Only three more weeks until this is all over and we leave New Zealand. In a strange way, that realization is like a knife in the gut. As much as I miss home and as much as filming these movies has exhausted me, it's going to be so difficult to say goodbye to everyone here and leave the world of Middle Earth behind me. Of course, there's still more work to do with the movie (reshoots, looping, etc.), there will be premieres and hopefully awards ceremonies, and we can always get together if we miss each other, but it won't be the same.
I'm thinking about this tonight because Bean is here to do some reshoots, and I realize how much I've missed the crazy wanker. Sure, he's a Blades fan, but nobody's perfect. So we're having an impromptu Fellowship reunion, and all nine of us have gathered at the house I share with Billy for whatever our crazy minds can come up with. We debated going to a pub, but we know that it's not really Ian's scene, and John is still self-conscious about the eczema he's developed from his Gimli makeup. Not to mention that if Viggo and Orli want to get a little, um, comfy, a pub probably isn't the place to be.
Sure enough, they're comfy right now, Viggo giving Orli's back some relief by way of a shoulder massage. We should all be so lucky. Actually, they're really not bad with the PDA stuff, even when they're just with their friends. And we're all so happy for them, because what they have is solid. It might look like an unlikely pairing to someone who doesn't know them, but Viggo and Orli are wonderful for each other, and seeing them so happy is really beautiful, and maybe a bit annoying.
Okay, Dom, don't get mad at your friends just 'cause *you* haven't gotten laid in two months. I stop the train of thought before my brain derails, and think instead about how great these eight guys with me are. It really is like family; we've become a permanent part of each others' lives, just like those tattoos we all have. I could work on a hundred movies and never have this same experience again. What a depressing thought.
"Earth to Sblomie," Billy calls, waving a hand in front of my face.
"Sorry," I say, my cheeks flushing. "My mind kind of wandered off."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Um, so what were you talking about?" I ask him.
"Don't worry about it," he says with a chuckle.
The massage apparently over, Orli leans forwards, grabbing a handful of crisps from the bowl on the table and practically inhaling them. "How on earth do you manage not to choke?" John asks him.
"I bet Viggo asks him that same question every night," Billy snickers, provoking a round of laughter, even from Viggo.
Orli blushes a deep crimson. "Change of subject, please." He turns to Bean. "You're about to start shooting that Michael Douglas movie, right?"
Bean nods. "Yeah. I've been pumping Vig for information on him."
"I told you, Sean. He's just a really nice guy and a hell of an actor," Viggo says as he takes a sip of his beer.
"With a damned hot wife," I add.
"Well, I never met her," Viggo laughs. "They weren't together when I worked with him."
"I always thought it was so cool that you had your own artwork in that movie," Lij says to Viggo. "I rented that video with Dom after you were cast, and when I found out you did your own art, I was so impressed."
"Thanks," Viggo says, a bit embarrassed by the praise. The man really needs to realize how amazing he is and that we're not all bullshitting him with our admiration for his work.
"Are you still thinking of putting a new book together?" Ian asks.
"Yeah, but it's not at the top of my list of things to do."
"You've taken so many pictures here; it would be amazing to see them put into a book," John says.
"Oh, any book I publish would be full of pictures from the shoot," Viggo assures him. "It's been my life for more than a year, and so much has come out of that creatively." He looks at Orli and smiles. "And so much has come out of it personally, too."
Orli grins and gives Viggo a loud smack on the cheek. "I love
this man," he proclaims proudly.
"So what are you two going to do when all of this is over?" Sean
asks casually.
"I'm going back to England," Orli says, chewing his lip a bit. "Vig's going to be in L.A., and we're going to see each other whenever we can."
"Which will actually be pretty often," Viggo tells us with a grin. "We're certainly going to rack up the frequent flier miles. I know that long distance relationships can be difficult, but we're determined to make it work."
"Are you going to come out anytime soon?" Billy queries.
"Not just yet," Viggo says. "I don't think we're quite ready for that."
"Yeah, and it was nice of you to decide that for both of us, Vig," Orli mutters.
My eyebrows shoot up at Orli's comment. I'm not alone, as I see most of my friends wearing similar surprised expressions. "What are you talking about, Orli?" Viggo asks, obviously as startled as we are by his boyfriend's comment.
"Well, you didn't give me much of a say in this whole thing," Orli accuses him.
"That's not true!"
"Yes, it is, Viggo!"
