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THE BATTLE AT NON-BELIEVERS FORGE
By: Prof. Dingleberry Blackwood, PhD.
In my professional opinion, the consequences of this war played a big part in how the Atheists have charge of the world now. If it were not for this battle, the atheists would still have problems with showing their boldness to stand against things in which they don’t believe. We are going to go through an exploit in trying to deliver the full meaning and importance of this battle to you, we are going to explore the front lines, read what some of our shall we say “martyrs” (licensed martyrs that is) wrote before the fateful day of their deaths.
I feel that the most important thing right now is to take a quote from one of our predecessors in Cavalry A.T.H.E.I.S.T in standing against the Christian outfit of “Thumpers.” General Alexander Napoleon Stallion wrote before the war, “It is requisitely important that we end all this Bible Thumping madness, press back the oppressive troops and raise our flag for which it stands, for ourselves and also for our posterity; so deeply rooted and engraved for this freedom which we stand, no other generation will be able to say that we fought as hard and valiantly as Cavalry A.T.H.E.I.S.T.”
General Stallion wrote these famous words before the war as the setting, the feeling of how that they should go forth and do this war. We look to see that they spent the next several months making last war preparations and last trainings for their troops. We noticed that the Thumpers claimed that they didn’t need to train because they had Divine Providence on their side, their first fatal mistake.
General Stallion decided that they needed to come up with war plans that were impenetrable, so he formed what we jokingly call “The Thumper Flusher,” where they form a double helix with two outfits of V’s on either end leaving them backed up thoroughly, not only that but adding it to guerilla warfare, making it so much more dangerous and deadly.
Stallion stressed the importance of Tree 317, marked with red lining, letting his men know that the Thumpers would win if they pressed beyond that point, so they decided that they should break up into sections, Stallions only small mistake seeing that they only lost 13 men because of this mistake, but in the long run it slowed the Thumpers down significantly to where they were flushed out and destroyed.
Agnus Rochester wrote, famous atheist and skeptic, “We had at this point in time, after the “Thumper Flusher” was created, the strongest plan and army in the area. We had to set up for the battle on April 1, 1739. We created it in such a manner where-which we created ‘April Fools,’ hence the Thumping fools flooding into their greatest nightmare and trap, it is a dishonor for an atheist to fall for April fools because of the meaning behind it on this great battle.”
As chance would have it the second great turn around happened on April 1, 1739, the Christians had fought gallantly and with vigor but Stallion decided it was time for their operations to end so he called for the procedures first usage.
The sun was beginning to rise, it was around 6:45 am, and there they were the Thumpers were making their way to Tree 317; the Cavalry was ready for them though. Precisely at 6:53 am the Cavalry Atheist did their greatest turning point in history, they began pressing back the Thumpers with great force and magnitude and flushed around them and destroyed them all.
Barley Oakry wrote, Prof. of the ATHEIST Community College, “The feeling that the Cavalry A.T.H.E.I.S.T had at that point was total success and victory, nothing would stop them from surrounding and capturing the rest of the Thumpers; it is even said that a thumper wrote, ‘I no longer believe in the Divine Providence, we cried out and he heard us not, we were wiped out like sheep lead to the slaughter.’ It is pleasing to know that we had proselytes from the war.”
Conclusively, our war, our marking point in history is remembered by the Thumpers today, although in ALL of their history books you won’t find it recorded once because, like their crusades, they were nothing but failures and embarrassments to their “Christian Order.” We proved at that point who was the strongest, we proved at that point who would always win, so all you atheists out there stand against what you don’t believe in, we must silence them all.
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