I sighed and plopped down on the plush couch in my brother's home. His new wife, Olivia, sat gently beside me, so not to awaken the sleeping infant in her arms. I looked at the mother-son duo and smiled.
"Olive, I still can't believe that you have a son. It seems like just a year ago, you and Brad were still only dating," I told her, calling her by the nickname Brad and I had made up for her long ago. Olive's eyes left the child and focused on me; she grinned.
"I know. And I was still your tutor. That was so much fun," she replied. She then looked at the tattered and torn book in my hands. "Wow, you still have that old thing?"
"Well, I found it in a box in the attic at the old house." I turned the journal over and over in my hands. Olivia got into a more comfortable sitting position on the couch.
"Read some of it to me," she suggested. I looked at her with wide eyes. She just smiled softly, the maternal glow already surrounding her, although she'd only been a mother for a week.
"I don't know," I began. "I might cry a little."
Olive rested a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Oh come one now, Willow. You've cried in front of me before," she reminded me. I laughed a little.
"But, that was nearly 5 years ago. I've grown up a lot since the, I protested. "Plus, I'm 20 years old now, and 20-year olds don't cry." Olivia gave me an unbelieving look.
"Well, just remember last week. Brad and I are both 23, and we both cried!" she pointed out. I laughed.
"Olivia! You were having a baby. And Brad just about broke his fingers by holding your hand. I wouldn't blame him if he cried," I teased gently. The baby stirred, then yawned and settled back down. I ran my hands over the aging cover of the book, then slowly opened it. March 20th, 1997. Willow Carter. Age 15. 17 Oakhill Drive, Chandler, Oklahoma. I stared at the hastily written words as if a portal to the past had opened up to me. My childhood. I decided to read Olive a couple entries. So, I turned to the first page and took a deep breath, then began the journey back to my youth.
As a child, I was always getting into things, curious as a dog, and forever getting myself into trouble. I had often struggled to find a meaning for my existence; why, exactly, had God sent me to live here on the wondrous planet that we call Earth. My mother would always brush me aside and tell me not to think about such things. She never liked me much, or so I thought. She had never wanted two children, let alone a daughter, and my older brother, Brad, had always been her favorite. My father, a lawyer with his own firm, was a busy man and rarely ever did he have time or patience for me. So I ended up basically by myself. Brad and I, although separated by 3 years, got along just great. Whenever my parents brushed me aside, Brad was there to comfort me. He made me smile when I was sad, and took care of me when I was hurt. He was the kind of big brother most kids could only dream about having. Which made it all the harder on me when Brad moved out of our parents' house when he was 18.
I was 15 at the time. My father wanted Brad to join his law firm, but Brad had other ideas. There was a big fight, and Brad ended up moving from our Chandler, Oklahoma home to a small house in Tulsa, where he started college. I was devastated and cried for days. Even my tutor and close friend, Olivia Hammond, had no effect on lifting my spirits. Olivia was 18 also and had tutored me since I was in the 6th grade. At the time Brad had moved, it was a little known fact that Olivia and Brad had a thing for each other. It was kept such a secret that I was the only one who knew. I told you I was curious, didn't I?
"Will, why are you still crying? It's not the end of the world, you know," Olivia informed m, running my back gently as I laid face down on a couch in the den. I cringed at her touch and sniffled, but kept my head buried in the couch pillows.
"It is the end of the world. Leave me alone," I grumbled. I heard Olivia sigh and she left the room. I took a shaky breath and squeezed my eyes shut. Without my brother, I was not whole. I was empty and unloved. In about a minute, Olivia returned carrying two coats.
"Come on Will," she instructed, calling me by the nickname that I now despised, because Brad had been the first person to call me by it.
"Where are we going?" I sniffled, pulling on my coat. Together we walked out the large front door and down the front steps to her car.
"I'm going to show you that Brad isn't gone for good, he's just half an hour away," she replied. As we got into her car, I stopped sniffling and looked at her, wide eyed.
"Really? Are we going to Tulsa to visit him? Oh Olive, you're the best!" I threw my arms around her and hugged her tightly. Olivia laughed.
"Calm down! And this doesn't excuse you from school. We'll just have lessons at Brad's house."
"I don't mind. And once we get there, I never want to leave there, ever!" I insisted stubbornly. Olivia just looked at me.
