Catagory: Misc
Rating: PG
Authors Note: Welcome to my very first McLeod’s Daughter’s fanfic. This story sort of just happened and I went with it. I endeavored to stay true to the characters as well as adding my own touch. I hope I did their characters justice. For disclaimer issues, please note Claire, Tess, Alex, Nick, Meg, Terry, Jodi, Becky, Brick, Liz, and Roy aren’t mine. As for Beth, she’s a creation of my imagination. I hope you guys enjoy. All feedback is encouraged and appreciated
“Welcome home Tess. It’s so good to have you back.” Tess said sarcastically as she looked up sadly at the dimly lit room in the house. Jack’s room, now Claire’s! She sighed in frustration. She hadn’t anticipated the animosity between her and Claire. But after twenty years of not seeing each other, she knew that the welcome home she had hoped for was a fairytale. She should have known that Claire would be angry. She had wanted nothing more than to be close to her sister, like they were when they were younger. If Claire only knew how much Tess had missed her.
Claire tried to make herself as comfortable as she possibly could be in Jack’s old chair. She couldn’t bring herself to sleep in his bed. How she missed him. How she wished he was still around. He would have loved to have seen Tess. Claire knew that despite the fact that either of them spoke of Tess, she was in his thoughts. Claire couldn’t explain how she was feeling. She wanted to take her in her arms and tell her how much she missed her, but her anger surpassed that. How she resented the fact that Ruth and Tess had left her and Jack all those years ago, and to not have heard from Tess at all after all those years, made Claire so bitter and angry. It made her angrier that all Tess wanted to do was claim her inheritance, wanting to sell Drover’s without even taking into account how much work she and Jack had put into the place. How much she loved Drovers. How Drovers was such a huge part of her.
A few weeks passed and though Claire and Tess had shared a few moments, and progress had been made, Claire kept Tess at a distinct arms length.
“It’s like she hates me Nick.” Tess said almost in tears.
“She’s making it so hard to reach her. I feel so out of place.” Nick placed a hand on her back offering comfort.
“She’s just hurt. Tess, Claire has been alone for as long as I’ve known her. She’s learned to depend on no one but herself. It’s just a shock for her to have you here. She’ll get over it. She loves you. Whether she admits it or not, otherwise she would have thrown you out.” He added lightly. Tess gave him a small smile and nudged him with her shoulder.
“Thanks.” Grateful to have found someone she could talk to.
“Give her a break Claire.” Alex said softly.
“I wish it were that simple Alex. I really wish it was, but so much has happened and so much time has passed, I can’t just let that go. No matter how much I may want to.” Alex put an arm around her and pulled her closer to him. He kissed the top of her head,
“Just give it some time. Give her a chance.”
That afternoon Tess heard a car pull up in the driveway. She assumed it was one of the Ryan boys but she was surprised to see a young girl climb out of her mini. Tess walked over to her and greeted her.
“Hi! Can I help you?” she asked politely. Before the young girl could reply Tess heard Claire’s voice yell from the shed.
“Beth…” The young girl grinned and waved at Claire who was walking towards them. Tess stood looked from one to the other confused.
“I’m Beth. I’m Claire’s cousin.” Beth explained holding out her hand to Tess who took it and smiled.
“Hey kid.” Tess watched Beth throw her arms around Claire, nearly knocking Claire off her balance.
“Whoa, I’ve missed you too kiddo.” Claire said laughing. Tess fought the jealousy that filled her body. When they pulled apart Claire did the proper introductions.
“Beth, this is Tess. My sister.” The corner of Tess’ mouth curved into a smile as Claire acknowledged her as her sister. It was the biggest step Claire had taken towards her.
“Tess, this is Beth. She’s our cousin from Jack’s sister Aunt Emily. She’s been spending every summer here since she was born. She can ride with her eyes closed.”
“Well, what can I say? I learned from only the very best.” Beth said solemnly smiling up at Claire in such adoration.
“Crawler!” Claire said shoving her playfully towards the side door. Beth turned and grinned at Tess looping an arm through hers,
“So, tell me all about you cousin Tess. I already know every boring detail about Claire, it’s about time I get some fresh meat.”
“Watch it little girl.” Claire threatened laughing.
“Beth you’re home” Meg cried out throwing her arms around her. Becky and Jodi excitedly waited for their turn. The three of them were close at age, but it was Becky that Beth was closer to from the two of them. She and Becky talked a lot.
“It’s so good to be back here. I’ve missed this place so much.”
“Good to have you home Kid. I’ve got to get back to work. Get changed, rest up, if you’re up to it your horse is groomed, I’ll be in the North paddock. Otherwise, I’ll catch up with you later.” Claire kissed the top of her head and headed out the door.
“What do you say you help me unpack Tess? We can get to know each other.” Beth suggested sensing issues between her cousins. Tess nodded eagerly, thankful for a friendly disposition. Not that she thought Meg and the others were unfriendly. It was just that everyone was so busy that no one had time, or energy to just chat.
“So you’re the famous Tess.” Beth said as she unpacked her bags in the guestroom.
“What do you mean?”
“I saw photos of you as I was growing up. I asked who you were and Uncle Jack used to sit me in his lap and tell me about you. He loved you a lot you know. Claire too.” Tess’ eyes filled with tears.
“I’m guessing Claire wasn’t very hospitable when you arrived?” Tess let out a laugh,
“That’s an understatement. She hates me.”
“No she doesn’t. She’s always hoped deep down that you’d come back. She’s just processing it all.”
“I hope so. You guys seem really tight. I’m a little jealous.” Tess admitted. Beth shook her head.
“Don’t be. You’re her sister, and nothing is closer than that. She loves me in a different way”
“So you’ve been coming to Drovers since you were little?” Beth nodded.
“Every holidays and then some. See I used to come here with my folks in the summer time to spend time with Jack and Claire, as well as help out with Drovers. My mom loved the land, but she belonged in the city so she sold her half to Uncle Jack, but we spent as much time here as we could. When I was about three my parents died in a car accident, so Uncle Jack adopted me. Claire was about fifteen by then. She had just quit school, and she really took care of me. Like a bird with a broken wing, I was so devastated and Claire really got me through the hardest times. She taught me everything I know. She taught me how to read, ride, and when it was time for me to go to school she made sure I got all the support I needed. It was her that convinced me to go to boarding school for high school because she wanted me to experience more that the farm.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I lost my Mum a few months ago too, but in a sense I was lucky because we had all the time in the world to say everything we needed to say. To say goodbye.”
“That must have been hard. I miss my parents, and I was devastated when they died, but when Uncle Jack died, it felt like I lost my parents all over again. Claire took it the hardest.”
“How was she?” Tess asked carefully, thirsty for knowledge.
“She didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep. She worked herself to the ground, and got even quieter than she already was. Then we had a problem with the men who used to work for Uncle Jack, they took advantage of her, stole from her and everything, so she fired the lot of them. Since then she and the rest of the girls have been running the place, and it’s worked mostly because of the hard work and devotion she puts in this place.” Beth paused before going on,
“That’s why you have to understand what this place means to her Tess. She sees it as the only place she’s got. The only piece of Uncle Jack she has left, and for that to be threatened, she’s going to fight anyone. Even you. But make no mistake. She’s waited for your return since the day you left.” Tess was grateful for the window that Beth provided for her. It made her understand Claire at least a little bit. Beth changed into old jeans, a well worn flannel shirt and broken in work boots. Tess started laughing.
“You wouldn’t think you were the same trendy nineteen year old that stepped out of her car a couple of hours ago.”
