Steven Matthews

Steven is the love of my life. He is truly my knight in shining armor. He has always been there for me when I needed him regardless of time or circumstance. I hope that I have been half the friend to him that he has been to me because friends don't get much better. I normally hate talking on the phone and get really annoyed that people would have the audacity to call me when I'm in the middle of organizing my cd jewel case collection by color scheme but Steven and I waste DAYS (not hours) talking about shit like "Say Whatever The Fuck You Want To" and "Glad You Ate Her" and anything else in between including "I'll take Ugly People Beginning With J for 500, Alex". People in white jackets would come cart us away if they heard some of the shit we come up with at 5 in the morning. The next door neighbors say they're going to start calling the police if I wake them up again by incessant laughing fits anytime after midnight. Do you hear a train... hmmm. We also seem to spend a lot of time talking about our love life or lack thereof... wait I mean MY lack there of, Steven is the mack. But even if he's the mack he's going to marry me and we're going to keep our sex slaves in boxes under the bed. We have the perfect relationship... too bad I'm going to screw it up and make him really mad when I fuck his girlfriend... and NO you can not watch... sorry dude she's hot. Boyfriends, sexfriends, and the random crush may come and go but my Steven is forever. You mean the world to me sweetie. Even though I've known you for a good long while I never get tired of learning more about you and the more I learn the more I love you. I WUV EWWW STEVENPOO! (even if I can't say it like I'm supposed to while other people are listening, you know how it is man haha) ... No! I love you more! .... NO! I love you infinity times infinity squared... burag. Hold on while I gag. Okay, I'm back, did you miss me my little cumdoodle?

Ryan Rembert

Hmm. I met Ryan a couple of years ago on AOL under the auspicious circumstances of looking for the quadruple amputee cow that had rolled away with my pink bedroom slippers. Poor Ryan. Lately I've been talking his ear off and he seems to be ok with that since he just ignores me half the time anyway. But when he's not ignoring me he's calling me bad names or giving me good advice. I love the fact that he always tries to be honest with me... (The "Am I doable?" and "Are my boobs too big?" questions don't count, you're allowed to lie to those.) And he usually understands where I'm coming from. Which is rare indeed. Very few people get the enigma that is Tia... and very few people would want to since they normally think I'm a freak and run away screaming. sigh. But Ryan doesn't mind that I say shit like, "Okay, who's carrying around the festering corpse?"... mainly because he says shit like that too. Yup, Ryan's a bonafide weirdo. Not only does he have a freakish personality, he's carrying around a head the size of my ass. And you better believe I have a big ass. (Well. It's kinda flat and not very bootyliscous... eh Ryan, what do you think of my ass?) He makes me laugh much more than the average retard. Another thing we have in common is that we are dorks. The other night we discovered that we both have shopped at www.thinkgeek.com. Not too long ago we spent about an hour talking about nothing but computer crap. Then I pointed out that we are dorks and he was all like, "stfu, IT IS OYU HOWI S KORD. owned" and I was all like, "It's sad that I understood that." (THERE IS NO SCULLY WITHOUT MULDER!!, THERE IS NO MULDER WITHOUT SCULLY!!... wait, that's a Steven joke... STEVEN IS A DORK TOO!!) X-Files rules. sigh. I promise I was cool at one point in my life. I was. Ryan is the perfect blend of everything I like in a person (except punctual) and I want to take this time to let him know that he is much cool in my book, sideburns and all. I'd also like him to know that he's not invited to Carowinds next year. You're a keeper, I love you even if you do stink.

Will Ames

When I'm having sex with a guy and he says, "Who's your daddy bitch!" I say, "WILL! Will's my daddy!" Which usually earns me a good fist in the jaw but I'm ok with that since I get to at least say Will's name during sex... Will is wangtastic. He and I don't talk as much as we used to but he's still one of my favorite people. Under all that "cool in a band have groupies so stoned you could break my dread off and get high" he's a sweetie. I don't think he likes people to know this. Will does occasionally get on my nerves but it's normally because he's not in love with me. But hey, when you're adored by millions, you can't love each one individually. This I understand. It still pisses me off. Then every once in a while he'll forget that it is I who am the Master. He is my farmboy. But he'll slip up sometimes and say shit like, "blah" and I'll have to correct him. Thinks he can talk to me any way he wants to pfft! But he somewhat redeems himself when he gets naked and dances though... and I'm still waiting on my webcam striptease a la American Pie... dork. I love you sweetie.