"Will, slow down! You've never even seen his house! And it's only been three days since he's left," she pointed out. I shrugged and looked happily out the window as Olivia started her car and drove out of the driveway. I didn't look back.
"Hey Will!" Brad wrapped me in a big bear hug and lifted me clear off the ground. Olivia watched with a smile spreading across her face. "How are you?"
I'm perfectly horrible, thank you," I replied. Brad put me down and laughed as we entered his house. "Don't laugh! Mom hates me-"
Brad frowned. "She doesn't hate you, Willow," he interrupted.
"And every time dad looks at me, he makes me feel guilty because I miss you," I continued. I actually think he's starting to push me away too." Brad put his arm around me.
Don't worry, Will. I'm always a phone call away it you ever need to spend a night away from that house." My eyes brightened and I looked up at him.
"Can I stay tonight? Please oh please oh please?" I begged. Brad looked at Olivia, than back down at me.
"Is it really that bad at him? I nodded. "Honestly?" I nodded again. Brad sighed. "Alright, you may stay. But you'll have to call home and ask first."
I cringed. "Dad will never let me stay here," I complained. "Brad, mom loves you. Why don't you ask her for me?" I suggested. Brad gave me an annoyed look, but nodded. I clapped my hands happily as he picked the telephone up off a box that hadn't been unpacked yet and dialed my home number. My mom agreed to let me stay. Olivia and I grinned at each other. For once in my life, I actually felt wanted in a home. It might have taken 15 years, but the wait was well worth it.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" a voice exclaimed from behind me. I turned around and saw a girl, around thirteen or fourteen, approaching me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered her. The girl grabbed her baseball from the sidewalk, than grinned sheepishly.
"Sorry, I get carried away with throwing sometimes," she explained, then threw the ball back into the yard behind us where a younger boy waited impatiently. When she turned back around, she gave me a strange look. "I've never seen you around here before. Are you new in town?"
"Um, not really. I'm from Chandler. My brother just moved in down the street and I'm staying with him for the night," I explained. The boy in the yard shouted at us and the girl beside me gave him a dirty look.
"I'd better go before my brother pitches a fit," she said, backing up towards her yard. "It was nice meeting you, um..."
"Willow," I informed her. "Willow Carter."
The girl smiled and nodded. "That's a cool name. I'm Brianna, but everyone calls me Bri." Her brother called to her again, and Brianna rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll see you around sometime." She waved and ran back into her yard.
I waved back, then continued down the street. The sun was almost below the horizon now, so I quickened my pace so I could finish my tour of the neighborhood before dark. The houses were spaced apart just enough so that each had a nice sized, perfect green lawn. The families that were once out playing in the yards were all going inside now, so I turned and headed back in the direction of Brad's house.
"Willow? Hello? Pay attention!" Olivia waved her hand in front of my face and I blinked, trailing my eyes off of a group of kids playing hacky-sack on the sidewalk.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, turning back to the book resting in my lap. "Can't we move on to History or English now?" Olivia sighed, but I gave her a pleading look. She finally nodded and I grinned.
"Hey Willow!" someone yelled. Olive and I both looked up to see the girl I'd met the day before, Brianna, crossing the street and heading towards us. "What are you doing?"
"Working on some lessons," I replied. She gave me a confused look and I laughed. "I'm home schooled. This is my tutor, Olivia. Olive, this is Brianna," I introduced them.
"Bri," she corrected me, giving Olive a friendly smile. Then she made a face. "Well, I guess this means you can't go rollerblading, huh?" she asked, disappointed. I gave Olivia another pleading look. She rolled her eyes and fell back into the shade of the tree.
"Be back before dinner," she mumbled. I grinned and ran off with Bri.
"I don't have any rollerblades with me," I exclaimed as we ran down the street.
"Don't worry, I have a pair you can borrow. Come on!" she panted, racing me down the street towards her house.
I dreaded going back to Chandler that night. I made Olivia promise that she'd ask my parents if I could spend the next weekend in Tulsa. Eventually, she relented and agreed to ask. I couldn't wait to go back to Brad's house. Or should I say, Brad and Olivia's house? She spent a lot of her time there... oops, that's ahead of our story.
"Willow!" My mother's sharp voice cut through my thoughts as I poured over my Algebra book, studying for a test the next day, Wednesday. "You have a phone call! Make it quick!"
I sighed and picked up the phone that was on my nightstand. "Hello?"
