those voices were the only thing I ever had in common with my mother.
i wish i believed like you do
yeah you
in the myth of a merciful god
in the myth of a heaven and hell
i hear the voices
you hear sometimes
sometimes it gets so much
i feel like letting go
sometimes it gets so hard
i feel like letting it go
sometimes it gets so goddamn hard
i feel like letting it all go
letting it all go
"I ran away soon after that, at ten. I ran all the way to my old house. Back to where I grew up with my mother. I wanted to find her, make sure that what my sister and teachers had said was true, the voices had told me they were lying. I hid in the dark whenever I saw someone coming. I stood outside my old house. No one lived there. I had broken into the building and climbed into my room. All that was left was a bed. I had climbed onto it and closed my eyes, wishing my life was the way it was before. I woke up to hear my name being called. It was my sister's husband, Joey, he was calling me and telling me things.
He told me that my mother was allright, that she was gonna be okay, that she was in a good place and the people there knew she was okay. Knew she would be fine. She just needed her rest. I made the mistake of telling him that the voices I heard were telling me otherwise. He sat down on the bed and asked me, seriously, if I heard voices. I only nodded. Telling him it was the same voices my mother heard. He sighed than and told me that maybe he'd take me to where my mother was. Said maybe they could help me too, before it was to late."
i ran away and went looking for you
back to culver city and the old neighborhood
need to know if you were really gone
need to know if you were gone for good
i ran through the projects at night
hide in the dark from my friends in the light
hide from my brother-in-law
hide from the things he'd say
said you weren't losing your mind
he said you just needed a rest
he said you would be coming home soon
said the doctors there
would know what's best
said that maybe
i could go live with them a while
"After that I was sent to my first mental home. I stayed at that one for about two years. They tried asking me about the voices. I told them the truth, I told them the voices went away. Cause they did, as soon as I told Joey. They didn't believe me though. So I've been in mental homes since. Same place my mother ended up, except she's dead. She died in one of the places. They said she hung herself, at her feet they said they found a bible. They said it was the only thing she always asked for. I couldn't believe, nor fogive the so called God after that. I mean, he killed my mother. How was I going to forgive him. But that's why. That's why I don't believe in God anymore. If I ever did."
i know the truth about you
i know the truth
Everyone in the room could only nod. Kathleen stood from her chair.
"Can you excuse me?"
Kathleen said as she rushed off. She had no idea, that poor boy. She stood in the bathroom mirror and dried her eyes. Wishing the red to go away. She didn't know this job would be like this. She didn't know the children would be like this. She wouldn't give up though. She needed to know the truth about them all.
Kathleen walked back into the room to see everyone seated and eating their dinner quietly. None of them seemed fazed by anything, not even Alex himself. She sighed. They probably didn't have anything left to feel.
"Are we all gonna have to tell you our stories?"
Kathleen turned to the short blonde, Tess.
"Of course. It's part of the program."
"What if we don't want to?"
Maria asked, visibly upset about that factor.
"It's not really a choice factor. It's something madatory."
"So this is the catch. I wanna leave."
"Maria, just give it a chance."
"No one needs to know why I'm crazy, just that I am."
Maria said, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back in her seat.
"When can we tell our stories?"
Tess asked again.
"Are you all done eating?"
Everyone nodded.
"Well, we can go into the living room and whoever wants to talk can."
"I think I'd like that miss."
Tess said smiling.
"Good, everyone, go ahead and go into the living room. I'll get the dishes."
Everyone stood and walked into the living room. Maria grumbling on the way. Kathleen walked into the room.
"Okay, so who wants to start?"
"Can I?"
Everyone turned to Tess.
"Why of course, go ahead."
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