"Orli, we had this discussion months ago, and you've never mentioned the issue since. How was I supposed to know you had a problem with this?" Viggo looks genuinely hurt. "Not once have you told me that you think we shouldn't do what we agreed to."
"I don't think you would have even listened to me. You don't care about how I feel!"
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is."
"Orlando, since we had that talk nearly nine months ago, did you ever *once* bring up this issue? Did you ever tell me that it was upsetting you?"
"That's not the point! The point is that you don't care enough about me to be honest about our relationship!"
"Orli, calm down," Sean urges.
"No, I won't bloody calm down, Sean!" Orli shouts. "You try to
be calm when the most important person in your life wants to pretend you
don't exist!"
"When the fuck have I *ever* acted like you don't exist, Orlando?"
Viggo demands. "When have I ever done anything to intentionally hurt
you?"
"You want us to go our separate ways, hook up every few months and have sex," Orli sneers. "That's all I am to you. Some dirty secret you keep hidden over in England and use when you want your cock sucked." Shit, this is getting ugly.
"Don't do this, Orlando," Billy pleads. "You know that's not true, you know Viggo loves you."
"Is that true?" Orli asks bitingly. "Is that why he wants there to be a bloody ocean between us, and why I can't hold his hand on the street, and why only about thirty people know we're together? Because he *loves* me, Billy?" Orli stands up, moving away from Viggo and pacing around the room, anxiety showing in his body.
"Orlando, Viggo has his reasons for not coming out," Ian tells him, trying to be the voice of reason. "I know better than anyone how difficult it is to announce to the world that you're gay or bisexual. It's a scary thing, and people can be very cruel."
"And I don't want you to get hurt," Viggo says softly, looking at Orli concernedly. "I don't want us to be torn apart by other people's judgments."
"Well, you obviously underestimate my feelings if you think I'd fall out of love because of public opinion," Orli mocks.
"What about your career?" Viggo asks, trying a different tactic. He looks desperate to calm down Orli at this point, and I don't blame him. In all the time I've known Orli, I've never seen him so upset or angry. He doesn't even seem to care that seven of his closest friends are sitting here watching this fight unfold before their eyes.
"My career? You care about my career more than about me?"
"Of course not, Orli! I'm just trying to explain why I feel the way I do! Look, this trilogy could make you a huge star, but your relationship with another male actor – one who's almost twice your age – will have an impact on that."
"It's the age thing, too, isn't it? You still can't get past the fact that we're two decades apart. Or maybe that's why all of this started. Am I some kind of mid-life crisis indulgence? Instead of a fast car or some blonde bimbo you got yourself a pretty boy who doesn't mind bending over?"
"Orli, shut up!" Lij yells.
"Piss off, Lij. This isn't your business," Orli snaps.
"I have Henry to consider, too," Viggo says, anger just starting to flash in his eyes as he stands up and walks over to Orli. I'm surprised he's not furious – God knows I probably would have resorted to smacking Orli by this point. "This decision doesn't just concern the two of us. I know he's fine with our relationship, but other kids won't be so tolerant, and I will *not* have his life disrupted by this when he's at a vulnerable age. And if you can't understand that, then you're not half as mature as you think you are."
"Oh, *I'm* the one who's not mature? What about you? You say you want to spend the rest of your life with me, but you're not prepared to tell other people that we're even together!"
"Orli, I've always maintained that we're going to come out. I'm just not ready right this minute! Can't you understand that? Can't you please try, for my sake, to comprehend that it's not so easy for me to just throw caution to the wind? This isn't easy for me, either, and maybe that sounds selfish, but it's true. Please don't let this break us, love."
"Don't call me that," Orli says disgustedly, fixing Viggo with a glare. "You don't love me. And I don't love you."
Stunned silence hits the room like a sledgehammer. Silence, except for the low din of the telly still on in the background. The fight has been surreal enough, but what Orli just said . . . well, no one can believe it. Least of all Orli, who looks suddenly looks horrified at the realization of what he just told Viggo. My eyes dart between the two men, standing a few feet apart in front of the coffee table.
Viggo's body is shaking, but I don't know whether it's from hurt, anger, or a combination of the two. Suddenly, he grabs a glass of ale off the table and throws it against the wall. Everyone jumps at the sound of tinkling glass shattering against plaster, and watches Viggo shake his head before grabbing his keys and walking out the front door. We hear the engine of his car start, and gravel spewing as he drives out onto the street.
