Firstly I would like to give many thanks to Ms. C.J. White for taking my computer out of the dark ages and into the light. And for the fish. haha. She's awesome.

Secondness, I would like to remind certain souls that those who do not give ass do not get any either. And that there be ass aplenty to choose from. Hot sweaty young MALE ass at that. cough cough.

I went to Carolwinds the other day with some friends, one of which was not Ryan, and have come to realize many things. One of which is that fat people do not know that they are fat. They couldn't, how else can you explain a 250 pound sun obscurant wearing a leopard striped leotard? She is obviously one of the thousands afflicted with what I'm now calling "Dyslexic Anorexia." They know they weigh much more than average but when they look in the mirror they see this sexy body full of pheromones. And they wouldn't want any clothing to get in the way of those pheromones getting out would they? NO! But what we see is, uh, well, a fat ass. Nothing against fat asses yo, I myself am in possession of one, but I do have something against leopard print leotards made in a size 28. Come on Lane Bryant, you know you shouldn't be selling that shit. Mini skirts and anything made of spandex, or spandex like material, should have a size limit. It would save me a lot of time by not having to figure out 50 ways to say, "Jesus H. Christ, Mount Fuji got game."
But you know, these poor misguided women aren't solely to blame for their heinous fashion fax pas. Their men have a hand in it too. Ladies, men in love will lie to your fat ass. And maybe it can't be considered lying if they see it to be true. But guys, take the blinders off will you, if your woman has got thighs that could smuggle a Yukon full of pot between them out of Mexico, do not tell her to wear the low-riding hip-huging sidelaced denim daisy dukes cause they make you hot. Dude, they may make you hot, but the rest of us are losing our chicken strips. And don't think I'm making this up, that no man would do that, they do. I know from experience. I have an exboyfriend that consistently tried to get me to go out in public in the most god awful clothes you have ever seen. It's was like he thought I should look like the michilen man version of Foxy Brown. Guys, stop that shit. If your chick walks out the house with her ass hanging out and it looks like a bag full of rice is sliding out of her shorts, stop her and say, "Listen baby, I love you, but get your fat cellulite covered ass back in here and cover that shit up." Do it, before some 14 year old boy at Carolwinds does.

Also at Carolwinds I bought some chicken tenders, fries, and a drink for eleven dollars. I expected them to be the best shit I've ever had before in my life. But I was wrong. I didn't even get ice in my drink. Now that's what I call fucked up.

I need a pretend boyfriend. I had a pretend AOL boyfriend, but he went off and got himself a real girlfriend... [Let me just take a moment to let the gargantuan proportions of my dorkdom absorb.] Accept and move on Tia, accept and move on.
Ok, so I know getting hit on is a fact of life for most girls and since losing so much weight it has become a daily occurrence. (Please note that even before I lost the weight I did not wear leopard print leotards.) I also know that girls don't get offered money for sex that often... And, banning the presence of Girls Gone Wild, aren't asked to flash their boobs very often either. So... why am I so blessed? I think that I must have an invisible to me sign on my head that says "WHORE: get some here." Steven says it's because I just look accessible, like the serving wenches in period pieces. Thanks Steven. I love you too. And if you've got a shilling or even a half pence I'll really love you. Long time. And the fact that I obviously look easy is funny because A) I'm usually very picky about who I sleep with/date, B) my clothes are usually 5 sizes too big for me and cover everything possible, and C) I'm more manly than Steven... oh wait I forgot, Steven is gay. (Note: Steven continuously claims to be heterosexual, and I, for one, believe him! I mean how many gay guys do you know that have slept with as many skank chicks as him? Tell me!) But even if a guy has been very rude and made obscene sexual comments to me, I can't seem to bring myself to crush his frail male ego. Therefor, my imaginary boyfriend has been featured in many conversations lately. And some of the more tenacious guys want to know your life history and that of your boyfriend, who he seems to think he is better than. So I've been grappling for a lot of facts about said boyfriend and the other night I just gave up and used all the facts of an exboyfriend. And that made me feel icky. Like I was that chick whose boyfriend broke up with her six months ago and she's still going around telling people that they're together. So if anyone wants the position of "Tia's Pretend Boyfriend" it's available yo. It's sad that I can't even keep a pretend boyfriend. Ryan quote, "You wonder why you can't keep a boyfriend... I don't."

There's a copycat on the loose. I would make a big deal out of it but I'm just not up for it. Here's my Boyfriend Application and here's his Homepage which is hosted by Geocities, and here's his Girlfriend Application which is hosted by AngelFire since he didn't even take the time to figure out how geocities worked their cgi-bin. PFFT! And below is the conversation that ensued.... Oh and by the way Mr. Jon Tisdale you can delete the little "close window" thing since yours doesn't open a new window. And you wonder why I didn't get excited about being accepted to USC or FMU. (That's right, that's where them thar stupid people go. No offense those friends of mine who go to those... which are nearly all my friends... why are all of my friends stupid?) Alls I'm saying is he better be glad he didn't send me a pic. (... he should just take the girlfriend application down and put up a charity assgiving form, tax deductible of course).

Have I mentioned lately that republicans are potential fascist? Stupid ones anyway.

TLT 22379: did you ever get your form right?
Hey There Chief: yep
Hey There Chief: sure did
TLT 22379: cool beens
TLT 22379: dude, you just completely stole the whole thing, you could have at least made up your own questions
Hey There Chief: i was lazy
Hey There Chief: i changed stuff
TLT 22379: you added stuff but that's all
Hey There Chief: well it's hard to improve on an already good thing
TLT 22379: man...
TLT 22379: whatever. i know it's hard to be original but i wish more people would try.
Hey There Chief: yea yea yea i'm not in the mood for it
TLT 22379: blah

Amazon Faeries is expanding. For the next few months you'll see a lot of fucked up shit going on around here. But that's ok, cause we're moving to www.amazonfaeries.com sometime at the beginning of 2003. And as stated above we'll need some staff. Find out more.

In other news; my boobies hurt.