“I know. I love it! If you’ll excuse me I might take Phoenix out for a ride and catch up to Claire.”
“Not at all. Thanks for the talk. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too. Hang in there Tess, she’ll come around.” Beth gave her a quick hug before heading downstairs to saddle up. Beth rode for awhile enjoying the fresh air and summer sun. She caught up with Claire by the creek.
“What did I say about riding like a maniac?” Claire asked attempting to admonish her.
“What can I say? I learned from the best?” Beth answered with a grin. Claire shook her head.
“Don’t ride like that around Tess, I don’t want her learning bad habits. Actually don’t ride like that at all.” Beth climbed off Phoenix and tied him beside Eagle, Claire’s horse before sitting down beside her.
“Must have been a shock to see Tess after all this time.”
“It was. I’m still in shock.”
“We’re so different.” Claire added
“You grew up differently. You grew up apart, but that doesn’t make you less than sisters. Claire, I know how much you’ve wanted this moment to come. So take it. Tess wants to get to know you, and be your sister so much. Give her a chance.” Claire looked at her cousin,
“Glad you’re here Kiddo.”
“Me too. I love being here. It reminds me of Uncle Jack. It makes me feel closer to him, even if he’s not with us any more.” Claire draped an arm around Beth’s shoulders and pulled her close.
“I miss him too. By the way, I wanted to thank you for being there with me every step of the way after he passed.”
“Wild horses couldn’t have kept me away.” Beth replied sincerely.
When Beth and Claire had returned from their ride, Tess suggested that they have a barbecue in honour of Beth’s return.
“Great idea Tess.” Claire commented. When Beth was out of an earshot Claire suggested Tess invite the Ryan brothers as a surprise. Tess smiled to herself, feeling the ice thaw a little. While they were waiting for the food to be ready the girls were on the porch.
“Claire, I thought you said you got rid of this kid permanently. What the heck is she doing back?” Alex called out from his car, Nick following close behind.
Beth leapt to her feet and ran over to them. Alex took her into his arms and hugged her hard lifting her from the ground.
“Good to see you Kiddo.”
“She’s like those stray puppies that you leave in the middle of nowhere, and they always manage to find their way home.” Nick teased
“Hey!!! You’re supposed to be on my side.” Beth protested. Nick pulled her to his chest and ruffled her hair.
“Nick, I thought we discussed my outgrowing that. I am eighteen now.” Nick only responded by ruffling her hair again. Beth jabbed him in the stomach with her elbow.
“How’s things Squirt?” he asked.
“Ah, you know same o same o. Can’t complain.”
“Still breaking hearts?” Nick asked with a grin. Beth’s mouth dropped open,
“What exactly are you implying Ryan?” she asked smiling.
It was so good to see them again. She kept in contact with everyone on the regular basis via e-mail, by phone, and when Nick was on business it wasn’t unusual that he would drop by and see how she was. Nick and Alex were the older brothers she always wanted and they treated her like the little sister they never had. He often brought parcels from Claire and everyone. Filled with letters and Meg’s brownies. It was Alex and Nick who had made the special trip when she had saved up enough money for a car to help her look for wheels. Claire watched their banter and shook her head in amusement.
“Dinner’s ready.” Dutifully they all followed her to the back of the house where Meg had set up dinner.
“So Beth grew up in Drovers.” Tess commented as she sat beside Claire. Claire nodded.
“Her parents were killed in an accident and Dad took her in. He adored Beth but mostly I think it’s because he thought I was lonely. “ Claire admitted. Tess took a deep breath,
“I’m sorry Claire. I never wanted to leave you, you have to know that. I’m sorry I never kept in touch.” Claire placed a hand over Tess’.
“I know. We just have to take it a day at a time. “, Beth watched them from a far with a smile on her face.
“What’s that smile for?” Alex asked sitting beside her.
“Progress.” Beth said with a slight tilt of the head in Claire and Tess’ direction.
“You up to your usual tricks again?” Beth only smiled knowing what he meant. It was no secret that she had been trying to get Alex and Claire together from the moment she could talk. It was her life long mission.
“Good to see that you have new victims.”
“Doesn’t mean you’re off the hook Ryan. Now that we’re on the topic. Who’s this new bimbo I’m hearing about?”
“She knows?” he asked. Beth shook her head.
“I do have other sources you know. Scared you didn’t I?”
“Remind me to kill Nick.” Alex muttered good naturedly.
“Besides, that’s all over with now.” He quickly added. Beth laughed and excused herself. Beth ran up to her room with a glass of water, she was rummaging through her bag when Becky knocked on the door.
“Hey Becks! Just give me a second. Vitamins.” Beth said holding up a little capsule.
“You should see all of Tess’ vitamins. She’s vegetarian. ” Becky commented. Beth linked an arm through Becky’s as they headed back down to the dinner.
“So tell me all about Brick. The last time we talked on the phone things were getting interesting.” Becky laughed and began to fill her in. They walked over to the cottage to chat with Jodi while she got ready to go out with Alberto.
“Must be good to have the kid back.” Alex said handing Claire another beer as he sat beside her.
“It sure is. She sort of balances things out.” Claire admitted.
“How is that coming along?” He asked knowing to which she was referring to.
“One day at a time.” Alex gave her shoulder a friendly nudge with his.
“Good to hear it McLeod.”
When Beth walked back from Becky’s room by the shed Alex and Nick were still talking to her cousins. When Nick saw her he motioned her over to him and patted the space beside him. Dutifully she sat beside him as he draped a brotherly arm around her.
“How are you?” he asked. Beth looked at him and looked away again.
“I’m doing okay.” Before Nick could pry any more Alex interrupted.
“How’s Daniel?” Nick threw Alex a look that said drop it as Beth took a deep breath,
“It’s okay Nick. We broke up. It wasn’t meant to be.”
“Do you want me to beat him up?” Alex asked protectively, making the girls laugh.
“Thanks Alex, but it’s okay. We ended in amicable terms. I’m pooped! I might call it a night. Good night all. Nick, Al, thanks for coming over. I’ve missed you guys.” She said leaning over to give Alex a hug. Alex gave her a bear hug and kissed the side of her bed. She turned towards Nick who held up his hands,
“You can save mine for last, I’ll walk you in.” Beth knew that meant he wanted to talk. She merely nodded and hugged Tess
“Nice to finally meet you”
“Likewise.” Tess replied. Beth sat on Claire’s lap playfully and threw her arms around Claire’s neck.
“Later cuz. Glad to be back.”
“Goodnight Squirt. Good to have you home. Get some rest. You have chores in the morning.” Beth rolled her eyes,
“Gee thanks Claire. I’m feeling the love.” Beth kissed the top of Claire’s head and went inside with Nick.
“Like she’s going to get to bed any time soon. Knowing those two they’ll be talking for hours yet.” Alex scoffed.
“Nick, Alex and I shared Beth as our pet, in a loving way of course, but she and Nick are like kindred spirits or something.” Claire said to Tess trying to explain the dynamics.
“She certainly looks like she worships all three of you.”
“Well we corrupted her at a very young age.” Alex replied with a grin.
“The things this guy used to make her do.”
“When are you going to tell them Bea?” Nick asked calling her by his nickname for her. Beth sat on the foot of the stairs, while Nick sat beside her.
“I don’t want to talk about it Nick.”
“Ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away.”
“Please Nick, let me do this in my own way. Please.” Beth begged him as her eyes began to fill with tears. Nick draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him stroking her hair.
