“It could be important…” he trailed off. The phone rang again and he sat up, then reached for the phone on the bedside table. I watched him as he answered.
“Hello?” he asked, his voice low. After a second, he glanced over at me. “Zac? What’s wrong?”
I gave him a curious look as I sat up, keeping the blankets of the bed up over my shoulders, shivering slightly in the cool air.
“Well calm down for a minute… Did you call Mariah's to see if she was there?”
“Isaac?” I whispered. He held up his finger to me.
“Then did you go over there?” Ike asked. He was silent for a moment, then nodded a little. “Ok, call the police. I’m going to go over to her house, ok? I’ll call you later.”
He hung up the phone, then looked at me. “Reagan was supposed to call Zac when she got to her friend’s house and she never did, and no one has heard from her for 3 hours. I’m gonna go over to her house and talk to her parents,” he informed me, reaching for his jeans on the floor.
“Let me go with you,” I insisted, scooting to the edge of the bed. Ike shook his head as he stood up.
“No, you should stay here in case anyone calls. I have my cell phone turned on, so call me if you hear anything, ok?” he asked. I nodded. He pulled on a t-shirt, then leaned over to kiss me. “Everything will be fine. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Come on, come on…” I mumbled, tapping my fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. “Stop rubbernecking, it’s probably just a fender bender!”
At that, my cell phone began to ring, and I glanced down at it. It was Isaac. “Zac, where are you?” he asked the second I picked up the line.
“Sitting in traffic on 51st, why?” I replied.
“Is there anywhere you can pull off into a parking lot or something?” he asked. Something about his voice irked me. He was forcing his voice to be low and calm.
“Yeah, I’m turning into a parking lot right now. What’s going on? Did Reagan call?” I questioned.
“No, but the police did.”
“What?!”
“It’s okay, Zac, Reagan is fine. She was in a car accident,” he told me. My jaw dropped.
“Oh my God, where is she? Is she hurt? I knew I shouldn’t have let her drive, this is all my fault,” I exclaimed.
“Calm down. She’s at the hospital, they’re just checking her out for precautions. And it isn’t your fault, Zac. You didn’t know this was going to happen,” he told me. I happened to glance to my left at that time and saw a tow truck go by, Reagan’s parents’ car on the back. The whole front end was smashed up and the windshield was shattered. It was totaled.
“Oh Jesus,” I breathed. “Ike, I gotta go, I’m going to the hospital.”
“My girlfriend, Reagan St. Pierre, was brought in a while ago; she was in a car accident. I need to see her, can you tell me where she is?” I asked. The lady typed something into a computer, then told me she was in an examining room down the hall. I thanked her and hurried down the hall to the room number she had given me. When I got to the room, I knocked lightly and waited for a second before opening the door. Reagan was sitting in a chair with a bandage over her left eye. Her eyes widened when she saw me.
“Zac, what are you doing here?” she asked. I went over and put my arms around her tightly.
“I told you to call me when you got to Mariah’s house, and you never did, so I was worried,” I told her. I pulled away and looked at her forehead, concerned. Reagan reached up and touched the bandage gently, flinching.
“It’s fine, it’s just a little cut,” she told me. I nodded and sat down in the chair beside her.
“What happened?”
“Some jerk came out of nowhere and cut off the car in front of me, and the lady slammed on her breaks, and I went right into the back of her. I didn’t even have time to hit my breaks, it happened so fast,” she told me. I took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I think my parents’ car is totaled.”
“Just as long as you’re alright, I’m sure it won’t matter to them,” I said. I looked around and noticed that the room was empty of people except for the two of us. “Speaking of which, where are your parents?”
“They’re on their way. The police called them and Ike was there, so I’m assuming he called you,” she said. I nodded.
“Well, where is the doctor? Are they letting you leave?” I asked. Reagan shrugged a little.
“They wanted to run a few tests, for the baby and all. Just to make sure everything is fine,” she told me, rubbing a small circle on her stomach.
“It will be okay,” I assured her. I put my hand over hers, and she inhaled sharply. Alarmed, I took my hand away.
“Ow,” she breathed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. She shook her head, then offered a little smile.
“Nothing, just a cramp I guess. Or a bruise, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of those by tomorrow,” she said lightly. I wasn’t as convinced as she sounded. The door opened just then, and the doctor appeared, followed by Mr. and Mrs. St. Pierre.