"Jeez, Willow, your mom doesn't sound too please," commented Bri from the other end.
"Tell me about it. I think she hates it when people pay me attention," I confided. We continued chatting and set up a plan to go to Lazer Quest, the laser tag game in Tulsa, on Friday when Bri got out of school. After hanging up the phone, I finished studying and got ready for bed. As I drifted off to sleep, I tried to think of things that would make Friday come sooner.
"I'm just glad my teachers went easy on us today. I got away from school with only an English assignment," Bri mumbled, shutting the locker door tightly.
"I have math and spelling and social studies homework," Bri's little brother informed us. Bri rolled her eyes.
"Tell me again why we had to bring this twerp with us?" she muttered. I smiled.
"Cause your mom made you," I reminded her. Then I put my arm around her brother. "Oh come on, Bri. How can you hate such a 'cute little 12-year old'?" I teased, talking babyish and pinching his cheeks. Her brother, Jamie, struggled out of my grip and rubbed his cheeks.
"How can I hate him? Easy: try living with him for 12 out of 14 years of your life," Bri replied dryly. I laughed.
"Hey Jamester!" a boy's voice shouted from the darkness inside the Lazer Quest building. Jamie grinned and ran into the building towards the voice. Bri rolled her eyes again.
"My brother and his dorky little friends. Go figure," she commented. We giggled, but she stopped suddenly. "Oh yeah! If Jamie's dorky little friend is here, that must mean his older brothers are too. Which means they're back from LA!" she exclaimed. I shot her a questioning look.
"What in the world are you talking about?" I asked. Bri just grabbed my arm and dragged me into the building. It was dark at first, because it was so sunny outside and there were no windows in the lobby. We stopped running for a second to let our eyes adjust to the dimness.
"Jamie? Where are you?" Bri yelled. We found Jamie and his "mystery buddy" over by the mini-arcade. They looked at us alarmingly when we approached them.
"Uh oh, girl attack. Oh no! They've spotted us and are coming in for the kill!" Jamie cried to his friend. Bri and I stopped in front of them. Jamie moved to shield his friend. "Ahh! Female fans! Run Zac, save yourself!" he exclaimed. His buddy ol' pal, AKA Zac, giggled. Bri put her hands on her hips and made a face at Jamie.
"Ha ha, very funny Geek Brain," she replied. Then she pushed him out of the way to confront Zac. "Are your brothers here?" she asked him.
Zac was kind of sweet looking, with shoulder length blond hair and big, brown eyes. He smiled evilly. "They were fighting back in LA, so dad and I agreed to drop them off the Hollywood sign," he answered casually. Then he flashed a killer grin my way and pushed past her, rubbing his hands together. "My, my, my. Who do we have here? Hee hee hee."
I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. This short, innocent looking kid wasn't very shy at all.
"Hey, leave her alone. It's Bri who we need to defeat," Jamie cried. Zac shrugged, still smiling at me.
"I know, but - Arrgh!" Jamie jumped on top of him and knocked Zac to the floor.
"Run, save yourself Willow!" he cried, suddenly taking my side. I just stared at them. Brianna sighed and rubbed her temples.
"Don't mind them, they've got a few screws loose," she explained as we walked away to find Zac's older brothers.
"A few?" I joked. We laughed. I glanced back over my shoulder at Jamie and Zac, pushing my long blond hair behind my ears, and ran into something, or rather, someone. I shrieked when the person grabbed onto my shoulder to keep its balance, but I toppled down to the floor too.
"Um... Oops?" my attacker mumbled. Oops? Whatever happened to 'Sorry for bumping into you and making you fall'? Was all of Tulsa going mad?
"Whoa, Ike! I wish I had girls falling at my feet," my brother, Taylor, cracked. I sat up and rubbed a newly forming sore spot on the back of my head.
"She's not exactly at my feet," I informed him. Then I looked up and spotted the last person I thought I'd see here. "Bri!" My brown haired friend looked at me, then her eyes opened wide. "Oh my God! Ike! Hi!" She helped me off the floor and wrapped me in a suffocating hug. Then she turned to Taylor and did the same. "How was LA? I can't believe you're back! When is your album being released?"
I grinned and was about to answer her questions, when I remembered my 'attacker' on the floor. I turned and reached down to help her up, then paused. This girl was just... whoa. She really looked like an angel. For a moment, I actually thought she was glowing, then I realized that it was just the light coming from the open Lazer Quest door. She had long white-blond hair and crystal clear blue eyes, even more blue than Taylor's, if it was possible. She looked shyly up at me and took my hand as I pulled her up off the floor.