“Shh, it’s okay Bea. I won’t say anything till you’re ready to.” Beth looked up at him gratefully. After a few moments Beth cleared her throat,
“So big bro, what’s with you and Tess?” she asked mischievously. Nick poked her on the side before responding,
“Nothing Miss Nosey.”
“She likes you, I can even say she may think you’re handsome.”
“Is that right?” He asked with a familiar twinkle in his eye. Beth knew what was coming and quickly retracted her statement, not having enough energy to engage in a tickle-fest.
“So what do you think of Tess?” she asked seriously.
“There’s something there. I mean its early days, but there’s something about her.”
“I guess you and Claire won’t be married after all. Shame really.” Beth teased.
“May I remind you that you have been rooting for Alex since you could talk.”
“Well…”
“Besides, Claire and I are more best mates than anything else. The electricity exists between the two of them.”
“I think it’s pretty safe to say which McLeod has caught your attention Ryan.” Beth said laughing.
“Welcome home kid.”
“Thanks Nick. For coming over, for everything.” Beth added. Nick stood up and pulled her to her feet.
“Anytime Bea. Just call me if you need me, but I’ll come and see you tomorrow.”
“About time Nick! “ Alex called out when he finally emerged from the house.
“Put a sock in it!” Nick retorted.
“Everything alright?” Tess asked sensing something. Claire looked up worriedly at Nick who was quick to nod his head of reassurance.
“She’s tired. It was a long drive for her. Let’s go Al.” Alex stood up and bid the girls farewell. Claire walked with Nick to the car.
“What’s the deal?”
“Wait for her to talk to you. When she’s ready.” Claire nodded and waved goodbye.
The next morning Beth was on check the fence duty. One she had to admit she looked forward to. She loved riding and checking the fences meant she would be on horse back most of the day. She packed her lunch before going and let Claire know that she wouldn’t be back for lunch.
“I want to spend some time with Uncle Jack.” She said quietly as she fixed Phoenix’s saddle. Claire nodded and looked at her for a moment, sensing there was something more.
“Take it easy today. Otherwise you’ll be sore in the morning.” Beth smiled.
“I will. Thanks Claire. I’ll see you tonight.” She waved goodbye to everyone and headed off.
“Claire, I know I don’t know Beth that well, but is she okay?” Tess asked concerned.
“I don’t know Tess. She seems different, I’m a little worried about her.” Claire admitted.
“Do you want me to talk to her?” she offered.
“Thanks, but I might give it a shot first. Do you mind?” Claire asked careful not to hurt Tess’ feelings.
“Not at all. Just let me know.” Claire nodded and gave her a grateful smile.
Beth sat by Jack’s grave that afternoon and talked to him. She had always loved talking to Jack. He was almost grandfatherly to her.
“Tess’ back. I’m sure you’re happy about that Uncle Jack. I know how much you’ve missed her. I think she and Claire will be okay. I’m sure Claire will thaw soon. She already has despite her efforts to the contrary. It’s great to watch them together Uncle Jack, I hope they’ll realize how lucky they are to have each other. I miss you Uncle Jack. I can’t wait to see you again. Say hi to Mum and Dad for me. I love you.” She kissed her hand and ran it across his name on the tombstone. Claire watched from afar on Eagle. She wanted to check on Beth to make sure she was okay. She smiled when she saw her mouth moving, she knew that she was having a heart to heart with Jack. When Beth finished she stood up and looked around. She smiled and waved when her eyes fell on Claire. Claire rode towards her,
“Hey kid. Did I disturb you?” Beth shook her head.
“We were finished, weren’t we Uncle Jack.” She said smiling down at his grave. Claire got off Eagle and led her to the shade beside Phoenix. Claire and Beth sat side by side leaning against the tree.
“Something you want to tell me?” Claire asked. Beth looked up at her and Claire saw her eyes fill with tears before looking away.
“Hey, kiddo. Tell me, what’s up? Whatever it is, we can get through it.”
“I’m so sorry Claire. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I…” Claire pulled her into her arms and held her close as Beth cried.
“I’m so sorry.” Was all Beth kept saying. Nick who was coming around to see Beth found them. Claire looked panicked and Nick understood. He wasn’t sure if Beth had told her anything, but he knew she shouldn’t get herself so worked up. Nick got out of his pick up and went to her.
“Why don’t I take you home Bea?” Beth looked at the Claire who nodded.
“We’ll talk later. I’ll take Phoenix back. I’ll be right behind you guys.” Beth could only nod back. Nick draped an arm around her and led her to his pick up.
“Come on Squirt, let’s go.” Beth looked down at her hands, shaking her head. Nick got into the car and looked at her. He tucked the loose hair on her cheek behind her ears.
“Bea…”
“I couldn’t do it Nick. I can’t do it. You have to tell her Nick. I’m sorry I can’t.” Beth glanced up at Claire who was waiting for them to go.
“I can’t do it Nick.” Nick put a hand over hears and squeezed it reassuringly before starting the car and waving at Claire before driving off.
Claire’s mind whirled, unprepared for Beth’s outburst. She rode back as fast as she could, worried about her cousin. Not knowing what could possibly be wrong. When she arrived she found that everyone was off doing their chores. Nick was waiting for her on the porch.
“Is she okay?” rushing towards him
“She’s sick Claire. Really sick.” Claire felt like she had been hit in the gut. Nick caught her in his arms as she tried to speak,
“She can’t be. She’s so young. So strong, what’s wrong with her?”
“Her heart has been having complications, blood’s not pumping properly, and her lungs have started to fail. She has her good days and bad days, but she hasn’t been feeling well lately, so she wanted to come home.”
“What? When did she find this out?”
“Right before Jack died.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
“She thought you had enough to worry about with keeping Drover’s. Not to mention you just lost Jack.”
Claire didn’t want to hear anymore and ran up the stairs and found Beth curled up on the bed crying. Claire lay beside her stroking her hair.
“I’m sorry Claire.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You just lost Jack. I’m sorry Claire.”
“Shh, what are you sorry for Kiddo?”
“You just lost Jack, and now…”
“Who said you’re going to die?” Beth sat up and looked directly at Claire.
“It’s true Claire.”
“We’ll go to specialists, we’ll find a solution.” Claire started but Beth cut her off,
“No Claire.” There was a finality in her voice.
“But…” she started to protest
“I’ve been there, and back again.” Then it all started to fall into place.
“Is that why Nick took you back to Adelaide after Jack died and you had to go back to school? And why he’s been going out to business so much in the last couple of months?” Beth nodded.
“Nick found out by accident. Just after Jack died, I sort of had a small episode. I passed out. He thought I was over tired and stressed, and maybe getting sick. So he was making me go to the hospital, I insisted I was fine and he dropped it. Unfortunately he caught me taking my meds and demanded to know what was going on. So I told him. Anyways, when he took me back to Adelaide he talked to my doctor, made sure he was on the know about everything, they talked of specialists and every specialist recommended Nick made me see them.”
“You should have told me. At the very least he should have.”
“I made him promise to not tell you. I didn’t want to add to your worries. Besides I thought if I ignore it, it would go away. I’m sorry Claire.”
“What now?” Claire asked in shock.
“I’m okay. I have my good days and my bad days. I don’t want anything to change Claire. I don’t want you to treat me like a wilting flower.” Beth said indignantly.
“I just want to be normal. I just want to be home.”
