Gilded Cage Chps 39-40

Chapter 39
Sonny came out of his bed room dressed in one of the suits he had bought earlier in the day. It was not as fancy as the ones that Luke had bought, but it still looked fantastic.  He was one of those men that looked as good dressed as he did undressed. Brenda couldn't think of very many men that could wear clothes with the same finesse as Sonny.  Jax definitely wasn't one of them, he looked good undressed and great in a tux, but the rest of his wardrobe skills would never match Sonny Corinthos. Brenda is standing in front of a mirror in the living room putting on a pair of pearl earrings. 

Sonny: *As he rubs his hands together.* I never thought that I would thaw out from our sightseeing. 
Brenda: It wasn't that cold besides, you are the one that wanted to play tourist!
Sonny: I didn't know it was going to include spending so much time on a cold beach.
Brenda: I love watching the ocean, I'm sorry if you don't!.
Sonny: It's not that sweetheart, I do like to look at the ocean. I also love to watch you as you look at the ocean, but going to the beach is more of a summer activity in my book.
Brenda: I wonder if that is why we had it all to ourselves?
Sonny: Probably so, Argentineans don't spend much time there in the winter. Besides, I know that you were as cold as I was when we were on that beach.
Brenda: What makes you think that?
Sonny: Well, there was that brief moment when you let me put my arms around you and warm you up.
Brenda: *She smiles* You always were good at warming me up.   
Sonny: Yeah, I guess today wasn't that bad after all.
Brenda: It was a little tiring though, I thought that I had completely recovered from this cold, but I'm starting to feel a little run down.
Sonny: You don't have to go down stairs with me if you don't want to. You can stay up here and rest.
Brenda: Are you trying to keep me from having fun?
Sonny: Not at all, but I can quickly look for my friend and then come back up and we can have dinner in the room. Mind you, I'm just thinking about your health.
Brenda: I didn't get all dressed up just to eat dinner up here in the room.
Sonny: I remember a time when you would have jumped at the chance to have dinner alone with me.
Brenda: Well, times have changed! I want to be showed off tonight.  

She finishes putting on her earrings. 
 
Brenda: How do I look?

Sonny always thought she looked beautiful, but then again, he was extremely biased. She was the woman that he loved. At that moment she was wearing a long straight, black, velvet dress that was strapless. Around her neck she had a single strand of pearls. She had bought the whole outfit earlier in the day on her and Sonny's shopping odyssey.     

Sonny: You look gorgeous, but I'm a little surprised that you want to be showed off like some trinket that I bought in the market.
Brenda: You're right, I'll admit that I want to show you off. I noticed last night that when ever I walked into the room on your arm the whole atmosphere changed and all eyes were on the us.
Sonny: That is because you are so beautiful that you command attention. All the guys want you and all the women want to be you, because they are jealous of what you have got.
Brenda: Yeah, they're jealous all right.
Sonny: It's because you're so beautiful.
Brenda: *Smiling* No, it's because of you. They all want you and they know that they can't have you.
Sonny: So now I'm the trinket?
Brenda: *Laughing* You can't help it, Sonny, you just affect women that way!
Sonny: They don't know me very well.
Brenda: That makes it all the better. They see this dashing, charming, man who is falling all over himself to take care of the woman in his life, that is a very atractive picture.
Sonny: I'm not falling all over myself, that makes me sound so clumsy. 
Brenda: *Giving him a hot look* Don't worry, Sonny, it is very sexy.
Sonny: Is that your very round about way of telling me that I look as good as you look?
Brenda: You look good! That suit was a very good choice, I'm glad I found it for you.  
Sonny: You found it?
Brenda: You didn't think that you needed another suit.
Sonny: I never dress in them when I'm at home, so why should I buy so many now?
Brenda: Maybe you will start to dress up again if you have the suits.
Sonny: Maybe, but I doubt it. I'm just different when I'm over there.
Brenda: You must be, you really don't cook anymore?
Sonny: Not really, I live right over the casino. I can just have something brought up. Also, I know that I told you that Maria is a pretty good cook and makes most of my meals.
Brenda: I know that you told me that, I just don't believe it! 
Sonny: What?
Brenda: I don't believe that you have a woman in your life and you don't cook for her. I always thought that you liked cooking for me, or am I wrong?
Sonny: You aren't wrong, I love cooking for you, but there are a lot of things that I like to do and don't get to do anymore. I've just learned to live with the fact that my life is different now. End of story!
Brenda: If you say so.
Sonny: Are you sure that you don't want to stay up here and catch up on your journal writing or something?
Brenda: I'm all caught up on my writing. How did you know that anyway?
Sonny: I saw it in the drawer over there.
Brenda: You didn't read it, did you?
Sonny: *Defensive* How could you even think that I would invade your privacy like that?
Brenda: I started keeping a journal as part of my therapy after I lost the baby. Things between Jax and I got so bad for a while that I just needed someplace to write out my thoughts. Some of them were very private, things that I knew that Jax could not even begin to comprehend, feelings that a mother has for her child.
Sonny: I'm glad that you had someplace to put those feelings, I'm sure that they were very powerful.
Brenda: They were and like I say, they were very private. 
Sonny: You don't have to explain this to me.
Brenda: I want you to understand about the things that I would write. Sometimes it was just my feeling for the day, other times I would write about the future that I was never going to have with my child. I would write letters to my child, telling it how sorry I was for killing it.