“Hello again, Reagan. We’re gonna move you upstairs to maternity now and get you settled in. I’m gonna have you stay overnight so we can monitor the baby, just to make sure the accident didn’t cause any stress or anything,” the doctor said. She stepped aside to let Mrs. St. Pierre hurry over to Reagan.
“Oh sweetie, I knew I shouldn’t have let you drive. I was so afraid that this was going to happen,” she said, hugging her daughter tightly. I stood up and stepped to the side after receiving a harsh glance from Reagan’s father.
“I’m sorry mom. But I’m okay, really I am. I feel fine,” Reagan insisted. She tried to stand up, and I reached down to offer her my hand to help her up. She took it and I helped her up, then she gave me a weary look and let go of my hand. Her father was looking none too happy. The doctor led the way down the hall, followed by Mr. and Mrs. St. Pierre, then Reagan and me. I discreetly took her hand again.
“I have a feeling I’m going to get blamed for this,” I whispered to her. She gave me a sympathetic look, squeezing my hand a little.
“Don’t worry, they’re just a little upset right now. They’ll get over it,” she finished her sentence in a strange voice, and her grip on my hand tightened. We stopped walking and she doubled over slightly, and I gave her a strange look.
“Reagan?” I asked.
“Ow,” she moaned, putting her hand on the side of her stomach. “Stupid cramps.”
“I don’t think so, Reagan… We should tell the doctor,” I suggested. Her eyes widened at my idea.
“No! No, I’m fine, I’m fine. Let’s just go,” she insisted. She straightened up again and took a few steps forward. I followed reluctantly, watching her cautiously.
“They just moved her up to maternity to do some tests. You can wait in the lounge up there, if you’d like,” the nurse directed us. We thanked her and headed to the elevators to go up to the maternity ward on the 3rd floor. When we got there, we had just barely gotten off the elevator when Zac ran up to us.
“Nice timing, I was just going downstairs to call you,” he told us, slightly out of breath.
“What’s going on? Is Reagan ok?” Willow asked. He paused for a minute to catch his breath and motioned for us to follow him into the waiting room.
“Ok, here’s the deal. She wasn’t hurt in the accident, just a few cuts and bruises,” he told us. Will and I both sighed in relief.
“That’s great,” Will said. The look on Zac’s face didn’t seem to agree.
“So what’s wrong? Why the look?” I questioned.
“The accident put some stress on the baby and is causing premature labor pains,” Zac said. My eyes widened.
“Well, can they stop it?”
“They’re giving her some medicine to try to delay it for a while, but they don’t want to get our hopes up,” he explained. I nodded logically. “The doctor said that if the medicine doesn’t work, the baby will most likely be fine if born this early.”
“Oh good,” Will said. She gave Zac a sympathetic look, then pulled him into a hug. “It’ll be okay, Zac. These doctors know what they’re doing.”
“I know. I just can’t help be a little worried, you know?” he replied. I nodded. He sighed a little, then sat down in a chair by the door. “Reagan’s parents told me that I should wait out here while the doctor does some tests and such. I feel so horrible, I know that they blame me for all of this. I blame myself, actually. I shouldn’t have let her drive… I always screw everything up.”
“Don’t say that, this isn’t your fault Zac,” I told him, sitting beside him. Willow sat in a chair across from us. “You had no idea that this was going to happen. I’m sure Reagan’s parents won’t hold this against you, because there is no possible way that this is your fault.”
“This is all your fault!” a voice called into the room. We all looked up, startled, to see Mr. St. Pierre standing in the doorway, looking quite angry. Zac and I stood up.
“Look, Mr. St. Pierre, please,” I started. He turned his angry gaze on me and I shut my mouth abruptly. Zac took a deep breath.
“This isn’t my fault. I didn’t force Reagan behind the wheel of that car. I shouldn’t have let her, I tried to convince her not to, but she’s an independent girl and she does what she wants. You can’t blame this on me,” he said calmly.
“My 19 year old daughter wouldn’t be in there preparing to give new life if it wasn’t for you. We had dreams for Reagan, she’s better than this. And you messed it all up. What kind of life can she have after this? No respectable unwed college student can have a needy child to care after. She’s just a child herself, and you’ve robbed her of her childhood,” he spat out. I can honestly say that I’ve never heard anyone else speak with such anger and hatred in his voice. Zac only shook his head.