"Fuck," Orli whispers. He looks at us for the first time since this all started. Even when he was shouting down our pleas to stop, his eyes had never left Viggo's. We're all wearing matching expressions of shock, and probably some anger at Orli. Whether or not I agree with Viggo's sentiments on coming out, Orli had just behaved like the world's biggest wanker. And looking at the pain in his brown eyes, I can see him realizing how idiotic he's been.
"What the hell did you just do?" Bean asks him angrily. "What the fuck were you *thinking*, Orlando? Were you thinking at all?"
"Viggo's so in love with you, he can barely see past you," Lij tells him. "How could you possibly think he doesn't love you?"
"I don't think that," Orli says in a choked voice, twisting his fingers together. "And I don't know what I was thinking, Sean. Jesus." The last word is almost a sob as he looks at the remains of the shattered mug and the brown stain that the ale has left on the wall. Viggo doesn't lose his temper like that, and Orli knows it. He knows how much he hurt Viggo just now.
Not knowing what else to do, I get up and grab the broom and dustpan. Maybe if I just tidy this up, I won't have to think about the nightmare fight that I just watched between two of my closest friends. Viggo and Orli are one of those couples you just know are a sure thing. This kind of shit isn't supposed to happen, especially not right before your eyes.
"Is it true you didn't discuss your feelings about this matter with Viggo?" Ian queries.
Orli nods. "We talked once, and we were agreed to disagree for the moment and revisit the issue when we got closer to leaving. But whenever he brought it up or made reference to it, I couldn't tell him how I felt, and just nodded and went along with what he said."
"Why not?" Sean asks. "He couldn't have known you had a problem with it. What did you think was going to happen? That he'd wake up and suddenly read your mind?" As much as we love Orli, right now we're not so kindly disposed towards him. We love Viggo, too, and everything's gotten fucked up.
"I don't know!" Orli shouts. "I'm sorry!"
"We're not the ones you should be saying that to," John tells him.
"You owe Viggo the biggest apology in the world," I say as I empty the glass into the rubbish bin. "And you'll be damned lucky if he even listens to you. Do you even realize what you said? You said you didn't love him, Orli!"
"I didn't mean it." Sitting down on the couch, Orli begins to cry quietly. Billy puts an arm around him, willing to extend a measure of comfort. "I love him," he says in a strangled voice. "I don't want to lose him."
"That decision isn't up to you," Ian says. "You had better pray that Viggo is willing to forgive the things you said."
Some of my anger slips away as I look at Orli's agonized face. Not all of it, but some. Everyone knows how much he loves Viggo, how in love he still is. They've had some fights of course, but nothing that ever put their relationship in jeopardy. "You must all hate me," he sniffles.
"We don't hate you, Orlando," John assures him. "We just think you didn't behave very well."
"And I'm angry at you," Lij says honestly. "Viggo's our friend and you hurt him. But I don't hate you."
Orli looks at us forlornly. "So what do I do now?"
"Well, I suggest you apologize as profusely and honestly as you possibly can," Bean suggests, still glaring daggers at Orli. "And then talk to him about this issue so that this shit doesn't happen again."
"I know." Orli gazes at his hands as if they hold the answers to this situation. "Can someone give me a ride home? Viggo –" he stops, faltering on the name.
"He drove you over here?" Billy asks.
"Yeah."
"C'mon, I'll give you a lift," Sean says with a slight smile, going into what I've dubbed Samwise mode. He extends a hand to help Orli from the couch. "I'll see you guys tomorrow," he tells us.
"Good night everyone," Orli says softly. "I'm sorry."
"Try to get some sleep," Ian urges him.
Nodding blindly, Orli follows Sean out the front door, and the six remaining Fellowship members look around at each other. "Well, never a dull moment, huh?" I ask, breaking the uncomfortable silence. I pick up the remote control and finally shut off the telly, sick of being distracted by the laugh track of some sitcom that's been on in the background this whole time, like some weird form of irony.
"They have to be okay," Lij says, sounding like a little kid. "They're just meant to be together. This isn't supposed to end when filming does."
"I think they will be okay," Ian assures him.
"Really?" Billy looks dubious. "If anyone said to me what Orli said to Viggo . . . I'd never want to speak to them. I mean, that was just a full-out attack on Viggo."
"Yeah, but you know Viggo will forgive him," Bean laughs mirthlessly. "It's like Elijah said – he can't see past Orlando. And as much as I adore Orli most of the time, I felt like wringing his neck tonight."
"Look, there's no point in sitting around and discussing this to death," John tells us. "It's up to them to make this work, and no amount of speculation will do anything."
"They have to be okay," Lij says again.
I can only pray that he's right.