Tears start to form in Sonny's eyes. He knows how he felt when he faced the fact that his own child was dead, but he knows that those feeling can not even compare to what Brenda must have gone through  

Sonny: Brenda, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't kill your child because you didn't know you were pregnant.
Brenda: I realize that now, and part of the reason that I can even get up out of bed in the morning is because I kept that journal and went to support groups. Maybe I was wrong to keep all of that from Jax, he thought I was, because I caught him reading my journal one day.
Sonny: He had no right to do that. You needed to heal in your own way, you did what you thought was right at the time. He should have respected your needs and let you do what you had to do. 
Brenda: Well, our relationship was deteriorating and he thought that he could better understand what I was going through if he could understand my inner most thoughts. I was in pain and he didn't know how else to reach me and save our relationship.
Sonny: In that case, I probably would have done the same thing.
Brenda: What? You just said that you would never invade my privacy in that way!
Sonny: If you were hurt of hurting, I probably would do whatever it takes to help you. 
Brenda: In this case it made things between Jax and I worse.
Sonny: I'm sorry that Jax and you couldn't support each other during that time. 
Brenda: You are very understanding, considering that there is a good chance that the baby I lost was yours. 
Sonny: Wait a minute, you told me that you were positive that the child wasn't yours and mine!
Brenda: No, I said that I had to convince myself that you weren't the father. The child was conceived the night of July the 7th, the night that we were on the train together.
Sonny: The night that we made love together for the last time?
Brenda: Yes, but I was also with Jax that night. None of that is really important though, the fact is that Jax betrayed my trust when he read my journal.
Sonny: Did Jax ever suspect that we had made love on the train?
Brenda: I don't think so, he never asked me much about that trip. There is no way he could have known because I didn't tell anyone that I even saw you that night.
Sonny: I don't mean did he know, I mean could he have suspected? Is that maybe the real reason why he read your journal?
Brenda: I never thought about that and I'm not sure that I want to think about that.
Sonny: Was there anything in your journal about us?
Brenda: No! I was distraught about the baby, but I wasn't stupid. I knew that there was a chance that someone might read what I had written.
Sonny: Good, if Jax ever found out that we made love on the train, he might never forgive you.
Brenda: Now there is a pleasant thought to start the evening on.
Sonny: Okay, than how about if we shift back to the here and now.
Brenda: Sounds good to me, I don't want to worry about the future or think about the past right now.
Sonny: Can you tell me again what makes these outfits different from the ones that Luke bought us?
Brenda: *Laughing* These aren't quite as extravagant as the designer clothes we wore on the train. These were created by local designers and will help us to fit in better with the local crowd. That is what you wanted, to fit in more with the locals ?
Sonny: Yes, but I still think that you should have bought some more leather.
Brenda: The leather that I bought is very nice, it is tasteful and that is all I wanted.
Sonny: Are you saying that some of the stuff that I liked lacked taste?
Brenda: Not if you're shopping for Xena the Warrior Princess! 
Sonny: I was shopping for you and I bought you a present anyway.
Brenda: When?
Sonny: *Smiling* When you were taking forever trying to find the perfect pair of shoes to go with that dress.

He opens a drawer and pulls out a box.

Brenda: This had better not be one of those warrior princess leather outfits.
Sonny: Just open it!

Brenda carefully opens the box and peels back several layers of tissue paper. The box contains a small framed water color of the beach where they had spent the day.

Brenda: This is beautiful, is it the beach we were on today.
Sonny: It sure is, I saw the picture and knew that I had to get it for you.  
Brenda: Where did you find it?
Sonny: I wondered into a small art shop while I was waiting for you to finish shopping.
Brenda: Sonny, you've already given me so much.
Sonny: I know, but I want you to have something to remember this trip.
Brenda: I have all the clothes, including the ones that we bought today. I also have the emerald ring.
Sonny: Brenda, I never expected you to keep that ring.
Brenda: Why not?
Sonny: That's you wedding ring, it's a symbol of a marriage that you are going to have to dissolve before you can marry Jax.

