Silly Stuff

This page is just a page of miscellanious funny stuff.. aka silly stuff. It's all things i've either found online or has been e-mailed to me or is a crazy pic i took myself. Everyone needs a good laugh now and then so hopefully this page will make it a little easier for people to do so! :)

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First off here's some funny quotes:

~Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. -- Steve Martin

~I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. -- Elton John

~When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Emo Philips

~Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -- Carl Zwanzig

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pics:

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A DOG NAMED SEX

Everybody I know usually calls their dog Rover or Spot. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk I'd like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "She is a dog!!" He said he didnt care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I had Sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the weddimg. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life, and my life revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on. When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand! Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "me too!" One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, Sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around, and I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said. "I hoped to have Sex on TV!" He called me a 'show off'! When my wife and I split, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married, but Sex left me after I was married." The judge said, "Me too!!" Last night, Sex ran off again, and I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next Thursday. Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why, just the other day when I went for my first session with my shrink, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all of my life, but now it has left me forever, I couldn't live any longer, so lonely!" And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend, so get your self a dog."

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Once Upon a Wish

Once upon a wish... A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a "genie". But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works". "You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent." "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "OK, kid, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon. The moral of the story? If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!

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