Claire left Beth alone for awhile and headed downstairs where Nick was waiting at the bottom of the steps. Without saying a word Claire walked into his arms burying her face in his shirt crying. Nick led her to the study and closed the door. Claire muffled her cries in Nick’s chest as Nick stroked her head. Alex walked into the house and heard Claire’s muffled cry. He burst into the study worriedly. When Claire saw Alex she headed straight into his arms. Alex panicked and confused, not sure what was happening. Nick excused himself to check on Beth.
“Squirt.” He said softly gently knocking on the door.
“I don’t think it was a good idea to come home Nick. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid.” Nick sat beside her on the windowsill,
“Hey Squirt, coming home was the right thing to do. You owed that to Claire.”
“But all I’ve done is make her sad. I could have said I was taking summer school and couldn’t come home. I could have…”
“Don’t Beth. This is exactly where you should be. Surrounded by your family and people who love you. Like I told you time and time again, we can get through this. I promised you then and I promise you now.”
“Where’s Claire? Is she okay?”
“Yeah, in shock, but she’ll be okay. She’s with Alex. “ Beth nodded,
“It’s safe to assume she’ll tell him. Nick, I need to be alone. I need to go for a walk.” Nick was concerned but knew enough to let her be. Beth tiptoed down the stairs and glanced as the Study door hearing faint voices inside. She sighed deeply and closed the door behind her. Beth was thankful it wasn’t a hot day. She took her time walking and ended up at the creek where she and Claire were only the day before.
When Claire and Alex emerged from the study Nick was waiting by the foot of the steps.
“Is she okay? Where is she?”
“She’s okay. She’s gone for a walk.”
“Nick, you should have told me.”
“I wanted to. But she made me swear not to. If I didn’t swear not to she would have shut down. She would have closed herself off to everyone, at least this way I could keep an eye on her. “
“I don’t understand why she didn’t want us to know.”
“She didn’t want to burden you, especially since Jack only died a couple of months ago. Claire why do you think she’s so upset? She’s not upset she’s going to die, she hasn’t had a chance to process that part. She’s stuck on hurting you, and you being disappointed in her. Imagine keeping all she had to keep to herself, especially at her age.”
“She must have been so lonely.” Claire mumbled softly to herself.
“She’s okay Claire. She is still Beth. It’s important that you keep her normalcy. That’s what’s going to keep her strong.”
“How long?” Claire asked unable to complete the thought, along the sentence. Nick shrugged sadly,
“A few months, maybe more, maybe less.”
“If it’s a heart thing, can’t she get a transplant?” Alex asked speaking up for the first time.
“She will never get on the Donor list with a failing lung.”
“What do we do now?” Alex asked.
“Try to be as normal as you can be. Keep this to ourselves, the less people know, the easier it is to be normal. Claire, she asked you be the one to tell Tess, when you’re ready.” Claire nodded. Nick knew that as sick as Beth was she was still busy in her mind. Making sure she’d covered all basis. She was bound and determined to make sure all was right with the world. Alex stood up,
“Claire if you’re going to be okay, I’d like to go and see how she is.” Claire nodded, but Nick intervened.
“Maybe wait a little while Al. She’s had a hard day. I think she’s overwhelmed.” Alex agreed, he would catch her later on that evening.
“Claire, you up for a ride?” Alex asked.
“I still have chores, but I can’t think straight, so yeah, that may be good. Nick you going to hang around for awhile and wait for her?” Claire assumed,
“Yeah. You guys take care, and Claire, nothing’s changed. She’s still Beth.” Claire looked at him sadly, not knowing what to say, how to comfort Beth, she felt helpless.
“I don’t know what to say to her Alex. I really don’t. I feel like there’s a sudden wall between us.” Claire admitted,
“Because she didn’t tell you?”
“Maybe, I think mostly it’s I don’t know how to feel. Losing Jack was traumatizing. It was unexpected. Beth, she’s so young, and knowing that she hasn’t got long to live makes it surreal. I don’t know if I can watch her die. Oh my God, that sounds so selfish. I love Beth. She’s practically the baby we all raised. I don’t know how to deal with this. This finality. It makes me feel so helpless. Some older sister material I turned out to be.” Alex draped an arm around her shoulder.
“It’s hard no matter who and where we stand. You’re human Claire.”
Nick and Alex stayed for dinner. Beth wriggled in her seat uncomfortably, noticing that Claire hadn’t looked at her since that afternoon. Beth’s eyes pleaded with Nick to change the atmosphere. Alex was quiet, and very attentive to Claire. Tess watched the four of them and it drove her nuts. After dinner Alex asked Beth to take a walk with him, while Tess, Nick and Claire cleaned up and exchanged chit chat. Tess wanted to confront Claire, but it wasn’t the right time.
Beth walked to the barn to check on Phoenix. Since they had left the house Alex hadn’t said a word.
“If you’re mad at me Al just say so. I don’t need the silent treatment. I think there’s enough of that ahead.” Beth said breaking the silence. Beth had enough. She was sorry that she had lay this on them, but it wasn’t like she was having the time of her life either. Beth turned to walk away but Alex grabbed her and pulled her in his arms and held her tightly.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you think I do?” she asked helplessly pulling away from him. Beth shook her head disappointedly and left the barn. Without looking at anyone she headed straight for her room.
Claire, Tess and Nick heard the front door close, and then the bedroom door. Beth grabbed her bag and began to repack. When she heard a knock on the door she shoved her bag under the bed and lay down closing her eyes. She could feel Nick’s presence in the room but ignored it. He stroked her hair as he spoke,
“I’m still here Kid. You’re not alone. We all love you.” When Beth didn’t respond he kissed her head and let her be. When he went downstairs Beth packed the rest of her belongings and hid her bag under the bed. She could still hear their voices downstairs, and all she wanted to do was leave. Before Claire went to bed that night she checked on Beth assuming she was asleep. Beth who had been watching the clock closed her eyes as her door opened. She felt Claire staring at her from the door. She stood there for awhile before closing the door again. Beth’s eyes filled with tears. Hurt and disappointed.
When the house stood still, and Beth could hear the Claire’s light snoring, and Tess’ teeth grinding, she knew it was safe. She grabbed her bag and carefully tiptoed down the stairs, avoiding the third step squeak. She gave Roy some treats to keep him quiet, left her note in the study and slipped out of the front door. Before entering her car she took one last look at the house she called home and tearfully climbed into her car. Beth started her car, thankful that she had parked it far from the house and drove off.
Claire stirred, waking up, thinking that she had heard a car, but when she got up to have a look out the window, there was no trace of life outside. Beth was gone. Claire climbed back into bed without another thought.
When Claire got up the next morning, she stood outside Beth’s door, contemplating whether or not to go in. In the end went downstairs to go on about her chores before breakfast. At breakfast Beth’s presence was missed, Tess shot Claire a worried look, knowing that Beth had been upset the night before. Before Claire could react Becky walked in for breakfast,
“Where’d Beth go? She slacking off already, her car’s not at the front anymore. Is she at the Wilgul helping Nick with his security system again?” Claire dropped her toast and ran up the stairs to Beth’s room, and found what she knew she would. Beth gone, with all of her belongings. Claire ran back down the stairs to call Nick.
“Nick, tell me she’s with you.” Claire said almost in hysterics. Nick dropped whatever he was doing and got in his pick up.
“No she’s not Claire.” Claire’s heart was slowly shredding, as she sunk into Jack’s old chair in the office. Her eyes fell on the note stuck on the monitor. It simplicity hit Claire like a ton of bricks.
“I’m sorry, Beth”
“Nick she left a note. All it says is I’m sorry. Nick what have I done?”
“Calm down Claire. I’ll find her. Just sit still, I’ll send Alex over and will keep you posted.” Nick hung up and called Alex,
“Al, head over to Drovers. Claire needs you.”
