Linc- - Can’t you guys just compromise?

Heero- Hell no.

Shinji- We’re rolling...

Linc- - Huh? Oh, shit! Greetings everybody! It’s your old pal, Linc-, aka Shijin Yamako! I’m here today to host the celebrity Gundam Death Match!

Duo- Did you say ‘DeathScythe’?

Linc- - No... Fist off, let’s meet our contestants!

Scene II

*We now take you to the set of the Oprah show where Linc- has somehow gotten a hold of a microphone and a Quarter Pounder with Cheese…*

Linc- - Good day Mr. Yuy! Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?

Heero- I like dancing, threatening people, long walks on the beach, self-destructing, and Italian food.

Linc- - Thanks, but this is not a personal ad... Next we have the God of Death himself! Sir, may I ask why you’re standing so close to me?

Duo- Hi.

Linc- - ...So, how did you prepare for this fight?

Duo- Dancing.

Linc- - Really.

Duo- No.

Linc- - ....

Duo- Wait for me, Heero!

Linc- - ....Next up is Trowa Barton! Sir, how did you prepare for the fight?

Trowa- ...

Iris- ....ooookay, do you like dancing?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - ...Food, Trowa, do you eat food?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - ...Do you have a close relative that is a mime of some sort?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - How about a personality that surpasses cardboard?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Barton.

Trowa- ...

Linc- - *whisper* Freak!!! You have to say something!

Trowa- *Points Heavy arm’s gun at her* Die.

Linc- - Well, that shut me up, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next contestant! So, Mr. Winner, how did you prepare for the fight?

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc- - ....Do you like food?

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc-- Really, I didn’t know they were edible.

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc- - Does you face hurt from smiling all the time?

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc- - ...Ok, a man of few words. Let’s begin! An exclusive interview with Chang Wufei, member of the dragon clan!

Wufei- It’s nice to be here.

Linc- - That’s great. So, how did you prepare for the fight that you’re not actually going to be in?

Wufei- I killed my partner. He was weak. Just like you, Linc-! You are all weak!

Linc- – WHOA! You have no sense of honor! Besides, Shinji’s my partner and I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve tried to bump him off--

Shinji- HEY!!!

Wufei- AAARRRGGG! *lunges* Die, fangirl, die!

Linc- - GyAAAH You monster!!! *cowers*

Scene III

Linc- - This is a partner fight, but Wufei can’t participate, cos’ he killed his...

Wufei- *sob* I didn’t think I’d win!

Shinji- Excuses...

Linc- - And no Gundam weapons will be permitted on the Gundams, because of a certain incident...

Trowa- Because of me? Great, now I have a stubby Gundam with no arm...

Wufei- *Holds up Dragon Fang* Ha ha, I got to keep mine. You suck.

Linc- - Let’s begin!

Scene IV

Shinji- Meanwhile, back stage...

Duo- I’m so glad you chose me to be your partner, Heero!

Heero- Don’t talk to me. The only reason I chose you is because all the others are such wussies.

Duo- What about Wufei?

Heero- He’s scary! He tried to kill me like five times.

Duo- He likes me, I’m his friend.

Heero- What gives you that idea?

Duo- Ever read the manga version of GW?

Heero- ...no...

Duo- Exactly.

*Suddenly, a dark figure lurks in the shadows overhead. The defender of justice, truth, and honor! Wherever the weak are oppressed, he’ll be there! Wherever his arch rival is, he’ll be there--a lot faster! The dark night--*

Batman- That is copyrighted material.

*...The dark night©, Wufei!*

Wufei- Heh?

Linc- - Someone obviously needs a little motivation. *push*

Wufei- Whaa-YAAAAAHHHHH!!!

*CRASH!*

Duo- Hey! It’s Wufei! Let’s give ‘im a hug.

Wufei- Nooooooooooo!

Heero- Make that six times.

Scene V

Shinji- On the battlefield...

Quatre- It doesn’t matter if you win or lose Trowa, we like you anyway! YAAAAAAAY!

Heero- Duo, I swear to God if you screw this up…

Duo- *gulp* I won’t, Heero.

Heero- You better not, ya meat-head.

Shinji- Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Trowa- Excuse me?

Linc- - Yeah?

Trowa- *Opens up HeavyArm’s missiles* Can I use arm missiles?

Linc- - No.

Trowa- Why the hell not!?

Linc-- ...ya tried to shoot me in the face.

Trowa- Oh. *opens up HA chest missiles* How about these?

Linc- - ...Uh, that’s creepy, son, close them back up.

Quatre- Whoa, chest missiles. I never realized he had those suckers...

Shinji- Hey! No mecha hentai!

Linc- - Just fight already...

T/D- Yes, ma’m...

HA- *taps DeathScythe*

DS- *falls over*

Duo- Oh! It hurts, I’m down, I’m out!

Heero- JESUS!!! That didn’t take you very long, what were you in there for, like five seconds!?!

HeavyArms- *sweatdrop*

Shenlong- *Drags DS off with Dragon Fang*

Duo- I WILL SURVIVE!!

Heero- That’s my line!!

Scene VI

Shinji- OK! Fighting on the blue side, Heero! Pink side, Trowa!

Trowa- Why do I have to get pink?

Quatre- Cos’ we’re feminine, silly!

Trowa- ...don’t talk to me...

Heero- Whatever.

Wing- *Pulls out buster rifle*

*BOOM! (And other miscellany noises)*

Trowa- ...THAT’S NOT FAIR! SHE SAID NO WEAPONS!!!

Linc- - *Nods firmly* Sorry, Trowa’s right, Hee-

Wing- *points buster rifle at referee*

Linc- - ...I’m willing to overlook this as an ‘Act of God’.

Trowa- BULL SHIT!

Heero- *smiles*

Scene II

Linc- - Since ‘Psycho’--

Trowa- *glare*

Linc- - --is finally out of the fight, we’ll allow weapons!

Heero- Sorry, Quatre buddy, but I got to do this...

Quatre- Wait, why are we fighting??

Heero- To see who has to share the bed in the spare room.

Quatre- ....oh...

*BOOM! (And other miscellany noises)*

Duo- Hey! We did it! Quatre’s out! No surprise there...

Heero- What’s all this ‘we’ crap?

Duo- What do you mean?

Heero- Heh heh heh...

*WOOB! (And other miscellany noises (Haha, it’s BOOM upside down))*

Wufei- That was pretty weak, Heero.

Heero- Did I mention the losers al have to sleep in the Queen sized bed together?

Wufei- ...I find you actions just, but I now must find my own meaning of justice. Prepare to fight!

Linc- - Actually, since it’s a partner fight, you can’t...

Wufei- WHAT!?!

Linc- - ‘Fraid so.

Wufei- ...So let me get this straight... You allow Heero to use weapons, blast his own partner, and yet...

Linc- - Life has a sick and twisted way of working out. Don’t you agree?

Wufei- ...

Heero- Mission accomplished.