"Um... Sorry about that. I wasn't watching where I was going," she apologized.
"Hey, no problem. Glad I could break your fall." I brushed her words aside. Bri appeared beside me and draped her arm over my shoulder. Not many girls could do this, considering my height. But Bri was only an inch shorter than I, which allowed her to do this normally impossible task.
"Hey, I see you've met my friend, Willow," she told me. The blond girl suddenly found her blue polished fingernails intriguing, and stared at them.
"Well, not exactly," I replied. Bri introduced us, and I learned that this 'angel attacker' was actually the Willow that Bri had yelled about earlier.
"And this cute one over here is Taylor," Bri joked, poking Taylor in the ribs as she introduced us. Taylor laughed and shook my hand.
"Please, call me Tay," he informed me. I nodded, smiling.
"These are Zac's brothers, the ones I was talking about," Bri told me. Was it just me, or did sweetness and cuteness run in these guy's family?
"What are you guys doing here?" Isaac asked us, looking directly at me. Bri and I exchanged glances, then she giggled.
"Umm, well, we were planning on a game of laser tag," I answered him, as if it were obvious, which it was. Tay gently bonked his brother on the side of his head.
"Don't mind ol' Chewbacca here. He's a little thick in the head," he teased. We all laughed, which helped ease my tension. I'm not really that shy around new people, but I guess falling on top of someone does something to you.
"It's okay," I assured Isaac when he appeared embarrassed. All of a sudden, someone stepped up behind me and put their hands over my eyes. I removed the hands and turned around to see who it was.
"Honey, did you miss me?" Zac questioned. I blushed and quickly stepped out of his grasp. Bri, Ike, Tay, Zac, and Jamie all laughed.
"Well, I was just gonna drop Tay and Zac off, but maybe we can all play laser tag together," Ike suggested. We all agreed and paid together.
After we finished the game, it was almost 5 o'clock. Zac had become oddly attached to me. He was nice and sweet, and was the funniest person I'd ever met. As we left the building, I let him jump on my back and gave him a piggyback ride across the parking lot.
"Hey, why don't you guys come over for dinner? I'm sure mom and dad won't mind," Tay suggested. Zac and Jamie snickered.
"Yeah right, like they'd even notice three more mouths at their table," Jamie commented. Brianna gave him a fierce look.
"Jamie, that's rude," she reprimanded him. Jamie gave her an innocent look.
"No, it's okay," Taylor assured Bri. Ike grinned.
"Jamie has a point though," he agreed. I gave them confused looks. "We are only three from a family of six," he explained.
"Wow, six kids? Your parents must be saints," I commented. Tay and Ike laughed, and I blushed.
"So, what do you say?" Tay asked, referring to dinner at their house. Bri and Jamie instantly said yes. Their family was good friends with Taylor, Isaac, and Zac's family. I was going to say yes, but realized I had homework and school the next day. I hesitated and everyone looked at me expectantly.
"Um, I'd better not. I've got homework, and-"
"Homework? On a weekend? Do it Sunday!" Zac announced, squirming on my back.
"She can't, she's home schooled," Bri explained to him. Zac shrugged.
"So aren't we," he stated. I smiled.
"Thank you very much for the invitation, but I'd better just go home," I told them.
"Oh well, maybe some other time," Isaac suggested hopefully. I nodded, then let Zac slip down to the ground. "It was nice meeting you."
"Yes. I'll see you all later." I waved, then took off in the direction of my brother's house.
"Don't worry, Will. You can come back soon. Summer is almost here, and you can come over as often as you want," he told me. I crossed my arms in front of me and avoided his look. Brad sighed and continued driving. When we pulled into the long driveway of my parents' house, I didn't move. "Willow, don't do this. You're only making it harder on yourself."
"Why can't I go live with you?" I asked quietly.
"Because. Dad would never let you. And I'm always gone, between school and work. There is nothing for you in Tulsa," he explained. "Your life is here."
"You're wrong. Everything is in Tulsa," I replied. Then I sighed and hugged him. "Call me later this week, okay?"