“Is Beth okay?” he asked in panic.
“I don’t know. She left in the middle of the night, no one realized she had gone till about half an hour ago. I’m going to look for her.”
“I will too.”
“No Al, Claire needs you. She’s in a bad shape.” Alex said no more and jumped into his ute.
Tess went into the study to talk to Claire, they were all stunned and confused.
“Claire, what’s happened?” Claire looked over at her sister,
“Close the door.” Tess did as she was told and sat quietly as Claire recapped the last forty-eight hours.
“I’m such a bitch.” Claire said bitterly.
“I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. I let her down. Now she’s gone. Tess, what if I don’t get a chance to say goodbye.” Tess walked over to Claire and took her in her arms holding her tight.
“What if I don’t get a chance to tell her I love her.”
“Shhhh, Beth knows you love her.”
“I sure didn’t show it.” Alex stood outside the door hearing their conversation and decided to stay on the porch till they finished. Tess and Claire sat in silence for awhile before Tess began to speak.
“When the chemo stopped working on Mum, and I realized she wasn’t going to make it, I was angry. At her, at the world, at everything. How could she be dying, how could she be so resolved to die? Did she want to die? For months I was with her side by side fighting for a chance of recovery. When the Doctor confirmed there was nothing more he could do, she accepted it. I didn’t. I was so angry at her that I gradually weaned off her. I started to distance myself. I didn’t know how to act around her. I had no words to say to her. For a couple of weeks I ignored that she was sick. I convinced myself she wasn’t dying. Then one day I came home, and she was sleeping on the couch. Claire I thought she had died, and all I could think of was the last moments I had with her I wasted. That I never got the chance to tell her I loved her. I remember putting my head close to her heart and when I realized it was beating I threw my arms around her. She woke up thinking I was attacked or something. It’s easy to try and protect yourself, it’s instinctive. How you reacted was normal, and you will get your chance to tell Beth you love her. Nick will make sure of it. And Claire, just like Mum did, Beth will understand. Mum said when you’re at that point in your life, you see things clearer, and forgiveness isn’t needed. Beth knows your hurting, my guess is she feels guilty too. She loves you Claire. She always will. But when she comes back, it’s your turn to be brave.” Claire looked up at Tess in a brand new light. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how torturous it would have been for Tess to watch her mother die a slow and painful death. To have survived it made her commend Tess for her strength.
Nick banged his hand on his steering wheel in frustration. He suspected she had been packing her bags when he entered the room. He should have known, and now she had a good few hours ahead of him. More than that he was worried about her driving in her condition. Nick knew it was like Beth to just keep driving on no matter what, not wanting to close the distance between her and whomever was going to look for her. Nick called Alex,
“How’s things there?” he asked. Alex squeezed Claire’s hand and shook his head. She had hoped it was Nick to say he had found her.
“We’re all worried. Where are you?”
“I’m on the way back, if Claire’s okay I was hoping you’d come with me in the chopper. It’d be quicker that way. In this heat, and her condition, I don’t want to be five hours behind by car.”
“Okay, I’ll meet you back at the house.” When Alex hung up he turned to Claire,
“Nick’s worried about Beth driving in this heat and her condition, so he wants to take the chopper to cut time.”
“I want to go.” Claire said standing up.
“There’s no room Claire. Don’t’ worry we’ll bring her back.” He promised kissing her on the forehead before leaving.
“Nick and Beth, they’re pretty tight.” Claire nodded.
“We all adored Beth from when we first laid eyes on her when she was just born. We played with her whenever she was around. By the time Beth came to live with us permanently Nick had just come home from his accident, and he was in a bad shape. He was like a wounded mare, and so was she. She really loved him before, but when she saw him at he funeral, still in a wheelchair and all bruised she clung to him. If she wasn’t at my side, she was at Nick’s. Liz thought she was good for Nick so she asked if Beth could spend her afternoons there. So she did, and they were good for each other, and helped each other heal I guess.”
“Kind of like a survivor’s bond.” Tess suggested and Claire nodded.
“It seemed fitting he would be the one to find out, and a part of me is glad it was him. I don’t think I could have had the strength he did to get her through it.”
After an hour in the chopper Nick spotted Beth’s car parked on the side of the road.
“Al, down there.” Quickly Alex landed and Nick ran to her car to find her asleep.” He caressed her cheek and Beth woke up in surprise.
“You okay?” he asked. Before Beth could answer Alex came from behind him, his face said it all. Nick stepped aside while Alex opened the door. When Beth came out he pulled her to his chest and hugged her so tight she could barely breathe.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered in her ear. Nick put his hand over hers and smiled. Glad that they had found her, and that she was okay.
“It’s okay Al.” was all she said. When Alex finally let go she leaned against the car.
“I’m not going back to Drovers. I was tired and I wanted a nap. I’m not going back.”
“Bea…”
“No Nick. Claire made things pretty clear last night. I don’t want to be a cloud hanging over her head. I’m not going back to Drovers.”
“You’re not driving back to Adelaide” Alex said putting his foot down.
“Squirt, you know Claire better than that. Let us take you back.” Alex pleaded but Nick interrupted,
“Okay, if you don’t want to go back to Drovers. I’ll take you to Wilgul. And if you’re still bound and determined to go back to Adelaide, I will drive you myself.” Alex threw him a look of disbelief, but something in Nick’s eyes told him that he knew what he was doing. Beth hesitated. She was too tired to protest and nodded. Nick looked over at Alex,
“Al, I’ll drive back. Meet you at Wilgul later.” Alex looked over at Beth and hugged her again before heading back to the chopper.
“I know what you’re playing at Nick. Alex will get there first and by the time we get to Wilgul they’ll be there.” Nick grinned.
“You have spent way too much time around me.” Beth shrugged. Nick lifted her chin and directed her gaze to face him.
“I’m not going to make you go back to Drovers if you don’t want to. But Claire and everyone at Drovers love you kid. I know you’re hurt and disappointed, but give her a chance. If you’re still angry after she talks, then so be it. You know you will always have a room at Wilgul.”
Nick knew that Alex would make the call to Drovers.
“Claire, we have her. Well Nick does. They’re driving back now.”
“Is she okay?” Claire asked worriedly
“Tired more than anything else, but okay.”
“What time are they getting here you think?”
“Um Claire, Nick’s not taking her back to Drovers.”
“She didn’t want to come back did she?”
“Just come to Wilgul in a couple of hours. Do you want me to pick you up?” Claire was about to say no but found herself saying yes. Nick called Alex from Gungellan when Beth went to the bathroom.
“I’ll go get Claire soon and see you then.”
The drive home was quiet, and Nick suspected Beth wasn’t feeling as well as she wanted him to think she was. He let her sleep all the way home and when they reached Wilgul Claire and Alex were waiting on the porch. Beth didn’t even stir when he got out of the car. He opened her door and motioned for Alex to come over. Claire ran close behind. Alex lifted Beth out of the car. In her exhaustion Beth barely opened her eyes to acknowledge them. Claire’s eyes began to fill with tears when she realized how pale Beth was. How much her health had changed in such a short period of time. Nick wrapped his arms around her,
“She’s just tired. I’ve seen her worse than this. She’ll be okay once she gets some proper rest.” Claire had no choice but to believe in his words. Claire shooed them out of the room while she wiped Beth down and changed her into one of Nick’s pyjamas. Claire leaned against the headboard as Beth slept cradled in her arms. Beth’s famous sleeping trait was that she talked in her sleep. Especially when she wasn’t feeling well, she fidgeted and mumbled more. Not aware of the outside world. Claire was dozing off to sleep herself when Beth mumbled in her arms.