Brenda hadn't thought about any of that. Somewhere in the back of her mind  she knew that this was only temporary, but the idea of dissolving anything between her and Sonny was unsettling.   

Brenda: Is that why you looked so unhappy today?
Sonny: Spending time with you could never make me unhappy.
Brenda: You may say that, but I know better. There would be times today when I would look over at you and I knew that your heart was breaking.
Sonny: That is a pretty drastic observation. I guess that I do get a little distracted when I think about how temporary all of this is, I could get used to being married to you, Brenda.  
Brenda: Yeah, it is kind of strange. I've tried so many times to get married, I've dreamed about the perfect wedding and then had the whole thing blow up in my face.
Sonny: Would you mind not using the words "blow up?"
Brenda: Sorry, but you do know what I mean. Every wedding that I've ever planed has failed.
Sonny: Yeah and somehow we managed to trick the fates and end up legally married.
Brenda: Too bad it can't last because we messed up the past.  
Sonny: Yeah, too bad, we could be so good together.
Brenda: We always were.

They have been inching closer together. They are now so close that they can feel each others breath. As the space between them grows smaller, the air begins to heat up. Brenda reaches up and caresses Sonny's cheek. She wraps one arm around his waist and pulls him against her. She runs her other hand around to the base of his neck and pulls his head towards hers until their lips are almost touching. Sonny focuses his eyes on her lips gazing at them as if they were elusive jewels. He feels such a strong desire building in him that when her mouth finally engages hers, it is more than a kiss, it is like he is drinking a fine wine. Her mouth is so warm and moist on his that he finds he can't breath or even think as he looses himself in her embrace. 
Having her in his arms was wonderful, making love to her right then and there would be heaven, but then she would be gone back to Jax and he would miss her more than he could possibly stand. It wouldn't be worth the few moments of passion, only to have them followed by months of pain.
 
Brenda: *Still holding him* I've changed my mind, I don't want to go downstairs. I want to stay right here with you.
Sonny: That won't help me find out who framed me.
Brenda: I don't care about the past or the future.  I want us to be together, I want us to make love tonight.
Sonny: We can't do that.
Brenda: *Exasperated* I want you, Sonny, do you want me?
Sonny: You know I do.
Brenda: I want you and  you want me, so can you explain to me why we aren't on the floor right now?
Sonny gave her an extremely guilty look, he couldn't even begin to explain to her why they shouldn't be together?


