August 2001
August 1, 2001
We're still waiting on the landlord to get working on the AC. Our toilet went out today today so... don't bad things happen in threes? Am I done receiving bad luck for this week? I am so frustrated and tired. Lakie is doing wonderfully, she even lets me sleep .. it's just these other things that cause me stress. I'm not entirely sure how much more we can take.
August 2, 2001
Lakie's umbilical cord stump fell off today! I was so excited and it didn't occur to me until later that it might be a bit silly to get so worked up over such a small thing.... but it was just so cool! Now I can give her a real bath!
We stayed at my mom's house last night because of the heat here but the landlord came this afternoon and brought us a window AC unit until he has a chance to replace the central unit. It's going slowly but it is cooling off in here finally. Nice to be able to sit without sweating again.
Andy went back to work today. It was my first day alone with Lakie and I have to admit it was a little scary. I managed to get a little sleep this morning but I am starting to really feel the effects of all this sleeplessness.
Breastfeeding is.. I don't really know how it is. I enjoy breastfeeding Lakie tremendously when she enjoys it too but for the past few days it seems like she nurses and nurses and nurses and still acts hungry. She was nursing for a while and then self-detaching but she never detaches by herself anymore and she just wants to be attached 24 hours a day. It makes me wonder if I'm not making enough milk for her since she has started to grow so much and it really bothers me that she never seems satisfied anymore after a feeding.
I am considering supplementing with formula, even with just one bottle a day, both for my peace of mind and to make sure Lakie gets enough to eat but I almost feel afraid to, like I'm failing her in some way by not exclusively breastfeeding. It's like, inside I know that it's okay, and her pediatrician says it's okay, and Andy says he supports me whatever I do but.. I still feel bad.
I'm not entirely sure if I'm suffering from baby blues or extreme fatigue here or a combination of both. I'm so very happy with Lakie, she is just perfect and I adore her..... but I keep getting so weepy and frustrated. I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night since she was born, and even that 4 hours is seperated into 2 hour stretches. Not very restful. I keep telling myself that it has to get better, it can't stay like this forever, but with the broken AC and toilet and the car accident, it's hard to convince myself sometimes.
August 3, 2001
Lakie had her first real bath today. She hated it when I first put her in the water but after a second she calmed down and seemed to enjoy it. Her hair is turning lighter and in the sunshine it definitely has a red tint. I hope it goes ahead and changes to red. She still has a lot of hair on her back and shoulders from when she was born but the ped assures me that it should fall out within a couple of weeks.
August 4, 2001
Today was my second due date, the one my doctor insisted was correct. It's odd to hold my little almost-3-week-old baby and think that I could be still pregnant, that she could not be born yet. It makes me so happy to have her, especially when she looks up at me with her wobbly eyes and gives me a big silly toothless grin. That makes every single pain-in-the-ass thing worthwhile.
Andy's mom, stepdad, brother and brother's girlfriend are coming up today to bring us some furniture that we have desperately been needing, particularly Andy's old queen size bed since our box spring is completely shot. I'm looking forward to getting the furniture but I am not looking forward to the visit at all. Andy is at work and I have to greet these people all by myself, something that I have never done before. I asked my dad to come over to help me move the furniture that's there now so at least I'll have someone on my side but I am still dreading it. They aren't supposed to be here until late afternoon though so I might try to get a little sleep in the meantime. I feel like I'm about to hit rock-bottom.
August 8, 2001
Things are getting a little better. We are having a new AC and heat pump installed right now and it should be all hooked up by tomorrow. It's actually great that the AC couldn't be repaired cause now we'll have electric heat this winter! This house has only oil heat now and the smell was so bad that we opted for space heaters, not incredibly warm.
Lakie is growing and growing. She is taking to the bottle very well even though she only gets one, at night. It's helped me to be able to sleep and I feel much more like a normal person these days, although I do wake up somewhat engorged some mornings. She's fitting into newborn clothes pretty well and has completely outgrown even the biggest preemie clothes.
I noticed last night that when she was first born I could hold her bottom in my hand and her head barely reached up to my elbow... now her head reaches almost to my shoulder when I hold her like that. She's so alert now, always looking around and trying to hard to hold her head up on her own. She can roll from her back to her sides but can't quite flip over yet.