“I’m sorry Claire…I’m sorry.” Claire brought her head down to Beth’s
“I’m the sorry one Kid.” Beth didn’t hear a word she said and kept mumbling.
“Nick, don’t want to go back to Drovers. Don’t take me back. She hates me.” Claire looked up at Nick who had just come through the door. Her eyes brimming with tears,
“Does she really think that?” Nick was quick to shake his head.
“She’s hurt and upset. That’s all.”
“I’ve let her down haven’t I?”
“No Claire, how you reacted was natural, and Beth knows that deep down. She just feels guilty for putting you through this. She loves you so much.”
“Nick ask Tess out…” Claire broke into a grin while Nick blushed.
“She plays matchmaker, even in her sleep. Typical.”
“Nick, promise me you’ll take care of them.” Beth said wriggling from side to side. Claire tried to calm her down and held her tighter. Tears began flowing again,
“I don’t want to die. Nick…I don’t want to die.” Beth cried out in her sleep, wriggling free from Claire’s embrace. Beth woke from her own distress. She sat up looking disoriented,
“Nick…” she said in a faint voice as her eyes fell on him. Unaware of Claire’s presence in the room, Beth began to cry. Nick rushed over to her and sat in front of her on the bed. Beth leaned over and buried her face into his chest, as she did when she was younger. Nick cradled her in his arms as Claire looked panicked.
“I don’t want to die Nick.” Nick caressed her head and talked to her softly,
“I know Bea, but you’re not alone. You’re never going to be alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Claire got up from the bed and quietly let herself out. She felt that it would have been intrusive on Beth if she had stayed while they had their talk and she was unaware that Claire had been there. Claire found Alex in Nick’s study, suffering from his own shock. He looked up at Claire, and rushed over to her as she began to cry.
“She’s going to die Alex. How do I deal with that?”
“We all have to be strong for her Claire. Just like Nick. Claire, you’re not alone in this. You have Tess, you have Nick, the girls from Drovers, and you have me. You will always have me. Okay?” He held her face in his hands and gazed into her eyes. Claire nodded in reply unable to speak.
“We’ll get through it.” Alex held her close to him and let her grieve. After a few minutes Claire looked up at Alex.
“I need to call Tess. I want her here.” Just as she said it, there was a knock on the door,
“I guess my ESP is getting better.” Tess said from the door. She had rushed to finish her chores to get to Wilgul wanting to be there for Claire, for Beth, and for Nick. She could only imagine what this was doing to him. Since he had to deal with it on his own from the beginning. She had only known Nick for a short while, but something drew him to her, and vice versa, they had become fast friends, in such a short time, and she cared about him. Tess walked over to Claire and hugged her.
“How’s Beth doing?” Tess asked,
“Beth’s fine.” A hoarse voice said from the door. They all looked up at Beth in surprise. Nick was holding her upright, her complexion was pale, Tess tried to hide her worry, as Alex and Claire felt reality kicked in full force.
“Hey sweety. Good to see you. Everyone’s been asking for you back home, we miss you.” Tess said lightly walking over to her to give her a hug.
“Thanks Tess.” Beth’s eyes fell to Claire, but quickly dropped her gaze. Alex lay a hand on Claire’s back as an encouragement, Claire looked back to him gratefully and walked over to Beth,
“Hey kid.” She said wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. Beth stiffened under her embrace, and it broke Claire’s heart.
“We’ll leave you guys alone for awhile. I’ll start on dinner.” Nick suggested. Beth looked at him with pleading eyes, but Nick stood his ground firmly and shook his head. He kissed her on the side of the head before taking Tess and Alex out of the study.
“I’m going to get cleaned up Nick.” Alex said heading for his room. Nick nodded. Having Alex in the kitchen was always a disaster.
Claire helped Beth to the couch and sat beside her. Beth’s gaze dropped to her knees. There was a wall between them that Beth couldn’t take down. She wanted nothing more than to tell Claire that all was fine, but she couldn’t. As guilty as she felt about being such a burden, she was hurt and disappointed by Claire’s reaction.
“How do you think those two are going?” Tess asked Nick as she washed the vegetables.
“We can only hope. Beth feels hurt and disappointed. She worships the ground Claire walks on, and I guess…”
“She felt like she was slapped in the face that Claire pushed her away?” Tess said completing his sentence.
“Something like it. But Beth’s strong, she loves Claire, she’ll get over it. It just needs some time.”
“Does she have time Nick?” Tess asked carefully. Nick stopped and sat down.
“I hope so Tess. At the same time I can’t stand seeing her like this.” Tess draped an arm around his shoulder.
“This must be so hard, on you especially. Claire said you guys are extremely close.”
“She’s the little sister we never had. When Emily first came to visit with the newborn Beth, we all fell in love instantly. We used to fight over her. We spent as much time with her as possible in her long visits and she got to know us really well. When she came to live at Drovers for keeps, I had just come home from my accident. I saw her at the funeral for the first time since the accident. I thought she wouldn’t recognize me. That she’d be scared of me. But she was the opposite. As soon as she saw me, she ran right for me and threw her arms around my neck, and the rest is as they say is history.”
“Beth, I’m sorry.” Claire said pained, Beth only shrugged before replying
“I shouldn’t have come back.” She mumbled,
“No Beth, this is where you belong. With us at Drovers.” Beth looked up at Claire in disbelief,
“Who are you kidding Claire, you could barely look at me at the prospect of my dying, let along watching me do so. So just let me go. Please. I don’t want you, Tess, Becky, Alex, Nick, everyone I love to watch me die. Don’t feel obligated to keep me, I’m not three years old anymore. I’ve grown up, and I can take care of myself. I’ve had to live with this, and I have. I don’t have the strength to make it easier for everyone. You should have just let me go. ” Claire was taken aback by Beth’s anger, but understood its root. Beth looked away,
“Beth, do you know how much I love you? Do you have any idea?” Claire said lifting Beth’s gaze to meet hers.
“I don’t think I could have survived these months without you. Not to mention watching you grow up, being there with you all these years. You are what’s kept me going. No matter how tough times got, you were there. A smile or a joke was all I needed and everything was right again. What we’ve shared all these years are irreplaceable. I wouldn’t trade a moment of it. You’re asking me to let you go, I’m sorry I can’t do that. You can be mad at me till the day you die, but I am never leaving your side.” Beth’s eyes filled with tears and Claire knew she had broken through. Beth leaned against her as Claire wrapped her arms around her.
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted Kid. I just couldn’t comprehend losing you. I didn’t know what to say. How to act! You know me, and my lack of communication skills.”
“It’s okay Claire. I understood from the beginning. I was just hurt.”
“I love you Beth. Don’t ever question that.”
“I love you too Claire.”
Alex was sitting in his study, his eyes stared at a photo of him and Beth when Beth was ten years old. He had her on a piggyback and they were looking at each other laughing. It was framed in paddlepop sticks and beads. Beth had given it to him for his birthday the year it was taken. He held it in his hands held back the tears.
“I can’t believe you still keep that on your desk. Al, we have had hundreds of photos since.” Beth said breaking his trance.
“It’s my favourite one.” Beth walked over to him on his office chair and sat on his lap and molded in his embrace. She lay her head on his shoulder.
“I don’t know what to say Squirt.” Beth nodded. He and Claire were two peas in a pod when it came to emotions.
