X-Files Musical
(Mulder and Scully are sitting in their office. Mulder takes out a picture
of Samantha. Scully senses he's sad.)
Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
(Lights turn dark and the spotlight hits Mulder. He stands.)
"I Will Survive"
(He suddenly stops and looks at Scully. He points to the door.)
Scully, go! Walk out the door!
Scully: Mulder! No, I don't blame you.
(Music suddenly stops. Mulder lowers his arms and looks at Scully.)
Mulder: Scully, I don't see why you've stayed with me. Haven't you ever
just wanted to leave? I wouldn't blame you.
Somewhere.. outside the basement..
Someday I'll convince you Mulder
Somewhere..outside the basement.
(Mulder wipes a tear which makes Scully cry.)
Mulder: Don't cry, Scully. Know what I always do when I'm sad? I just
think of..my favorite things . . .
UFO sightings and little green me-en.
Girls in magazines with birthday suits on.
When I can't sleep!
Mulder: Now you try it.
Ice-cream and salad and bar-b-que square ribs.
(Screeeeech! Music stops.)
Mulder: Scully!
(Music resumes.)
When my nose bleeds.
(Mulder joins her)
And then I don't feeeeeeeelllll soooooooo bad!!!
Scully: Thanks, Mulder. I feel a lot better.
(Someone knocks at the door.)
Man: Agents Mulder and Scully. Skinner wants to see you -- now!
(Mulder and Scully sigh simultaneously.)
***
(Mulder and Scully take their seats.)
Mulder: You wanted to see us sir?
(Scully sighs, crosses her arms, and leans back.)
Skinner: Okay, Mulder. Tell me what happened last Saturday night.
(He takes a deep breath to prepare himself.)
(Sing to Hotel California.)
I was driving down the highway
(Skinner starts)
Welcome to The X-Files Paranoia.
(Skinner takes out his maalox and takes a big drink.)
Mulder: You don't believe me, do you?
(Scully puts her hand on Mulder's arm to calm him down.)
Scully: Mulder, don't blow up on him. It's not his fault.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
(Chorus)
When I'm at work,
Hey, Mulder now. I ain't gonna lead you wrong while you're gone.
(Repeat chorus)
Just a little bit, hey Scully.
(Holly pops her head in the door.)
Sock it to 'em, sock it to 'em, sock it to 'em.
(Skinner gestures with his hands to end the music. Holly disappears.)
Skinner: If I don't get some soon I'll be angry.
(Scully stifles a laugh. Mulder grins.)
Mulder: Get some what sir?
Don't make us part.
Skinner: Alright! -- Get out of my sight!
(Mulder and Scully scramble out. Skinner takes another drink of maalox.)
I did not write this. I merely received it in an email from someone. I have left the authors name with the story.
By: XdrScullyX
Now I know all these characters are trademarked by Fox Corporation and
whatever, and the songs are too probably. But don't sue! It's just a parody
for some fun! Enjoy.
Mulder: Yeah, Scully. I'll live.
Scully: Do you want to talk about it? Isn't it the anniversary of the (gulp) night?
Mulder: Yeah, I"ll never forget that night. Sometimes it's hard to go on,
you know? But I . . .
That night, I was afraid.
I was petrified.
The lights went off and I saw my sister get beamed outside.
Oh, I could never find her but I told all of them that
my sister Samantha had been taken by aliens
And now I work for the FBI
And I've got my partner Scully working by my side.
We work on the X-Files but what I really want to find
Is my sister who was abducted
When she was almost nine!
And yeah, I know!
I will survive.
Oh, we search through paranomral 'cause we know she's still alive.
We found her a few times, but it really wasn't her.
It was just clones!
And now Scully has can-cer...!
Don't turn around now.
I don't want to hurt you anymore!
Scully: Mulder, I can't lie to you. Sometimes I feel like that. You
know,
sometimes I'm thinking about . . .
Way up high.
There's a land that I heard of,
Once, when I walked by.
Somewhere..outside this bureau,
Lad-ders are climbed.
Jerks, climb way up the ladder,
Why, then oh why, can't I?
To take a walkk up to those parts
And maaaaaaaaaaaybe work there.
Where UFOs don't just disappear and the dead they
don't just re-appear.
That's where you'll fiiiiiiiiind me.
There's no cerulean blue.
But I won't leave the X-Files!
Why? It's because of yoooooou!
Irr-efut-able proof of existance.
My partner Dana Scully when she sings.
These are a few of my favorite things.
Alien hybrid and alien spawn.
New contacts that meet me and Elvis the King.
These are a few of my favorite things!
When those bees sting!
When I'm feeling bad.
I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feeeeeel sooooo bad.
Yelling at people and breaking their ribs.
Fro-hike when he works out is buff.
This is some of my favorite stuff.
Scully: Just kidding!
When those bees sting.
When I'm feeling bad.
I simply remember my favorite things..
Skinner: Yes! Would you mind clearing something up Agent Mulder?! The
official case you want me to send to the Section Cheif is that you
and Agent Scully were abducted by aliens??
Mulder: Um..yeah.
Cool wind in my hair
Scully's scientific mumbles was all I could hear.
Then up ahead in the distance I saw a shimmering light.
My head grew heavy and my sights grew dim.
We were abducted that night.
There they stood in their "doorway."
I heard the alien speak.
And I was thinking to myself,
Boy, this is pretty neat!
Then it pointed a finger
And it beamed me away
Scully was frozen in horror and
I thought I heard them say..
Such a spooky place, such a spooky place.
Skinner: .. Mulder ..
Mulder: Listen, jerk..
Skinner: You know, all I ever wanted was a little respect . . .
Find out what it means to me.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
To get cred-i-bility.
What you want,
Oh, I got it.
What you need,
You know I got it.
And alI want you do for me is show me some respect.
Just a little bit.
Give it to me,
Just a little bit.
I ain't gonna lead you wrong
On assignement.
All I'm asking you to do for meis show me some respect.
Just a little bit, hey Mulder now.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
FBI-Skinner A.D.
Skinner: That's it! I'm separating you and Scully!!!
Scully: Noooooooo!
(Mulder starts . . . )
It'll really break my heart.
I just don't think you understand.
'Cause if you break my heart,
My achy breaky heart.
I'll get mad and kill you man!