Chapter 40
Brenda had never wanted anyone or anything as much as she wanted Sonny in that moment. She couldn't even begin to understand why he didn't want her as well. The truth of the mater was that he did want her, so much so that it scared him. Sonny had never been good at sorting out his feelings or owning up to them once he did figure out what he wanted. As a child he was forced to keep so many of his feelings locked inside. Sonny had never had a very happy life, until he met the woman that stood before him at this moment. When he met Brenda she made him happy, but he was never sure how long that happiness would last. He was afraid that fate would come along at any moment and steal away his happiness, their happiness. So he had fought his feelings for Brenda, at first, until he was to exhausted to fight anymore. He had given in, admitted that he loved her and vowed to be with her forever. Then, just when he least expected, fate had come along and stolen away their happiness. Sonny had spent almost a year missing Brenda, wanting her, dreaming about her. Then he had given up, realized that she was happy with Jax and he had no chance with her. To say that he had moved on would have been ludicrous. Sonny and Brenda never moved on, they might temporarily move away from each other, but they never really moved on. Now, Brenda stood before him as his wife and was asking him to give himself completely to her, which he wanted more than anything to do. Yet he couldn't do it, because she was asking too much. If they made love, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from becoming lost in her. Then, when she left, and he had no doubt that she would leave, she would take a part of him with her. It would be a vital part of him that he was not sure that he could live without.
Brenda: Sonny, we want each other so much. Tell me why we can't be together?
Sonny: Brenda, do you remember what it felt like when we made love on the train last year?
Brenda: Yes, that is why I don't understand this. 
Sonny: How did you feel afterwards?
Brenda: It's hard to sort out all my feelings from the last year. Maybe I felt a little guilty, but I could never regret any time that we made love.
Sonny: Okay, maybe I'm not approaching this right. Brenda, you are my drug.
Brenda: You have told me that before, but I wish you wouldn't use such a negative description.
Sonny: I'm sorry, but what I mean is that when we're together I am on a high and when we are apart I go through withdraw. Brenda, after we made love on the train and I went back to my island I missed you more than I ever thought was possible. 
Brenda: Strangely enough, I miss you too when we aren't together. You are one of my best friends.
Sonny: It is more than your friendship that I miss. Making love with you on the train left me on such an emotional high that I actually went through withdraw later on, I didn't think I would survive.
Brenda: Is that when Maria came along?
Sonny: Naw, she was there all along. That was when I started to rely on her though.
Brenda: Rely on her for what, Sonny? Non committal physical gratification?
Sonny: Is that what Jax represents to you?
Brenda: We aren't talking about me and Jax, we're talking about you and Maria. Exactly what is she to you?   
Sonny: Are you jealous?
Brenda: You can't answer a question with another one, Sonny. You're just avoiding the subject of Maria.
Sonny: Brenda, I've told you before. Our problems are not about other people. I can't make love with you and then watch while you run back to Jax and become his wife, I won't do that again!
Brenda: You're scared of us?
Sonny: I'm scared of losing you, their is no "us."
Brenda: I've done this to you, I've made you scared to love. 
Sonny: You didn't make me this way. It just kind of happened or maybe I was always like this. Who knows?
Brenda: Sonny, when I first met you this was what you were like. You kept everything  inside and you were so afraid of your feelings. You changed though and you became one of the most loving persons I knew.
Sonny: Yeah and look where it got me.  I'm alone, most of the time and I'm miserable.
Brenda: It's all my fault! The first time that you told me you loved me you were scared, just like now.
Sonny: It didn't kill me though did it. I'm not scared to tell you I love you, Brenda. I say it all the time.
Brenda: Some times though, I think you only do it out of habit though.
Sonny: You don't really think I mean it when I tell you that I love you?
Brenda: I could never doubt those words from you, but your are afraid to totally experience the feelings that go along with those words.
Sonny: There, I'm scared senseless! Do you remember what our love feels like Brenda?
Brenda: Yeah, it is as powerful as a ranging storm!
Sonny: It's just as destructive, once we set our sights on each other we level anything that stands between us
Brenda: It is pretty powerful isn't it?
Sonny: Yeah, it's the most powerful wonderful thing I have ever felt, but people get hurt. I'm not just talking about you and me, I'm talking about people like Jax and Maria, who we would be hurting.
Brenda: I don't know how you feel about Maria, but I know that you don't give a damn about Jax!
Sonny: You're right, I don't care even a little about Candy Boy's feelings, but you do care.
Brenda: Jax would forgive me.
Sonny: He probably would greet you with open arms, then where would that leave me?      
Brenda: I'm sorry that I make you unhappy and I wish that I could give you some hope.
Sonny: You can't, I've given up hope. 
Brenda: What do we do now? 
Sonny: We could give in to our desire for each other, but then it would just hurt in the end.
Brenda: It hurts now.
Sonny: *Kissing her lightly* I know, sweetheart, but it would hurt worse.
Brenda: So we go downstairs, and find your friend Pedro?
Sonny: Then we hope he can help us find the men that framed me and I can take care of them.
Brenda: Then we say our good byes and each return to our respective lives and pretend nothing has changed?
Sonny: I don't see how we could pretend that nothing has changed, but we will have to do our best to get on with our lives.
Brenda: Oh, that should be easy! Especially now that I'm burdened with the knowledge that because of me, you are scared to death of falling in love! 
Sonny: Oh that is not fair, Brenda! Now you are trying to make me feel guilty because I told you how I feel?
Brenda: You aren't being fair at all! You're not making sense and you're driving me crazy!

She turns on her heel and storms out of the suite without even looking to see if he is following her. He does without hesitation. He chases after her at top speed down the hall. He sees her push the button for the elevator and the doors open. She steps inside and he knows that the door is going to close before he gets there.

Sonny: Brenda! Where are you going?
Brenda: To the casino to find this friend of yours. The sooner I find him the sooner I can get away from you!
Sonny: Wait for me!

The elevator door closes in his face and he sees her smile as it does. 

Sonny: Brenda, just because I'm going to be miserable when you leave me for Jax, doesn't mean that I can't 
enjoy the time that we have left together, and I think you'll enjoy it too!

He takes off running for the stairs and flies down them. He reaches the bottom, out of breath and looks up at the elevator. He has beat it down by a couple of floors, if Brenda stayed on the elevator, his face should be the first thing that she sees when the door opens.  Sure enough, when the doors open he can see the surprise in her eyes.

Brenda: How did you do that?

Sonny answers her with a dimpled grin that makes her feel weak. He offers her his arm, which she reluctantly accepts.

Sonny: Shall we check out the action in the casino, Mrs. Corinthos?
Brenda: *Under her breath* Like I have a choice?
Sonny: What was that?
Brenda: *Smiling* Led the way!

Sonny directs her towards a large smoke filled  room at the end of a hall.

Gilded Cage Next Chps