“I know. It’s okay Al.” Beth sighed before starting,
“There’s something you have to do for me Al, after I’m gone.”
“No Beth, I don’t want to hear it.” Alex protested, but Beth cut him off.
“Please…” she begged forcing him to give a consenting nod to go on.
“You have to promise me to be there for Claire. I mean it Alex. You know her. I know she has Tess now and she will definitely be there for her, but you’re different. What you have is different and special. No one knows her the way you do, so you’re going to have to be doubly perceptive. You have to look after her Alex. Promise me that.”
“I promise Kid.” Beth remained in his arms for a little while before getting up to go to dinner.
“Since you guys cooked, Alex and I will do the dishes.” Claire offered as Alex groaned. Nick excused himself to take a shower leaving Beth and Tess on the couch.
“You okay?” Tess asked. Beth nodded.
“Getting there. Tess…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you’re back.” Beth said sincerely. Tess smiled,
“Thanks.”
“Claire needs you.” Beth began,
“Tess, I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I feel like I know you. I really like you.”
“Ditto.” Tess replied touched at the sentiment,
“Can I ask a favour?” Beth asked carefully
“Anything that won’t involve Claire killing me as a result, sure.” Beth smiled.
“You know how much Nick means to me right?” Tess nodded,
“It’s hard to miss how much you two care about each other.”
“Can you please look out for him. He has Alex, but you know Alex is like Claire, he doesn’t quite know how to project his feelings, and Nick needs an outlet. Can you be that for him? He told me he finds it easy to talk to you, that you guys really understand each other. I want him to hold on to that after I’m gone. I need someone to look out for him, because all he’s done is look out for me. I need to know that he’s going to be okay. Tess, I don’t think I would have survived the last couple of months without him. Not to mention my whole childhood. He’s trying to be strong for me, but he can’t be strong forever, I need him to have someone he doesn’t have to be a pillar of strength for, and I think that’s you Tess. Will you do that for me?” Tess covered Beth’s hand with hers.
“Count on it.”
“Alright the dishes are done. Beth you ready to come home with us? Nick offered to take you home tomorrow if you’re tired already.” Claire said entering the room. But Beth was fast asleep on the couch. Alex gathered her in his arms and took her to the guest room as the rest followed. Claire tucked her in as she stirred.
“Claire, will you stay with me?” Beth asked softly,
“Of course darling.” Claire looked at Nick,
“I’ll take Tess home. Meg dropped her off earlier.”
“Do you mind?” she asked Tess who shook her head and gave her a reassuring smile before following Nick out the door. Claire stroked Beth’s hair till she fell asleep again. Alex watched them as he sat on the windowsill. When Beth was fast asleep Claire joined him.
“Claire, there’s something I have to tell you. I don’t know how you’re going to take it, but before you get all Claire, I ask that you let me finish.” Claire nodded encouraging him to go on.
“I love you Claire. I always have. If the last few days has taught me anything it’s that life is to short. So I’m going to say it now, because every moment we have is precious. I don’t know how you feel about me, and I’d understand if the thought of being with me makes you nauseous but I didn’t want to keep it inside any longer. I’d rather you know and not feel the same way than you not know at all.” He was rambling and they both knew it. Claire placed a hand on his cheek,
“Took you long enough Ryan.” Alex’s face lit up, he took her face in his hands and placed a kiss on her lips. Mesmerized they pulled apart and grinned. Claire moved closer to him and Alex wrapped his arms around her. She leaned against his chest as they talked softly, watching Beth.
When Nick returned he found all three asleep. Claire asleep in Alex’s arms on the windowsill, he grabbed a blanket and put it over them before checking on Beth. Beth woke when he pulled her blanket to her chin. She smiled up at him,
“Hey, where’s Claire?” She whispered, Nick put his finger to his lips and pointed behind him. Beth’s grinned widely, as Nick shook his head.
“Nick, I’m not sleepy anymore.”
“Do you want to come down and watch TV with me for a little while?” Beth nodded as he carefully and quietly helped her out of bed. Nick made popcorn for them as they watched Sound of Music for the millionth time.
“Thank you Nick.” Beth mumbled next him, her head on his shoulder, his arm securely around her,
“For what Bea?”
“For being there. I feel like I threw you in the deep end with all this. I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Nick pulled back to look at her,
“Don’t be. I wouldn’t trade anything we have been through for anything.”
“If I haven’t said it enough, thank you for always coming to my rescue.”
“Oh no kid. It’s always been two ways with us.” Nick said adamantly
“Bonded for life right.”
“You got that right.” Nick kissed the top of her head, pulling the blanket to her shoulders.
Claire woke up to find Beth missing from the bed.
“Alex, Beth’s not in her bed.” Alarmed the two of them practically ran down the stairs to find both Nick and Beth asleep on the couch. Beth’s head resting on Nick’s shoulder, with a huge bowl of popcorn between them,
“Typical.” Claire said smiling as she removed the popcorn from between them and covered them both with a blanket. Alex held out a hand to Claire with a smile,
“Let’s go to bed.”
Nick and Beth woke early the next day. Just as Beth made it to the guest room, Claire came out of Alex’s room. Without a word they both grinned and got ready to go. Beth showered and changed quickly to help Nick with breakfast. Claire followed a little later. When Alex entered the kitchen Beth gave him a cheesy grin, as Claire blushed embarrassed. Alex wrapped an arm around Claire’s waist before kissing her on the cheek, resulting to Beth’s laughing out loud.
“Watch it Squirt.” He warned kissing the top of her head before sitting down beside her.
“We better head out soon.” Claire suggested and Beth nodded. It was time to go home.
“Do you guys want us to drive you home?” Nick asked. Beth shook her head.
“No, I’ve got my car. I doubt Claire will let me drive home, but she can drive the car back. You guys have wasted a day of work looking for me, and Wilgul isn’t going to keep after itself. Once you guys are caught up with your chores, and Claire says it’s okay. You guys can visit.” Beth added mischievously, acting like her old self again.
“Is that right?” Alex and Nick said at once as a grinned formed in the corner of their mouths. Beth knew what was coming and leapt off the chair only to be caught by Nick and Alex who tickled her unmercifully.
“Claire, HELP!” As she gasped laughing, Claire tried to help only to be tackled by Alex. After a few minutes Beth wriggled free from them and straightened herself up.
“Animals!!!” She declared out loud only to receive chuckles from the boys.
“Let’s go Claire.”
Nick and Alex walked them to the car and promised to come for dinner that night. When Claire pulled up at Drovers Beth became silent.
“I have to tell them don’t I?” Beth asked rhetorically.
Claire placed a hand on Beth’s knee as an encouragement. Beth sighed before getting out of the car. She spotted Becky and made a gesture to Claire that she’d see her inside. She owed it to Becky to be the one to tell her.
“Hey you. Where have you been? You had the whole place in an uproar.” Becky said as Beth walked towards her.
“We gotta talk Becks.” Becky stopped what she was doing knowing what was coming wasn’t good.
“Remember the other night, when you saw me pop a pill. It wasn’t vitamins. Becky, I’m sick. Really sick.” Beth began to explain her condition to Becky who sat stunned at the news that her best friend was going to die.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner. I’m supposed to be you best friend.”
“You are, that’s why I didn’t tell you. If I told you, then it would make it real, and I wasn’t ready for it to be real. Don’t hate me Beck.”
“I don’t hate you Idiot.” Becky said throwing an arm around her.
“I need to go inside and tell the others.”
“Do you want me to come?” Beck offered,
“Yes please.”