August 10, 2001
Lakin smiled at me today. Not one of those "it might be just gas" smiles. I mean I was really close to her face, talking and laughing with her and she just grinned.. this huge adorable toothless grin that absolutely melted my heart.
Andy and I watched Star Wars with her tonight and Andy was so excited... he made me write on her baby calendar that this was her first time watching Star Wars. And yes, he's definitely a huge Star Wars fan. *wink*
August 12, 2001
I have decided to abandon the bottle again. I really want to breastfeed Lakin exclusively and the formula seems to give her gas. She was up for 10 hours last night and I am so tired I can't see straight. I have asked friends about this and most seem to think that she really is going through a growth spurt this time.. nursing like crazy to increase my milk supply. I am going to try putting her to bed with us tonight and see how it works nursing her while laying down. I think I'm going to try pumping again too. I really don't enjoy pumping but I want to do what's best for Lakin, no matter how inconvenient it is.
No matter how frustrated I get with her at 4 am when I'm exhausted, I still feel a surge of such complete love and adoration for her every single time I look at her little face.
August 16, 2001
Lakin is one month old today and she had her one month well-baby checkup at 9:30 this morning. She weighs 7 lbs. 15.5 oz!! That's a gain of 1 pound 12 ounces from 2 weeks ago at her last appointment! So I guess my theory of the growth spurt was true.. she's growing like a little weed.
She's still 20.5 inches long but her ped said that was fine since she grew almost 2 inches in the first two weeks. The nurse said she was a very healthy little girl, which of course made me so very proud!
On the downside, her ped told me that she did not have to get a shot at this checkup.. and she did. I was so NOT emotionally prepared for that! I tried to be strong like it was no big deal but when I saw her little face crumple when she got that shot I thought I was going to just fall apart right there.
She screamed bloody murder at first but calmed down pretty well. I'm giving her Infant's Tylenol every 4 hours and am supposed to continue giving that for 48 hours. She is running a low-grade fever on and off but seems to mostly want to just sleep. Of course she wants me to hold her while she's doing this sleeping, and the minute I put her down on the bed with me so I can sleep too she wakes up crying. I don't know if she is scared or what but she's definitely having a "Mommy" day.
August 17, 2001
Lakin is doing okay today but if I go even 5 minutes past time to give her the Tylenol she starts screaming like she's dying. My brother Zeb had the Hep B shot last year for school and he said it is a very painful shot to get and that he was very sore from it for a few days. I feel awful that my poor baby hurts and I can't help. Not to mention that the nurse gave her the shot in her upper thigh and you know that has to be a very painful spot for a shot.
I am so tired but Lakin just will not sleep today. She gets sleepy-eyed but will not "allow" herself to fall asleep... she snaps her eyes open like she is trying so hard to stay awake. What a stubborn little girl!
August 25, 2001
It seems like I never get time to update this journal anymore. I have so little free time that I have to spend it washing dishes or running laundry.
Lakin will be 6 weeks old on Monday. She is sleeping so much better at night now, usually from around 1-5 am, then 5:30-8 am, then 8:30 to 11 am. I'm actually getting some sleep nowadays and I feel almost human again. *smile* She is very alert now during the day and is starting to imitate the faces we make at her. I almost taught her to stick her tongue out last night but she can't quite get the hang of it yet.
We went to my father's house last night and Jennifer and I let the babies play together on the floor. "Play" meaning that they lay on a blanket and looked at each other and stuck their fists in each other's mouths. It was really cute and I wish I'd had my camera with me.
My 6-week checkup is on Wednesday August 29th. I am so not looking forward to it and can't wait until it's over. I started taking birth control pills 2 weeks ago so I guess it's "safe" for Andy and I to have sex again. Now if only I had some energy, we'd be set. *smile*
August 29, 2001
My appointment had to be rescheduled for Friday, August 31 since Andy ended up having to work today. :(
August 31, 2001
My appointment was for 10:15 this morning and it went very well. My incision looks great and I am 9 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. My blood pressure was fine and I got a pap smear (ugh). Also got a prescription for Nor-QD birth control pills (the ones I had a sample of from my 2 week visit) and the green light to do whatever I want to! Yay! I know what I want... I want to take a hot bath! :)
Copyright 2001 by Heather Lakin