“Once again, I didn’t force Reagan to do anything. She isn’t a child, she’s an adult who thinks and makes decisions for herself. And having this child was her decision, and I respect that. Now why can’t you?” he replied. He paused for a second to think, then continued. “You have to realize that I love Reagan, and we are starting a family together. I don’t expect you to ever like me or accept me, all I ask is that you get used to me because I am not going anywhere.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the way my brother was standing up to him. Having finished what he need to say, Zac excused himself and left the room, leaving me and Willow with a red-faced Don St. Pierre.
“Only if it’s you,” I replied. He smiled and walked over, taking my hand. He leaned down to give me a kiss, then gave my hand a little squeeze.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Much better. No more pains,” I told him happily. He nodded, relieved, then sat down carefully beside me on the bed. We were silent for a moment, and my mind was whirling with the events that had gone on since I had last seen him. “Um, Zac, we have to talk about something.”
“Ok, that doesn’t sound too good,” he commented, giving me a concerned look. “What is it?”
“My parents… I can’t believe they did this, but…” I trailed off, shaking my head and feeling tears sting my eyes. I took a deep breath. “They contacted this couple who can’t have kids of their own through this company, and they are on their way to the hospital right now.”
“Ok… and why is that exactly?” Zac asked, a confused look crossing his face. I gave him a panicked look.
“They’re going to take the baby. My parents are giving the baby up for adoption,” I told him, my voice quavering as I spoke. He narrowed his eyes.
“But… they can’t do that! Can they?”
“I don’t know…” I trailed off, my tears finally falling. He let go of my hand suddenly and stood up.
“Wait a second, did you know about this?” he asked, giving me an inquisitive look. My jaw dropped.
“No! They just told me, I swear to you I didn’t know,” I told him. I reached up and brushed my tears away. “Zac, what are we going to do? I don’t want to give up my child.”
“Don’t worry… I won’t let them get near you or the baby,” he stated, leaning down and gently kissing my cheek. “I’m gonna run out and call my parents and have my dad call our security team, get them up here. Everything will be okay, I promise you.”
“Thank you,” I said softly, holding his hand for a second before he left. I squeezed my eyes shut tight when I felt a sudden pain, and my grip on his hand increased. “Ow!”
“I thought you said no more pain?” Zac asked, by my side in a flash.
“I lied,” I moaned through gritted teeth. He just stood there for a moment, as if unsure of what to do, then reached forward and brushed my hair out of my face.
“Um, ok… breath…” he coaxed gently, his voice low. He looked around in a panic for a call button or something, then yelled out to a nurse he saw passing in the hallway. I couldn’t help but start crying again as I realized that the medicine I was given to delay the labor wasn’t working, and the reality of having a baby was suddenly upon me.
“Oh sweetie, how is Reagan?” she asked.
“Having a baby,” I replied numbly. One of the security guards went down the hall to stand outside of Reagan’s room, one stayed by the elevators, and the other followed me and my parents to the waiting room. The second I sat down in a chair, I felt more than realized just how tired I was. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was nearly midnight. I looked around then, and noticed that Taylor and Megan had arrived sometime before then. I offered them a little smile.
“How are you holding up, Zac?” Tay asked.
“I’m a nervous wreck, thanks,” I replied half heartedly. Ike offered me a cup of coffee and I took it gratefully. We sat around for a while, talking a little, but just generally waiting. About an hour or so later, as I sat in a near-sleep daze, a nurse poked her head into the room.
“Mr. Hanson?” she asked. My dad, Isaac, Taylor, and I all responded, and she grinned apologetically. “Zac Hanson?”
“Yeah? What’s wrong?” I asked, jumping up. My dad stood up with me, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Nothing is wrong, I was just asked to come and get you geared up for the delivery room,” she informed us. I shot my father a panicked look.
“I can’t do this,” I told him. He nodded at me.
“Yes you can. Just go with the nurse and she’ll tell you everything you need to do,” he assured me, pushing me gently towards the door. I gave my family one last reluctant look before following the nurse down the hallway.
“Zac,” she said tearfully, reaching for my hand. I took her hand and kissed the back of it gently.
“I’m here babe,” I assured her.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Me too,” I admitted quietly, then looked around the room at her parents and the two nurses that were in there.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” she said quietly, crying. I reached forward and brushed a tear off of her cheek. “I’m so sorry, I just can’t do it.”
“Yes you can,” I told her. She shook her head. “I know you’re scared, but you can do this. All you have to do is what the doctor tells you to do.”