"You bet. Bye Will, be good." I jumped out of his car, and watched him drive away before I turned to go into the mansion, my prison. The front hallway was quiet, so I assumed my parents were out with friends again. I started up the stairway, but jumped slightly when I heard a noise in the den below.
"Willow?"
"Yes dad?" I replied, turning around. He walked out of the den, his lips set in a firm line.
"Where were you all weekend?" he asked. I looked at him, confused.
"In Tulsa. Didn't mom tell you?"
"No. What were you doing in Tulsa?" he implied.
"I was staying with Brad. What do you mean, you didn't know?"
"I mean, I didn't know. Who gave you permission to go to Tulsa for the weekend?" his voice rose. Before I answered, he turned around and waved a hand at me. "Forget it. Go to your room, you're grounded." My jaw dropped.
"What? I'm grounded? For not asking you to go to Tulsa?" I cried. "Dad, that's not fair! I asked mom-"
"Your mother does not make the rules around here; I do. Now go to your room!" he yelled. I flinched at the harshness of his words, and started back up the stairs. Then I paused.
"How long am I grounded for?" My answer was a slammed door. I sighed, fighting back tears, and ran up the stairs. I crashed into my room, slammed my door, and fell back on my bed, wishing in every way possible that I was anywhere but in that house.
"Tay! It's only 7:30 in the morning. How can you be bored already?" I whispered. He glanced at me and shrugged, then went back to examining the board that held up the top bunk. I sighed and rolled back over. "I really have to talk dad into letting me have my own room. There are just too many waking distractions up here," I mumbled to nobody in particular.
"Yeah Ike, we all know how badly you need beauty sleep," Tay quipped from below. I chose to ignore him and closed my eyes. In response to my silence, Tay put his feet against the board and gave it a swift kick, sending me flying up into the ceiling. "Oops, was that a waking distraction? I am really sorry."
I gritted my teeth. "Do you have any death wishes, Taylor?" I growled at him, leaning back over the edge of the bed. Tay looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Yes, I want everyone in the world to have a puppy so they can be happy, because puppies are good! They are soft, and warm, and cuddly, and - Arrgh!" I shut him up with a nice hit of my pillow. Tay giggled and rolled away from my reach.
"Shut up you guys! I'm trying to sleep here," mumbled Zac from his bed. I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes again, fully prepared to fall back asleep, when something warm, heavy, and very much alive jumped on top of me.
"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" came a hyper little voice.
"No, Avery, go back to sleep," I groaned, opening one eye to look at her. She shook her head. "Are you trying to deprive poor little me of any sleep at all, under any and all circumstances?" I asked, remembering her habit of waking us up at 5 o'clock when we were in LA. Six-year old Avie smiled innocently.
"Poor little you? Oh Ikey, you're not little anymore. That's my job now." She poked me hard in the stomach. I rolled away from her and she jumped off of my bed, landing gracefully on the floor. She grinned back up at me proudly. Hmm... I guess those two years of ballet lessons are finally paying off. She laid down on Zac's bed, or rather, on Zac.
"Avie! Go back to bed or something! You're being a nuisance," Zac complained, shoving her off him and rolling back into his comforter. Tay propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Zac.
"Zac, don't tell me you haven't yet realized that Avery's soul purpose in this life is to torment you? Tsk tsk, I thought you'd be quicker to catch on," he joked. Avie grinned angelically at Zac, who narrowed his eyes at Taylor.
"Ike, what was that you were asking about a death wish?" he asked, giving Taylor a nasty look. I opened my eyes and threw my covers off.
"Enough!" I yelled, climbing out of bed. Maybe a nice, warm shower would help ease my morning. It did, but unfortunately, I can't stay in the shower forever.
This morning in the Hanson household was pure Hell. My dad was rushing to get ready for work while my mother was trying to feed my 3-year old brother, Mackie. Eight-year old Jessica was pouring a bowl of Peanut-butter Captain Crunch cereal, and spilling it all over the table, and Avie was attempting to make some chocolate milk. Tay was trying to peel an orange, but wasn't succeeding, and Zac was finding entertainment by watching it all.
"No! Yucky ceral!" Mackie wailed. 'Ceral' was Mac's word for cereal.
"Mom! Tell Avery to leave me some milk!" Jessi screamed.
"Has anyone seen my briefcase?" my dad, Walker, pushed past Zac into the kitchen, searching for his long lost item. I stood with Zac and sighed, wondering why on Earth my parents ever found it necessary to have six children.