Becky and Beth walked into the kitchen arm in arm. Beth sat down before telling Meg, Terry and Jodie what was going on. The whole time Beck’s hand remained on her shoulder. Meg gasped in horror as Jodie burst into tears. Terry fidgeted uncomfortably. Meg threw her arms around Beth and hugged her.
“I’m okay Meg. Really. I have my good days and bad. I don’t want you guys to treat me like a wilting flower. I’m still me okay.” Everyone gave an agreeable nod.
“Alright drama over, don’t you guys have jobs to be done? Now go!” Claire said out loud. Everyone scattered out of the room leaving Claire and Beth in the kitchen.
“Now you, put your boots on, we’re checking fences.” Beth grinned and appreciated Claire’s best efforts. She didn’t waste a second and ran to her room only to return minutes later dressed for chores.
Things returned to almost normal at Drovers, much to Beth’s relief. Aside from the worried glances that she knows goes on over her head if she’s not feeling up to eating, and Meg’s usual over protectiveness.
With Christmas just around the corner, everyone was busy, and secretive too. Beth loved Christmas and there was a silent consensus in the house that the Christmas coming up was be a fantastic one.
“Claire, Alex is taking me Christmas shopping. Was there anything else you needed?” Beth yelled from her room.
“Since when does Alexander Ryan shop?” Claire asked popping her head into Beth’s room.
“It must be love…” Beth teased receiving a stuffed toy thrown in her direction as a response. Alex came shortly. Beth left them alone to say hi to one another.
“Hello McLeod.”
“Ryan.” Claire replied nodding her head, only to be swept into his arms as he kissed her.
“I missed you too” Claire said breathlessly as she they broke apart.
“Squirt you ready.” He bellowed from the study. Beth showed up at the door of the study and grinned.
“Like an hour ago old man.” Alex’s mouth gaped open at the insult while Claire laughed out loud. Beth shrieked as Alex lunged towards her ready to tickle her
“Try not to break the house please…” Claire called out after them as Beth ran for her life.
“What do you think?” Alex asked pulling out the engagement ring he had ordered for Claire.
“Claire will love it Al. Its gorgeous.” Alex had confided in Beth weeks ago that he was going to ask Claire to marry him. Beth almost crash tackled him in her excitement.
“She will say yes won’t she?” he asked nervously. Beth started laughing,
“Um, like yes Alex. She’s only been waiting for you to get a clue for like forever. Trust me, she’ll love it.”
After they had picked up the ring Nick was going to meet up with them so Beth could help him shop for Tess. Though they remained only friends, they had become quite close in the last few weeks. Alex had a meeting to go to so it worked out perfectly. Since the choice was very minimal in Gungellan it was awhile before they could find something special for Tess.
“Nick what about this?” Beth said holding up an Antique charm bracelet. It was perfect for Tess.
“It’s perfect Beth. Great eye you got there.”
“Why thank you.” She said smiling,
“Was there anything you wanted?” he asked. Beth had made a request for Christmas, that instead of getting her a present, she wanted them to each plan a perfect day to spend with her. Beth shook her head.
“I’ve got all I need.” She said with a slight shiver. Nick draped an arm around her and kissed her head.
“Let’s go, it’s getting cold.”
On Christmas Eve afternoon the Ryan boys arrived for the festivities, bringing along their overnight bags. It was going to be a Christmas Slumber Party Beth asked for. They had a barbecue for dinner and they played games most of the night before retiring for bed after midnight.
Christmas morning was loud and crazy as everyone wolfed down breakfast to open their gifts. Alex went first, he handed Claire a small box and got down on one knee. Everyone gasped,
“I love you McLeod. Will you marry me?” Claire threw her arms around his neck,
“Is that a yes?” he asked.
“Yes you fool. It’s a yes.” Everyone cheered. Beth watched them smiling ecstatic that they were finally going to get married. More gifts were opened and passed around as Beth watched and waited for her turn to give her presents.
“Okay my turn, Meg and Terry.” She handed them a sketch she drawn and framed of the home they wanted to build.
“Beth it’s beautiful. Thank you.” She leaned over hugging Beth handing her a card.
“Our perfect day is in there.” Beth smiled appreciatively.
Beth and Jodie exchanged present, and an embrace.
“Merry Christmas.” They said in unison.
“Your favourite jumper. I love it.”
“I know.” Beth said laughing.
“Tess…” Tess got up and handed Beth her card. Beth pulled out a box for Tess,
“Can you not open it till later?” she asked. Tess nodded in understanding.
“Becks. As my best friend in the whole wide world, I wanted you to have this.” Everyone’s eyes began to fill with tears as Beth handed over her diary to Becky.
“It’s not Wuthering Heights okay.” Beth joked, knowing how much Becky loved Wuthering Heights. It was the first book she ever read. Becky hugged Beth tightly, wiping away her tears.
“I was going to write down our perfect day together, but I chose to say it out loud. My perfect day with you would be sitting on porch swing talking. Because no one can talk like you Beth.” Everyone started laughing,
“Thanks a lot Becks!”
Beth turned to Alex and Claire. She pulled out a huge box from under the table and handed it to both of them. Everyone gasped to see the quilt Beth had put together. It was made from her old baby clothes, as well as old shirts of Jack, old clothes from Alex, Nick, Claire and Tess.
“So much for giving old clothes to the Smith Family.” Alex teased, remembering Beth’s excuse to rummage through their wardrobes. Claire began to cry.
“It’s beautiful kid.”
“I wanted something that tied all of us together, you, Al, Nick, Tess, even Uncle Jack. Something that could last forever, when some things can’t.” The sentiment left everyone crying.
“Come here.” They said pulling her between them. She sat between them as Claire began to speak. They were both holding her hands,
“Your gift is more perfect than you know. Our special day with you is taking you riding to the creek, to tell you that you’re going to be an Aunt.” Beth looked at one to the other for confirmation and they were both nodding. Claire and Alex were hugging her, while everyone else was hugging each other.
“Congratulations!” chorused throughout the room. Beth let the others offer their congratulations and got up. She watched them with a smile on her face, and her heart sank. Her gaze fell on Nick who had been watching her, noticing the sadness that crept up in her eyes. She smiled at him and waved. He patted the space beside him on the sofa and she walked into his embrace.
“No…” Nick could only nod. Becky screamed. Jodie fell to the nearest chair. Meg turned to Terry as Alex, Claire and Tess rushed over to Nick.
Beth died exactly the way she wanted to, and that was peacefully. She had told everyone she cared about how much she loved them, and that’s all she wanted.
Months later Elizabeth Prudence McLeod Ryan was born. Her godparents Nick and Tess Ryan had nicknamed her Bea. On the day she came home from the hospital Tess handed her Winky. Winky had been Beth’s Christmas present to Tess. Winky was a teddy bear that Nick had given Beth when she was born. A letter was included in the present,
“Tess, this is Winky. Nick gave her to me when I first came to live at Drovers. Winky and I have been through hell and back again, just as Nick and I have. I hold the promise you made me that night in my heart and I am comforted that my big brother will be okay, because you’ll be there with him. He loves you you know. Just as I know you love him. To me, Winky is Nick, and I couldn’t think of a better person to look after Winky. Love Always, Beth”
“Here you go little Bea, I think you’re Auntie Beth would have wanted you to have this.”
THE END
Well guys. I hope you enjoyed that. The title comes from my favourite quote from my favourite movie, ‘A Dream for an Insomniac” the quote goes a little something like this – “Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waster of time. There are too many mediocre things to deal with, and love shouldn’t be one of them…”, I thought it was pretty fitting.