“Will you stay with me?” she asked, fear etching in her voice. I smiled at her.
“Until the end,” I promised.
I broke that promise. About 5 minutes after I said that, the heart monitor that Reagan and the baby were hooked up to started going crazy, and there was commotion in the room. I somehow got pulled back away from Reagan as doctors and nurses swarmed around her. Words like “emergency” and “life or death” lingered in my mind as I watched, almost in a daze, as she was wheeled out of the room, her mother in tears following after. I glanced over at her father, who was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, looking nearly as frightened as I felt. A nurse came back in and told me that I should go back to my family in the waiting room, that Reagan would be taken care of and I needn’t worry.
“Zac? That was fast. What’s going on?” Tay questioned when I went back into the lounge. My father, noticing the look on my face, motioned for Tay to be quiet, and guided me to sit down in a chair.
“Everything will be okay,” he told me. I nodded numbly. “These doctors know what they’re doing. Reagan will be fine.”
“I know she will,” I agreed, blinking a few times. “But the baby won’t.”
“Yeah,” I said. He came up to my and put his hands on my shoulders.
“This has been kind of a stressful day, huh?” he asked. I nodded again, then rested my head on his shoulder when he put his arms around me. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just watching the babies. The nurse just set up a bassinet with the name St. Pierre on it, I’m assuming it’s for our new little niece or nephew,” I said. He smiled when he saw the bassinet, which was lined with a yellow blanket.
“I wonder how Reagan is doing,” he wondered out loud. I shrugged a little, then rested my head on his shoulder again and sighed. He rubbed my back gently. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes,” I replied. Turning my head to the side, I looked through the glass window into the hospital nursery at all of the newborn babies. They were all adorable and tiny and perfect. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt rise in me, and I swallowed thickly. “Tay, I have to tell you something.”
“Ok…” he said slowly, pulling away to look at me. I turned away from him and stepped up to the window, looking in at the infants. A few of them were sleeping, some were crying, and two or three others were just laying, content in their bassinets. Tay stepped up behind me and put his hands on my waist. “Meg? What’s wrong?”
“It’s about the flu that I had a few months ago,” I told him. I turned my head to look up at him, and his eyebrows were crinkled in confusion. “And all of the doctor visits I had to go to then.”
“What about them?”
“I didn’t have the flu,” I said. “What I thought was the flu was actually morning sickness, and the doctor visits were because of a miscarriage. They wanted to run some tests to see what caused it and how to prevent it in the future.”
Tay looked startled. “Oh Meg, why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I don’t know… I was shocked, and scared. I didn’t want to disappoint you,” I admitted, looking down at my hands in shame. Tay took my hands in his and forced me to look in his eyes.
“Don’t ever think that you can disappoint me. I have never been anything but happy with you,” he told me. I managed a little smile. He pulled me into another hug. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me… I would have liked to been there with you, supporting you.”
“I know, I would have liked that too,” I agreed.
“Did they find out what happened?”
“No, it was just a natural thing. The doctor just suggested some vitamins and a lot of rest in the future, for the next time…” I trailed off and looked up at him. “Will there be a ‘next time’?”
“I hope so,” Tay told me. He leaned down and gave me a kiss. “I wouldn’t rule it out.”
I smiled at him and took his hand, then looked into the nursery again. As we watched, another nurse came into the nursery and said something to the nurse on duty. A nervous feeling washed over me when they rolled the bassinet with Reagan’s name on it away, and Taylor and I exchanged worried glances.
When I awoke, I was back in the room with the ugly mauve walls. I looked around a little bit, then tried to sit up in the bed I was in, and groaned at the pain I felt when I moved. It was weird, after several months with a big, round stomach protruding in front of me, now there was nothing. I put my left hand gently on my abdomen and winced slightly, then took it away again. I felt something brush across my other hand, and looked over to see Zac sitting in a chair beside me. He was slouched over slightly, asleep in the chair. I smiled when I saw him and softly brushed my fingers over his hand. A nurse came into the room just then to check on me, and I pointed at Zac and indicated for her to be quiet. She nodded and checked the steady drip of medication that was falling from a clear plastic bag into the I.V. tube that led into my hand. I asked her what time it was and she whispered back that it was 5:15 in the morning.
“How long do I have to stay in bed?” I asked her quietly. She asked how I was feeling at the moment, and I told her that it hurt when I sat up, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
“If you feel like you can walk, I can take you down the hall to see your baby,” she told me. I grinned at her suggestion and nodded enthusiastically. I carefully slipped my hand out from under Zac’s so as not to disturb him, and with the help of the nurse I managed to stand up. She got a bathrobe for me to put on over the hospital gown I was wearing and a pair of slippers for my feet. “Just hold on to the I.V. rack and walk at your own pace. There’s no rush.”
“Thank you,” I told her. We slowly made our way out of the room and down the hall. As we got closer to the nursery, I smiled when I heard the sound of a baby crying. The nurse held the door to the nursery open for me and I paused once inside, looking around to see if I could recognize my baby. I had no idea what he or she looked like; I had been unconscious during the delivery. There were only 7 little babies in bassinets in the nursery. I waited for the nurse to pick out my baby amongst the 7, but instead she walked towards another room off the nursery. Confused, I followed her slowly. When I got to the room, my eyes widened. It was the equivalent for intensive care for babies.
“Come, sit over here,” the nurse instructed, pulling a chair up beside a machine that looked like a clear plastic box with a few tubes going into it, and a hole in the side covered with a loose plastic. Inside was a tiny little baby with a few white sensors taped to it. I gave the nurse a confused look.
“Why…? What’s wrong with…?” I trailed off, feeling my eyes well up with tears.
“Nothing is seriously wrong. Her lungs are just very weak right now, so we’re keeping her in an oxygen chamber for a little while as a precaution,” she informed me. My breath caught in my throat as I listened to the nurse talk.
“She?” I asked. The nurse nodded. I looked cautiously in through the plastic at the sleeping baby inside. “I have a daughter…”
“She’s very adorable, I’d have to say one of the most adorable babies in the nursery,” the nurse said to me, smiling. She helped me sit down carefully in the chair. “You can put your hand in through there and touch her. I’m going to leave you two alone for a while.”
I merely nodded at her words and heard her walk away, but couldn’t take my eyes off of the infant in front of me. I slowly put my hand into the oxygen chamber, but stopped before I reached the baby’s skin. She looked so fragile, it was almost as if I was afraid to touch her for fear that she would break. Taking a deep breath, I gently ran my fingertip against the soft skin of her arm. I watched her face carefully to see if she would wake up, but she didn’t. I touched her small hand with my fingertip, and she instinctively curled her tiny fist around my finger. At this, a smile broke across my face, and I felt the bond between us begin to grow.
After about 20 minutes of visiting with her alone, the nurse returned and told me that I had to go back to my room to get some rest, but that they’d be taking the baby out of the oxygen chamber later that day and I could hold her then. With one last smile and a whispered goodbye, I left the baby and walked back to my room. Zac was still asleep in the chair beside my bed, and I smiled at him once I was settled back under the blankets. I slipped my hand into his and squeezed it gently, then closed my eyes to go back to sleep.
“Hi babe,” she greeted, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little before taking her hand in mine.
“Hi,” I replied. “How are you feeling?”
“Hmm… the words ‘like shit’ come to mind, but they don’t really do justice,” she replied. I nodded a little.
“Do you want me to go get the nurse for you?”
“No, I want you to stay with me,” she told me, putting her other hand on top of mine. “I want to hear what you think of the baby.”
“The baby?” I repeated, then instantly bit my lip. “Um, well…”
“You haven’t gone to see the baby yet?” Reagan asked, a bit surprised. I offered a little embarrassed smile and shook my head. Instead of being upset, Reagan just got a soft, dreamy look on her face. “Oh Zac, she’s so beautiful… she’s so tiny and perfect…”
“She?” I asked, my heartbeat tripling its pace. “It’s a girl?”
Reagan nodded, grinning. I leaned down and gave her a kiss. “Go see her. She’s in the nursery, I don’t know if they’ve put her with the other babies yet.”
“What do you mean? She wasn’t with them before?” I questioned.
“No. She was a preemie, Zac, and they weren’t sure if her lungs were strong enough yet so they put her in a little oxygen chamber,” Reagan told me. A concerned look crossed my face, and she shook her head. “But she’s fine, it was just a precaution. The nurse told me that they were moving her to the regular nursery sometime today.”
“Ok…” I said slowly. Reagan yawned, and I leaned down to kiss her forehead. “You go back to sleep now. I’m going to go see the baby.”
“Ok,” she agreed. I stood up to leave, then paused and looked back down at her. She smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
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